Alf S1E2 - English Transcript

Thursday, 6:30 pm. It started out like any other night Lynn, we're gona be late for the shower. Have anybody seen the yellow ribbon? I don't know. What color is it? Ha! Yeah! I kill me. Aha! You kill me! Brian, no arguments, it's time to get ready for bed, okay? Rorry, Alf, I guess we'll have to play later. Oh, wait, here's that ribbon. But it's wet. I forgot to tell you. You're out of floss. Maybe there'a a chance I can find some ribbon without meat on it. Not in that drawer. I might have some meatless ribbon in the garage. Forget a ribbon. A blender doesn't need ribbon. Okay, you have Joanna's number, right? We won't have any problem. Brian's going to bed, I've got a lot of reading to catch up on, and I'm sure Alf will find something to do. Make sure he doesn't. I'll get it. Hey, don't worry about the old Alfer. Channel 9 is running "Psycho." Oh, by the way, we're out of popcorn. I'll put it on the shoping list next to floss. No chance to run out now and get it, I supose? Right. I'll just see if i can scrounge a few curless from the sofa. Ready. What do you think? - I love that dress. - Thanks. Willie, we're leaving. Hold on! That was Herb, from the office. The computer is down. He can't access the files. I've got to go in and reload the back-ups. You have to go now? I've no choice. The budget's due tomorrow. Honey, we can't leave Brian alone. I'm here. Well, maybe, I could take him with me. It's a school night. He goes to bed in 10 minutes. I'll stay. No, you can't, you're in the wedding party. I'm not. This is just great. What are we going to do now? Hello! How about me? For what? To sit with brian. What do you think? Do i think we should let an alien from outer space watch "psycho," while our son sleeps in the other room? Hay, no problem, just leave me the keys to the liquor cabinet. Mrs. Ochmonek will be here in 5 minutes. Thank god! So, this is my prison for the night. It's not prison. It's our bedroom. One man's bedroom is another man's prison. Well, there's plenty to keep you occupied We got magazines, this is a jigsaw puzzle. It's broken. That's the object. You're supposed to put it together. Why? I didn't break it! Here's your favorite comic book "Shana, mistress of the universe." I don't want shana. I want Mrs. Bates. Alf, we'll run "Psycho" another night, Ok? Now, if you can just promise that you can stay completely away from Mrs. Ochmonek, than maybe, in the future, we'll let you baby-sit. Don't toy with my emotions, Willie. I'm not. Look Alf you think you can keep your end of this bargain? Mrs. "O" will never know I'm here. I'll get it! Oh, Alf! Just kidding! Just Kidding! C'mon, where's the fun around here? Oh, you're a life saver, Mrs. Ochmonek. pPlease, it's Raquel! And it's my pleasure. Trevor's watching some stupid ball game, so this works out fine. Channel 9 is showing "Psycho." So i hear. Willy have you been having trouble sleeping lately? No, why? Well far be it from me to pry, but recently, it's seems your TV has been on awfully late. You know, now that you mentioned it, I I realy have had trouble sleeping lately. I couldn't help but noticed how much garbage you've been putting out lately. if I didn't know any better, I'd think you've been takin in boarders. You know how it is, when I can't sleep, I eat. My Trevor is the same way. Is this a new lamp? Mrs. Ochmonek Mrs. Ochmonek I really have to go now. Here's the number. I'll only be gone for couple of hours Don't worry about a thing. Oh, and, please, please, stay out of the bedroom. If you don't mind, it's it's a kind of a mess. Whatever you say. "Please stay out of the bedroom." Who does he think I am, a snoop? Meanwhile, in the bedroom, I was just finishing the jigsaw puzzle, When I heard the haunting strains of the movie, I so desperately wanted to see. I learned one thing about eating jigsaw puzzles. An hour later, you're hungry again. Yo! Pizza barge. Yeah, I'd like to order one large special; The works; To travel. Oh, listen, can you leave it by the Oak tree in the back yard? I don't know, I'm superstitious. I decided to go outside and wait for the pizza. Big mistake! Trevor, get over here quick! I think there's somebody else in this house. Trevor, what took you so long? The Dodgers batted a round. Now, what's so important, that I had to leave the game? I think there's somebody else in this house. I heard a scream. Don't wake me up when you come home. It wasn't the TV! The scream I heared came from the back bedroom. Maybe it was the cat. No cat would scream like that. Maybe it was in heat. It sounded like a human scream, and it came from this room! All right, all right, I'm going in. If I don't come back, you can start dating. I already tried it, it's locked. Now, it's open. What are you narrating this? I'm scared. Willie even told me to stay out of this room. Look in the bathroom. Oh for crying out loud! Hey! Trevor what is it? They got one of those cushioned toilet seat! Let's get one Raquel. I'm tired of living in the dark ages. Just check the window, will you! There, it's locked! NOw, if you don't mind i'm going to watch the dodgers blow a big lead. As for me, my only thought was to get back to my room, and rake myself. A light snack would hold me over until the pizza came. Unfortunately, Lucky had the same idea. Pizza barge! One super sicilian. That's me! Here's your pizza. Sorry, I couldn't leave it by a tree, it's against company policy I don't understand. You see, the Last time we left one by a tree, a squirrel died. No, I mean, I didn't order a pizza it and I refuse to pay for it. Lady, it's already paid for; house account. Oh, in that case What about my tip? Here, is this enough? Sure, in some states I can still make a phone call. "In some states i can still make a phone call." Trevor, did you order a pizza and have it sent over here? What are you talking about. Well, the strangest thing just happened. a pizza arrived already paid for. Are you telling me you got a pizza there? That's right. I'll be right over. It's gone! Trevor you're not gona believe this, but it's gone. What's gone? The pizza! You didn't even leave me a slice? I didn't eat it. It disappeared. Trevor, something is going on in this house the noises and the screams! And this pizza thing! What are you talking about, there's a pizza over there on the counter. Well, I'll be go to the market, it's back. I'll be go the market? Yes, it's back. Delicious! It could be a little hotter. Trevor can't you stay here and watch the game? I don't want to be alone. Take it easy, Raquel. I haven't seen you this bad since the eclipse. Fine! The you tell me where the pizza went. I'll do better than that. I'll tell you where it's going. I had done everything i could think of to pass the time. One thing was certain, blue was not my color. Hello! What are you doing answering the phone? I live here. Where's Mrs. Ochmonek? She lives next door. I know she lives Where is she now? I don't know. The last time i saw her, she was giving away my pizza. Pi I called to speak with Mrs. Ochmonek. Just a minute I'll get her. No! Don't move out of that room! I'll call back. It's your dime. Kids Hello! Why do you keep answering the phone? You keep calling. Is everything all right? Everything's fine and the cat is going to be okay. The cat? What happened to the cat? I closed the refrigerator door on his tail. What! What were you doing in the kitchen? Well I had to broke in the back door after I fell out the window. Where are you now? What are you doing? I'm in the bedroom wearing a blue dress. Don't move from that spot! Where would i go? I don't have the right shoes. I'm coming home. I should have locked him in the garage! Kids! Brian, is that you? Operator, this is an emergency! What's the number for 911? And then, it happened. he came into my life. At first, i thought it was Santa-claus. Then, it soon dawned on me Santa probably wouldn't smell of cheap wine. Besides, he was beginning to fill up his bag, with stuff that didn't belong to him. I was scared stiff, but i knew i had to do something. I realized, for that moment, I was the man of the house. Excuse me, sir. May i have a word with you? Who said that? I did. Can you take some constructive criticism? What you're doing here is, wrong. It must be one of them talking dolls. Oh, yeah! Ever have a talking doll rip out your voice box? Oh, Mr. Tanner thank god you're home! This evening has been a nightmare. So i heard. No, no, Mrs. Ochmonek I don't know what's going on here? I hope that police will get here soon. Police? Weird things have been going on in this house all night. Especially in your bedroom! Lynn, take Mrs. Ochmonek in the kitchen and give her some tea. Okay, mom. Come on Mrs. Ochmonek, would you prefer herbal or regular? I'd prefer scotch. So, how was the shower? What in the world? Alf, what are you doing in my dress? Sorry, i thought it was Lynn's. You've really done it this time. Any semblance of faith or trust I had in you is gone. I can explain. What could you possibly say that would explain what hapened in this house tonight? Tonight, I set a thief on the straight and narrow. What are you talking about? Willy my jewelry box is missing! So are my good gold cuff links. And my good watch! And my antique cameo! Where are they? Probably being pawned. Wait a minute, look! There realy was a thief in this house tonight, wasn't there Alf? Two of them. Pne took your jewels; the other took my pizza. The police are here. What'd you do, Alf? Sure, blame the guy in the dress. Don't make a sound. Stay right here. And take off that dress! Alright, but I feel only fair to warn you, i'm not wearing anything underneath. Mr. and Mrs. Tanner we're responding to your call. Can you identify this property? - That's my jewelry box. - Those are my cuff links. This man chased our car for two blocks, claiming he'd stolen this merchandise. I did. I Swear I did. I deserve the maximum penalty. Relax, pal. If you come down to the station and fill out a report, you can reclaim your property, if you want it. Yes, we do. Fine. Let's go. Ask him. You said you'd ask him. Now, ask him. This man claims he saw some hideous creature with a huge nose. Wearing a blue dress. He says it talked to him. It did. I swear it did. Thank you, Lynn. I think I'll be going home, now. Excuse me. Well, at least he can't plead insanity. Good night. Willie! I know what you're thinking. But we got through it. Everything's all right. Everything's back to normal. Hey, could somebody unzip me in here?