So Long Summer

AAH! [ UKULELE PLAYS ] ♪ IN THE BACKYARD WITH TONY BOURDAIN ♪ ♪ WE'RE GRILLING UP SAUSAGES ♪ ♪ THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN ♪ ♪ COULD THAT MEAN IT'S GONNA BE A FABULOUS DAY? ♪ ♪ SAUERKRAUT AND EVERYTHING YOU COULD EVER WANT ♪ ♪ LABOR DAY SPECIAL WITH TONY BOURDAIN ♪ I DEARLY HOPE YOU DON'T GET PAID FOR THAT. I'M ANTHONY BOURDAIN. ♪ THAT'S RIGHT ♪ I WRITE. I TRAVEL. I EAT. AND I'M HUNGRY FOR MORE. ♪ OOH ♪ ♪ YOU GOT TO ♪ ♪ GET LOST ♪ -- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY THE TRAVEL CHANNEL, L.L.C. WHOO-HOO! [ LAUGHTER ] HEY, HEY, HEY. NO PEEING IN THE POOL. GOOD JOB, KID. GO GET -- GO GET THE TALENT A BEER AND SOME ROMILAR. IN KEEPING WITH TRADITION, THE CRACK ZERO POINT ZERO PRODUCTION TEAM GATHERS 'ROUND FOR A BACKYARD BARBECUE. KIDS FROLIC IN THE POOL WHILE I LOOK FOR A LITTLE HELP WITH THE PREP. NOW, YOU'D THINK, THIS BEING THE TV BUSINESS AND ALL, THAT MOST OF THESE NUMSKULLS WOULD HAVE PLENTY OF RESTAURANT EXPERIENCE, BUT NO. NOT ONE OF THEM HAS SO MUCH AS LOADED UP THE FIXIN'S BAR AT ARBY'S -- BUNCH OF TRUSTAFARI FILM STUDENTS. I HELPED MY MOM WITH THANKSGIVING SUPPER ONCE. WE LIKE TO EAT FOOD. WHAT A BUNCH OF HOPELESS SPAZZES. SO NONE OF YOU HAVE EVER HAD AN HONEST JOB IN YOUR LIVES. AND AS LABOR DAY ACTUALLY IMPLIES A DAY GLORIOUSLY FREE OF LABOR, WE THOUGHT WE'D COMMEMORATE THE SUCCESSFUL CONCLUSION OF SEASON 4 BY HASTILY THROWING TOGETHER A CLIP SHOW FILLED WITH THE LEFTOVER SWEEPINGS FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL AND OF COURSE, A FEW WILD, WACKY, AND OTHERWISE SUBSTANDARD OR INAPPROPRIATE MOMENTS FROM SEASONS PAST AND SOME SCENES THEY ONLY LET INTERNATIONAL VIEWERS WATCH. WHAT DOES LABOR DAY MEAN, REALLY? IT'S AN OPPORTUNITY TO GRILL MEAT OVER FLAME, BRING YOUR FRIENDS TOGETHER, AND CONGRATULATE YOURSELF FOR A YEAR OF HARD LABOR. WHY AM I WORKING? THIS SHOULD BE THE SCENE WHERE I'M SITTING IN A LOUNGE CHAIR AND YOU GUYS COOK FOR ME. OH, THANK YOU. BUT, YOU KNOW, IN THE PAST YEAR, THERE HAVE BEEN SOME GOLDEN MOMENTS, AND I THINK WE SHOULD LOOK BACK ON SOME OF THOSE TIMES -- GOOD, BAD, UGLY, AND HUMILIATING -- MOSTLY HUMILIATING. AND ONE OF THE -- SORT OF THE RUNNING THEMES OF THE SHOW IS THAT, WHEREVER WE GO, I'M ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A, YOU KNOW, AN INDIGENOUS TAKE ON THE HOT DOG. HOT DOGS, WIENIES, FRANKFURTERS, TUBE STEAK -- HEY, WHATEVER YOU CALL IT, IT'S BASICALLY LIPS AND HOOVES AND [BLEEP] GROUND UP AND FORMED INTO A TUBE. NOT A FULL-BLOWN MEAL, BUT A FEW SHORT BITES OF MUTANT DOGS I'VE KNOWN AND LOVED. PUKA DOG, ANYONE? IT SOUNDS WRONG... IT DOES, IT DOES. ...WHICH MEANS, CONVERSELY, IT'S GOT TO WORK. GUAVA AND PASSION-FRUIT MUSTARDS? I'M EXCITED AND AFRAID. THIS MAKES NO [BLEEP] SENSE AT ALL. I LOVE IT. THIS, MY FRIEND, IS WHERE THE ELITE MEET TO EAT. IT'S A FULL NUTRITIOUS MEAL FOR ONLY $2.75. EVERYTHING ON IT -- EVERYTHING. AND LOADS OF SHRIMP SALAD. SHRIMP AND HOT DOGS. ARE YOU SCARED? YES. TONY IS HAVING A TUNNBROEDSRULLE. AND HE LIKES IT, I BELIEVE IT. OH, YEAH. Bourdain: THERE'S, LIKE, CURRY SAUCE. YEAH, REMOULADE. AND CRUNCHY... YOU'RE GONNA SAY, "WITH EVERYTHING." YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THAT. WITH EVERYTHING. Bourdain: SO FORMER PRESIDENT CLINTON ATE HERE TWO WEEKS BEFORE HIS HEART BLEW A GASKET AND HE HAD TO HAVE OPEN-HEART SURGERY? YEAH. THAT'S THE MARK OF QUALITY. I FEEL A LITTLE PAIN IN MY CH-- [ LAUGHS ] IT HURTS SO GOOD. Man: CURRYWURST IS A SYMBOL OF BERLIN, MADE OUT OF PORK SAUSAGE, OF COURSE. AND THESE ARE LIKE DEEP-FRIED DOGS. THIS IS HEART ATTACK ON A PLATE. DANKE SCHOEN. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO WITH IT, BUT I WANT THIS. I WANT ONE OF THESE. THE RIPPER -- A DEEP-FRIED HOT DOG THAT LETS YOU KNOW IT'S DONE COOKING BY EXPLODING. NINE INCHES OF RUPTURED GOODNESS. IT'S A NOBLE THING TO MAKE A DAMN GOOD HOT DOG. MEAT, MEAT ON A STICK, MEAT ON A HOLE IN THE GROUND, AND MEAT ON A GRILL. I THINK, IF THERE'S A RECURRING THEME TO THIS SHOW THAT WE KEEP COMING BACK TO, WELL, I THINK WE CAN ALL AGREE THAT MEAT'S PRETTY POPULAR ON THIS PROGRAM. SO I THINK IT'S ONLY RIGHT THAT -- THAT THIS NEXT SEGMENT IS CALLED "WORLD OF MEAT." "OH, YEAH, I'M GOING TO ARGENTINA." "OH, THEIR STEAK, IT'S BEAUTIFUL." IT'S MEATOPOLIS. IT'S THE MEAT TOWN. BEEF-O-RAMA. BLOOD FEAST. THE END OF THE ROAD FOR OLD BESSY. IN THE WORLD OF MEAT, MY FRIENDS, I HAVE ALL-ACCESS PASS. YOU'VE COOKED A LOT OF DIFFERENT PLACES IN A LOT OF DIFFERENT STYLES, AND YET YOU HAVE ARRIVED AT THIS. THAT'S THE MOST EXTRAORDINARY [BLEEP] THING I'VE EVER SEEN. [ SIZZLING ] Man: I GUESS HELL MUST BE A BIT LIKE THAT. I WOULDN'T MIND GOING THERE. I THINK WE KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT. WE GET ALL SQUEAKY FROME ON THAT PIGGY'S ***. SORT OF LIKE A BRAZILIAN BIKINI WAX, ONLY BURNIER. I WANT EVERYTHING, I THINK. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT EVERYTHING IS. I KNOW. IT'S JUST A WONDERLAND OF STUFF. PORK LOIN, CHOPS, HUNKS OF LAMB, WHOLE BIRDS, STEAKS, FLANKS, FILETS, WHOLE JOINTS -- A MOSAIC OF SAUSAGES. OH, YEAH, BABY. STRANGELY ENOUGH, I FOUND THAT MYSTERY MEAT ONLY GETS BETTER THE DODGIER THE NEIGHBORHOOD IS. I MEAN, WHAT'S MYSTERY MEAT WITHOUT THE MYSTERY? HERE'S A HEARTWARMING SCENE FROM THE STREETS OF MAYBERRY -- ACTUALLY, THE HARD SIDE OF VANCOUVER, SHOWN ONLY OVERSEAS. BASICALLY, THE NETWORK WAS A LITTLE SKEEVED OUT BY OPIE'S TRACK MARKS. "TOO HARSH FOR DOMESTIC AUDIENCES," THEY SAID, UNTIL NOW. CHARLES BUKOWSKI WOULD BE RIGHT AT HOME HERE. AND OF COURSE, IT'S A MAGNET FOR AFICIONADOS OF FINE FOOD, LIKE MY FRIEND AND CANADIAN PUBLICIST SELENA. YOU EVER ACTUALLY BEEN TO THIS PLACE? NO. WHY NOT? I'M SCARED. SO, WHAT'S THE NAME OF THIS NEIGHBORHOOD? THIS IS THE DOWNTOWN EAST SIDE OF VANCOUVER. IT'S NOT THE BEST NEIGHBORHOOD, BUT IT'S DEFINITELY THE MOST COLORFUL. SO IT'S LIKE A YUPPIE NEIGHBORHOOD. NO. [ LAUGHS ] NO? AND YET, IT IS THE BURGER CAPITAL OF VANCOUVER. IT'S THE CAPITAL FOR SOMETHING, AND IT'S GOT BURGERS, SO... IT'S GOT SAVE-ON-MEATS, AND THEY'VE GOT A GIANT PINK PIG OUTSIDE, SO... A GIANT PINK PIG IS ALWAYS A MARK OF QUALITY. LOCAL GOURMETS INQUIRE ABOUT MY PLANS FOR DINNER, AND WE COMPARE NOTES. I'M GOING FOR A [BLEEP] HAMBURGER, AND WE'RE MAKING TV ABOUT [BLEEP] 1/3 POUND [BLEEP]? YEAH. AM I GOING TO THE WRONG PLACE? YOU'RE A VEGETARIAN. HELL NO! HE'S A VEGETARIAN -- TRUST ME. PAST THE MEAT COUNTER AND THE THRONG OF CUSTOMERS, THE SMELL OF SIZZLING BEEF AND THE PROMISE OF GETTING IT CHEAP. Bourdain: I'M THINKING CHEESEBURGER. AND YOU? I'M GONNA GO WITH THE DELUXE. $3.99 FOR A BURGER -- GOT TO LOVE THAT. Man: IT'S THE BEST DEAL AROUND -- TRUST ME. YOU WON'T FIND ANY BETTER DEALS IN THIS PLACE. $3.99? I KNOW. AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT LIKE FROZEN PATTIES, EITHER. THEY'RE, LIKE, FRESH-GROUND BEEF. EXACTLY. THAT'S THE WAY TO GO. ALL KILLER -- NO FILLER. AND IT INCLUDES THE TAX. THIS IS A GOOD DEAL. YOU KNOW, I'M 80% SOLD AT THIS MOMENT, AND THE 20% WILL COME AFTER THE BURGER. YEAH, IT LOOKS LIKE A FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD TO ME. YOU GUYS ENJOY THAT BURGER, 'CAUSE I KNOW YOU WILL. ALL RIGHT, THANKS. ALL RIGHT, THAT -- THAT'S AMAZING. IT'S A BEHEMOTH. Selena: LOOKING INTO THE BURGER. OH, MAN, LOOK AT THAT. LOOK AT THE STEAM. THAT'S A DOUBLE BURGER. $3.99 DELUXE BURGER. I DON'T THINK THIS IS GONNA FIT IN MY MOUTH. WELL, AND YOU GOT, LIKE, INCLUDED ARE MUSTARD, MAYONNAISE, ONION, TOMATO... THIS IS PRETTY DARN GOOD. ...GREENS, CHEESE, AND THERE'S PICKLE IN THERE. I MEAN, THAT'S A MEAL -- ALL YOUR BASIC FOOD GROUPS. I'M AT 100% -- A VERY ONION-Y 100%, BUT IT'S A 100%. SO, YOU'RE GONNA BE CROSSING TOWN TO HAVE A SAVE-ON BURGER? I THINK I MIGHT. FOR $3.99, SURE. THESE ARE REAL FRENCH FRIES. THESE ARE NOT FROZEN FRENCH FRIES. THESE ARE FRESHLY CUT. AFFORDABLE QUALITY BURGER -- GOOD -- A SIGN OF AN ENLIGHTENED CULTURE AND A GREAT CITY. NOW ALL I GOT TO DO IS HAVE SOMEONE WALK OUT BACK, SCORE AN EIGHT BALL AND A STEM, AND THE DAY SHALL BE COMPLETE. OHH. AND NEXT UP... PHYSICAL COMEDY, ANYONE? DEEP DOWN THE HERSHEY HIGHWAY. AAH! OH. OHH! OHH! OHH! OHH! YEAH, ALL RIGHT. WHAT? YOU CAN'T TAKE IT? GETTING TIRED? TIRED OF LOSING, SHORTY? OH, YEAH. GIVEN MY RIPPED, MANLY PHYSIQUE, MY PEAK CONDITIONING, AND MY LOVE OF THE OUTDOORS, IT'S ONLY NATURAL THAT THE PRODUCERS AT ZERO POINT ZERO WOULD WANT TO INCORPORATE, YOU KNOW, SPORTY, OUTDOORSY ACTIVITIES IN ALMOST EVERY SHOW. HEADS UP, MAGGOT. THIS INTERMINABLE BIT OF BUSINESS BEING A PERFECT EXAMPLE -- "LET'S MAKE TONY RUN AROUND THE YARD AS A SETUP FOR A MEDLEY OF OUTDOOR PHYSICAL-ACTIVITY-TYPE CLIPS." BUT VENGEANCE IS MINE, MY FRIENDS -- VENGEANCE IS MINE, IN THE FORM OF SMASHED NOSES AND BROKEN COLLARBONES. OHH! THAT EYE WILL GET BETTER. JUST PUT A LITTLE OINTMENT ON IT. [ French accent ] I'M READY TO BRAVE THE DEEP. HERE, FISHY, FISHY. IT'S YOUR FRIEND SpongeBob... HERE TO KILL YOU! [ CHIRPING ] WHAT WAS THAT? DAMN DOLPHINS! [ GRUNTS ] Man: READY, HUP! LOOK UP AT THE BAR! OKAY, FORWARDS, BACKWARDS, FORWARDS, BACKWARDS. I MEAN, WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? TESTICULAR SHRINKAGE -- THAT WOULD BE BAD. OKAY, THIS IS THE TASER. [ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ] AAH! OKAY, OH, MY GOD. RUN. OKAY. [ SHOUTING IN JAPANESE ] Man: IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF "STAR WARS" AND YODA, BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S VERY MUCH LIKE THAT. YES! IN YOUR FACE, SHORTY! OVER THE YEARS, THE PRODUCERS OF "NO RESERVATIONS" HAVE GOT ME INVOLVED IN A LOT OF ACTIVITIES THAT I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN PART IN, GIVEN MY ADVANCED AGE AND ROTTEN PHYSICAL CONDITION. NEEDLESS TO SAY, SOME OF THESE SCENES DON'T END WELL. WE COULD HARDLY DO A "PHYSICAL ACTIVITY GONE WRONG" COLLECTION WITHOUT INCLUDING THE CLASSIC "TONY ROLLS AN ATV ON HIMSELF" SCENE FROM NEW ZEALAND. I DON'T KNOW WHY PEOPLE ENJOY WATCHING THIS SO MUCH, BUT THEY DO. [ ENGINE STALLS ] WHOA. Greg: TONY, YOU OKAY? YOU ALL RIGHT?! YEAH. I TOLD YOU NOT TO FOLLOW ME, EH? SORRY, I DIDN'T HEAR THAT PART. IT HURT, BY THE WAY, IN CASE YOU CARE -- A LOT. HEY, IT'S FUNNY NOW. THANK GOD NO ONE LOST AN EYE. BUT THE THREAT OF SHATTERED BONES PALES IN COMPARISON TO THE FESTERING, STEAMING, FECULENT HELL THAT WAS THE CAVE SCENE IN JAMAICA -- LIKE DROPPING INTO SATAN'S OUTHOUSE, ONLY SLIMIER, WITH MORE BUGS AND BATS. Jan: OKAY, WE'RE AT THE ENTRANCE PIT TO ONE OF THE MOST MAGNIFICENT AND WILDEST CAVES IN JAMAICA. HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF BATS DOWN THERE. AS EVERY STEP PROGRESSES, YOU WILL FEEL INCREASING HEAT, HUMIDITY, AND IT SMELLS LIKE A BARN DOWN THERE. TREMENDOUS LIFE EXPERIENCE. BAT FECES, EH? I THINK THIS RANKS WITH THE ATV AND THE SICILIAN CLIFF JUMP AMONG THE ALL-TIME GOOD IDEAS. THE TRUTH IS NOTHING IN MY PAST EXPERIENCES HAD EVEN REMOTELY PREPARED ME FOR WHAT WAS AHEAD. I MADE A POINT OF BEING AMONG THE FIRST ONES DOWN, JUST SO I COULD GET THIS BIRD'S-EYE VIEW OF DIANE, WHO GOT ME INTO THIS MESS, HUNG UP LIKE A FROG IN BIOLOGY CLASS. STUCK IN THE ROOTS. OOH, LOOK AT HER STRUGGLE. SAW IT OFF AT THE ANKLE. COULD LEAVE HER A FLARE, A PISTOL, TWO ROUNDS. [ EXHALES SHARPLY ] I'M ACTUALLY ENJOYING THIS PART. Jan: PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. PUT YOUR RIGHT FOOT DOWN A LITTLE MORE. THERE'S A TIKI BAR JUST A FEW YARDS DOWN, RIGHT? RIGHT? I'M NOT SURE IF IT'S OPEN ON TUESDAYS. I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I EXPECT AN UMBRELLA IN MY DRINK. WE FINALLY BEGIN OUR DESCENT IN WHAT SOME MIGHT CALL A FECAL WONDERLAND BUT WHICH ME AND MY CREW ARE QUICKLY FINDING TO BE HELL. WHAT LOOKS LIKE MUD IS ACTUALLY A SOUP OF BAT AND ROACH FECES. EVERY STEP IS TREACHEROUS, AND A FALL COULD EASILY DROP YOU TWO STORIES OR MORE. AND JAN CHEERFULLY SUPPLIES A STEADY STREAM OF ENCOURAGING ANECDOTES. YOU WILL SEE MORE ROACHES IN HERE THAN YOU HAVE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE. OH, YEAH? I'M FROM NEW YORK CITY. BILLIONS OF ROACHES IN HERE. REALLY? I LOOK FORWARD TO THAT. AS PROMISED, THE ROACHES WERE PLENTIFUL. THEY WERE ALSO GIGANTIC. THEY CRUNCHED UNDER HANDS AND FEET AS WE WENT DEEPER AND DEEPER, THE TEMPERATURE GETTING HIGHER AND HIGHER AS WE GOT CLOSER TO THE BATS. Man: WHOA! GOT YOU. GOT YOU. GOT YOU. THANKS. GOT YOU. GOT YOU. OUR WHOLE PURPOSE IN COMING IS FALLING APART, AS THE EQUIPMENT IS FAILING. OOH, HOLD ON. I'M TOTALLY FOGGING UP IN HERE. YEAH, I KNOW. I KNOW. I KNOW. IT'S LIKE SHOOTING IN A SHOWER. AND THE SIMPLE ACT OF TRYING TO FRAME A SHOT MEANS LEAVING YOURSELF PERILOUSLY OFF-BALANCE AND IN DANGER OF TOPPLING OFF A CLIFF OR INTO A SOUP OF BAT AND ROACH FECES. WATCH OUT HERE. WATCH OUT A LOT. EVERY STEP IS TREACHEROUS, WITH OCCASIONAL, UNPREDICTABLE DROP-OFFS. LOSE YOUR LIGHT FOR A SECOND, AND IT'S TIME FOR A PANIC ATTACK. THERE'S ALWAYS THE AWFUL KNOWLEDGE OF HOW MUCH ROCK AND EARTH HANGS OVER US. AND NOTHING CAN GIVE YOU A SENSE OF THE STENCH AND OPPRESSIVE HEAT. I'M NOT SURE WHY I KEPT GOING. I SUPPOSE 'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE A *** ON TV. BUT I WASN'T UP TO IT. I KNOW THAT NOW. Man: LET'S GO. OKAY. LIKE THE BOXER ONCE SAID, I SHOULD HAVE STOOD IN BED. OHH. OW. AW [BLEEP] THAT DIDN'T SOUND GOOD. AND YET BAT BOY AND HIS FRIENDS LOVE THIS. THIS IS ANOTHER DAY AT THE OFFICE FOR JAN AND STEFAN. MY TOUR HERE IS OVER. IT'S BACK TO THE LIGHT FOR ME. [ GROANS ] I'M TOLD THAT THIS CAVE WAS, IN FACT, THE SAFEST OF THE 27 MAJOR CAVE SYSTEMS IN JAMAICA, AND I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT THERE ARE NO TOURIST CAVES HERE. BUT AS I STAGGERED BACK THROUGH THE HEAT IN A COLD SWEAT, BARELY AVOIDING HEATSTROKE TO BURN EVERY SCRAP OF CRAP-ENCRUSTED CLOTHING ON MY BODY, I TRUST I'VE SHOWN ANYONE LOOKING FOR A CHEAP CAVE THRILL WHILE ON JAMAICAN VACATION THAT YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STICK WITH A CHAISE LOUNGE AND A SPLIFF. NO, NO. NA ZDROWIA! SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE THE BLAME FOR THE ROMANIA SHOW. NEXT UP, WE START PLAYING THE BLAME GAME. [ LAUGHTER ] DOGGY, HELLO. AAH! ZAMIR, ZAMIR, ZAMIR, ONCE OUR BEST FIXER EVER, MY -- MY SOUL BROTHER, MY HERM, MY BUDDY, WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT HAPPENED?! MAPLE MANSON. OH, YOUR EERIE, BLOOD-CHILLING SMILE AND YOUR DELICIOUS MAPLE SYRUP SHOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE WORLD BUT ACTUALLY MAKES MY BLOOD RUN COLD. YOU SCARE ME, DUDE. OH, AND TED NUGENT, DARK PRINCE OF THE RED STATES. WE DISAGREE ON JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING, BUT, YOU KNOW, IF YOU AND I CAN BE FRIENDS, THEN I THINK THIS POINTS TO A BRIGHTER, BETTER, HANDS-ACROSS-THE-WATER, GROUP-HUG KIND OF A FUTURE FOR ALL OF US... OR MAYBE NOT. WE'VE MET A LOT OF INTERESTING CHARACTERS ON THIS SHOW -- THE FUNNY, THE FURIOUS, THE BRILLIANT, THE ECCENTRIC, THE [BLEEP] CRAZY, AND THE SLIGHTLY SCARY. LET'S BEGIN IN THE GREAT WHITE NORTH WITH THIS GUY -- LUMBERJACK DUDE PIERRE. I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON UP THERE IN THE COLD, LONELY, AND, FRANKLY, CREEPY FORESTS OF QUéBEC. HIS LOVE FOR MAPLE SYRUP WAS JUST A LITTLE TOO SINCERE. FOR WHATEVER REASON, THIS GUY SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME. [ LAUGHS ] PIERRE OPENED THIS PLACE OUT OF A SUDDEN URGE TO LIVE LIKE LUMBERJACKS OF YORE. MY DAD WAS A LUMBERJACK IN MAINE IN THE EARLY 1900s. HE USED TO TELL ME STORIES ABOUT HOW THEY LIVED IN LOG CABINS. THEY SLEPT ON BUNK BEDS COVERED WITH SPRUCE BRANCHES. SO THIS WAS A DREAM OF MINE SINCE I WAS A KID. [ LAUGHS ] I'M SORRY -- I'M SURE HE'S VERY NICE, BUT I'M GETTING LIKE A WEIRD MESSIANIC VIBE OFF THIS GUY. I MEAN, I LIKE MAPLE SYRUP, TOO, BUT AS A LIFESTYLE CHOICE? THIS MAPLE SYRUP -- I NEVER GET TIRED OF IT. ACTUALLY, I DON'T USE ANY SUGAR ANYMORE. I USE ONLY MAPLE SYRUP. I USE IT TO SWEETEN MY COFFEE AND COOKING. ARGENTINEAN ARTIST MARTA MINUJIN WAS ENTERTAINING, ENERGETIC, AND MAKES ART OUT OF CHEESECAKE. YOU NEED A LITTLE LUCK AND A LOT OF ENERGY TO KEEP UP WITH HER. Minujin: THIS IS THE STATUE OF LIBERTY WITH STRAWBERRIES. THIS IS THE BERLIN WALL WITH SAUSAGES. Bourdain: WHAT KIND OF CHEESE? SWISS CHEESE. [ LAUGHTER ] THIS IS MY MOTOR CITY PERSUADER HERE -- REALLY GETS YOUR ATTENTION. [ GUNFIRE ] TED NUGENT -- THE NUGE. WE NEVER PISSED OFF SO MANY PEOPLE AS WE DID BY PUTTING UNCLE TED ON THE SHOW. THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN AT GRATEFUL DEAD BARBECUES. WAIT, DID THE GRATEFUL DEAD HAVE BARBECUES? WE'RE JUST GRATEFUL THEY'RE DEAD. OKAY. Man: OH, YEAH! YEAH! I PARTICULARLY LOVE THESE GUYS -- "AMERICAN SPLENDOR"'S HARVEY PEKAR AND TOBY RADLOFF. HARVEY'S CURMUDGEONLY WORLD VIEW IS ALL TOO COMFORTABLY CLOSE TO MY OWN. I GOT TO TELL YOU -- THIS THING HERE -- THE HEADCHEESE IS GOOD. IT'S GOOD, HUH? HARVEY, YOU SHOULD TRY IT. THAT'S GOOD. OH, THAT'S PIG'S FEET. NO, I CAN'T EAT THAT. WHY NOT? I'M A VEGETARIAN. YOU'RE A VEGETARIAN? I MEAN, I KNOW FROM READING YOUR LIFE'S WORK THAT YOU'RE A MAN WHO LIKES A GOOD, DIRTY-WATER HOT DOG. WELL, I HAD A LIFE BEFORE THE '80s. SO, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, ZAMIR. WHO'S GONNA BE THE FIRST ONE TO PUT A LAMPSHADE ON THEIR HEAD AND REALLY EMBARRASS THEMSELVES? I'M BETTING ME. [ LAUGHS ] YEAH, YOU ARE THE TALLEST. GOOD. THEN THERE'S MY OLD BUDDY ZAMIR -- MY TRUSTWORTHY SIDEKICK IN TWO PREVIOUS ST. PETERSBURG SHOWS, TONTO TO MY LONE RANGER IN UZBEKISTAN, KATO TO MY GREEN HORNET IN MOSCOW. AND THEN -- THEN ROMANIA. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? AM I DREAMING OR WHAT? BUDDY, YOU KNOW, SO MANY SHOWS TOGETHER, SO MANY GOOD TIMES, AND IT ALL WENT SWIRLING DOWN THE VORTEX OF THE BOWL IN ROMANIA. IT WAS EVEN WORSE THAN YOU SAW, AS U.S. AUDIENCES WERE DEPRIVED OF THIS SOUL-DESTROYING EXERCISE IN BOGUSNESS, THIS SPIRIT-CRUSHING, UTTERLY POINTLESS, AND PAINFUL SCENE AT THE HORRIFYINGLY CHEESE-BALL HOUSE OF DRACULA HOTEL. OH, LISTEN -- YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS. IT'S SOMETHING VERY ORIGINAL, VERY ROMANIAN, AND VERY DRACULINISH. WELL, WELCOME TO MY PARADISE, ANTHONY. BE MY GUEST. HERE WE ARE IN THE BREAKFAST NOOK OF THE DAMNED, IN THE WORST POSSIBLE PLACE ON EARTH, ABOUT TO EMBARK ON WHAT IS CLEARLY GOING TO BE THE MOST BOGUS AND HORRIFYING MEAL MAYBE OF MY LIFE. ADORNING THE FOAMLIKE WALLS OF THE CREEPY BREAKFAST NOOK ARE SOME OF THE LAMEST, MOST INAUTHENTIC TORTURE DEVICES EVER FABRICATED. OH, THE TERROR. OH, THE HORROR. BUT TERRIFYING? YES, DEEPLY TERRIFYING. I'LL TELL YOU -- THIS -- THIS TABLE'S REALLY FRIGHTENING. OHH, IT'S WOBBLING. I CAN'T PUT MY FINGER ON IT, BUT THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THIS ROOM FILLING ME WITH UNCONTROLLABLE RAGE. [ LAUGHS ] NOTICE HOW ZAMIR RELENTLESSLY AND -- SOME MIGHT SAY -- INSANELY KEEPS TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING POSITIVE AND AUTHENTIC TO CLING TO IN A SCENE THAT IS SO FAR BEYOND THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON OF AWFULNESS. I THINK THE MENU REALLY DOES REFLECT THE -- THE BLOODY HISTORY OF THE COUNTRY. ALABAMA CHICKEN. OH. OH, REALLY? YEAH. OOH, CHICKEN WINGS WITH BARBECUE SAUCE -- THAT'S PRETTY SCARY. YOU'RE HARD TO PLEASE, TONY. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SOMETHING YOU WOULD WANT TO ENJOY, I MEAN, THE MOMENT YOU STEP IN. IT'S ONCE IN A LIFETIME. SORRY TO DISAPPOINT, ZAMIR, BUT THIS MENU APPEARS STRAIGHT OFF T.G.I.-McDRACULA'S. OH, WAIT, THIS IS T.G.I.-McDRACULA'S. I DON'T KNOW -- IT'S SORT OF LIKE, YOU KNOW, MEDIEVAL TIMES RENAISSANCE FARE. THANKS. WILL THERE BE ANY SPECIAL RECOMMENDATIONS FOR MY FRIEND, WHO HAS NEVER BEEN TO THIS FANTASTIC PLACE? YES, OF COURSE. YOU MAY TRY THE TAIL OF DRACULA. IT CONTAINS CHICKEN MEAT, BEEF MEAT, AND PORK MEAT. WOW. WOW. ZAMIR FOLLOWS SUIT BY ORDERING A FESTIVE BLOOD OF DRACULA COCKTAIL. I BRIEFLY CONSIDER COMMITTING HOMICIDAL ACTS, IF NOT SUICIDAL. NOW THIS IS ROMANIA. NA ZDROWIA. NA ZDROWIA. THERE'S SMOKE COMING OUT OF MY EARS. I THINK I'M DRINKING BOURBON AT 7:00 IN THE MORNING, AND I'M -- I MEAN, I'M PRACTICALLY FROTHING AT THE MOUTH WITH MURDEROUS RAGE. WOW. THAT'S -- THAT'S THE REAL PIECE. OOH, I THINK THOSE ARE GENUINE BOO BERRIES IN THERE. [ COUGHS ] THAT'S IT. OOH. SO, THIS IS THE DRACULA'S TAIL. OH. FASCINATING. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT. THANK YOU. WE WILL. WELL, I HAVE NO DOUBTS ABOUT IT. I HOPE SO. IF WE DON'T, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO WITH YOU, RIGHT? OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. HEY, IT'S SAUTéED. I'LL REMEMBER THIS MEAL FOR A LONG TIME -- GRILLED SKEWERS OF DRIED MEAT STUFFED INTO AN APPLE. FURY? WANT TO SEE SOME FURY? I'M NOT TIPPING. IT WAS NOT OUR FINEST HOUR, BUT -- BUT I HAD A GREAT TIME IN ROMANIA, AND IF I WASN'T WITH THAT MISERABLE RUSSIAN, UH, I WOULD HAVE MADE AN EXTREMELY COMPLIMENTARY, FLATTERING SHOW. IT'S ALL ZAMIR'S FAULT. BLAME THE RUSSIAN. THE RUSSIAN -- IT'S HIS FAULT. SOMEONE HAD TO PAY A PRICE FOR THIS ABOMINABLE SCENE, AND IT WAS ONLY APPROPRIATE THAT THAT PERSON WAS PRODUCER TOM VITALE. CURIOUSLY, HE SEEMED TO ENJOY HIS PUNISHMENT. AAH! STICK OUT YOUR FINGERS! THIS IS FOR MAKING CHEESY TELEVISION! THIS IS FOR DAMAGING MY BOOK-SALE POTENTIAL FOR THE NEXT DECADE. STOP IT. YOU'VE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK. THAT'S A REAL WEAPON. OW! DON'T HIT ME. THIS WAS A GOOD ONE. [ LAUGHTER ] NO, NO, NO, NO! OW! LOOK -- BROKE RIGHT OFF. YOU KNOW, I THINK WE'VE LEARNED SOMETHING HERE TODAY -- MAKING CHEESE-BALL TELEVISION DOES NOT COME WITHOUT COST. WHAT DO PEOPLE WHO'VE WORKED TOGETHER WAY TOO LONG IN CIRCUMSTANCES OF VARYING DEGREES OF TRUSTWORTHINESS REGARDING PLUMBING TALK ABOUT ALL THE TIME? SITTING ON THE STINKS, RIDING THE PORCELAIN BUS, LAYING CABLE. Bourdain: YOU KNOW, WHEN I'M HAVING A BIG, SLOW, STEAMING DUMP, I LIKE TO LOOK AT MEREDITH VIEIRA. IT -- IT RELAXES MY ***. OKAY, I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO WITH THAT ONE. I'M NOT SURE. DOES SOMEBODY WANT TO HELP ME OUT? AAH! [ SIZZLING ] [ DOG YIPPING ] ON CERTAIN OTHER TRAVEL AND FOOD SHOWS, YOU USUALLY SEE THE INAPPROPRIATE GIDDY, MANIACALLY GRINNING HOST TAKING MAYBE ONE DAINTY BITE BEFORE SMACKING THEIR WET MAW, MOANING ORGASMICALLY, AND THEN IT'S CUT AND OFF TO THE TRAILER FOR THEM. NOT SO ON "NO RESERVATIONS." NOT ON THIS SHOW, MY FRIENDS. I GUARANTEE YOU THAT EVERY BITE YOU SEE ME EAT ON CAMERA, THERE ARE 10 OR 20 OR 30 OR 40 MORE. AND, IN FACT, THERE HAVE BEEN SOME -- SOME MEMORABLE EXAMPLES OF -- OF WHERE -- WHERE EVEN I HAVE HAD WAY, WAY, WAY TOO MUCH. COLOMBIA -- WHERE MEAT AND STARCH AND MORE MEAT AND SOME CHEESE -- AND DID I MENTION BEANS? -- ARE KING. OH, AND THE EGG -- THE EGG IS KING, TOO. THE DAY BEGINS WITH CALENTA'O, TO BE FOLLOWED BY EVEN MORE TERRIFYINGLY BIG LUNCH -- BANDEJA PAISA. Man: IN COLOMBIA, WE HAVE A SAYING -- WE EAT BREAKFAST LIKE A KING. IT'S A LIGHT BREAKFAST? NO. NO? OH, WOW. OH, ALREADY, THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER. FILLS YOU UP. YEAH, FILLS YOU UP. YOU ARE VERY, VERY HUNGRY? I DID HAVE A BIG BREAKFAST, BUT... SOME BEANS, NATCH. A LITTLE SALAD -- THAT'S HEALTHY. RICE -- WELL, OKAY, GOT TO HAVE RICE. ANOTHER FRIED EGG -- AY. GRILLED PORK -- NEVER A BAD THING. AN AREPA -- IS THAT REALLY NECESSARY? GRILLED CHORIZO -- MAYBE TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING. AND CHICHARRóN. MMM, BACON. HOLY [BLEEP] BUT HOW DOES ONE NOT KEEL OVER AFTER TWO MEALS OF THIS MAGNITUDE AND COLLAPSE INTO A GROANING, FARTING, SEMI-CONSCIOUS HEAP? MAN, THAT'S A MEAL. FOR THE LATE-NIGHT GOURMET WITH AN APPETITE IN HONG KONG, THERE'S SOOCHOW -- A FEW TOO MANY PLATES FOR ANY TIME OF DAY. OH! MY FAVORITE! WHAT IS THIS? IT'S CALLED CLOUDY-HEAD FISH. THAT'S AMAZING. LIKE THE INEVITABLE APPROACH OF DAWN, THE FOOD SEEMINGLY CANNOT BE STOPPED. PEOPLE WHO DON'T EAT LIKE THIS EVERY DAY. NO? JUST EVERY OTHER DAY. IT SEEMS LIKE IT. HONG KONG -- ALREADY A BARRAGE OF FOOD. IT KEEPS COMING AND COMING AND COMING. EW, I'VE GOT MEAT JUICE ON MY LENSES. OH, MY GOD. THE EXCLUSIVELY SPAM-FIEND MEAL IN HAWAII. THE WORD "SPAMALOT" IS NOT SO FUNNY ANYMORE AFTER YOU EAT AND ACTUALLY ENJOY ABOUT TWO POUNDS OF THIS STUFF IN VARIOUS FORMS. SPAM SUSHI? OH, MAN, THAT'S REALLY [BLEEP] UP. I GOT TO HAVE ONE. OH, YEAH. LOOKS LIKE A SPAM FRITTATA WITH KIMCHI ON TOP, FLOATING IN CURRY SAUCE. I'M GONNA STROKE OUT AT THE END OF THIS MEAL. [ LAUGHS ] WHOA. THIS IS THE CHICKEN TOFU. OH, HOMEMADE CHILI? YOU REALLY HAVE TO. NOTHING IRONIC OR FUNNY ABOUT THIS. IT'S JUST DAMN GOOD. THIS THING IS [BLEEP] DELICIOUS. I REALLY LIKE THAT. THIS -- JUST DON'T TELL ANYONE I ENJOYED THAT. I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M EATING THIS. BY THE WAY, DO YOU KNOW THE HEIMLICH MANEUVER? I'M JUST ASKING. FOR ALL-TIME, ON-CAMERA, REAL-LIFE, GUT-BUSTING GORGING, THE SCENE AT MARTIN PICARD'S AMAZING RESTAURANT, AU PIED DE COCHON, IN MONTREAL, REMAINS THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION. 17 OF THE HEAVIEST, RICHEST, AND MOST DELICIOUS, MOSTLY FOIE-GRAS-LOADED COURSES EVER -- MARTIN, HAVING INSTRUCTED THE KITCHEN TO KEEP FEEDING ME TILL DEAD. THIS IS THE DUCK DU FOIE GRAS. PUMPKIN FOIE GRAS. I KNOW WHAT THAT IS. THAT'S POUTINE A FOIE GRAS. ANY ONE OF THESE WOULD BE A MAJOR MEAL FOR ANY SENSIBLE PERSON. OH. THE PORTIONS ARE A LITTLE SKIMPY HERE. HALIBUT FISH AND CHIPS. Man: HERE'S THE DUCK IN THE CAN. OH, MY GOD. IT REALLY IS, LIKE, A DUCK IN A CAN. OH, MY GOD. I'M WORRIED ABOUT MY CREW. MY CREW WON'T BE ABLE TO FINISH THIS. I'M BEING TOLD TO HURRY, TOO. I KNOW WHAT IT IS. IT'S ONE OF THE SINGLE HEAVIEST DISHES IN THE FRENCH REPERTOIRE. OH, MY GOOD LORD. OH, LIKE THIS NEEDS A SIDE DISH. PLEASE, GOD, MERCY. HOLY [BLEEP] I CAN'T BELIVE I'M STILL ALIVE. I'M GONNA -- BY NOW, LET'S FACE IT, I SHOULD HAVE EXPLODED LIKE A MEAT-FILLED PIÑATA. THE MOST MEAT-CENTRIC PLACE IN THE WORLD THAT WE'VE BEEN TO ON THE SHOW, ANYWAY, WOULD HAVE TO BE URUGUAY. YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR PANINIS, YOUR HERO SANDWICH, YOUR FRENCH DIP, YOUR PHILADELPHIA CHEESESTEAK, YOUR REUBEN SANDWICH ALL YOU LIKE. THE APEX OF THE SANDWICH-MAKING ARTS -- URUGUAY. THE MIGHTY CHIVITO -- PRETTY MUCH MY PHILOSOPHY ENCAPSULATED IN SANDWICH FORM. [ SIZZLING ] IN ANY OTHER COUNTRY, MEN WOULD WEEP, PRIESTS WOULD RENOUNCE THEIR GODS, CHILDREN RUN CRYING TO THEIR MOTHERS. BUT IN URUGUAY, IT IS BELOVED, REVERED. IT IS, IN FACT, THE NATIONAL DISH. ALL OF THIS -- EVERYTHING YOU SEE -- STILL THIS -- YES, THIS, TOO -- OH, YES, IT'S ALL GOING IN. IT'S THE TITANIC! IT'S THE MOUNT EVEREST! IT'S A SANDWICH! BEHOLD THE MIGHTY CHIVITO! WELCOME TO CHIVITERIA MARCOS, A POPULAR SPOT TO RISK GASTRIC RUPTURE BY STARING MEEKLY INTO THE ABYSS OF MIND-SCRAMBLING SANDWICHNESS. Bourdain: THOSE CHIVITOS -- BY THE WAY, I HAVE TO ADMIT, SINCE WE GOT HERE, I'VE ACTUALLY HAD A COUPLE OF THESE. YOU'VE HAD A COUPLE OF THEM ALREADY. CHRIS, THIS IS IRRESISTIBLE. I WALK DOWN THE STREET, I SEE MEAT, CHEESE, BACON, HAM ON A BUN WITH A BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF? WHAT DO YOU THINK -- I'M GONNA LET THAT PASS? AFTER THE CHIVITO MASTER ASSEMBLES AND HEATS THE BASIC INGREDIENTS, CUSTOMERS CHOOSE FROM A SELECTION OF ADDITIONAL TOPPINGS -- A SELECTION EQUAL TO THE GDP OF SOME LARGER NATIONS. BEHOLD. COME ON IN. LOOK AT THIS. MY GOD! WHAT END DO YOU START AT? WHERE DO YOU EVEN BEGIN? IT'S REALLY -- IT'S LIKE EVEREST. YOU REALLY HAVE TO SIT THERE AND LOOK AT IT FOR A WHILE, FIGURE OUT HOW BEST TO ATTACK IT. YOU KNOW, ONE OF THE REALLY GREAT THINGS ABOUT DOING THIS SHOW IS THE CAMARADERIE, THE TIGHT TEAMWORK, THE DEEP AND ENDURING FRIENDSHIPS THAT WE'VE MADE OVER TIME WORKING ON THIS SHOW. WHAT THAT REALLY BOILS DOWN TO IS A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER WAY TOO LONG, SITTING AROUND IN A VAN TALKING ABOUT POOP. IT ALWAYS COMES BACK TO POOP. HOW'S YOUR FISTULA? WELL, IT BURNED WHEN THAT SQUID THAT I HAD AT THAT RESTAURANT -- JUST RIGHT THROUGH. I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS. NEVER FOLLOW TODD TO THE BATHROOM, BY THE WAY. THIS I HAVE LEARNED. IT'S UNHOLY. YOU KNOW, TODD LIKES TO DROP A GROWLER IN EVERY SINGLE LOCATION WE GO TO. HE'S LIKE A CAT MARKING ITS TERRITORY, AND THE WHOLE WORLD IS HIS TERRITORY. WHAT ABOUT ZACH? I MEAN, YOU KNOW, ZACH'S LIKE -- ZACH NEVER [BLEEP] EVER. I'M SURE -- NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE! THAT'S NOT TRUE. I'VE SEEN HIM RUN OFF IN THE DIRECTION, BUT I'M NOT ENTIRELY CONVINCED HE'S ACTUALLY COMMITTING HUMAN FUNCTION. HE'S LIKE JOHN FROM CINCINNATI. CAN I TELL YOU -- THE BATHROOM IN BARCELONA -- OHH, TOP-NOTCH. SO, SINCE WE'VE BEEN IN SPAIN, MAJORITY OF THE TIME -- SINKERS OR FLOATERS? PLOPPERS, MAN. LIKE THE LOCH NESS MONSTER? LIKE, JUST SLIGHTLY SUBMERGED? LIKE LOCH NESS MONSTER PUT INTO A BLENDER. OHH! OHH [BLEEP] IS THAT WRONG? YOU MEAN IT'S SPIKY? IT WAS GOOD. OHH, MAN, GEEZ. WHOO. GOOD. THANK YOU. NEXT...WE DON'T DRINK FOR FUN ON "NO RESERVATIONS," WE DO WHAT'S NECESSARY. DON'T GET DRUNK, TONY. [ LAUGHS ] BY THE WAY, TOM -- $5 SAYS YOU'RE GONNA PASS OUT FROM HEAT EXPOSURE AND SUNSTROKE BEFORE I DO. I'M HYDRATING. YOU KNOW, I THINK IF THERE'S A COMMON THREAD TO THIS SHOW, IT'S THAT WE FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT IT'S APPROPRIATE TO NEVER REFUSE A HEARTFELT OFFER OF LOCAL INDIGENOUS BEVERAGES. THIS DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE ALCOHOLICS ON THIS SHOW. IT MEANS THAT WE'RE... PROFESSIONALS. PLASTIC BOTTLE. IT'S GOT TO BE GOOD. WHOO! OH, YEAH, THAT'S STRONG. WHOO! THAT WAS A GOOD ONE. WHOO! YOU CAN'T START THE PARTY WITHOUT ANTIFREEZE. IT'S LIKE FREAKING VARNISH. THIS, TO BE HONEST, IS A CONCERN. THIS IS [BLEEP] ROCKET FUEL, DUDE. YES, I AGREE. I NEED A DRINK. THIS PLACE LOOKS STRANGELY FAMILIAR. IT'S AN ABSINTHE FOUNTAIN. TOMORROW AS I WAKE UP IN A POOL OF MY OWN VOMIT, THE FIRST WORDS OUT OF MY MOUTH WILL BE, "MMM! LICORICEY!" WHEN FREEZING TO DEATH IN A CAVE IN THE MIDDLE OF A BLIZZARD IN ICELAND, I ALWAYS GO FOR A LITTLE BLACK DEATH. I'LL JUST SIT HERE AND DRINK THIS AND WAIT FOR HELP TO ARRIVE. I'M SURE SOMEONE WILL COME ALONG EVENTUALLY. WELL, NO COLD BEER, BUT LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE -- THERE SALIVA- AND MUCUS-FERMENTED YUCCA LIQUOR. IT'S LIKE SWAPPING SPIT WITH THE WHOLE VILLAGE. IN FACT, THAT'S ABOUT WHAT I'M GONNA DO. THAT'S NOT BAD. KIND OF SWEET. SLIGHTLY SCREAM. SWEET AS SWEET LAULAU. FESTIVE TIKI DRINK? WHAT DO YOU SAY, GUYS? Man: YEAH! WHOO-HOO! A LITTLE COCONUT CREAM. YOU GOT YOUR PINEAPPLE JUICE. RUM. NEARLY EVERY DESTINATION WE VISITED SEEMS MAKES SOME KIND OF HOME-BREWED BEVERAGE OF VARYING ALCOHOL CONTENT, PERFECTLY SUITED FOR ITS UNIQUE PLACE AND CULTURAL ATTITUDES, WHETHER A DELICIOUSLY FESTIVE NEW COCKTAIL VARIATION, OR A MENACINGLY CLOUDY BATHTUB PRODUCT THAT'LL SET YOUR HAIR ON FIRE JUST LOOKING AT IT. IT'S SO IMPORTANT WHEN TRAVELING TO GO NATIVE AND DRINK THE INDIGENOUS BEVERAGE. MMM! EYE-JABBINGLY GOOD. IT'S LEGAL MOONSHINE. I THINK WE'RE DRUNK ENOUGH FOR MUSIC. DON'T YOU? LET'S GET DRUNKER. YEAH. I'D TELL YOU ABOUT LAST NIGHT, BUT I'D THROW UP IN MY MOUTH. I WOKE UP FEELING FUNKY FRESH. OHH. I'M LOOKING AT THE... THE *** IS LIKE... PLEASE, GOD, NO. THIS IS BREAKFAST, RIGHT? THIS IS BREAKFAST IN SAMARKAND. IT'S GONNA BE A LONG DAY. RICE WHISKEY AND GINGER LEAF. IT WILL MAKE YOU HUNGRY AGAIN. I'LL BE UNCONSCIOUS LONG BEFORE I'M HUNGRY AGAIN. WHOA. STRONG. OHH! Bourdain: LET'S FIND THE PLACE THAT CLEARLY HAS THE MOST DEGENERATELY DUNK PEOPLE. THIS GUY CLEARLY LIKES THIS PRODUCT. OH, DEFINITELY. SALUT. SALUT. COULDN'T DO 20 GLASSES OF THIS. NO WAY. ZOMBIE TIME. I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO BE EXCITED OR AFRAID. [ LAUGHS ] FIVE KINDS OF RUM. [ LAUGHS ] OHH! THAT'S DANGEROUS. [ EXHALES SHARPLY ] THIS COULD LEAD TO UGLINESS. [ MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ] HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SAMIR! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! OHH! WHOO! THAT TUCA -- IT'S STRONG STUFF. [ LAUGHS ] BUT WHAT IS IT REALLY LIKE TO DO WHAT WE DO? TO SEE THE WORLD THE WAY WE HAVE? THANK HIM VERY MUCH FOR EASILY THE BEST SUSHI EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE. RIGHT. THE DRINK, I NEED. LISTEN, IT'S EASY LOOKING BACK FROM THE FAMILIAR COMFORTS OF A SUBURBAN BACKYARD, SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS, FAMILY, COWORKERS, AND BEER, TO SEE ONLY THE FUNNY PARTS, THE PAINFUL, THE LUDICROUS... THE EASY STORIES TO REMEMBER AND TO TELL AGAIN AND AGAIN. BUT WHAT IS IT REALLY LIKE TO DO WHAT WE DO, TO SEE THE WORLD THE WAY WE HAVE? CLAUDIA -- CLAUDIA SCENE -- SAPAOWA -- GENUINELY HEARTWARMING, MEANT EVERY WORD, HAPPY, GOLDEN MOMENT, GREAT SCENE, PERFECT MOMENT WHEN WE WERE GENUINELY HAVING A REALLY GOOD TIME AND MAKING GOOD TELEVISION AT THE SAME TIME. A RARE GOLDEN MOMENT, I HAVE TO SAY. WE ARE GOING TO DRINK AND EAT. Together: LOVE IN THE AFTERNOON. [ LAUGHTER ] I LIKE IT HERE. FOR ME, IT'S WHEN I START THINKING LIKE A HIPPIE. IT'S LIKE THE SAME SKY OVER ALL THESE COUNTRIES. ORDINARILY, THAT'S NOT WHAT'S RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD. Woman: SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS THIS KIND OF SCENE PULLS THE CYNICISM OUT OF YOU, TONY? YEAH. [ LAUGHS ] [ LAUGHS ] MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, IT'S THE PRIVATE MOMENTS, THE QUIET ONES, IN BETWEEN SCENES, IN BETWEEN DESTINATIONS. YOU LOOK AT THESE MOUNTAINS, WITH THE MIST IN THE MORNING -- IT'S, YOU KNOW, IT'S MAGICAL. THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE IT. OUT THERE, MAYBE A BREAK IN THE ACTION, YOU TURN YOUR HEAD, YOU GLANCE OUT THE WINDOW, AND YOU ACTUALLY SEE. THE BACKGROUND COMES INTO FOCUS. THE REAL WORLD INTRUDES. THE STUFF YOU MISS, USUALLY LET PASS BY THE OTHER SIDE OF THE LENS OR THE WINDSHIELD -- THE WORLD YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET ON CAMERA, NEVER BE ABLE TO REALLY DESCRIBE TO ANYONE ELSE. YOU KNOW, THIS IS EVERYTHING THAT I'VE MISSED IN MY WHOLE LIFE, THAT I WOULD WALK BY WITHOUT NOTICING. AND IT REMINDS YOU HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO SEE AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN THIS. PLEASE, THANK HIM SO MUCH. I'M SO, SO, SO GRATEFUL. THIS WAS EASILY THE BEST SUSHI EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE AND AN UNFORGETTABLE PLEASURE. [ SPEAKS NATIVE LANGUAGE ]