What I Like About You S3E18 - English Transcript

- Hey. - Hi. What are you doing? Ordering tickets. I'm taking Tina, Ben, and Gary to the new Colin Farrell movie. You're paying for them again? That's pathetic. Well, technically, you're pathetic. I'm using your credit card. But, you know, you should be thrilled. My first idea was to take them to spring break in Mexico. Holly, your friends are going to like you whether or not you keep buying them stuff with my money. Yeah, but I want them to like me more than they like Vince. They've got to, Val. They've just got to! Today he took them to the park. I've got to do better than that. I've got to do better. Okay. This little custody battle that you and Vince are having over your friends is really ridiculous, all right? So I think you need to just talk to Vince -- - Unh-unh-unh. - I'm just saying -- Unh! You forgave Tina. Yeah, but it's just more complicated with Vince. I mean, we might still have feelings for each other, but then he slept with her and lied to me about it. Tina's just my slutty friend. - Hey! - Hi, guys. Hey, we were just talking about you. So, how was the park? Lame, cold, cheap? Yeah, actually, we didn't go to the park. Vince took us to see the new Colin Farrell movie. Oh, my God, he knew that I was gonna take you to see that. Do you see how he's trying to buy your love? And by the way, we used to make out, so you should be on my side, mister. Holly, there are no sides. This is not a competition. Hey, hey, what are you doing? No drinks before dinner. Vince lets us drink sodas before dinner. Here you go, honey. You know what? You're right. I shouldn't make you guys choose between us. So I'm just going to be the bigger person. How about after dinner, I take you bowling? Vince never took you bowling, right? Not since Thursday. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay, well, Vince never took you bowling in Mexico! - What? - What? Yeah, spring break in Mexico. I'm taking you! How can you afford to take all of us to Mexico? Well, my company has a corporate deal in Cancún. And with all the stuff I've been buying for you on Val's credit card -- frequent flyer miles! So who's your favorite now? - Holly! - Holly! - Holly! I didn't hear you - Holly! - Holly! - Holly! Vince, our friends have a message for you. Who's your favorite? - Holly! - Holly! - Holly! Oh. Well, when Vince gets back from his lunch break, will you please tell him that? Thanks. What I like about you You really know how to dance When you go up, down, jump around Talk about true romance Yeah Keep on whispering in my ear Tell me all the things that I wanna hear 'Cause it's true What I like That's what I like about you What I like That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about you What I like about you That's what I like about Hey Uh-huh Uh-huh That's what I like about you Hey, Ben! What the hell's up with the banana hammock? Yeah It's for my holiday. Where are you going on vacation, the YMCA? No, the chap who cuts my hair says they're all the rage in Mexico. Yeah, so is diarrhea. [ knocking on door ] Who's your favorite? That's where you say, "Holly!" I can't believe you're taking them to Mexico the entire weekend. You knew I was taking them to the Knicks game on Sunday. Sunday is my day. Yeah, well, yesterday was my day, and you took 'em to see my Colin Farrell movie. Oh, and thanks, by the way, for getting 'em all hopped up on sugar and then dropping them off at my door. Gary was up all night. Hey, I tried to be friends. You're the one that's turning this into a tug-of-war. You are. Oh, no, they're fighting again. Oh, great, great, great. Now you've got them all upset. Don't worry, sweetie. I'm gonna take you to a place where it's sunny and there are plenty of girls in small bikinis. Yeah, I feel better. Yes, you do. Okay, come on now. Let's go downstairs. Tina's in the cab waiting. Let's hustle. I'll meet you down there. When I get back, we're gonna have to discuss who's getting them for Easter. Is that how you fill the napkin holder? Uh, yeah, when I'm checking out the guy at table 3. Sono wedding ring, no tan line from a wedding ring Yuck, he reads. He's all yours. I don't want him. Why? He's perfectly good, and think about the beautiful boring babies you'll have. Lauren, I told you, I am not ready to date. What is so terrible about a woman not having a man in her life? Uh, I don't know. Why don't we ask the dust bunnies in my uterus? Now take it and shake it. Here you go. One vanilla cupcake. Oh. "The Great Gatsby. " That's my favorite book. It still kills me that he didn't end up with Daisy. The end. Oh, God, I'm sorry. I hate that. I just ruined the book for you. Someone once told me that Bruce Willis was already dead in "The Sixth Sense. " You haven't seen "The Sixth Sense" yet, have you? You know, in case you want to burst any more bubbles, I already know Darth Vader was Luke Skywalker's father. Hey, looks like I ruined one for you, so we're even. If you need anything else ruined, I'll be behind the counter. Well, it's just as well to be honest. I don't need to read any more sad endings. I'm living one. I just got out of a really bad relationship. Really? Me too. If it makes you feel any better, I can assure you, with time, it getsworse. Great. So you want to go jump off a bridge together then? Are you asking me out? Yeah, but let's do a movie instead. I mean, if we do the bridge thing, there won't be a second date. Second date? That is very funny. He's cute, and a sense of humor? Oh, my God, if you didn't read, I would be so all over you. [ Girls ]: Spring break! Oh, my damn! Spring break? Spring break? Come on now, y'all, spring break! Spring break! Nothing looks broke to me, brown sugar. Buy you a drink? I'm quite all right, thank you. Margarita, no salt? All right. A free drink's a free drink, brown sugar. Okay, so let's find a nice place to lay out and forget about these few horrible weeks. Ooh, what about next to that guy? He's totally my type. Ahem, excuse me? Are these chairs taken? Oh, my God. Is this the Cancún you were talking about? Hello. Hello! Does anybody work here? Yeah, I know. The help here sucks. Oh, my gosh. Hey, Val, you missed a real rush. So, how was your date with Chris? Have you ever been on one of those dates that is just perfection? Oh, so you guys did it in your car? Lauren, I don't even drink fruit punch in my car. But Chris -- he's so smart, and he's funny. He took me to the Angelica, and we saw that World War II documentary. Oh, my God, yes, I saw that last week. Ha ha ha ha! I'm sorry. Yeah, I couldn't pull that one off with a straight face. So you were boring -- saying? Well, maybe this will keep you up. Just as the Nazis were invading Poland, we started making out like a couple of teenagers. So I'm guessing there's gonna be a second date. Uh-huh. Tonight. Guess where he's taking me. To the Holocaust museum so he can cop a feel? Silly. To the Plaza Hotel for dinner and dancing. Oh, my God. You're seeing each other twice in the same day? Do you realize what you're doing? What? You're dating. Oh, my God, I am. Wow. After the whole Rick thing, I thought it would never happen again, but it did. And I made out! Whoa, are you sure you don't want to put on some sunscreen, dude? Oh, no thanks, I don't need it. I have a nice base tan. Really, huh. Because Nasa just called and said they could see your white *** from outer space. So, tell me, mate, why'd you really come down here? Sunday is my day to see you guys. Oh, shut up, man. You just came all the way down here - to *** off Holly. - If you let me finish I thought you wanted to be friends with her. I do, but we can't be friends until we have it out and clear the air. And you couldn't do this in New York? I wanted to get a little tan while doing it. What's with the questions? God. I cannot believe that he came down here. I just want to walk over there and rip every hair off his smug little chest. No, that's exactly what he wants you to do. - He wants to get a reaction. - Well, he's gonna get one. Wait, stop. Okay, what does my mother do? Criticizes you and makes you feel like you're nothing. For a living. She's a shrink. Vince is just trying to get you all mad so that you'll go over there and talk to him. I know these things. I listen in on her phone sessions. Watch and learn, my friends, "The Art of the ***-Off. " Looks like somebody lost a ball. Let's pray it's not you. It's not, it's not. Look at him, trying to get me all angry. Well, too bad. It ain't working. I am so peaceful, Tina, I'm like Buddha. Only I'm tanner and not from India. Or China or whatever town he's from. The point is, I am at peace with myself and the world. It's all good -- aah! What is your problem?! Sorry. It was an accident. Ohwas it? Of course it was. What do you think, I did that on purpose? Okay, looks like you two are kind of causing a scene here, and I can't get involved with the Mexican police again, so see ya. Vince, it's cold in here. You're certainly pointing that out, sweetie. So it bugs you I'm with a girl. No, it doesn't bug me that you're with a stupid girl. I just don't like balls hitting me in the face. What is your problem? What's my problem? What's your problem? I'm so sick of this, Holly. Why can't we just discuss this like two adults? Because you're a big fat baby, and I hate you. Oh, do you? Yes, I hate you so big. Look at you. You've only been here two minutes, and you already hooked up with Cancún Barbie and her Mexican dream pool. Why do you care? You and I are not together. We weren't together when Tina and I Had sex? Go ahead, say it. Had sex! Great. Now everybody in Mexico knows. Hey, uh, you want his ball? And you had a boyfriend at the time, so what's the big problem? The big problem is, you looked me right in the face and you lied to me. So did Tina and you forgave her. What's the difference? The difference is, I thought that maybe there would be a time when you and I would -- you know what? Forget it. I was right. Not only can we not have a relationship again, we can never be friends again. Well, on the bright side, looks like we'll have two Christmases. How do I look -- too ***? No. Just *** enough. Oh, God, I feel like I'm gonna throw up. I'm so out of date practice. Yeah, but you guys already went to the movies. But you don't have to do anything at a movie. Tonight I have to talk and be funny -- you know, small talk. I don't have any more small talk in me. Okay, you -- this morning, you went on for 20 minutes about a dime you found on the subway. Oh, yeah, I can tell him the dime story. Yeah, um, sweetie, the only way that story is interesting is if you hold the dime in your cleavage. [ gasps ] Holy crap. Your boyfriend got you a limo! A limo? Ooh, I love limos! Although, the last time I was in one was when my wedding was called off. Okay, remember, talk with your ***. - Hey. - Hi. Oh, thank God, I almost wore that same dress. Ha ha ha ha! No, seriously, you look beautiful. I feel like I won the lottery. See, today, I found a dime on the subway. Well, shall we? - Okay. - Ladies first. Wow, who would've thought a smart guy would have such a cute ***? Uh, yeah. Chris, who are all these people? My buddies. But why are they going with us? [ All ]: Prom night! Prom night? Yeah. Oh, I almost forgot. Here's your corsage. Dude, you totally just touched her ***. - Right? - Yes! Oh, Holly, you're not looking so hot. I think it's food poisoning. The only part of me that doesn't hurt is my hair. I told you not to eat lobster in a restaurant that was shaped like a lobster. [ knock on door ] That must be Vince and Amy. Are you sure you don't mind if we go to the Shins concert with them? Yes, go. I'll take you to a better concert tomorrow. Well, well, well. Gary told me about the fabulous lobster dinner you took everyone to. Looks like someone got their just desserts. No dessert talk. Really? You don't want to talk about a warm, gooey custard? Or how about a fried egg when the yolk's all runny and -- Vince, would you do me a favor? Kick yourself in the ***. I can't do that. But I can do this. This good? Huh? Stop it, please! You guys ready? Holly, I'm staying here with you. Ben, no. You're so sweet, but I want you to go and have a good time. Okay, but if you need anything, just call me, and I'll come right back, okay? Oh, Ben, you're such a good guy. Come here. Now she wants me. Nice one. There it is. Bye, Holly. See you when we get back. Feel better, sweetie. Have a nice time. [ Holly groaning ] [ groaning ] [ door opens ] Ben, I told you to go. I know, we're supposed to be hating each other, but I couldn't leave you here all by yourself. What about Cancún Boobie doll? You know, she's not that smart. I told Gary to tell her he was me. Need anything? Water? Aspirin? A bucket? Just stay here with me. Okay, you know what? Maybe a bucket. Okay. Oh, God, you poor thing. It's like the whole city has a cold. But don't you worry. This tea will unclog those nasal passages in no time. Who's clogged? Hey, what are you doing back so early? Oh, well, it turns out my date took me to The Plaza Hotel for dinner and dancing at his high school prom. Chris is in high school? Is he at least a senior? Ha! Wow. He is a very mature 18. His friends called him "Booger. " Ladies, if you want my advice -- and eventually everybody does -- you have to meet somebody who's closer in age to you, someone that you can have things in common with, someone you can talk to. Ooh, like that beautiful man tower? Oh, no. He's all wrong. Hey, babe. Wrong for you. This is your boyfriend? Actually, it's more than that. We're soul mates. What happened to "somebody you can talk to"? We talk all the time. Yeah, we talked this morning. Twice. [ Both ]: Wow. Very impressive. Mm-hmm. You think it's her voice? I don't know, you wanna go back to that prom and try it out? Come on. [ both imitate laugh ] [ laughing louder ] That's good. - Hey. - Hi. Where is everybody? They went to the beach. You've been out for like 14 hours. Are you kidding me? You know you talk in your sleep? Who's Ricky? Martin. Please don't tell anybody I still like him. So you stayed with me the whole night? Wow. How sweet am I? Huh? I'm sorry I was so *** you these past few weeks, but I was just so hurt. I know. I know. But I don't want to play these games anymore. I miss you. I miss hanging out with you. I miss fighting with you. I miss that, too. Okay, good. So can we please go back to just being friends? I'd like that. But I can't. What? Holly Holly, all I've wanted for these past few weeks is for you and I to be friends again. But as I sat there watching you sleep, I realized I don't want to be sitting next to you. I want to be lying next to you. Holly, I'm in love with you. And this This isn't good enough. I can't go back to being just friends. Okay, Vince, you're kidding, right? I'm sorry, Holly. I -- I can't do it.