Jack Benny Program 26 Feb 56 Rochester Sleeps through Jack's Show

>>ANNOUNCE THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM... ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ >>JOE: OH OH, MR BENNY WILL BE THROUGH WITH HIS REHEARSAL I BETTER GET HIS MAKEUP READY. (TELEPHONE RINGS) >OE: OH FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES I CAN'T DO EVERYTHING! HELLO? YEAH THIS IS MR BENNY'S DRESSING ROOM...NO I'M SORRY YOU CAN'T TALK TO HIM NOW HE'S REHEARSING...YEAH HE'S REHEARSING...I SAID HE WAS REHEARSING...WHAT DO YOU THINK HE ADLIBS ALL THAT STUFF? (KNOCKING AT THE DOOR)■ >>DELIVERY MAN: TELEGRAM FOR MR BENNY. >>JOE: I'LL, I'LL TAKE IT BOY! DON'T GO AWAY I WANT TO GIVE YOU A TIP. WHERE'S MR BENNY'S PANTS? OH THERE THEY ARE. I SHOULD KNOW WHERE! LET'S SEE HERE YOU ARE A QUARTER! >>DELIVERY MAN: THANKS! >>JOE: SO LONG.■ >>JACK: BOY I'M TIRED! >>JOE: HOW WAS REHEARSAL MR BENNY? >>JACK: OH FINE, FINE. JOE GIVE ME MY PANTS WILL YOU PLEASE? >>JOE: YOU KNOW BEFORE A SHOW I GET SO NERVOUS, HERE! >>JACK: I WONDER IF I NEED A SHAVE? >>JOE: AH, HERE THEY ARE MR BENNY HERE'S YOUR PANTS. >>JACK: OH THANKS. NOW JOEY... >>JOE: YES SIR! >>JACK: AS I SAID...JOEY WHO TOOK A QUARTER OUT OF MY PANTS? HUH? >>JOE: I DID. I GAVE IT TO THE TELEGRAM BOY. THE TELEGRAM WAS FOR YOU SO NATURALLY I TIPPED HIM WITH YOUR MONEY. >>JACK: BUT A QUARTER WAS TOO MUCH! >>JOE: WELL HOW DID I KNOW YOU TIP BY WEIGHT? >>JACK: ALRIGHT JUST GO WILL YOU? >>JOE: ALRIGHT I'LL GO, YOU'RE SUCH A STINGY! >>JACK: HM, I WONDER WHO THIS WIRE'S FROM? DEAR MR BENNY I WANT TO THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR SENDING US YOUR ORCHESTRA. WE'RE HOLDING THEM OVER 2 MORE WEEKS. THE HAPPY VALLEY SANITARIUM. GEE 2 MORE WEEKS! I'LL HARDLY RECOGNIZE THE BOYS. EVERY TIME THEY DRY THEM OUT THEY COME BACK 2 INCHES SHORTER. OH WELL! (KNOCKING AT THE DOOR) >>JA: COME IN! HI MARY. >>MARY: HI! >>JACK: WELL WE'LL BE ON THE AIR PRETTY SOON. DO YOU LIKE YOUR PART? >>MARY: WELL MOST OF IT JACK BUT THERE'S SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT. >>JACK: WHAT IS IT? >>MARY: WELL YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN WORKING FOR YOU FOR A VERY LONG TIME AND I THINK WITHOUT A DOUBT YOU'RE ONE OF THE GREAT TALENTS OF THE AMERICAN THEATER. >>JACK: HMM. >>MARY: NOT ONLY ARE YOU SUAVE, DEBONAIR AND SOPHISTICATED, BUT YOU'RE ALSO VERSATILE IN DRAMATICS AND WITHOUT A DOUBT THE DEAN OF AMERICA COMEDY. >>JACK: OH WELL THANK YOU MARY. NOW WHAT IS IT YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT? >>MARY: THAT LINE. DON'T YOU THINK IT'S TOO LONG FOR MY OPENING SPEECH? >>JACK: FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES MARY I PUT THAT IN MYSELF JUST TO SHOW UP MY OTHER QUALITIES. I'M SICK AND TIRED OF MY WRITERS ALWAYS MAKING ME A CHEAP AND STINGY CHARACTER! >>MARY: JACK DON'T BLAME IT ON YOUR WRITERS YOU ARE PARSIMONIOUS AND YOU KNOW IT! >>JACK: PARSIMONIOUS WHAT'S THAT? >>MARY: IT'S A HIGH CLASS WORD MEANING OPEN UP YOUR WALLET AND LET THE SUN SHINE IN! >>JACK: MISS LIVINGSTONE IF YOU'RE INSINUATING WHAT I INK YOU ARE THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE JUST A LITTLE WHILE AGO WHEN THAT WESTERN UNION BOY CAME IN. WHAT DO YOU THINK I TIPPED HIM? >>MARY: AN OUNCE AND A HALF. >>JACK: HOW DID YOU KNOW? >>MARY: JOEY TOLD ME. >>JACK: THAT BLABBERMOUTH! HEY MARY DO ME A FAVOUR WILL YOU? >>MARY: SURE. >>JACK: PUT MY LINKS IN HERE, MY CUFFLINKS. >>MARY: OKAY! >>JACK: THANKS. (KNOCK AT THE DOOR) >>JACK: COME IN! >>BOB: HI'YA KIDS. >>MARY: HI BOB! >>JACK: HI COME ON IN. >>BOB: I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE SOME SOFT DRINKS.■ >>MARY: OH THANKS. >>JACK: THANKS BOB. >>BOB: SAY JACK COULD I BORROW YOUR POWDER? >>JACK: YEAH HERE, HERE YOU ARE BOB. RIGHT THERE. >>BOB: SAY JACK ABOUT THAT SONG THAT MARY AND I ARE GOING TO DO ON THE SHOW TODAY. HOW MUCH TIME ARE YOU GOING TO ALLOW US? >>JACK: OH ABOUT 2, 2 AND A HALF MINUTES. HAVE YOU GOT A GOOD ARRANGEMENT OF IT? >>BOB: THE BEST! MADE BY ONE OF THE BOYS AT THE HAPPY VALLEY. >>JACK: OH GOOD, GOOD. >>BOB: YEAH RIMLEY BROUGHT IT TO ME THIS MORNING. >>JACK: RIMLEY? RIMLEY'S OUT O■ THE SANITARIUM? I MEAN HOW DID HE GET OVER THE WALL? >>BOB: HE DIDN'T HAVE TO HE'S GOT A CORK SCREW THAT GOES RIGHT THROUGH CEMENT.■ >>JACK: NO KIDDING? >>BOB: ONE OF HIS KIDS GAVE IT TO HIM FOR FATHER'S DAY. >>JACK: RIMLEY MUST HAVE BEEN SURPRISED? >>BOB: YEAH HE DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD THAT KID. >>MARY: WELL HERE'S YOUR SHIRT JACK. >>JACK: OH THANKS MARY. >>MARY: YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THAT NUMBER THAT BOB AND I ARE GOING TO DO. >>JACK: HM MM? >>MARY: WELL I DON'T THINK I WANT TO BE IN IT. >>JACK: WHY NOT? >>MARY: WELL SINGING OUT IN FRONT OF SO MANY PEOPLE MAKES ME AWFULLY NERVOUS. >>JACK: OH FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES MARY! LOOK HOW MANY TIMES I WALK OUT ON THE STAGE WITH MY VIOLIN AND I'M CERTAINLY NO HIEFETZ OR ISAAC STERN OR AMISHA ELMOND. >>BOB: YOU CAN THROW SPADES COONEY IN THERE TOO. >>JACK: OH QUIET! LOOK MARY IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT THE SONG WHY DON'T YOU AND BOB RUN OVER IT RIGHT NOW? >>MARY: NOW? >>JACK: CERTAINLY, WE'VE GOT PLENTY OF TIME. AND LOOK BOB HERE'S THE WAY I'M GOING TO INTRODUCE HER YOU SEE, I'M GOING TO SAY AND NOW AND NOW LADIES AND GENTLEMEN MARY LIVINGSTONE IS GOING TO SING. AND WITH HER IS MY GUEST STAR THAT VERY CHARMING AND TALENTED AND POPULAR YOUNG MAN MR BOB CLARKE! (BOB SINGS) ♪♪ I LIKE NEW YORK♪ ♪♪ IN JUNE HOW ABOUT YOU? ♪♪■ ♪♪ I LIKE A GERSHWIN TUNE ♪♪ ♪♪ HOW ABOUT YOU? ♪♪ (MARY SINGS) ♪♪ I LIKE A ♪♪ ♪♪ FIRESIDE WHEN A STORM IS DUE♪ ♪♪ I LIKE POTATO CHIPS ♪♪ ♪♪ MOONLIGHT AND MOTOR TRIPS ♪ ♪♪ HOW ABOUT YOU? ♪♪ (BOB SINGS) ♪♪ I'M MAD ABOUT ♪ ♪♪ GOOD BOOKS CAN'T GET ♪♪ ♪♪ MY FILL THE WAY YOUNG LOVERS♪ ♪♪ LOOK GIVES ME A THRILL ♪♪ (SINGING TOGETHER) ♪♪ HOLDING HANDS IN A ♪♪ ♪♪ MOVIE SHOW WHEN ALL THE ♪♪ ♪♪ LIGHTS ARE LOW, MAY NOT ♪♪ ♪♪ BE NEW, BUT I LIKE IT ♪♪ ♪♪ HOW ABOUT YOU? ♪♪ (MARY SINGS) ♪♪ I'M FOND OF ♪♪ ♪♪ ARTICHOKES HOW ABOUT YOU? ♪ (BOB SINGS) ♪♪ JACK BENNY'S ♪♪ ♪♪ CORNY JOKES, HOW ABOUT YOU?■ (MARY SINGS) ♪♪ I LIKE TO ♪♪ ♪♪ WINDOW SHOP ON THE AVENUE ♪ ♪♪ I LIKE THE HUMAN RACE ♪♪ ♪♪ OPERA AND BOUILLABAISSE ♪♪ ♪♪ HOW ABOUT YOU? ♪♪ (BOB SINGS) ♪♪ I'D LIKE A PIZZA PIE ♪♪ (MARY SINGS) ♪♪ I'M HUNGRY TOO ♪♪ (BOB SINGS) ♪♪ I WONDER WHO WILL BUY? ♪♪ (JACK SINGS) ♪♪ I WISH I KNEW ♪ (BOB SINGS) ♪♪ LET'S BE FAIR ♪ (MARY SINGS) ♪♪ LET'S BE SOCIABLE ♪♪ (JACK SINGS) ♪♪ I'M NOT NEGOTIABLE ♪♪ (BOB SINGS) ♪♪ WE KNOW THAT'S TRUE ♪♪ (ALL SING) ♪♪ BUT WE LIKE IT ♪ ♪♪ HOW ABOUT YOU? ♪♪ >>BOB: I TOLD YOU MARY IT WAS GOING TO BE FINE. >>MARY: OH JACK. >>JACK: WELL WHAT WERE YOU WORRIED ABOUT? DIDN'T SHE DO SWELL? >>BOB: JUST WONDERFUL! WELL I'VE GOT TO GO AND CHANGE MY CLOTHES, SEE YOU ALL LATER. >>MARY: BYE BOB! >>JACK: OKAY BOB. MARY IT'LL BE A FEW MINUTES BEFORE THE SHOW WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN? >>MARY: OH OKAY. >>JACK: AND WE'LL RELAX A LITTLE. >>MARY: I HOPE THE SHOW IS GOOD YOU KNOW MOMMA WATCHES EVERY PROGRAM I'M ON. >>JACK: AND BY THE WAY MARY HOW'S YOUR MOTHER ENJOYING HER STAY IN... >>JOE: 10 MINUTES TO AIR TIME! 10 MINUTES TO AIR TIME! HURRY! 10 MINUTES TO AIR TIME! >>JACK: WE HAVEN'T GOT AS MUCH TIME AS I THOUGHT. WELL I BETTER GET MY TIE ON. >>MARY: GOSH I HOPE THAT SONG IS GOOD. YOU KNOW MOMMA'S MY SEVEREST CRITIC. >>JACK: WELL I'VE GOT A CRITIC TOO. YOU KNOW I ALWAYS RUSH HOME AS SOON AS THE SHOW IS OVER TO FIND OUT EXACTLY WHAT ROCHESTER THOUGHT OF IT. >>MARY: ROCHESTER? >>JACK: YUP AND BELIEVE ME HE'S A GOOD JUDGE OF MATERIAL TOO, I GO BY EVERYTHING HE SAYS. >>MARY: WELL JACK I'LL SEE YOU ON STAGE. >>JACK: OKAY MARY AND DON'T BE NERVOUS OR ANYTHING. >>MARY: I WON'T! >>JACK: GOSH I HOPE ROCHESTER LIKES THE SHOW. (RUMBLE OF VACUUM CLEANER) (THE DOORBELL RINGS) >>ROCHESTER: OH OH THERE'S THE DOOR! >>POLLY: THERE'S THE DOOR! THERE'S THE DOOR! THERE'S THE DOOR! >>ROCHESTER: COME IN! >>POLLY: COME IN! >>ROCHESTER: QUIET POLLY! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO REPEAT EVERYTHING YOU HEAR? OH HELLO ROY. >>ROY: HI ROCHESTER. >>ROCHESTER: I'M JUST STRAIGHTENING UP A LITTLE BIT DO YOU WANT TO GIVE ME A HAND? >>ROY: OH I DON'T MIND. >>ROCHESTER: ALRIGHT I'VE GOT TO MOVE THIS COUCH BACK HERE! >>ROY: YEAH I JUST DROPPED IN TO SEE IF YOU'RE STILL GOING ON OUR LITTLE CAMPING TRIP TOMORROW. >>ROCHESTER: I SURE AM! YOU KNOW IT ISN'T VERY OFTEN THAT I GET 2 DAYS OFF AND I WOULDN'T MISS IT. WHERE ARE WE GOING? >>ROY: OH I'VE GOT A LITTLE CABIN UP IN THE HIGH SIERRAS. IT ISN'T MUCH WE'LL ONLY HAVE COLD WATER, HAVE TO CHOP A LOT OF WOOD TO KEEP WARM, BUT WE'LL HAVE A LOT OF FUN. >>ROCHESTER: SOUNDS GOOD TO ME. OH PARDON ME I'VE GOT TO PUT THIS THING AWAY. >>POLLY: OH PUT IT AWAY, PUT IT AWAY! >>ROY: ROCHESTER WHAT KIND OF KIND OF GADGET IS THIS? >>ROCHESTER: OH A LITTLE SECRET OF MINE. I HAD IT MADE AT SAM'S BICYCLE SHOP. I CAN CLEAN THE WHOLE HOUSE IN 20 MINUTES. >>ROY: ONLY 20 MINUTES? WHAT DO YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME? >>ROCHESTER: WHAT DID YOU SAY? >>ROY: I SAID WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR SPARE TIME? >>ROCHESTER: ROY WHERE MR BENNY IS CONCERNED THE WORD SPARE ONLY PERTAINS TO BOWLING. >>ROY: WELL I GOTTA BE RUNNING ALONG NOW. I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING AND DON'T BE LATE! >>ROCHESTER: OH DON'T WORRY I'M GONNA PACK TONIGHT. >>ROY: AH GOOD, GOOD. >>ROCHESTER: AH, SAY ROY HOW MUCH FOOD SHOULD WE TAKE ALONG WITH US? >>ROY: OH WE'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE ANY FOOD. THERE'S A LOT OF GAME UP THERE IF GET HUNGRY WE'LL TAKE OUR GUNS AND GO OUT■ ■ >>ROCHESTER: SURE SOUNDS EXCITING! WELL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING. >>ROY: SO LONG ROCHESTER. >>ROCHESTER:(CHUCKLING) IF MR BENNY KNEW I COULD CLEAN THIS HOUSE IN 20 MINUTES HE'D REALLY LOAD ME DOWN WITH WORK. >>POLLY: SAM'S BICYCLE SHOP, SAM'S BICYCLE SHOP. >>ROCHESTER: POLLY IF YOU REPEAT ONE WORD OF THIS IN FRONT OF MR BENNY I'M GONG TO TAKE A PAIR OF TWEEZERS AND PLUCK YOUR EYEBROWS ALL THE WAY DOWN. NOW REMEMBER THAT... OH LOOK WHAT TIME IT IS! IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR MR BENNY'S TELEVISION SHOW. I BETTER GET SET TO WATCH IT. >>POLLY: TURN IT ON! TURN IT ON! >>ROCHESTER: I WILL, I WILL! >>POLLY: SAM'S BICYCLE SHOP. >>ROCHESTER: POLLY FORGET ABOUT THAT! ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ >>ANNOUNCER: THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM... >>JACK: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU AND GOOD EVENING! >>ON THE TV: WHICH WAY DID THEY GO SHERIFF? THEY WENT THAT A WAY! (SHOTGUNS FIRING) >>ROCHESTER: OH MY GOODNESS I FELL ASLEEP AND MISSED THE WHOLE SHOW, THIS IS AWFUL! IF MR BENNY EVER FINDS OUT THAT I FELL ASLEEP DURING HIS PROGRAM HE'LL PUT ME IN IRONS AND HANG ME FROM THE HIGHEST YARD ARM. BOY HOW HE HAMS IT UP. MR CHRISTIAN YEAH! BOY I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN! WELL I BETTER TIDY UP THIS ROOM. >>POLLY: HELLO AGAIN THIS IS JACK BENNY! >>ROCHESTER: POLLY YOU HEARD WHAT THEY SAID ON MR BENNY'S SHOW AND YOU CAN HELP ME OUT OF A SPOT. TELL ME WHAT DID THEY SAY ON MR BENNY'S SHOW? TELL ME WHAT DID THEY TALK ABOUT? YOU KNOW YOU ALWAYS REPEAT EVERYTHING YOU HEAR. NOW TELL ME WHAT DID THEY TALK ABOUT ON MR BENNY'S SHOW? >>POLLY: AND NOW FOR OUR GUEST STAR TONIGHT... >>ROCHESTER: YEAH THAT'S IT? NOW WHO WAS IT POLLY? WHO WAS IT? >>POLLY: THE CHARMING AND TALENTED... >>ROCHESTER: THE CHARMING AND TALENTED? >>POLLY: AND THAT POPULAR... >>ROCHESTER: AND THAT POPULAR? THAT, POLLY WHO WAS IT? >>POLLY: POPULAR... >>ROCHESTER: POLLY THAT POPULAR WHO? >>POLLY: SAM'S BICYCLE SHOP. >>ROCHESTER: OH, OH THERE'S MR BENNY I BETTER HURRY AND GET THIS ROOM STRAIGHTENED UP! >>JACK: HELLO ROCHESTER? WHAT DID YOU THINK OF MY SHOW? >>ROCHESTER: WELL... >>JACK: WELL WHAT? >>ROCHESTER: WELL WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO FIX YOU A SANDWICH? >>JACK: NO, NO THANKS. >>ROCHESTER: I'VE GOT SOME LOVELY HAM. >>JACK: NO, NO I DON'T WANT A SANDWICH ROCHESTER. NOW TELL ME WHAT DID YOU THINK OF MY SHOW I MEAN DID YOU FIND IT ENTERTAINING? >>ROCHESTER: WELL... >>JACK: I MEAN DID IT HOLD YOU? >>ROCHESTER: HOLD ME? BOSS I DIDN'T MOVE OUT OF THAT CHAIR. >>JACK: OH! >>ROCHESTER: I'M GOING TO GO FIX YOU THAT SANDWICH! >>JACK: ROCHESTER COME BACK HERE! NOW LOOK THIS IS IMPORTANT YOU SEE I CAN'T IMPROVE MY SHOWS UNLESS I GET AN HONEST OPINION. NOW TELL ME THE TRUTH ROCHESTER DID YOU REALLY LIKE IT? >>ROCHESTER: BOSS WHILE YOUR WAS ON I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING I DIDN'T LIKE. >>JACK: HONEST? >>ROCHESTER: THAT'S ABOUT AS HONEST AS I CAN MAKE IT. >>JACK: OKAY THANKS! HELLO POLLY! NOW ROCHESTER NOW YOU SEE YOU'VE GIVE ME AN OVERALL OPINION OF THE SHOW BUT WHICH PART DO YOU SAY YOU LIKED BEST. WHICH PART OF THE SHOW? >>ROCHESTER: WELL I ESPECIALLY LIKED THE WAY YOU INTRODUCED YOUR GUEST STAR! >>JACK: HM MM! >>ROCHESTER: THAT TALENTED, THAT CHARMING, THAT POPULAR... THAT WAS CLASS BOSS REAL CLASS! >>JACK: YEAH, YEAH! >>ROCHESTER: NOW SHALL I FIX YOU THAT SANDWICH? >>JACK: YES! >>ROCHESTER: OH HERE'S TODAY'S PAPER. >>JACK: THANKS. (SINGS) ♪♪ I LIKE NEW YORK IN ♪♪ ♪♪ JUNE HOW ABOUT YOU? ♪♪ GEE THAT'S A NICE SONG! I'M SURE GLAD WE HAD IT ON OUR PROGRAM TODAY. ♪♪ I LIKE A GERSHWIN TUNE ♪♪ ♪♪ HOW ABOUT YOU? ♪♪ (JACK HUMS) >>ROCHESTER: BOSS THAT SONG YOUR HUMMING IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITES! >>JACK: IT IS? >>ROCHESTER: AH HAH! BUT I HAVEN'T HEARD IT IN A LONG TIME■ >>JACK: WELL, ROCHESTER YOU SAID YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THAT SONG FOR■ A LONG TIME? >>ROCHESTER: NOT FOR AT LEAST 3 OR 4 WEEKS. >>JACK: HMMMMMM! >>ROCHESTER:(HUMS THE SONG) >>JACK: ROCHESTER YOU DIDN'T WATCH MY TELEVISION SHOW TODAY DID YOU? >>ROCHESTER: WELL... >>JACK: ANSWER ME! DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT WATCH MY TELEVISION SHOW? ROCHESTER! >>ROCHESTER: WELL YOU SEE BOSS IT WAS THIS WAY... >>JACK: I DON'T CARE WHICH WAY IT WAS! WHAT WERE YOU DOING WHEN MY SHOW WAS ON? >>POLLY:(SNORES) >>JACK: OH SO THAT'S IT THANKS POLLY! YOU WERE ASLEEP WEREN'T YOU? >>ROCHESTER: WELL BOSS I TURNED ON THE SET AND THEN I MADE MYSELF SO COMFORTABLE I FELL ASLEEP. >>JACK: LOOK ROCHESTER IF YOU MUST SLEEP DURING A TELEVISION SHOW WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE MINE? WHY DON'T YOU SLEEP WHEN, WHEN BOB HOPE IS ON? >>ROCHESTER: WELL I TRIED THAT BUT THE LAUGHS KEPT WAKING ME UP! >>JACK: OH THE LAUGHS KEPT WAKING YOU UP? BUT DURING MY PROGRAM? >>ROCHESTER: SLEPT LIKE A BABY! >>JACK: THAT'S IT! IMAGINE MISSING MY PROGRAM? THE ONE PERSON I DEPENDED ON! >>ROCHESTER: BUT BOSS! >>JACK: DON'T BUT BOSS ME! THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR MISSING MY SHOW ROCHESTER! >>ROCHESTER: CAN I GET YOU SOME COFFEE? >>JACK: I DON'T WANT ANY COFFEE! YOU CAN GO TO YOUR ROOM! >>ROCHESTER: BUT I GOTTA START FIXING DINNER. >>JACK: I'LL PREPARE MY OWN DINNER AND AS FOR YOU, YOU CAN STAY IN YOUR ROOM WITHOUT DINNER! NOW GO! >>ROCHESTER: BUT BOSS! >>JACK: GO! (THE TELEPHONE RINGS) >>JACK: HELLO! >>MARY: HELLO JACK THIS IS MARY. >>JACK: OH HELLO MARY! >>MARY: JACK I JUST HAD TO CALL YOU, YOU KNOW THE FUNNIEST THING HAPPENED. >>JACK: WHAT? >>MARY: WELL YOU KNOW HOW ANXIOUS I WAS TO FIND OUT HOW MOMMA LIKE THE SHOW? >>JACK: YES! >>MARY: WELL WHEN I GOT HOME I FOUND SHE FELL FAST ASLEEP AND MISSED THE WHOLE THING. >>JACK: WHAT? >>MARY: ISN'T THAT FUNNY? >>JACK: FUNNY? I DON'T THINK IT'S FUNNY. >>MARY: OH JACK YOU'RE, YOU'RE JUST AN OLD, OLD FUDDY DUDDY! >>JACK: FUDDY DUDDY? >>MARY: WELL JACK I'VE GOT TO GO NOW, I HAVE TO FIX SOME LAMB CHOPS FOR MOMMA. >>JACK: WHAT YOU MEAN YOUR MOTHER MISSED THE PROGRAM AND YOU'RE NOT SENDING HER TO HER ROOM WITHOUT HER DINNER? >>MARY: I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT BUT I'VE GOT TO GO NOW, BYE! >>JACK: GOODBYE.■ >>MARY'S VOICE: YOU'RE A FUDDY DUDDY! FUDDY DUDDY! FUDDY DUDDY! FUDDY DUDDY! FUDDY DUDDY! >>JACK: A BLUE EYED FUDDY DUDDY! WELL MAYBE MARY WAS RIGHT, IT'S FUNNY AT THAT. FALLING ASLEEP AND MISSING THE PROGRAM. >>ROCHESTER: I DON'T THINK THE BOSS WILL BE MAD AT ME VERY LONG, BY THE TIME I GET BACK FROM ROY'S CABIN HE'LL BE ALL OVER IT. >>JACK: I DON'T KNOW WHY I GOT SO UPSET AT ROCHESTER, I'M GOING TO HIS ROOM AND TELL HIM TO FORGET IT. ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ >>JACK: ROCHESTER, I JUST THOUGHT THE WHOLE THING OVER AND IT'S, IT'S...ROCHESTER WHAT A■RE YOU DOING? >>ROCHESTER: I'M PACKING. >>JACK: PACKING? >>ROCHESTER: YEAH I'M LEAVING IN THE MORNING. >>JACK: LOOK ROCHESTER IF I SAID ANYTHING TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS I'M TERRIBLE SORRY. I MEAN, CAN I HELP IF IF I'M AN OLD FUDDY DUDDY? IT ISN'T SO TERRIBLE THAT YOU, THAT YOU FELL ASLEEP DURING MY PROGRAM. GEE I FELL ASLEEP ONCE AND I WAS ON IT! LOOK ROCHESTER AFTER ALL THESE YEARS DON'T LEAVE ME. I MEAN DON'T WALK OUT. >>ROCHESTER: WALK OUT? >>JACK: ROCHESTER LOOK IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO YOU I'D NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF. I MEAN ROCHESTER LOOK WHAT, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? I MEAN WHERE WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO DO? >>ROCHESTER: OH I DON'T KNOW I'LL JUST WANDER AROUND AND PROBABLY END UP AT SOME CABIN IN THE MOUNTAINS. >>JACK: MOUNTAINS? BUT ROCHESTER IT'LL BE COLD UP THERE IT MIGHT EVEN BE SNOWING! >>ROCHESTER: I KNOW, AND I'LL PROBABLY HAVE TO CHOP WOOD TO KEEP WARM, THERE WON'T BE ANYTHING BUT COLD WATER. >>JACK: WELL WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO EAT? >>ROCHESTER: DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME! I'LL TAKE MY GUN ALONG AND IF I GET REAL HUNGRY I'LL SHOOT SOMETHING. >>JACK: ROCHESTER I, I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I DID AND BELIEVE ME I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU. I'LL GIVE YOU EXTRA VACATIONS, I'LL GIVE YOU A LABOUR DAY OFF WITH PAY. I'LL EVEN PUT A WINDOW IN YOUR ROOM. AND ROCHESTER YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I'M GOING TO DO? YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO I'M GOING RIGHT IN THE KITCHEN NOW AND MAKE YOU A NICE, BIG DINNER. WELL, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE? >>ROCHESTER: WELL I AM KIND OF HUNGRY! >>JACK: OF COURSE YOU ARE! I'LL FIX YOU A NICE BIG STEAK WITH MASHED POTATOES AND GRAVY AND HOT BISCUITS AND EVERYTHING. OH YOU JUST WAIT RIGHT HERE, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK! NOW WAIT UNTIL YOU TASTE THAT STEAK IT'S DELICIOUS. >>ROCHESTER: IT LOOKS GOOD! (TELEPHONE RINGS) >>JACK: I'LL GET IT! I'LL GET IT! HELLO. ROCHESTER IT'S FOR YOU! >>ROCHESTER: AH JUST TAKE A MESSAGE PLEASE. >>JACK: AH I'LL TAKE A MESSAGE, YES ROY... YES.. MM HM.. HM.. YES, YES, YES HE'S ALL PACKED. YES HE'S GOING TO LEAVE WITH YOU IN THE MORNING. HM MM! YEAH GOODBYE ROY. ■ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪