Vice - The shocking life of a middle class girl - Parody

I think I was probably eleven or twelve. I just realised that I was... I was a different breed. I'm trying to think of a way to explain it. I think it's from my genes, obviously. There's something else. It's in me. Yo, Welcome to VICE. This week we're catching up with London's newest it-girl, Minnie Clemminsworth. Hi VICE, I'm Minnie Helena Clemminsowrth... ...and I'm a middle-class child. Bargain! There are a lot of lies and stereotypes about our mysterious lives. Of all my fixies, this is probably my fave. So I'm here to clear things up for you, ***! I'm feeling grime tings this morning. The other day I was in Soho with my friend, She was like, "Check your account" because, "like just in case, you know how you were saying about your Dad". And so, I checked my account. I was like, "What am I supposed to do with £1,000?" What if we want to go to Kensington later? What if I want to go out for a meal tomorrow? And I'm stuck here, in last year's Armani, When nobody likes Aramani anymore, and everyone's laughing at me, Seriously, F.M.L. I asked my parents for the iPhone 5S, and they said something about a contract, About my phone being on a contract. But seriously, look at this ***! I really like Black music like Macklemore... and Vanilla Ice. (Rapping) Yo! Yo! Bring me the ***! Ball so hard mother *** want to find me...! If my Dad has a good month then he brings in, I don't know, a mil, two mil? So this is my boyfriend, Barty... he's a model. Yeah so he's pretty much walked for everyone? Saint Laurent, Valentino... Viv-viv West! That was a good one! Er... Craig Green... Yah, the list is endless really... I really love the shapes and colours of this one... I love Banksy. (Interviewer) That's... not Banksy. Yah, my new dorm? I'm sharing it with that new girl. Awful... Oh, 'Die Welt'!... I'm very educated. So I walk into the dorm, and I see her the in the skankiest pair of knickers I have ever seen! And I was like... "Um. I've just been for a bath... and you're making me feel unclean." Oh my god! (Interviewer) Minnie, are you OK? Free toe rings at The Kooples when you spend £250 or more, going! Seriously get out of my face! I'm actually really street. I grew up in the grimy part of Kensington, like, I'm not even lying it was like the ghetto. I saw this documentary um.. about kids in Africa, And I just thought, "God, your parents are so selfish." Like, get a job! So this is my favourite chill out...I come here to chill all the time. I've been Minnie Helene Clemminsworth... you're welcome.