Cop And a Half Review - Easily distracted movie review

Cop and a Half or as it's known in the European market as Constable and one half of a constable by which of course I mean a child Ah. That joke is so stupid. Anyhoo Cop and a Half stars Burt Reynolds as disgruntled police detective Nick McKenna who's forced to partner with 8 year-old police enthusiast Devon Butler After Devon witnesses a *** It's played for laughs so it...it's cool Cop and a Half begins with Devon Butler and his friend Ray playing cops and robbers at recess when Devon accidentally sprays a teacher's crotch for a long time like a Ridiculously long time before he realizes that it's not in fact his friend that he sprayed Devon takes off and the teacher can't go after him, you know because of his slightly wet pants and he runs into the bathroom Eww.Don't do that, there's probably pee on that floor. Devon runs into two meet headed *bleep* sacks that proceed to give him a swirly Enjoy your recess nerd I've been looking for you mister. What have you been swimming Butler. No, he's been dunking for turds So does this whole school just turn a blind eye to bullying? There are two *bleep* on the other side of the door walking around school threatening people with a bat and now they're gonna allow another student to imply that Devon eats poop Shameful, Devon gets sent to the principal's office for what? I don't know. What exactly did Devon do wrong Everyday these big jumbos put me in the toilet and hold me upside down Always blaming it on someone else Honestly think he stuck his own head inside of a toilet I have to call your grandmother. And say what? Okay, he got a teachers pants a little wet You're the geniuses that allowed this to happen by having virtually no supervision during recess. Devon if I don't make this call You will never learn learn. Learn what? The way home Devon and Ray witness detective Nick McKenna making very questionable and dangerous choices while chasing down some criminals Who do you think is gonna run out of gas first? Do all cops do that? Only the best No, I'm pretty sure it's only the worst I'm not getting out of this car. I hate to run Some kids in the park make fun of your running shorts too? I didn't know they were on backwards Oh-ho real funny. I had to get dressed in the dark that day There's reportedly a deleted scene that shows that Nick McKenna is the mayor's brother-in-law thus explaining why he's allowed to get away with such *bleep* police work Luckily for McKenna Devon is actually competent and manages to get the license plate number Devon later sees the black Lincoln and decides to follow it to an abandoned warehouse You know, this is why I'll never be a criminal I would see an abandoned warehouse and either a be too scared to go in for fear of ghosts or B) too scared to go in because even though it's abandoned Someone surely still owns the property and if they show up guys we could be in big trouble The mob is having a meeting with Quintero, you know the same guy McKenna arrested three hours ago and he's already back on the streets Top-notch police work McKenna. You did good, good enough even to meet the boss. You lucky stiff Well I'm the type of guy that likes to roam around Never in one place, I roam from town to town And right after the singing buffoon is finished we'll go get the boss I roam around and round and round and round Round and round and round and round. Hey boss, you kill me My god he is the boss You know in any profession it would be difficult to take a singing boss seriously, but has to be damn near impossible in the mob Really think that I don't know why they let you go so fast McKenna ran him down with his car simply because he didn't want to run so I'd say even a court-appointed lawyer would be able To get him off easily Bobo delivers the Euphoria 10:30 Thursday morning. That's a hundred grand. Your cop friends get that Quintero? If he was wired They would have easily gotten it but you don't even know if he is Was it loud enough for ya? Yeah, you practically yelled your entire plan Relax probably the pigeons. How did you rise to the top of the Musical Mafia with such terrible instincts? Devin agrees to tell the police everything he knows but only if they let him become a cop I really wanna give you his name. You put me On duty and it's yours. You know, the cops would actually be well within their authority to arrest Devin for obstruction of justice Withholding evidence You think this is a game? I hope they bury you you little *** You gave me two destroyed lawns a Weber grill a chaise lounge. Reckless endangerment. You owe me. I don't owe you nothing! You know movies about cops always have that one belligerent loose cannon who somehow keeps his job even though he's a psycho But that is the only profession that that would work You couldn't have a loose cannon disgruntled office worker Jenkins I asked for the Guterman file and you cost $70,000 worth of damage to the break room. And now the office manager Sheila is up my ***. What the hell were you doing? My job, I got the file didn't I? But at what cost Jenkins at what cost? Turn in your three-hole punch and your I hate mondays mug. You're off the job Why do you think I spend hours and hours At the range shooting a silhouette shooting the hearts right out of it every single day. I've been doing that for years Why do you think I do that? I do that because I don't want to chase anybody. I don't like to run um That's the most Psychotically lazy thing I've ever heard and just so we're clear McKenna is currently referring to chasing down what they thought was a purse snatcher But was actually a man trying to run his wife's purse to the bus stop. So Yeah, he would have rather shot an innocent man than run Maybe if he didn't go to work in cowboy boots I'm not why you said I did a great job. You didn't kill me. I didn't kill you. I guess you did All right, but the deal was one shift Yeah, he pops up, I'll write ya. Give me your stuff You're a good kid, you know watching this movie makes me realize how great Norm McDonald's Burt Reynolds impression actually is Yeah that's right. *** Ferguson. It's a funny name So is Vinny Fountain an actual recording artist like it's not just a weird hobby I think I'm gonna need more of a backstory on Vinny fountain is just some kids But we know where he lives. How much could a little kid see? I was a little kid once myself and I saw everything That's a weird and very general claim to brag about The mob finds out where Devin lives and so Devin has to go live with McKenna to keep him safe But McKenna almost shoots him in them middle of the night and decides he doesn't want to partner with him anymore Babysitting is hard License and registration, please. Mr. Flemming What are you... I'm your worst nightmare An 8 year old with a badge. I think my worst nightmare was the time that I was in my house But it wasn't my house, you know, like it was someone else's house But I knew that it was my house like after I woke up I realized I didn't recognize anything in there, but during the time I knew that it was my house. It's hard to explain it's like I was in a hallway that I Recognized in me something was there I couldn't see it but I knew something was there and it was chasing me and I was trying to run but I couldn't actually run like I was Running as hard as I could but I was actually only going really slow what? Just give me ten more minutes to explain this then. Alright, moving on I guess. It was really scary you guys Don't sass me Mr. Fleming Officer Butler has full jurisdiction here. Step out of your car, please, sir. Is this for real? I can explain I If I don't do this, you will never learn and I would be doing you a great injustice You know if I was Fleming and I was pulled over by an eight-year-old I would ask way more questions before just letting them give me a ticket Fountains goons see Devon and try to run him down, but he saved at the last minute by McKenna, you know I've never tried to run anyone down my car but it seems like this should have been a slam dunk for Fountain's men Look here. They have a prone stationary target But watch what happens if they stay on the same path, that would have been able to run down Devon and McKenna Hmm interesting kind of difficult to smush someone under your car when you veer away at the last minute, huh? What's that? It's just a movie and they did that for the safety of the stunt doubles No, look, it's mr. Fountains men Trying to run down Devon Butler Mr. Fountain ruthless singing mobster What are you talking about? McKenna decides that he actually cares about Devon and agrees to partner with Devon and have him live with him again And they go to a biker bar to follow up on a lead regarding someone named Bobo. Give me a milk In a dirty glass Oh Devin, no, don't do that Or else the rest of the movie will be devoted to Devin trying to bring down the mob while also suffering from mono or something They chased down Bobo, but he manages to get away because McKenna completely chickens out We're perpendicular Actually, you're at a 45-degree angle. We're perpendicular. You are perpendicular to any other object That is also currently at a 45-degree angle opposite from your 45-degree angle So Devin is back living with McKenna for not even a whole day when McKenna gets mad And once again tells Devin he doesn't want to live with him or be his partner. I can't handle this anymore I cannot handle it anymore. I'm not your partner either Fine! I don't want you to be my father. I don't want you to be my partner. Do you really need this to happen twice in the same movie? How many times does McKenna have to come to his senses and realize that he actually cares about Devin who holy *bleep* may actually be Some kind of wizard or even a full-blown warlock Where the *bleep* did he go Fountain's goons go to the school yard to find Devin and these are the most conspicuous criminals ever It's the middle of the day Where is Devon Butler? The better question is where are the recess monitors I'm Devon Butler. I'm Devon Butler I'm Devon Butler I'm Devon Butler I'm Devon Butler All these kids are named Devon Butler That's just lazy writing John Smith see just came up with a completely awesome character name right on the spot Jeff Smith See it's not even the slightest bit difficult Joe Smith, man. I am on fire You know, I don't care if they're evil criminals terrorizing my classmates if my mom packed me a Twinkie in my lunch I'm eating that damn thing. Throw an almond joy or something because they suck and it would probably hurt more Devon stows away in the bad guys car and McKenna tracks him to the warehouse where they're manufacturing drugs Drugs! Just sickening We are then treated to the greatest boat chase ever recorded on film before the movie Face Off came out and forever took over that honor Get me outta here I'm a little indisposed at the moment. I can't even get myself out of here boss So if you're stuck so bad in a boat that you can't get out. The boat is probably what's keeping you alive. So Yeah, once they use the jaws of life. He's probably gonna bleed out So Mr Fountain's criminal empire's come to a close and McKenna and Devon go on to be great friends and everything works out Until mr. Fleming ultimately sues the city because I'm sorry Even though Fleming is a *** there was nothing legal about what transpired there. Sad really. A lot of people are gonna lose their jobs Well, thanks for watching