House Husbands S1E9 - English Transcript

Should we foster a child? It'd be good for Stell. She'd have a brother or a sister. One kid you can kind of get away with but two or more and you really are parents. That's ridiculous. We're parents already. You lost your job? Maybe. I had a great opportunity today, but you load me up with all your *** and I had to be in three places at the same time. Sometimes I need help juggling everything. The difference is I ask for help when I need it. The difference is you'll get it. You know, you still have rights - you can still see them. Yeah. Only when Nicola decides it's OK. Zac?! He can't have gone far. Oh, God, this is not happening. Zac! You in trouble? I just spent the last two hours with the principal, trying to explain what happened today. I love you. It didn't mean anything. I swear to God, it meant nothing. I mean, I don't even find her attractive. I mean, she's attractive, but I'm not attracted TO her. Well, I was, momentarily, but, you know, not it wasn't an attraction that meant anything. I was tired, probably emotional, I was feeling confused. But it was just a kiss, I didn't touch her, I didn't feel anything. I mean, I-I I felt nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. La-di-da-di-da They don't go Gloomp, gloomp, gloomp. Oh Look how the frog has long hair in that book. Hey! Daddy! Hey. You're home early. I just felt like being with my girls. Who are they for? They're for you. Is it your birthday, Mummy? No, baby. It's not our anniversary either. Since when do I need a reason to buy you flowers? What do you call that? I've got arthroscopic knees. I shouldn't even be here, doing this. Bit touchy, aren't you, mate? Can we just do stretching? What is that, some kind of Spandex? I really stuffed up. Yeah, well, I wasn't gonna say anything It's not that cold, mate - it's never that cold. I kissed Miss Nadir. You what? It didn't mean anything. It just happened. Really quickly. ***. I know. ***. I know! Was that it? What do you mean? Well, it didn't go any? No! Did you want to? No. Mate, I'm not gonna judge you. I mean I've been there before. *** happens. It's not a good place. But you gotta work out why it happened. How are things with you and Abi? Fine. We're fine. It's all good. Do you still, uh? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, not as much as before Poppy was born, but, you know, that's that's normal, right? Yeah. No, it is. Snoggin' the teacher's not quite as normal. But it was just a kiss, right? Right. Oh, it's just it's just been going over and over in my head. I don't know how I'm gonna tell her. Mate, you're not gonna tell her! The guilt is eating me alive! It's not about making YOU feel better. You don't want this thing to get any bigger. Trust me. The truth is overrated. Don't don't say anything, alright? I don't want anyone to know. That's what I'm tellin' you. Hey. Phew! How you goin'? Good. Alright. Ohh! What are we doin' this for again? Justin likes jogging. And it's manly. I didn't say it was manly. I said it was a way to show our support that didn't involve beer. Hey. Hey. Hey. What do you call this? What's it look like? It looks like a ***-box. This? This is a classic. Hey? And I just got my licence back. Not until tomorrow, but, still, I'm stoked. Just gotta get the rego sorted, new tyres, brake lights, starter motor left rear indicator, and I'm on the road again. You look good. Yeah. You sound good. Yeah, I'm alright. You know, you don't have to be brave in front of us. No, I'm not, mate. I'm just, uh I just realised that I've gotta get on with it, you know? I mean, they're my kids, always will be. Yeah, I can't see 'em every day but I can still be there. Of course you can. Yeah. So, you don't want to go for a jog? Nah, mate. Good. Yeah. Sorry to just turn up. No, that's fine. I was actually just about to call you. Come in. Hey, beautiful. Hey! Hey, hey, hey Hey, uh, Nic, um I just wanted to tell you that, you know, I'm not I'm not angry, OK? And, uh, I think this whole thing is a turning point for both of us and, uh, I know it's all up to you now, but just for the record, I'd love to keep taking the boys two days a week, no nights. Hey, uh, what's with the boxes? Uh, I really was just about to call you. Rodney's been offered a new job. Oh So, we're moving. Back to Sydney. What? Wait, wait. When are you leaving? The day after tomorrow. What? To What?! Just like that, you're just gone? Well, Rodney only just found out, and it'll better for the kids to be closer to my family. I'm their family, Nic. Me. Daddy! Hey, mate. Are you taking us to school? I don't know, mate. It's it's all up to your mum. Right. Oh! There we go. Hey. Hey. Mummy! What's all this? We thought we'd make you, uh, breakfast in bed, now that you've finished your exams, didn't we, Pop? Aw! Mmm! You deserve it. No, I don't. All I've done is work and whinge for weeks, probably months. How long have I been working and whingeing? I've been a nightmare, haven't I? No! A bit whingey Ohh! Well, I'm gonna make it up to you! I'm gonna take you to school and then Oh, no, no. You should stay home. It's your day off. You should just swan around. No. I want to. I never take her. She doesn't mind. You don't care, do you, Pop? Who takes you to school? You do. See? I'm taking her and that's that. Well, why don't we all take her to school, you know, as a family? Shall we do that? Yay! Can I have a kiss? Mwah! I love you. I love you. I love you too, darling. Look at you, doing school drop-off! I know. I'm not in uniform, though, apparently. Why are you so frocked up? Ah, Tom and I have got the foster-parent orientation thingy. So, I thought I'd dress up like a proper grown-up. Is it working? Till you said "proper grown-up". I'm so bloody nervous. Finally, I've found something in my life that I'm good at being a dad. But I just don't know how to convince other people that. You'll be brilliant. And you know I'm here for back-up if you need it. Thanks, sis. She doesn't look like a bunny boiler. Is this the first time you've seen her since? Yep. Well, uh, yeah, you'd better touch base. I'll run decoy. Hey! Abi! Don't you have something more important to do? Hey, I just, um I just wanted to touch base about the other night where we, uh I was confused, obviously. Oh Well, no, I mean, you're a very beautiful woman. And if things were different, but that's that's not the point. The point is that I'm, um I'm a happily married man. We can't do that again. No, no. There's there's no danger of that. Terrific. Thank you, and I really appreciate your, um your discretion Morning! Good morning Hey Oh, good. There it is. Hey, kids. Lining up. OK, everyone move through quickly. Apparently, the, uh the cheerleaders are teaching the kids to knit. They wouldn't want to know how to knit. I'm gonna help. What - you're going inside? I'm being an involved mother. But you don't know how to knit. I can suture human flesh. I'll pick it up. Say nothing. So, that's $400,000, plus we've still got the other two campaigns. That's very impressive work. Very impressive. Listen, do you want to give me the Adelaide file, yeah? And we'll go through the numbers. Thanks. Busy? Yeah. Good. You? Mark we're restructuring on a big scale. So, there's some good news and some not-so-good news. Now, the good news is we like you. You've got balls. We want to give you a promotion. Well great. Thanks. Well, don't thank me yet. OK. There's more money, a few more hours, you'll report directly to me. And the first thing I'm gonna need you to do is sack Rachel. But she's the person who hired me and demoted me. That's part of the problem. She's a loose cannon. Up and down like a bloody yo-yo. Well, she's a bit up and down but, you know, she she plateaus out. She scares the *** out of people, Mark. It's not good for business. But she's she's put her heart and soul into this company. And she's been an asset. Then why are you firing her? I'm not firing her, Mark. You are. What about loyalty? It's not about loyalty, Mark. It's it's about growth. And opportunity. It's not personal. Today would be good. Oh, congratulations. Oh yeah. Thanks. Rachel? We do. I mean, we're different. You know, even opposite in lots of ways, but, well, I guess he's the yin to my yang, if you will. Uh, Tom's quite calm most of the time. I'm actually, uh, a bit more energetic. That's putting it mildly. Well well, you know, Kane's a bit of a dreamer. He, uh he's a bit flighty, and I'm your doer. I like action, you know? Action man. Tom's actually a fireman. Mm. Yeah, and, um, well Kane's a cook, you know? Um, he cooks, I eat. We have a beautiful home. We're just renting at the moment. Yeah, but we could buy if we wanted to. We could, but we don't want to. Yeah, but we could if we wanted to. That's what I just said. OK. Thanks, Kane and Tom. Let's, uh let's move on to Ron and Cynthia. Hey. "He cooks, I eat"? What are you? From the deep South? Yeah, well, at least I said something. "I like action, I'm an action man"? OK, yes, I was nervous. That woman kept undressing me with her eyes. Which woman? Oh, that lippy one. What? The one with the lips, you know They both had lips, Tom. What? You seriously didn't see the way she looked at me when you said I'm a fireman? We blew it, Tom! OK? That was it! That was our shot, and we blew it. You really think they're gonna give us a kid after that? Hello? Speaking. Really? That that's amazing! Uh OK. No. Thank you. Sure, sure. We really look forward to it! OK, thank you. Thank you so much! We didn't blow it! What? They're sending someone over to observe us in our own environment. Well, when? Tomorrow! No, no, no, no. We can't! The house is a pigsty. We can't Hey, hey, hey, hey. We didn't blow it! Hey, you need to do a list of all the stuff you need to take to hospital. Well, I don't need one. I'm just taking my uterus. And as many drugs as they'll give me. End of story. That's fair enough, but you are still gonna need a few things. Like what? Good maternity bra, for a start. Where are you going? I was just, uh You weren't meant to find out like that. How was I meant to find out, then? Look, I know this feels sudden, but I've been thinking about it for ages since before Angie was born. How can you make a decision like this without even talking to me? Was this his idea? No! Oh. What, then? This is what I want. What about what I want? You can visit as much as you want. And maybe when they're a bit older, they can come and stay with you. Please, don't do this. I'm sorry. It's already done. Hey. Can I have a bourbon? Your shift starts in two hours. You gonna make me get it myself? You gonna tell me what's going on? OK. Cheers. Hmm! You know, I don't think you're gonna get much better than that. But you are gonna have to try it on, 'cause once you get the girls in there Don't touch yourself! Look, I know you'd much rather be in one of these bandaid situations, but what's that gonna do for you? Absolutely nothing. Trust me - you are gonna be so happy that you invested in the wide strap. Ooh-ah! Look at the spots! Or the pink! Rachel Now, you have given this company more than enough. You have given this company MORE than enough! You are in the prime of your life. You are still attractive. No you're still young ish. You are a complex, charismatic, attractive, threatening, in a slightly emasculating kind of way Good morning. Is it? Still? How are you? Have a nice little chat with David? Just for future reference, I deal with David, OK? There's no need for you to talk to him. Carry on. Big loops, front to back. Excuse me. Hey, I can't talk. What do you need? Nothing. I just called to say hi. Hi. Having fun? The needles are too bloody big and the other mothers are condescending Barbie dolls and Miss Nadir is acting weird. Weird? How? I don't know. She's jumpy. Jumpy? Kane said she was under a lot of pressure because a few of the parents complained about the Zac situation last week. Yeah. Well, that'll be it. Yeah. I might have a chat to her - see if there's anything I can do. That that's not necessary. I can't talk. She's looking right at me. OK? I've gotta go. I love you. Bye. Wait Abi? Oh! It's so lovely to be here. Oh In in the classroom with you. Um Look, I, um I know this must be difficult. But I just want you to know that I can see what's going on here. And it's it's really not that big a deal. We've all done it at one point or another. I mean, we're human, right? These things happen. Uh Look, it it wasn't your fault. It really wasn't. It was Mark's fault and you shouldn't be held accountable. You know, kids go missing all the time, especially Zac he's a slippery little *** and I'm gonna do anything I can to back you up. Oh, that that's Thank you. Well, for what it's worth, everyone in our house thinks you're absolutely terrific. Oh How are we going here? Hey. Want a shot? OK. Um Come on. Let's have a shot. Come on. You know What? Can you just get out of the way? Hey, hey, hey! Oh, yeah, that's it. Just get Justin out of the way. Alright. Um, I don't really know why you're referring to yourself in the third person, but I can't help you if you won't talk to me. You can't help me if I do. It's already done. What's happening in there? Chicken surprise. So, um did you get in trouble off Miss Nadir. Ohh! No. She's a funny one, alright! Funny, ha-ha. I tried to tell her I supported her with the whole Zac situation and she was just weird. What did you say exactly? Nothing. Just that I understood what she was going through. Well, maybe you don't. Maybe she doesn't want your support. Well, how's your form? You're the one who should be supporting her. It's your fault she's in this mess in the first place. I'm I'm just saying, she knows you're in her corner. What else can you do? I can I can start a petition and I can show her. I'm starving! Dinner won't be long. Have a cracker. Come on. Up. Ooh! There we go. So I, uh I had an interesting day. Had a chat with Dave. You've still got a job, don't you? He offered me a promotion. What?! You let me *** on about Miss Nadir and you had a promotion?! Well, I've got mixed feelings about it. It looks like I might be replacing Rachel and the first thing I'd have to do is sack her. I thought you said she was a gun. Well, she is. A loose cannon, apparently. Nobody wants to work with her. How do you tell someone that? I suppose you just skirt around the issue. Sometimes, the truth's too much for people. Really? How much fun did we have today? Miss Nadir's taller than you. Miss Nadir was wearing high heels. No, she wasn't. You know what? You can measure us tomorrow. You're going to school tomorrow? Yeah! I'm going back into class again. But you can't knit. Maybe one day, Daddy could come. Daddy always goes in. What about Mummy? Of all places, I've never liked Sydney. There's just something smug about it, you know? Have you got kids? I have kids. Actually, no Uh I HAD kids. Let me look at my watch. I had kids earlier today. But their mum's gonna take 'em and live in Sydney. Awesome! How good is that? Could I just get a pot? Sure. Thanks. And and I can't afford to live in Sydney. What am I supposed to do? Like, the only people I know in Sydney are her family, and they hate my guts. Awesome! It's on the house. Thanks. Enjoy. Hey, don't smile at her. Hey? Hey, what are you doin', smilin' at her for? Oi! Justin Hey, hey, hey! What are you doin', smilin' at her for?! Oi! Hey, she's way out of your league, OK? Hey! Wait Hey, come on. Hey, leave it, alright? Nah Hey, I'm not goin' anywhere. Yeah, you are, mate. You're comin' home with me. Hey! This is where I live! I live I live here! - Look, this is my place. Look. - Yeah. Look Come on, buddy. - Let's just get you home. - OK. Lew? Lew? Come on. Hey! Get off me! Hey! Listen to me. Phoebe's in the car and so is Gemma. I know you're pissed, mate, and you've had a *** of a day. But you hurt either one of them, all bets are off. She's taking my kids. Yeah, I know. Come on. Want a bite? Ugh! Are you OK? Ohh! Ahh! I think I'm still drunk. I miss getting drunk. What are you talking about? You're still a kid. Not anymore. I'm a mum now. Yeah, well, even if you weren't pregnant, you still shouldn't be drinking. You're only 16. I suppose you didn't drink or anything when you were 16, then? Well, whatever you did I bet you weren't wearing one of these. Uh Not long to go now, then. Not long enough, that's for sure. You're not missing anything, Phoebe. Yeah, I am. I'm missing everything. No, you're not. I know you don't feel like you're too lucky right now but you will. So, Mark got a promotion. I thought he got one last week. Yes and no. He did and then he didn't. It was all a bit weird. But he's definitely got one now. Well, that's good. Yeah, but he's acting all weird about it. What - like he's a bit confused? No, I don't think it's that. Well, maybe it is. I don't know. He's just being all weird. Unlike your good self. Oh, I need you to sign this. Sure. What is it? It's a petition. We're rallying behind Miss Nadir. Why? She's copping flak from some of the parents for losing Zac and we're showing our support. It wasn't her fault. She did misplace a child. Temporarily. Who hasn't? Mm. Nice shoes. Why, thank you. Ooh. Hey. Where's the money? The $1,000. What? Don't bother denying it. It's all on tape. Oh, ***. No. I wasn't gonna deny it. I just forgot that I took it. Luce, I am so sorry. I was just so smashed and, you know, gutted about the kids. So, stealing money out of the till made you feel better, did it? No, no, no, no. I was drunk, OK? I was gonna use it to get myself to Sydney and get set up. That was I didn't spend it. I swear to God, it was here when I left the pub. Then I came straight here, didn't I? How could you put me in this position? I could lose my job over this. No. I'll tell the boss, OK, and I'll pay it back. I promise. If the boss finds out, you're gone, and how are you gonna pay it back without a job? I don't know, OK? I'll find a way. Luce, I'm sorry, OK? I just didn't think. I don't know you at all. Do I? Wait, you Hey, Lucy? So, where's the money? Now, this is my friend, Bob. Bob's a skeleton. He's not a real skeleton because he's made of plastic. But he's going to help us understand what a real one does. Now, our skeleton is very important, not just because it holds the rest of our bodies up, but it also protects all of our vital organs, like our hearts and our brains. Questions? Anyone got any questions? I've got a question, Miss. Yes? Knock, knock. Mark! Hi. Come in, come in. Take a seat. I was probably out of line last week, with the whole urinal thing. The truth is I've got issues with you. I'm a bit envious of everything you've managed to achieve. You've got the perfect wife, the perfect kid the perfect marriage. It's not perfect. You've managed to do it all. Everything I couldn't. Hmm. Sorry, you came to see me because? Rachel, you're in the prime of your life. Oh, I know. I mean, you would obviously be an asset to any company that you, um you're a complex, surprising attractive woman. Are you trying to crack onto me, Mark? No! I'm trying to sack you. Rachel Who the hell do you think you are? Rachel! Listen here! You've been here five minutes! You can't fire me! I'm just trying to It's not personal! I'm not being fired! I've worked for this company for 23 years! But there's No, don't Well, thank you so much for coming in. Oh, it was an absolute pleasure. Actually, I was thinking I could pop back in again tomorrow and the next day. As long as it takes, really. You know, I thought we could work our way through the entire skeleton. Are you are you OK? You don't deserve this. And you know what? There are 40 people on this list who agree with me. And I can get more signatures. You know my brother, Kane - he's on the P&C, and we all really support you, like Stop it! Stop, please! Stop. Stop being so nice. I'm sorry. I've never kissed a married man before, ever. It was over before it began and I I know that doesn't make it OK, I know that. I'm so fond of Poppy and you and well, obviously, the whole family. I'm so sorry. Hey, hey! Stell, Stell, what is on your shoe?! Stell, stop, stop! I told you to take your shoes off. You have traipsed mud all through the house. Stella! Take your bloody shoes off, will you?! Oh, ***. It's OK. Um, how loud was that? Pretty loud! Oh, thanks. It wasn't that loud. Oh, ***! It wasn't that loud! You, remember, Santa's watching. Here we go. Oh, thank Christ. It's you. Come on in. We thought you were the woman from the foster home. It was so funny. Stella was traipsing mud all through the house. Tom lost it at her, very, very loudly, but it Abi? What? Are you OK? Yeah, yeah, good. The place smells great. Uh, that's Kane. It's pecan. Thank you so much for coming over. Nothing sells a normal, nurturing, potential foster family than a straight sister who's a doctor. Phoebe? Hey. It's only $800. I'll get the rest as soon as I can. Where did you get that? Ipawned my wedding ring. You didn't have to do that. Yeah, I did. And, Luce, you do know me. OK? I just got a bit lost there for a minute, and I need you to know how sorry I am. And I used to be that guy. I was for years. But not anymore. So this is for you. I'll cover the $200. And if the till balances, then he won't check the tapes. But if I've still got my job here, you'll still have to put up with me. Looks that way. Thanks. You're welcome. Are you OK? Uh, yes and no. I know how hard this is for you. Yeah, I was, uh I was just calling to see if I can take the kids out after school You know, they've been asking me if I can take 'em to the dodgems for ages and, you know, I couldn't 'cause I didn't have a licence. So, I thought maybe I could surprise 'em, you know? Give 'em a bit of a send-off. It'll be my last time with them before they go off to Sydney tomorrow. Yeah, they'd love that. OK, good. OK. I'm gonna miss you, Nic. I'm gonna miss you too. Oh, hi, kiddo. That's very fancy. Yeah. I've had it for ages. It was Mum's. The tag's still on. Does Dad know? How mad is he? Well, he's not happy. You know we're gonna have to take it back. And you dropped Justin in a bit of bother too. But he stole it in the first place, so that's just like karma. Oh, it's karma? OK. Yeah, let's think about that for minute. Fine. I'll take it back. And I'll apologise to Justin for stealing his stolen money. Good girl. You'll get to wear a dress like that, Phoeb when you're ready. What's that? Just some things I thought you might need. Eugh! Keep digging. Thanks. It's gonna be alright, Phoeb. It's gonna be better than alright. Now take that dress off before your *** leak. Ugh! G'day. Hey. Listen, I'm sorry about Phoebe and the money. If you need some cash, I can give you a hand. Hey, thanks, mate. That means a lot. But I've I'll sort something out. Well, at least let me help out with the send-off. What do you need - some party pies or something? I could use some fairy bread. I'm not makin' fairy bread. Alright - moment of truth. Do the honours. Hey. Listen to that! Oh, yeah! Yeah! You you did good today. And this this is nothing. She pushed a photocopier through the window a few years ago. Oh! You tell me that now Oh, I don't have to tell you anything. You know what they're like - they fly off the handle, they rant and rave and carry on. They're women. That's how they're built. You married? Divorced. Is that right? I gotta make a call. Some of these kids have had no positive male role models at all. I'm sorry. Some of them have been through some profoundly difficult situations, so there are usually feelings of betrayal, mistrust and, of course, a lot of abandonment. It isn't easy to think about, is it? I'm sorry. Uh, more pecan pie, Robyn? Sure. Hey, leave some for the party, please. These are for Zac and Jacob. Oh Yeah? Is Abi at your place? No, mate. Is Gemma home? Yeah. Why? So, Abi hasn't been at your place? What's going on? Well, look, she's not answering her phone, she's not at work. It's not like her, that's all. You didn't tell her, did ya? No, you told me not to. Well, just relax. She's probably shopping or something. You don't think she knows, do you? She doesn't know! How could she know?! I gotta go. Who doesn't know what? Hey. Look! Here they are. - There they are. - Hey, boys! What's goin' on?! The guests of honour! How ya doin'?! Ha-ha! Ho-ho! Come here! Ha-ha! Hey. Fairy floss? - Hey! - Oh, look at this! It's Aunty Gemma. Look! Oh She's been a bit grumpy today. Has she? Yeah. How are ya? Yeah, good. Hey, um Hey. I'm sorry I dropped you in the ***. Idropped myself in the *** first. That's what I said. Hey, I was off my face. What's your excuse? Hormones? Bloody hormones Thanks. Hey, bub-bub-bub-bub. Hey, where's Abi? She's on her way. Hey, little bubba. Hello, gorgeous. Look, I know he's your mate and you boys stick together - I get that. Abi is my mate and if he doesn't tell her, I will. What about this one that's coming over? Whoa! Which one?! Oh, the pink one, of course. Will I go with you? Oh, you're gonna go with Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, arms and legs inside the vehicle, one way round the track, keep it clean, keep it real, but enjoy the ride. Here we go! Wha-ey! Ha-ha! Ooh, that's gotta hurt! Here we go. And that's it, folks. That's it. Now, everybody change cars, please. That's enough. Hey, Jake! Come on! Jump in. Put your seatbelt on. Here we go! Yeah! Hey! Oh! Oh! You were pole-axed and you got thrashed. I had a dodgy dodgem. The guy in the blue shirt it's not going well for him. Oh, yeah, I had Justin on the outside, I had you inside and I had Lucy up my clacker! And I had a kid in the car. Yeah. Thrashed! Hey, thanks, guys. Thanks for comin' down. We loved it. No worries. It was a really good idea. It was awesome. It was really fun. Poppy? Time to hit the road, boys. Come on. Time to say your last goodbyes to everyone. Hey, come here! Come over here, champion! Aaaggh! Has anyone seen Abi? - Good boy. - Be good for your dad. Hi. You've called Mummy. - Abi. - Abi. Leave a message. Please. Please. Where are we going, Dad? Supertext Captions by Red Bee Media Australia You broke something. I'm not coming home. You and James looked like you were having fun. I'm sure Justin will drop those kids back any moment. Oh, I need to push! Pull over! You're reckless, Justin. Completely unpredictable. I never know what you Ooh.