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And now ladies and gentlemen...
...before we actually begin...
...the humorous portion of tonight's show...
...I wonder if we might just have...
...a moment of silence...
...for the forty-three elderly, mentally retarded...
Bolivian senior citizen volleyball fans...
...who lost their lives this morning...
...in a roller coaster accident...
...just outside of Lapaz, Bolivia.
Apparently they all stood up on a turn...
...and went flying off...
...into the cool, crisp morning Lapaz air...
...and, being heavier than air...
...landed in the funhouse.
So I thought it might be appropriate for us tonight...
...as I say, to have just a moment of silence...
...for the forty-three elderly, mentally retarded...
...Bolivian senior citizen volleyball fans...
...who went...
...off a God damn roller coaster...
...into the God damn funhouse.
And in case you think this is a moment of humor...
...a time to be joking...
...a time to be poking your neighbor in the ribs...
...I ask you to please put yourself in a Bolivian's place.
In fact, put yourself in your own place.
Put that place into Bolivia for just a moment.
Think of yourself visiting Bolivia...
...watching a Bolivian comedian...
...in a Bolivian theatre...
...and he says that some mentally retarded...
...American volleyball fans...
...were tossed out of a roller coaster...
...and he wants a moment of silence...
...and your sitting next to some Bolivian jack off...
...whose giggling through his nose...
...might I say you'd be highly pissed?
Might I add, rightly so.
So ladies and gentlemen please let us consider...
...the many grieving Bolivian's...
...in our audience tonight...
...and let's check that very normal human impulse...
...to laugh quite a bit when another person dies.
And let us observe a moment of silence...
...for the forty-three elderly...
...mentally retarded...
...Bolivian senior citizens...
...volleyball fans.
Not to mention...
...the poor unsuspecting *** in the funhouse.
Well I can see this isn't going to work.
But that's all right... that's all right...
...because I don't know what to do...
...during a moment of silence either.
I don't know what to do...
...during a moment of silence.
What do you do during a moment of silence?
What do they want?
What do they expect of me?
Do they want me to pray? They don't say that.
If they want me to prayer *** em', let them ask.
I'll pray but *** it you got to ask me.
They don't say that, they issue no instructions whatsoever.
You go to the baseball game, you go to the football stadium and they'll say...
"Ladies and gentlemen...
...we'd like...
...a moment...
...silence."
I don't know what to do.
Sometimes I have evil thoughts.
Usually I wind up counting the pimples...
...on the neck of the man in front of me.
