The Guild Raids The Game; Tink The Barracuda - The guild season 6 ep. 4 - Raid timez

CODEX: And just when it seems like I've figured out how to deal with Floyd, kind of found my place at The Game, the guild shows up. All of them. Why did I tell them about the product test server? That's like telling Justin Bieber fans, uh, something about Justin Bieber stuff. My situation at Game HQ is not 100%, so I can't have the guild show up like they're raiding an elite dungeon. Plus, I don't think I can defeat them all. They have very high resist ratings to empathy, fear, and friendship guilt. [WHIMPERING] [MUSIC PLAYING] CODEX: Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. What are you doing here? CODEX: So this is where the magic is made. Literally. CLARA: Bladezz, take a picture with me and this dragon. OMG. This place is awesome. ZABOO: It's even bigger than its surveillance footage. Game gods do not fear me. VORK: Codex, you remember Madeleine? MADELEINE: What is this place? CODEX: This is my work, where you should not be visiting. Oh, and nice to see you again. Bladezz, stop it! MADELEINE: Uh, when you said you had the perfect place for our first official date, I was expecting something, well, not this. VORK: Uh, well-- CODEX: There is a lovely place for a picnic right out the back door. This way. VORK: How convenient. CODEX: Thank you. VORK: Well, I just-- aw. ZABOO: Oh, Mestophales. I am having a lower gas leak. TINK: When can we see the new expansion? CODEX: Never. You guys, please. CLARA: Oh, what's over there? People typing? CODEX: Wrong direction. Let me herd you this way. Please, guys. Come on. Down there. ZABOO: I get it. CODEX: Do not touch anything. Do not touch-- I'm sorry. -Hey. Who is that? -Hey, what's all that noise? What's going on? Who are those people? CODEX: Bladezz, left. Get in there. BLADEZZ: Sweet *** cubicle, Codex. CODEX: I accidentally stole it from the lead artist of the Game. ZABOO: Roy Akino? He defined the Acidic Blob. Where is he? TINK: Is he cute? Did he take Spanish 201? CODEX: No, no, you guys can't go wandering around. I'm gonna get in big trouble. CLARA: Just tell them it's bring somebody's son to your friend's work day. CODEX: That is not even a thing. CLARA: It could be. BLADEZZ: Look, we're just here to see the private beta server, then we're outsies. CODEX: I don't even have the key yet, so. TINK: What's this? BLADEZZ: Oh, oh! TINK: Are those *** filed off yet? Yikes. CODEX: Give me that. Give me that! Come here, tiny Asian! Tink! ZABOO: Oh, weird. BLADEZZ: Clara, some of my subscribers found that video I made of you. 10,000 hits. CLARA: Random people are watching it? BLADEZZ: Hilarious, yeah. One guy even commented that you're their favorite mom now. ZABOO: You even have seven firsts. That's like a huge deal. CLARA: I've got to show this to Wiggly. He has to believe I'm good at mommying now. Other people say it, it must be true. Let's go. CODEX: Wait, where are you going? You're leaving? BLADEZZ: Oh, Codex. Get me anything you can from the free stuff bin. T-shirts, key chains, swag is my name. CODEX: Bye. Two down. VORK: Have you seen this woman? CODEX: No. I definitely would have remembered that. VORK: Aw. CODEX: Where did Tink go? -Need I remind you of your NDA? Visitors must be screened. CODEX: I, I was, I was just, uh, we were, we were just-- ZABOO: Oh, the ethernet cable is not ethernetting, so I'm going to flag it to be replaced. IT'd. CODEX: So that guy does that. I hired him. Floyd authorized it. He needs me. -Floyd is his own worst enemy. I've been trying to manage him for years, but I am tired. CODEX: You look good. -I know. Are you aware of what will happen if we scrap the six months of work we put into this expansion? It will literally put this company underwater. Get him to release that area. There is a bump on the floor there. Call maintenance? CODEX: Oh, Tink! VORK: My guildies are right now learning secrets, and here we are, me and who you are. MADELEINE: It was such a whirlwind at the convention, and we know so little about each other. VORK: I know that you have looks of a Felusian goddess. MADELEINE: Oh, that's nice. I just want to make a difference. Did you know that in the '80s, I was part of the anti-whaling movement? VORK: Ugh. You know nothing of Jonah or Pinocchio? Those creatures are the scoundrels of the sea! Funny. Let's not talk about the past. Let's focus on the present. Your nail beds, so deep. MADELEINE: Aw, what are you passionate about? VORK: Uh, gaming. The Game. Gaming. MADELEINE: Well, that's wonderful. I love games. Gin, Cribbage, Parcheesi, Pictionary. I'm a bit hardcore, though. VORK: Hardcore. Don't say that word. I'm talking about video games. MADELEINE: Oh, the violence and misogyny. It's reprehensible. VORK: Coming from a convicted criminal, that is amusing. MADELEINE: Excuse me? VORK: Nothing. Everything. Shut up. Me, not you. This is why we shouldn't talk about things like this. MADELEINE: But these things are who we are. VORK: But your eyes, your skin, your hair. OK. I'm a warrior. And I can hide behind the shield no longer. Madame, prepare to be interrogated. CODEX: Ha! That is my 'nanna butter sandwich, you ho. TINK: Do you think I could pass as a lesbian? CODEX: Yes. Why? TINK: There's a Tumblr dedicated to guys talking crap about me. Codename Barracuda. I've got to find a new playing field, and lesbians have good skillsets. CODEX: Shh. Lead programmer of the Game. TINK: You didn't introduce me? CODEX: He's got a lady terror thing. OK. Hi, Donovan. Hi. DONOVAN: Hey, hi. Lunch. CODEX: This is my friend, Tink. She is visiting, and she is learning no NDA items whatsoever. TINK: So, hear you do the fancy coding around here. DONOVAN: Uh, I went to Caltech. Top of my class. Um, ones, zeros. I like to build the architecture. [INAUDIBLE] smoothie. TINK: I'm dying to see what's next for the Game. What's your SAT core? Can you sew? Are you good at chemistry? DONOVAN: Uh-- CODEX: Tink! Barracuda for real. TINK: Cute, skilled, rich, and talented. I want him. CODEX: No. He is Floyd's nephew. TINK: Even better. Why didn't he fall for me? Is he gay? Married. CODEX: OK, get out of here. Leave. Just, ugh. Wait. Wait. My server key? MADELEINE: You have no idea who I really am. And somehow, that is a betrayal. VORK: You are a criminal. You are tattooed. You aren't a ***! MADELEINE: I am over 40. Who over 40 is a ***? VORK: No comment. MADELEINE: I will not apologize for fighting for the things that I care about. Where are your principles? What do you stand for? VORK: I have full lawful good alignment in game. I stand for truth and justice as my primary class virtues. MADELEINE: Well that's easy in an imaginary world. There are no repercussions. VORK: Untrue. When you die, you incur damage to your equipment. Usually 20% of the value. And you have to run really, really far. MADELEINE: I risked actual things in the real world. VORK: Yeah? MADELEINE: Yeah. VORK: Like STDs and getting put on no fly lists? MADELEINE: Fine. The more you learn about me, the less you like it. Well, it goes both ways. Stew on that, paladin. VORK: I am a warrior. There's no paladin class in the-- [MURMURING] CODEX: Tink? Tink! ZABOO: Oh, you got the demon of Alzanov as your desktop background? OK, I'll get to work. Something's crumping this database, but there's a backup on the floor server, so I can fix that pronto. CODEX: And then there was one.