Disney Princesses

*Awesome intro music* *Awesome intro music* *Awesome intro music* Hey, everyone. All three of you. That's an over exaggeration. So today, I'm ignoring any suggestions and that may or may not have been made, and we're just gonna talk about Disney Princesses, their fetishes, and how they are just generally f**ked up. I'm here to ruin your childhood. Now I know there's a lot of debate on which characters are actually considered princesses, so I did a lot of research. And by research, I mean, I went to wikipedia. And from there I wrote down the princesses that they had written down. So we're going to go on the order that they wrote it in. So we're gonna start with: Snow White is pretty obvious, but I'm more than willing to break it down for you. First off, she has a bit of morphophilia. For those of you without a dictionary, or the internet to look things up on, Morphophilia is an attraction to peculiar body shapes, such as, short, big, or dwarves. She's also into polygamy, and gang bangs. Now I know what you probably want to say. The prince was not a dwarf. And she probably didn't sleep with anybody after she met the prince. For one thing, how do you know she was faithful? And honestly, no matter what you're into, if some prince comes along, offers you that type of opportunity, you're probably going to take it.Take it. And I don't know about you, but Prince Charming... Anyone else get that weird vibe? Like maybe he's just doing this to get his parents off his back. Or just trying to prove to his friends that he's not a complete flaming ***. I mean, he's not around that much. He makes like two appearances in the entire movie. Where has he been? He's been out with Brad again, hasn't he? And he's so well dressed. Have you seen how badly straight guys dress? Just a theory So that we have: Cinderella is pretty simple too. Some of us like role play and uniforms. Some of you might like the cop situation, or the teacher/catholic schoolgirl kind of thing, or maybe you just pretend that you work at Burger King so you can have it your way. Sure, it looks like a movie about a girl who goes through magical transformation to meet the man of her dreams. But to me it looks like a chance to get in to something ***. God damn, I look good. Think about it, this girl is used to servitude. She wears rags all the time. But now she had this opportunity to wear ball gowns. Something she's never had before. Oh, and she likes it. She gets off on it. I'm sure Disney just cut out the part where she was telling the prince to lick her glass shoe. Right? I mean, what do you wear to get your partner all hot and bothered? Something you don't usually wear. Those high heels you hate. That see-through lingerie that makes you feel cold in the winter. Those elf ears. Cause they are the only way to make him stop playing World of Warcraft for three-and-a-half minutes. But some of you who love the out of the ordinary costumes. Perfect example: Leather. Ball gowns are Cinderella's leather. Plus the prince had foot fetish. Sleeping Beauty starts before the movie even starts. It starts with a pre-arranged role-play situation, with a guy that somnophilia. That's a fetish for sleeping or unconscious people. Some of you probably already knew that. Sure, you get to see most everything else go down, but really it's just a complex ploy to get both of their juices flowing. Because Aurora has a *** fantasy fetish. She's the girl that lies in wait. Hoping a guy will break into her room. With a knife. Threaten to kill her. Don't move! I'll kill you. I'll kill you! And then have his way with her. Unfortunately, you are not that guy, because if you did that, she'd press charges. She wants it to be that guy that would never actually do it, without her telling him to do it. I know, I wouldn't do it without a written contract, that was notarized, and witnessed by her father. and that's just what she had to do. While we're watching the advertisements, and the little opening sequence, she's drawing up a contract with the prince, so he doesn't lose his ***, if she tries to screw him over. And he's only really into it because she's hot. And cause she's going to stay "asleep" while he's doing his thing. Everything else that happens, random circumstance. Or planned. I don't know, I haven't seen the movie in a long time. She was a *** to put my finger on. That sounds dirty. I figured out, the main problem is that she isn't really human. And before you talk about how she became human, let me cut you off by saying, a man can become a woman, but to most men, most men, she still kind of a man. At first I was thinking like a fish fetish, but in reverse. After I realized how lame and retarted that was, I looked at it from her point of view. When she looks up, and sees us, sees a vessel go by over her head, it's almost like we're aliens. And that does have a technical term: Exophilia. Exophiles are people who want their loving, from people of a different world. Which is exactly what we are to her. And no, the prince doesn't have *** because she was a fish. The prince has simple self esteem and control issues. He talks. He's insecure. And she smiles. Laughs. Agrees. Never objects, and goes along with whatever he says. Never disagreeing. And he loves that ***. He wants more. Finally, someone who will like him, for him. Maybe he has mommy issues. Anyway, back to the fire crotch. So she sees something higher than herself. She's so intrigued by this something higher, that she starts getting sexually frustrated. Face it, if you found some hot alien, and it was talking to you, like it liked you, you probably get pretty quiet too. Hell, most of you can't talk to hot humans, so what the hell am I talking about? Belle has a fetish that's pretty obvious at first, but it's only partial. first you might think, she's into ***. Hell, it's in the title, right? But he's not really an animal. So maybe she's one of those people that likes to hump people that are dressed up as animals. Not quite. Close though. The prince has a deformity, that Belle has the irresistible urge to hump the *** out of. That is called teratophilia. I hope I said that right. He's almost demon like. And she can't help but want him. Sure, she fears him. But that's just part of the ploy. Or maybe she has Stockholm syndrome. and Beast, He has objectophilia. A *** desire for inanimate objects. You know you wanted that sultry speaking maid since she showed up like a French tickler. Hey, my *** died. Can I bury it in your ***? You know how when a criminal goes to jail, he supposedly gets all these letters from women, who want him, all because he's a big bad ***? Even though you *** people, I'm sure you have a deep soul. He could be the ugliest f**ker out there, But these women, contact him. A lot of these women, have daddy issues. Maybe they were abused as a child, and they gravitate towards those who would emulate the abuser. Or the father could be a stand-up guy, and she's just looking for someone to really grind his gears. Rebellion: by riding someone who's riding the crazy train. Either way, they go for the criminals. This is called Hybristophilia. And Jasmine has that ***. She may not know right away, but her body knows it. Sure, the guy is sweet, charming, well built, but that doesn't matter. This guy's on her dad's *** list, and that is all the more reason to do the dirty, with the guy from the dirty part of town. This is also known as 'slumming' I also have the sneaking suspicion that she f**ked the monkey too. Pocahontas was difficult. She has a slight bit of exophilia. Remember the whole alien thing, with different species? Which is almost it but not really. All she really has a strong desire for white dudes. Maybe it sound like I'm going easy on this one. maybe it's because i understand it a little bit more. I have an attraction Asian women. You know, like eighty-five percent of all white guys. Hell, my wife is half Asian. I love that half. But the problem is, I've been told, every once in awhile, that my exclusive attraction for Asian women, is a form of racism. And surprisingly, it's really hard to disagree with people who believe that. Because if you are arguing, saying that you aren't racist, you kind of already lost that argument. Everyone is racist in one way or another. And this is the internet, don't say you aren't racist. See, you already lost. So we'll just give in and say that this *** gets turned on being racist. Or anti-racist. Whatever. Yeah, the Asian one. She was so obvious to me. See, she was told to act like a traditional woman, and she said, "No, f**k that." Cut her hair, dressed up like a dude, fell in love, and then they sword fought, until one of them had to get up and make a sandwich for the other one. Not sure which one that ended up being. Because Mulan has Autoandrophilia. That's when a woman, who was born a woman, imagines herself as a man. Dresses like a man. Acts like a man. Talks like a man. Sticks it in your butt like a man. What? Yeah, I wouldn't put it past her to carry a strap-on with her. Kinda makes that Asian a little less hot. Well.... Maybe. And you know that the first time that what's-his-face got down and dirty with her, it started with kiss, which led to a touch, leading to a caress, dropping clothes, laying down, and surprise butt-sex! And he loved it. Okay, so at first, she doesn't want it. But that's purely out of embarrassment. She would have gone for it sooner, but the damn frog could talk. She didn't want blabbing to people. But then, she had an excuse, so she went for it. ***. Plain and simple. A strong, often repressed, desire, to f**k that dog you saw on the street last night. So she goes through with it, and then it turns into a prince. At first it sounds like a letdown, but again, prince. I'm not trying to say women are evil, gold digging, money hounds. *cute money hound gibberish* But why turn down a free retirement? And princes are pretty busy people. I'm sure she'll find another non-talking animal to spend some quality time with. This one has a little less to do with what he likes and a little more to do with what she thinks other people would like. This girl has had plenty of time the cut her hair. But she has a twisted view on what to do with a man to make him blow. She didn't exactly have S.H.A.R.E. class in the tower. And that isolation sure hasn't made her any less eager to try it out. I'll just get right to it. I'm not sure if I'm saying this right. Trichophilia. Hair fetish. It's not necessarily what she's into, although it may have been her only adult toy, but it is what she practices. Hell, in one scene, she combines it with bondage. And don't tell me that between scenes, that she didn't get a little curious with him bound to that chair. That's the makings of a ***, you will never be a part of. Even if she didn't, she uses her hair for everyday things, So I wouldn't be surprised if she thought that everyday people used hair for that sort of thing. Unfortunately for her, he prefers his women a little more butch. So off with the hair. A little hair dye. You know what, he should have just gone for Mulan. She knows how to work a ***. Which brings me to the last and final princess. marid- marr- mar- merd-? Medra? Merdier. Meder- Bill? So Bill... I considered not doing this story, simply because of how different it is from every other story, that Disney made having to do with the princess. Which in all reality, should be a good thing. you can only tell the same story so many times, before people stop buying millions of pounds of stuffed animals. Also, to be honest I know very little of maeridra, measdure, mera, merdia. ...Bill. I saw the movie once. And by saw, I actually mean, it played in the background while I zoned out on Facebook. But when I started the research this princess, I found a lot of underlying questions. One thing is that she fights to not be wed at all. So first off, my extreme conclusion is she's a feminist. And that is so cute. Then it seems that she shows zero interest in any male character. So i'm calling lesbian tendencies on that one. Kinda like you, with all the women that turn you down. Then I started thinking, if she shows zero interest in making a connection, maybe she's just in to voyeurism, maybe she just wants to watch. but if she's not interested in anybody, then there is this thing called analloerotic. I'm not sure if I'm saying that right. My final guess is that perhaps it's not people that she wants. Maybe she loves that bow, just a little bit too much. Object sexuality. Maybe that bear mom of hers, is related to Beast. So I'm sure I'll *** a lot of people off with this one. But you have to know, I mean all of this, in good fun. All the same, I do apologize to anybody who feels offended, including anybody at Disney, Assuming they even came across this video. Anyway, it's been a long day. Looking up fetishes. And Disney princesses. Now if you'll excuse me, I should go delete my internet history. *Awesome music* She didn't exactly have sh- F**k! F**K. F**K. F**K. majora, merhea, mediar. madoria. Maryda. Ah I f**ked that up. *Awesome outro music* *Awesome outro music* *Awesome outro music* *Awesome outro music* *Awesome outro music* *Awesome outro music* *Awesome outro music* *Awesome outro music* *Awesome outro music* *ZOMG! *** music!* *ZOMG! *** music!* That was great. Go make me a sandwich, ***.