Asperger's And Concussion Experiments with Adderall 100213

Overall, I'm still better today. There's the lens. I'm still better today. I'm still calmer in my mind. I'm able to focus to at least use the technique. So, my friend, Constantine gave me some tips of coming up with a list of calming things when I get a panic. It's actually probably the most useful thing; better than anything any doctor probably thought of. So I'm going to go. I'm going to make sure I take care of myself. I went from normal to a stage 4 out of disrespect from Dr. Rockman. This is not completely unexpected; that's normal for me. I experience blood pressure from disrespect. I've been treated by previous... I've been treated for PTSD; this isn't unexpected and I'm on speed and I'm really boring. I have no desire to digress or share more in details. I could still laugh about it can i? Yeah. It's weird; I have what's called paradoxical affect from a particular pharmacological. This video part of my experiment with Adderall. I'm sure if I want to continue taking this medication. It definitely keeps me very, very calm. In fact, it's 10:30 at night and I just took Adderall. As I learned, the doctor's recommendation of taking it in the morning. I think that's what people use it for to wake up or whatever; I don't get to enjoy that. With an increased amount, I'm not cleaning my home. I'm finally saying, hey, maybe I should just sit down and watch something. What I watched was my videos and saw me not on any drugs at all. Something I've tried to show doctors and struggling to get a doctor. I've been over-prescribed to the point of not able to understand words. It's undoubtedly damaged relationships and things I'm not focused on now. It almost seems intentful in its destruction. I'm not 100% right now either. What I am is improved; upgraded from what I've been going through which is a great deal of rage. A great deal of confusion. To share, I was diagnosed with autism in the 80s. Not something I talk about much, not really at all. Something I've accepted; it's like okay cool, that makes sense. I've had a lot of interesting experiences and was born with some amazing gifts but was always different. As property of the state, at the age of 16 to working at Fortune 10 I've accomplished some goals that I've set across my life. I don't complain because I love it actually. I kind of love my stuff; I'm trying to deal with it. There's certain limitations but I have maximized my social functioning. I have maximized my... I have found ways to be awesome. I love selling and I've worked my challenges to my advantage. Except, there are challenges that I have that I believe that others may not. Such as, I don't blink without consciously telling myself to do so which you might think is fixed in my sleep. It's not; it's kind of personal there but I don't have any personal boundaries. So, yeah, I at times sleep with my eyes open. I at times can speak articulately even in my sleep probably more articulate than now. Where others survive in the consciousness I thrive in the subconscious but am definitely a master of jumping boundaries there. Just say there's things I love about my life. What scares me is I hit a near, I've had a few very near death experiences as a result of doctor abuse -- that's what I call it. I got a lot of words I use; I'm pretty good with words but it's great and I won't say it. Words are a ***. They can be great. They can even do my Johnny Cash doing Eminem. Anyway, what bothers... what helps me is I had even recommending to doctors for a year now. Something I noticed... I don't want to talk about this ***; I'm going to go to bed. Interesting experiment results. Well, I feel a little bit calmer, not as much as I had yesterday, and I am curious how taking something late at night will impact sleep. But honestly after the last two nights of getting sleep, I feel a lot better. I'm far from myself; part of me honestly is still assessing the entire situation. I've been paying people to hurt me basically. I've trusted the wrong people; how reality has slipped and nobody has pointed it out. These drugs Rockman had me on was... clearly was leaving the oven on. I'm tired; I'm tired of making videos right now. Going to go to bed, goodnight. Alright, well here we go, I just wanted to give you a quick update here as I kind of nod off into sleepy land. I feel calm, tired, and looking forward to a good night's sleep. So an hour and I'm struggling with the stage 4 diastolic crisis and confused, concerned about communications. Freaked out about my awareness of prior communications and relationship damage and with a headache not a migraine though. Just a stress headache or something. My headaches gone, i feel calm, I feel tired. I don't feel as ready for bed as yesterday but again, I'm glad I'm listening to myself and not these quacks because earlier I was just obsessed, freaking out about meeting this jerk again. I think my house is messy and I want to go to bed. Hi, this is Darren, I just woke up. Yeah, I normally wake up at a relatively high blood pressure and have for quite some time now. What I do ask my... wow, this is crazy, too. I awoke only two times and went right back to sleep. So, when I was not able to sleep last night and felt incredible rage which is generally followed with an uncomfortable insomnia of insanity. I decided to pop a not well known sleeping aide called amphetamine or Adderall. I have not slept this well in a long time, maybe forever. Well, my theory has proven true. My doctors are all quacks, they don't listen but I had a great night's sleep. Have a great day. Speed; it's a wonderful way to sleep. Not completely unexpected. What happened was I reached out... believe it or not I'm actually contacting the whack job *** stick, Dr. Michael Rockman to let him know about the paradoxical impact that I had suggested theoretically to him along with every drug I've ever taken in my life. An entire multi-decade medical history and all this other stuff he unethically ignored and continued to prescribe *** punishers and other types of painful pharmaceutical psychotropic medications. This is sick. I want to contact him before finding another doctor. I got stressed a little bit about being on hold for over a minute just to find out you can't leave a message for him. But more of just thinking wow, why do I trust these guys? If I go back to the guy who *** me I'm going to be more ***. Hey, I'm going to pop an Adderall and see what it does to me. I'll be back in a minute. This is already optimistic, only 40 minutes in. The diastolic is a little lower there, you see? Anyway, systolic is up a little higher. Actually, that's the same; it's exactly the same, what am I saying? There we are. Basically, it's improving with speed. I think part of this as I'm processing text from Lynn, the new therapist, wants to have a phone call at 3. I don't know this guy that well. I don't use phones traditionally as I've spoken with them on the phone twice. Of my two phone calls yesterday, he was one of them. I've not tried an afternoon; definitely not open to turning the phones on today. I do have a test. I have my doorbell on and somebody's supposed to be coming over around 9 so let's see if I have a total panic attack and shut down. I'll be checking all my measurements; I'm on top of this a hell of a lot more than any doctor ever has been and I'm doing alright. Hey pardon the background; we got some cleaning going on. The cleaning lady said hey, you were cuckoo before today. She was right. So, this is crazy. Here I am healthy; screw you and your drugs Dr. Rockman. Your drugs are bad. Just making sure this wasn't a false reading or anything; I got a second blood pressure machine. This is incredible. This is directly violating Dr. Rockman's orders. Dr. Rockman please don't kill Darren, he's a nice man. You hear that? Yeah. Exactly, this is crazy; this is absolutely crazy. Normal!!! Admittedly nobody's ever called me normal. Oh my God, so, here's the bad part. I may be one of the rare people that actually therapeutically benefit from Adderall. Ha ha, 120 over 72. Oh my God, oh my God. Screw this cuff thing. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. So finally listened to myself versus the ridiculous pathetic excuse for medical professionals such as Dr. Michael Rockman and followed what I suggested to Dr. Michael Rockman in multiple sessions. This is ridiculous. My cats like me better. What did you guys think of our nap? Yeah, I slept; I never sleep. My cats have been like having a weird day because they have never experienced being around a man who has slept through the night. What is this machine? Let's make it a cat toy and crap on it. Yeah, guys, hopefully that will a be cat crap tool. Oh my God, oh my God. See, this is what happens when I don't let doctors kill me -- Dr. Rockman. Before I asked you not to touch my *** Dr. Michael Rockman, but I don't want you to touch my heart either or my brain, which is my *** because I'm a man. *** all you doctors, seriously. Leave people alone. Like that; run away. Well, this is following a call to Dr. Rockman. I thought I would do the right thing and contact the doctor and let him know that his particular pharmaceutical prescriptions were causing me to be immobile, to not be able to interpret peoples words properly, unable to leave home, extremely high blood pressure, and literally just being uncomfortable around others and others feeling uncomfortable around me from these effects. I had proposed a theory to him every time I met with him of trying something I had tried on my own after I was near death from his prescriptions. I asked him to try this even one day monitored what I had proposed with an increased amount with moving the everything else as I proposed this since last year. I know my body; I take measurements multiple times a day. I write down what I eat, how I feel, who I'm with, what's going on. I take pictures and videos of all this. My life is documented, probably more documented than any ten people put together. This doctor asked me questions like what are you taking? As I started telling him, he cut me off. I don't want to hear this over the phone. I call my articulated, I just heard you state you wanted to know the amount. He said, yes, what is the amount. Okay at this amount... no, no, no, I don't want to hear this over the phone; this has to be in person. Michael Rockman decided Darren Williger's life is not worthwhile to him so *** you, you *** sucker. See, I have control over it. Look at me; I want you to *** yourself. I want you to jump in front of a bus. I'm saying it calmly versus my rage filled. This is purely, oh, there's vitamins; the doctor might see vitamins on my counter. Don't take vitamins, throw them all out; they're pee water. Don't take krill oil; don't take any of these multivitamins; it's all pee water. You would be lucky to drink my pee Dr. Michael Rockman; you would be lucky to drink my pee. Yeah, yeah. Your wife comes over here when she sucks my ***; she also lets me *** urinate about a gallon of my *** stinky hot *** down her throat. Yeah, then I *** her in the *** because she's a *** for marrying Dr. Michael Rockman. Talk a little bit about you. Maybe she can talk some sense into you -- you worthless, negligent ***. Seriously, he tells me it wasn't worth meeting until next week. You know, it's not important; my life's not important. You basically told me to drop dead. Yep, Michael Rockman, suck a ***, ***. Not mine; you're a sick ***. All you get is my urine that you can drink out of your wife's *** mouth and die. Then come back and let me *** kick you in the teeth you *** ***. So I have less rage but I can still say Dr. Michael Rockman, you're a *** ***. You're a worthless, negligent ***. You don't listen to your customers. You prescribe poisonous pills. When customers give you feedback you blow them off and offer them more poison pills and more poison, poison. You like to prescribe *** punishers. Stop touching my *** you *** freak. Okay, Dr. Rockman. Dr. Michael Rockman, you touched my ***. You touched it over and over and made me sick you *** freak. Michael Rockman, you're *** freak who touches peoples penises. Michael Rockman, Dr. Michael Rockman never ever touched my ***. The same goes for you Dr. Sheldon or Kipple, please never again touch my ***. It's for the ladies. Dr. Rockman you schmuck. Better than the severe one that happens when I actually would have spoken with him taking the pills I was prescribed. How do these people get medical licenses and keep them? This guy should not be prescribing anything to anyone. I just told this doctor calmly, taking the medicine that he prescribed caused me some severe challenges with rage and insomnia and migraines as I've told him in person a few times. Then finally I tried these specific theory I had given him as I thought I was going to die. I told him I wanted him to see me, he told me he could probably find something next week. I explained we had a meeting one day and he continued to be dismissive and told me he had to schedule for next week. Asked me the amount I took when I started telling him, he cut me off and said that he can't discuss that over the phone. This guy is a worthless tool and should be removed from the medical community in my humble, hypertensive opinion. Alright, Darren checking in. It is 7:51 in the p.m. on Wednesday. I took another 20mg of Adderall. 20mg about an hour and a half ago and here I am. Look at me, 132 over 83 better than under the conditions prescribed by Dr. Negligence, Michael Rockman. What a disgusting piece of garbage I hope never prescribes to any other human being. He is the death deliverer from hell. This worthless *** when I finally contacted him and let him know that his particular witches brew was putting me on my back and made me scared for my life. I wanted to meet with him to share with him about these experiences. That certainly seems polite; make that funny face. He does this a lot and he makes that face. Maybe that's his happy face? Charlie, is that your happy face? Charlie, we haven't posted videos in forever; let's get off our *** and post some videos. If I'm not clear, Dr. Michael Rockman, do not touch my ***. It's for the ladies you *** ***.