How To Get Over A Break Up - What Helped Me Get Over My Ex Girlfriend

how to get over a break-up how to get over your ex that's been a question that's been sitting on one of my youtube videos for a while and lots of other people liked it so it means a lot of people want to hear about this and i'm sure we all have been broken up with once at least in our lives then so I finally decided to make a quick video about that and to be honest i dodged it for a while because i felt like you know wat it's a very personal intense time of your life i don't wanna patronize you with the sort of *** five steps to whatever it is video right and at the same time uh... how shall I say I am a pretty private person so them this took me awhile to to get myself to do but uh... *** it right I am just going to tell you how my ex girlfriend split up with me last year and how i handled it and ah... how high managed to deal with it pretty well surprisingly and so um... you know the kind of things that helped me the most in the process and said uh... so thats i didn't go back into something deep depression for the next six months okay am so that's what this video is about some I am gonna tell you a little bit bout my about story and then I am going to give you some of the key things that helped me to handle it in a way that actually you know what i have a great year and i have no regrets about the last year uh... even though i thought my girlfriend and me would have a little family by now actually yeah it just did not work out that way but here's a quick story of how it happened i was basically this is kind of actually in in hindsight it's kind of funny yeah units in its uh... weirdness i was actually in vietnam at the time uh... in vietnam in the war museum of all places looking at all these poor children at the arms blown off by land mines or whatever uh... and i'm getting a text from her where she's basically saying Stephan actually i meant we should split up you know because we have been talking before an idea when somebody's hinting at you that somehow they they wanted to split up but you like well i'm sure she doesn't mean that because it's like a whole you know what of this agreement to be together for the rest of our lives or whatever life them so you don't quite get the message but then i got the message tried and was that we had a it's one of those days when when you pick up smoking and that kind of thing you know you just wanna add to the general hurt and so on i basically then went to see if she was living in the other side of the world we have a you know one of the problems of the thing was a the long-distance element of the relationship m i did my best you know too too yeah sure what things meant to me too uh... handle it in a way that was giving her and me the absolute hundred-percent chance to to look at it again and do you know w did my best and for a while to change their mind and then on the last day when i was there when i had to go again uh... she changed it back and so uh... that was it right but the key thing i'm already hinting that was what helped me enormously with the break-up was that that i didn't happen he regrets about how i handled it and that i think is a is the key thing that very often seems to go wrong for a lot of guys okay it seems to go wrong for a lot of guys because when somebody splits up with us our natural instinct is to just go completely to kind of lose it right to start blaming them for everything because we are so shocked that somebody doesn't want to be with us as we expected and it basically puts everything into question doesn't it you start to doubt that they ever were in love with you that that anything that happened before and was real uh... you start to get angry frustrated you start shouting screaming you started to complain that they split up if you by text how could they do that and why why why and you know pick it seems that the world is against you all of a sudden and uh... you know everything doesn't make any sense anymore right and what i noticed was and this is for me to do with with general conference or sortedness i am quite good at having a perspective on things i was happy with the fact that i managed the process I handled the process in a way that i felt proud with... I felt proud about I didn't shout and scream did everything i could you know i did everything i could to to uh... make make it work to to to to figure out what was the reason what's happening and she didn't really wanna go there so i'd basically accepted that that's what she wanted and i think that underlying belief that I had and that i think has been really helping me is you know everything everybody myself included you included everybody else I just realized this more from this event and i've realized that i totally believe that everybody has the rights to do whatever they can to make themselves happy i guess the pursuit of happiness as they say in the uh... and the declaration of independence uh... in the us that if that doesn't include you anymore in someone else's minds there comes a time when you just have to say you know what i have to accept that no matter what the reason whether i agree with that or not um... they have their own reasons uh... for seeing to happiness either with somebody else or without you and it's sad but it's something that can happen and that will happen you know in a way if somebody joins you on your journey in life it's a wonderful gift it's a that's a bonus the same thing with dating i really you know since i see it like that that it's really helped me to come dvd grateful for for what and getting meet women all those things it's it's a everything is a bonus really but you cannot demand of somebody else that they should stay with you forever if they change of mind uh... there's no point vilifying them for that you just have to accept that that's what it is and you can do your best to change their mind but you cannot say you're bad or you're wrong or whatever for wanting you know for not seeing your future with me so i stayed true to my values i'd guess in the process of breaking up uh... and i think that really helped me them because that helped me to to not get into this internal fight with myself if that makes sense how can I explain this i stayed on my own side i mean uh... this is probably something that i talk a lot in my in my launch for the fifty seven ultimate confidence methods because it really keeps you as always you wanna avoid this getting into a war with yourself because you're acting like an arsehole all of a sudden because something else is doing something that you don't like okay so stay in touch with your values stay stay because stay a cool person you know rather than just lashing out randomly and starting to think that the world is against you the world is not against you're not a victim it's just a fact of life that somebody uh... sees their future differently from how you'll see it with them okay and it's sad because you're going to feel a loss but you do not have necessarily the right to demand of other people that they should stay with you forever so that was one thing that helped me the other thing that helped me enormously was actually consciously to take a step back and here's the thing right when there's a break-up it seems that we just basically wanna rationalize it by by thinking in our minds that because another person has not changed their mind and don't doesn't want to be with us anymore it's sort of seems to deny that anything beforehand was great yet it's almost like we see everything through the lens of the breakup and then we start to think to our minds break up well maybe that means that they never liked us in the first place maybe they were just pretending so why didn't they tell us earlier why didn't they talk to us more uh... why would they break up with us when they were just so happy right three months ago and does that not everything else seems to mean that that that wasn't worth it and you know and then we start to generalize some more uh... and say women are just so bad they're just devious like you can't trust them how can they break our trust and all of that stuff so we forget that actually walked for the last four years we had a wonderful time and they were sharing our lives and making us happy and the truth was you know in my relationship i was extremely happy honestly they were there were uh... they were great years and what really helped me personally was to focus on being grateful for those times being grateful for the whole four years or four and a half years before the break up okay actually know what they don't just disappear they are beautiful beautiful memories so i started to consciously make an effort to be grateful for all the great stuff as well not just to focus on the break-up and awesome awesome why why why all the time right that truly helped me so if you actually consciously focus i mean some people they say oh you must not think about anything that ever happen again you have to eradicate them from their lives and and pretend that never existed uh... that doesn't really work for me to be honest because in a way if you do that you telling yourself that you cannot handle it your saying to yourself you know you're so weak that uh... that you have to pretend that they are evil they are wrong that they are bad that that that and that before the break up you never cared about them well i still care about her and uh... i always will uh... that doesn't mean that uh... on constant thinking about her now because you know i i'm got busy with all the other women I've been meeting in between and I have no regrets about the last year and it's been a fascinating year but so the gratitude thing is huge ok and actually i'm just hit on the last one that's really been helping me uh... it's an obvious one but if you feel generally that your abundant with meeting women meet you women anytime you want if you are good at it if you've learned how to do it if you've done this how-to be you're reasonably attractive guy to women that makes it look easy of course because you know that helped me because in a way there's so much space occupied and you know in your mind by this one-person the key thing is to to get your mind occupied or that space occupied with other people so that that would be a friends of course but that also can be new women so i think what you definitely want to avoid is to start generalizing and saying like we often do what we see ourselves as a victim you know all women are so bad women are so this and women are so that how i can I ever trust a woman again relationships ahh you cannot believe it uh... that's crap and the problem is when you start thinking like that you become bitter frustrated and you're totally unattractive to any new women that you meet and also you won't see all the amazing opportunities that you have now that you're single so there are positive aspects of being single like uh... you can basically do anything you like and that's pretty cool so that doesn't deny that it's great to have the relationship and i think the want to have uh... you know deep uh... intimate relationship again and uh... i think we're getting there but at the same time by not rushing into anything I don't need it but uh... i absolutely uh... want it but the process or finding it again absolutely should be fun okay and should be fun for you as well you know i know I am a dating coach and i help guys get better at meeting women and so forth attraction and so forth right so this is not a sales video right but that really helped me to be to feel that i can meet women anytime you know that I am abundant you know how many women there are in the world it's amazing so the idea that there's only this one that u can have a great relationship with is just false I am afraid but it can appear that way when we've just been broken up okay so for me the key things were to stay in touch with my own values and to to handle the break-up in a dignified way the second thing to not deny that anything else before and was it was uh... uh... you know just a bad dream you know but to be grateful to be truly grateful for the great things you had that you know with a girl even though no it's over that's just how it happens to be grateful for the journey that they had to get and to maintain that am that really helps you to also stay to stay positive and optimistic about what's going on in the future it will help you not to get bitter and frustrated because that really kills it you know and to stay on your own side than lastly also to to stay too too the other thing that really helps is to the great at meeting new women and said uh... to uh... feel good about your ability to attract women and so forth all of this i guess comes from from an underlying sense of who you are your values so i guess it really pays to be a confident calm guy with values because it helps you to get over anything and to maintain your own sense of self okay well that was a bit serious wasn't it okay here's the thing *** happens ok I say this in another video *** happens and gotta also decide you your life is uh... gonna finish one day there comes a time when you have to say you know wat what do i want to know what do i really want now this is over... what do I want right now okay what do I want now when it comes to women and use the opportunities you have alright cool now that was my 5 pennies worth how to get over a breakup that helped me my personal perspective has helped and i was just trying to be honest here and share some stuff about break ups I can't say I am the expert on how to get over your ex and but I am sure there are lots of people who claim to be well I don't uh... i'm quite good at this whole dating thing and attracting women thing and the confidence thing this is just a personal perspective on how to get over a break up catch you soon