Red Dwarf Btl Part 4

in the last episode the crew red will finally escaped from the grip but the virtual reality game better than life and lister and the cat were taken to the medical unit to recover whilst Rimmer and Kriton went to assess the state the ship they are dismayed to discover that Holly's encounter with the talking toaster has left him with an IQ of 12,000 but only one minute in 10 seconds to live and you switched himself off to preserve his run time they're even more dismayed to discover that the engines are dead and the to get them up and running will take three weeks which is exactly how long it will take the approaching planet vacancy on the scanner to hit ship Chris Barry performs episode 4 for Lister and the cat stared up at the video monitor on the ceiling the only video they both agreed was an indisputable classic was the flinstones which they watched for 15 or 16 hours every day cut after perhaps 90 hours watching the flinstones something strange seem to happen to Lister cats he grunted without removing his eyes from the screen the cat granted back is it me well as wilma flintstone incredibly sexy the cat swivelled and looked at him then turned his head back to the screen Wilma Flinstone is without question the most desirable woman who ever lived lista looked at him to see if he was serious he was what do you think a Betty betty rubble the cat mulled it over where no I would go with Betty but everything gonna wilma they both lapsed into silence reverie what we do on Lister said finally why we talk about making love to wilma flintstone you're right went nuts this is an insane conversation Lister shook his head sadly she'd never leave Fred and we know what crichton's face when it appeared for the recovery base hatch way was simultaneously wearing two expressions the bottom half was calm the nine and kindly the top of his eyes and forward was shot three with panic now there's absolutely no reason for concern but we're going to have to move you where to nowhere in particular by I just thought it would be nice crichton I'm not getting that stretcher until you tell me what's going on crichton smiled if you absolutely must know there's a tiny little planet that might be possibly heading on a collision course with us but there's absolutely nothing to worry about planets why doesn't the ship just get out of the way the engines are stored love dead ish now please get on a stretcher lista tried to wrestle himself upright in as many suit what does harley say world holly is sort of de dish to now please get on the stretcher dried relax crichton patted the stretcher and watched helplessly as mister in the cat unveil crowd there many suits ripped off the biofeedback sensors and belted out to the Roman down the corridor it fell to rumored to give Holly the news to they couldn't take in with them he sat at his sloping architect desk in the sleeping quarters Baisden the emergency lighting and reread the speech he'd written with practice rema found he could say the whole message in just under two seconds this still left Cali a full 53 seconds a runtime to enjoy in whatever way he chose remote voice-activated the redo disc and Holly speaks allies images assembled itself on the sleeping quarters vid screen Remo went into his speech planet collision course and is dead impact well as manage apps right by Holly blinked you will panic logical sense that it might well as managers are by a car understand the word sights lower planet yes collision course yes engines dead right impact 12 hours with you abandoning ship I'll sorry yes by within two seconds wholly absorbed the data from the scan a scope mold the problem over and said two words drive real then he switched himself off with less than 25 seconds a run time remaining: they heard the battle in chatter operational machinery long before they passed on to the colossal archway that led to the driver in itself what this mag is going on Lister screamed about the machine noise crichton's steeped in picked up a section a printout its machine speak calculations above them the immense screen which cover the entire ceiling rippled into life home solution it red below that was a 3d graphics display of Holly's plan it was quite the most audacious piece %uh Astro navigation ever attempted in the entire history of the universe on the screen was a simulation of the binary star system in which they were now marooned motionless at the bottom of the screen was a vector graphic I've read two of at the top of the screen was the blue ice planet hurtling towards them on its collision course to the left was a small son and to the right was its largest twin both were orbited by single planets starbuck Red Wolves be to shape transport craft then flashed on the screen the craft flipped a course towards the right hand Sun and fired something into its core the some fled its plan it was stolen from its orbit hurled towards the center of the screen lista watched bewildered and bemused as the display dissolved into a dazzling array of plotted lines and arrows when the screen finally cleared all three planets now orbited the Sun on the left and RedWolf remained intact I think he's playing pool said Lister with planets is that possible list to create two to one on the console seats and shook his head grimly it's not gonna wear if Holly thinks he can use the red planet to pop the Blue Planet into the left-hand sun's orbit the lease out to breakfast lunch and tea Lister what are you dribbling about rema snorting content with talking about a computer with I Q with 12,000 368 that doesn't mean he can play pool I can exams on a Friday night couldn't get me off at table and I promise you the shots not gonna come off he stopped it that's what he's done that planets off the table and into somebody's gotta be a it's a complete miscue and I say beach or college toward it in the bin and let me take the shot we must do it apart from the rest of the group I say we put it to the vote on the one hand we have a computer with an IQ in five figures who has a complete and total grasp it astrophysics and on the other hand we have Lister who is a complete gipp to whose hands do we entrust our lives the safety this vessel and the future of everything mister what's your vote I vote for me Ramos smirked I vote for Holly 1-all carter's while even though I agree it's insane and suicidal I'm afraid I have to side with the human its my programming rumors smile receded like a fizzling fuse capped I agree with you buddy but the thing is I could never bring massive the vote for someone with the address since I'm gonna vote for Lister list around the final check down on the Starbucks instrument panel we're ready to go. crichton what's the catch he should be on his way sir a cap space appeared next to crichton's on the big screen I'm not counted mister bunched up his face watched this is the way I seek if everything goes okay everyone safe no problem if something goes wrong the guys and stuff but get whacked out twenty minutes and the guys on Red Bull of lot of things to gag do it 20 minutes abstained he was grateful the minister crouched over the flatbed scanner one eye closed his nose almost parallel with the screen there at the far end to the screen was the blue ice planet the planet Lister had designated as the blue ball to the right circling around the big rip the twin sons was the planet Lister had christened the cue ball the cue ball would strike the blue balled and send it into the order to the left and son or restless to prefer to call it the pocket it was a straightforward part he'd made identical shots thousands of times before without taking his eyes from the scanner he grabbed a six pack and double strength log out at Starbucks tiny fridge and ripped offering polled he was halfway through his fourth can before Ramon brokers valve silence how many of those you going to drink I'm gonna drink all six always play me best pool would have had a few beers studies in their lives I'm not gonna get blasted just nicely talk lista sucked it is can it's an easy shot it over a year he tapped the screen at a point midway between red tool for the oncoming planet so if you miss we get a planet in our face I'm not gonna mesh Miche while you said Miche I'm not going to miss you said you're pissed I'll mister fired up the thrusters and a wrench to bug towards its new coordinates cards I could merge the Koori the planet was close now it occupied almost half a dream has now become screen I was growing steadily in size as it thundered towards them on mister screwed up the empty six can a blogger Andy nestled his nose into the bifocal viewer he lined up the cross wires on the Sun around which the Q planet spun he shifted his legs until he felt the center a balance it look right but he waited he waited until it felt right then it felt right space faded away and he was back in the egg both arms and this was just another shot to stay on the table he was on the eighth goal and all it needed was a push justina bottom to avoid the in of he could do it he played the shot he touched the Launch button and increase the pressure steadily and evenly in one smooth movement final screen missile ripped from its housing under Starbucks belly and civil towards the distance on list to turn to the scan a screen and watched the whole sequence took eight hours to play out but aroma it seemed like eight years to Lister it seemed like eight seconds the missile plunged into the Suns inferno and a giant solar flare licked up from its a raging service struck mister skew planet and slammed it out a little bit the Q planet Yemen three space towards the intersection coordinates almost immediately when I realized it was going to miss and not by a little by a lot it was going to street harmlessly across the path of the oncoming I swirled to be captured in orbit around the left and son Lister had some clue cue ball they didn't exchange a word for three hours the Q planet flew into orbit around the opposite Sun it looped around the far side in a rat eclipse then thumped into the Suns resident planet and sent that curling out into space the resident planets swept across the scan a screen cam and into the ice world hammered into the orbit to the right and Sun before elegantly back spinning a return path to its original position she rides less to wield his hips in arms in a touch-up shuffle she rabbi aids EJB *** how could not be Jeremy have pocketed all three planets for a one-stroke how could not be a fluke produce Magal Lister was doing some serious damage to his third six pack and watching the fast motion replay for the 170 first time while we must slept of the journey back to red wolf in the bugs one only sleep couch when a planet hit them which planet hit them Liston ever discovered in fact it was the Q planet which had been knocked out which newell bit by the back spinning resident planet technically the bug wasn't actually hit by the planet it was the planet's slipstream but that was enough to flick the craft upside down and send it on a corkscrew death dive towards the ice world only the Starbucks don't shapes drive section scorched black from its encounter with the ice planet stratosphere poked up for the slow shifting see if snow dunes resting against the foot of the classier it fizzled and steamed for almost five days in the unrelenting blizzard before there was any sign of life finally the small hatch way changed open and light gushed out into the black Arctic night misters face encircled by Parker for appeared grimacing in the opening his gloved fingers folded around the room with the hatch way before the blinding windforce back the dole and try to close down his head Lister fell out at the bug and teetered on a ledge of packed snow he quickly discovered the only way to remain upright was to lean into the wind he had two inclined his body at an angle of 50 degrees he felt absurd but there was no other way of staying on his feet he managed three steps before the blizzard inflated his parka hood and knocked him off the ledge easley the down the bank and dropped into the trough cut by the Starbucks part gradually the old himself to his feet and unfasten the small snow trial which was tight with waste he looked at it it measured scarcely four inches across he looked at what little at the bug was visible above the dressed at a rough estimate he would have to shift about 800 tons of snow if the bug was ever to move he tried to trial fools before the erratic blizzards swirled into the trough and tossed him like a broken kite into a snowbank 50 feet away rumor stooped over the communications console and barked into the microphone made a made a can you read me coming please the Starbucks in a door hammered open and a blizzard stumbled in followed by Lester list to hold himself against the inner door and forty closed hashish mister flung his gloves against the bugs far bulkhead you can hardly stand ok nevermind to get out he sneered at the static on the screen five days have gone by broadcasting on all frequencies and still a red dwarf hadn't acknowledged the SOS how much food is the rema nodded to the navigation console I made a full list on a *** to bad the menu was meager indeed half a bag a smoky bacon crisps attentive mustard powder a brown lemon 3 stale water biscuits two bottles of vinegar and a tube on jelly gum want mister knocked up from the pad he's at it nothing else just a pot noodle oh and I found it in a dog food on the two shelf misery his through list as gritted teeth well pretty obvious what gets eaten last I can't stand pot noodles suddenly the communications consul crackled into life Crichton was talking to them but something was wrong with the sound all I could hear was a dole resonant bass throb slow-motion growl I'll mister played with the frequency controls but couldn't improve the sound perception then something happened to ram a it was hardly noticeable at first but after a couple of hours it was plain that he'd started slowing down talking to him was like conducting a trans-atlantic phone conversation with the bad connection occasionally with flashing become two-dimensional or lose all color Lister didn't mention it at first remote had always been extremely sensitive about his status as a hologram rumors voice had dropped two octaves and trying to hold a conversation with him was like talking person to person to Paul Robeson on mars really what's happenin a two-minute polls then girl who urgent Yahoo loan something must be wrong with the signals from the ship's their amount of dramatic relays not getting through properly the conversation that followed was briefing content but took the best part of half a day to complete the essence of the dialogue was at the signal from the ship that projected remiss image was slowing down and weakening when the signal became too faint to transmit the whole a dramatic projection unit would automatically flick from remote to local and Rena would be regenerated fully functional back on red wolf class could you can find out what's keeping them tell them when I am on years old the bad true iran's state me he Republic TOF and reformed in the hologram added projection unit regeneration chamber aboard red wolf instantly he knew something was wrong but not with him with time mister had his first meal in four days 16 hours after RAM I had vanished it was garnished with potato crisps topped by crumbled water biscuits sprinkle with mustard and decorated with flower twirled above gel a government but it was still dog food a dozen times he dug in his fork and held the quivering mass centimeters from his lips but he just couldn't bring himself to put it in his mouth and swallow so he waited he waited until he was so hungry he didn't care until the dog food wasn't dog food until it was a prime slab fillets takes sizzling in a creamy fresh blue cheese source he slid the wobbling for fall between his lips he chewed he chewed a bit more then he swallowed he set for a while well he thought now I know why do dogs lick their testicles is to get me to the taste the food he placed the fall back on the plate curled up and fell asleep he awoke to the sound of creaking metal creaking metal and running water the unzipped his sleep bag his clothes were wet he was sweating her lista clawed his way up the ship and staggered to a viewport window I swirled was melting the warm kiss if its new son was following the planet which had been frozen for countless millennia thick gray rivers gushed down the faces a shrinking lacey is mountains were moving gliding with majestic grace across the liquid landscape and Starbuck was picking up speed skinning helplessly downhill run on under the circumstances listed to the only sane thing he crawled back to the bank bent his pillow in AU around his ears and became the first man ever to sleep through a melting ice age the new something was wrong with time room I stepped out of the regeneration blues as he raised his left leg and thrusted forward it tell us go who act out forty feet down the room instinctively he flicked out his right leg to retain his balance but his right leg bolted down the room overtaking is left it took three more rubbery steps until about and nausea forced him to stop he turned back and look down the room towards a digital wall clock the minute digits were hammering over so fast they were little more than a blur rema started to head back to the door the clock and to make his way to the ship status room to Islam he found thrusting his legs out in this direction make them shrink the concertina into themselves we look like a bad impression Groucho Marx chasing after margaret dumont ok something was happening to the clock the near he got to it the slow it appeared to move finally he reached the end to the sweet and stood under the clock now it was moving perfectly normally the digits red Monday 13 02 he started to head to the state is Rome well his right leg stump down short wide elephantine one is left tapered elegantly out beside him when he waddled on his two strange new legs into the status Rome sat down at the console desk and scam the bank to security monitors the problem was she applied time was moving at different speeds in every single room two hundred yards down the corridor it was Monday afternoon here it was Tuesday morning it took him nearly an hour to work it out the closer you got to the front of the ship the slower time was moving it was as if some gigantic force was sucking in time corrupting it slowing it down there were only two things remind you of the could produce such a syndrome and since he'd never in his life consumed a magic mushroom that left only one alternative he prayed he was wrong he was wrong about most things and always had been why should be right about this he cheered up a little confident in his own awesome capacity for incompetence and ask the security computer to activate a sweep search for crichton and the cat it found a man one on the engine rooms to the rear of the ship frantically trying to restart the engines remark called for a voice link crichton list as marooned on the ice planet he's starving to death we've got to get down and help him what us mags happening crichton replied I gobbled falsetto such me syndrome as quick and high pitched as he could to make of this week you crichton blinked into the video shot something is wrong he chirped helpfully really rema squeaked back sarcastically lightning SJF money next door and you think something's wrong what are you talking about Crichton said Friday he twisted the security camera so it pointed at the wall clock Friday rema squinted the readout Friday to Friday Friday said crichton to take Cape Friday there was a hiatus nobody could think anything to say I'm coming down Ramos said finally I mean there in a sec at last the cat turned from testing the final piston housing and stood hands on hips in his red silk boiler suit with gold trimming wat you been buddy I ran all the way remote panted I cannot be more than five minutes between over a week remote glanced at the clock it was Saturday the 23rd crichton's head poked around the corner the piston housing we're ready in prime let's start the engines crichton's stabbed in the startup sequence and the massive pistons smash the engines into life okee for cats little silk boy innocent revealing a quilted llame a jumpsuit London East sleep is baby in there a bracelet stout by the engine noise change pitch becoming a strangulated flooding wind three pairs of eyes fixed on the speed bearing readout it scarcely changed my one said the cat get pedal to the metal specter's we're on full reverse thrust cash old idk right now to the way and jab pointlessly at the controls it gets be Napoli god damnit was still moving forwards look crichton pointed at the display we're using all the power we've got its true then Ramos lumped into the console chair what true reamer looked up red eyed with fear with being sucked into a black hole on Red Bull better than life was written by Grant name performed by Chris back additional music and effects were by Graham technical presentation by John produced by Chris watts