Jewish Guide to Shiva Practices And Helping Your Friend in Mourning

A simple, short guide to what to expect at a Jewish shiva, and how to support a friend in mourning. Watch this video and feel better prepared. ****** Want More? --------- How to Make a Shiva Call - ****** An Interfaith Guide to Death & Mourning - ****** Lighting a Shiva Candle, Sample Ritual - ****** Animation Director: Jeanne Stern - ****** Animator: Peter Kachtik - ****** Background Artist: Tammy Chang - ****** Writers --------- Sarah Lefton Liz Nord Jeremy Shuback Narrators --------- Brett Vanderbrook Julie Bernstein Klein Dan Schifrin Jeremy Shuback Sarah Lefton Producer: Sarah Lefton Director: Jeremy Shuback Audience Outreach: Lisa Finkelstein Music: Ben Bromfield - ****** Recording Studio: Faultline Studios Sound Mixing, Editing, and Motion Graphics: Jeremy Shuback Educational Advisers --------- Camille Angel Rachel Brodie Mychal Copeland Mark Hurvitz Stu Kelman Chai Levy Marilyn Wacks David Zinner Thanks to --------- Barbara Barza Mayana Bonapart Danielle Foreman Rachel Levinson Russel Neiss Emily Savage Oren Stevens Lesley Wynn Additional Thank You --------- Blaire Brown Roni Handler Deborah Kolben Aaron Mandel Matt Savage Ilana Sichel Lindsey Silken Leah Yamshon David Zeeman Special Thank You --------- Matthue Roth Produced by G-dcast – ****** G-dcast: Meaningful Jewish Screen Time Feel awkward about your Jewish knowledge? G-dcast has you covered. Videos, apps and interactive experiences for everyone. Subscribe to G-dcast: ****** © G-dcast 2014 The Lifecycles Project was made possible with generous support from The Koret Foundation, as part of their Initiative on Jewish Peoplehood. ******

Jewish mourning customs are specifically designed to make sure that the mourner has time and space to grieve - away from their daily routine, and to help you, their friend, make sure that they are comforted and sustained. Often while a Jewish mourner is at the funeral, community members are preparing a space--usually a family home--for the period known as shiva. The mourners stay inside to reflect on the life of the person who died, receive visitors, pray, and grieve. Mourners are not expected to entertain; rather the opposite, the community provides meals and a comforting presence for the mourners during this period. Don’t wait for an invitation. It is an important mitzvah to visit your friend at the shiva home after they’ve lost their loved one. You may witness some customs that seem unusual, such as the covering of mirrors, the mourners sitting low to the floor, a tear in their clothing, or the burning of a seven day candle. Any questions? When do I visit? Shiva is traditionally observed for one week following the death. If the family hasn’t announced or publicized a list of visit times, call the funeral home or synagogue or give a call over to the house before stopping by. What should I bring? Find out if there is a coordinated effort of meals being prepared for the family that you can participate in. Otherwise, a basket of fresh, uncut fruit is a thoughtful and practical addition to any shiva home. What should I say? You don’t have to say anything. It’s enough to be present. Let the mourner set both the pace and tone of the conversation. Once the mourner speaks to you, you can offer condolences and, if it feels right, share memories of the deceased. Elements of the Jewish mourning process continue beyond the seven days of shiva—thirty days for most mourners and eleven months for those who have lost a parent— with annual remembrances observed on the anniversary of the loss. It is important for you to be supportive of your friend and help keep the memory of their loved one alive for the years to come. Some ways to do this are by making a charitable donation in the name of the deceased to a cause important to you or to them, contacting your friend near holiday times when they might especially be thinking of family, or attending synagogue with them for the anniversary of their loved one’s death.