The Facts Of Life What Price Glory

♪ YOU TAKE THE GOOD, YOU TAKE THE BAD ♪ YOU TAKE 'EM BOTH AND THERE YOU HAVE ♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪ THERE'S A TIME YOU GOTTA GO AND SHOW ♪ YOU'RE GROWIN' NOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪ WHEN THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS ♪ TO BE LIVIN' UP TO YOUR DREAMS ♪ AND SUDDENLY YOU'RE FINDIN' OUT ♪ THE FACTS OF LIFE ARE ALL ABOUT ♪ YOU ♪ YOU ♪ IT TAKES A LOT TO GET 'EM RIGHT ♪ WHEN YOU'RE LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE ♪ LEARNIN' THE FACTS OF LIFE GLORIOUS DAY, ISN'T IT? STOP BUBBLING. I HATE IT WHEN YOU BUBBLE. YOU WOULD BUBBLE, TOO, IF YOU'D ANSWERED THE PRAYERS OF THE ENTIRE FRESHMAN CLASS. BLAIR, PLEASE! THERE ARE KIDS HERE. YOU WOULD'VE BEEN SO PROUD. I DID A MRS. GARRETT. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I SOLVED A MAJOR PROBLEM. WE NEEDED AN OPENING ACT FOR FRESHMAN NIGHT. I PROMISED MY COUSIN GERI. DOES GERI KNOW ABOUT THIS? WELL, NOT YET. THEN IT'S ONLY HALF A MRS. GARRETT. SHE'S STOPPING BY. I'LL GIVE HER THE GOOD NEWS THEN. I AM SO AMAZING. I GET GERI A JOB. FRESHMAN NIGHT IS BOOKED. I'LL BE THE NEXT DON KIRSHNER. STOP FLAPPING YOUR GUMS, DON, AND START COUNTING THE PICKLED EGGS. A CUSTOMER. DARN. I'LL HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK. KEEP COUNTING THE OLIVES, NATALIE. THIS ONE'S MINE. CAN I HELP YOU? YEAH. I'M KIND OF HUNGRY. GREAT. WE HAVE GREEK SALAD, TORTELLINI, AND A REALLY TERRIFIC QUICHE. HOW ABOUT A HERO SANDWICH? YOU'D MAKE A HERO OUT OF ANY SANDWICH YOU ATE. THAT WAS GOOD. I'M JEFF WILLIAMS. I KNOW. I'M A SENIOR AT BATES. I KNOW THAT, TOO. I PLAY FOOTBALL. I HEAR YOU ARE NOW, THAT WAS INSPIRED. IS THERE ANYTHING I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT YOU? I'M TOOTIE RAMSEY. I'D LOVE TO MAKE YOU A SANDWICH... ON THE HOUSE. THAT WAS GOING TOO FAR. TOOTIE, HAVEN'T I SEEN THAT YOUNG MAN ON A BOX OF WHEATIES? NO, BUT YOU WILL. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT COSTS A POUND? JO, SHE'S NOT GIVING IT AWAY. YES, SHE IS. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS STUFF COSTS A POUND? HE'S JEFF WILLIAMS, STAR QUARTERBACK AT BATES. EVERY FOOTBALL COLLEGE IS AFTER HIM. AND SO AM I. HERE YOU GO. DO YOU ALWAYS GIVE CUSTOMERS FREE FOOD? NOT ALWAYS. NEVER AGAIN. THIS PLACE IS NEW, ISN'T IT? YES. MRS. GARRETT OWNS IT. MRS. GARRETT, THIS IS JEFF WILLIAMS. NICE TO MEET YOU. YOU HAVE A REAL NICE PLACE. I MEAN, THE QUALITY OF YOUR SERVICE IS EXCELLENT. REALLY... EXCELLENT. HA HA HA HA! I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR SANDWICH AND... UH, UH, JEFF? IF YOU LIKE IT, COME BACK. I'LL BE BACK EVEN IF I DON'T LIKE IT. I MEAN, NOW THAT SHE'S HERE. I MEAN, THE STORE. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN, JEFF. ARE YOU GOING TO THE GAME? UH...I AM NOW. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MY DATE FOR THE VICTORY PARTY? I'D LOVE IT. EXCUSE ME, BUT IF THE GAME HASN'T BEEN PLAYED YET, HOW CAN YOU PLAN A VICTORY PARTY? MRS. GARRETT... HE'S PLAYING. OH. OF COURSE. REALLY, REALLY EXCELLENT. HA HA ÷HA HA! I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW, TOOTIE. BYE-BYE! TOOTIE, I AM SPEECHLESS. YOU SAW WHAT YOU WANTED AND YOU WENT AFTER IT. NO LOOKING TO THE RIGHT OR LEFT. WHAT HAPPENED TO "SPEECHLESS"? WELL, OUR LITTLE GIRL HAS TRAPPED HER FIRST MAN. SHE ONLY USED FIVE BUCKS WORTH OF CHEESE. JEFF CERTAINLY SEEMS LIKE A VERY NICE YOUNG HUNK. I'VE BEEN AROUND YOU GIRLS TOO LONG. TOOTIE, WHAT DO YOU SAY? WHAT'S TO SAY? I MET A GUY. HE ASKED ME OUT. HE'S A FOOTBALL STAR. DID YOU SEE THE WAY HE LOOKED AT ME? I SAW IT ALL, TOOTIE. THEN WHAT DID HE SAY? NOTHING. HE JUST GAZED INTO MY EYES FOR ABOUT 10 MINUTES. YOU COMMUNICATE WITHOUT WORDS. I'VE LOOKED FOR A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THAT ALL MY LIFE. THE LAST THREE DAYS HAVE BEEN SO SPECIAL. JEFF AND I ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. HE'LL BE A STAR ATHLETE. I'LL BE A STAR STAR. WE'LL HAVE SO MUCH TO SHARE-- THE TENSION, PRESSURES, ULCERS. YOU'RE GOING TO BE SO HAPPY! WE'LL BE LIKE JOE DiMAGGIO AND MARILYN MONROE. ALEX KARRAS AND SUSAN CLARK. JOE NAMATH AND EVERYBODY. GERI, YOU HAVE TO. NO WAY. BUT YOU PROMISED. NO, YOU PROMISED. COME ON. WE NEED YOU FOR FRESHMAN NIGHT. WHY WON'T YOU DO IT? SHE WANTS ME TO OPEN FOR A ROCK BAND. WHAT'S SO TERRIBLE? IT'S A ROCK CONCERT. THEY DON'T WANT JOKES. THEY WANT THEIR MTV AND THEY WANT IT NOW. BLAIR, THEY'LL KILL ME! I'M MEETING WITH THE ENTERTAINMENT COMMITTEE. WHAT WILL I SAY? "HEY, GANG, I SCREWED UP." I WILL NOT RUIN MY REPUTATION IN FRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE. THEN LET ME DO IT. JO'S GOING TO DROP ME OFF AND THEN TAKE MY CAR TO THE GARAGE. THEY'RE GOING TO ROTATE MY PISTONS, RIGHT? CLOSE ENOUGH. I EXPECT THAT INVENTORY TO BE FINISHED. I SAID I'D DO IT. SHE SAID SHE'D DO IT. SHE'S BEEN SAYING THAT FOR THREE DAYS. THESE DAYS HAVE BEEN SPENT MAKING WONDERFUL MOMENTS. KODAK MOMENTS. AND BEST OF ALL... SHARING THEM. I GOT NOTHING AGAINST FIRST LOVE, BUT TOOTIE OWES EDNA'S EDIBLES 6.02 HOURS OF WORK. I'LL SETTLE FOR AN EVEN SIX. TWO MINUTES HERE, A FREE SANDWICH THERE. IT ADDS UP. BOY, AM I GLAD I'M NOT WORKING FOR YOU. WE'LL BE LATE FOR THE SHOW. IT'S A ROMANTIC DOUBLE FEATURE. JAWS I AND JAWS II. THEY'RE SO SCARY, I CAN'T EVEN WATCH THEM. THAT'S WHAT I'M COUNTING ON. YOU'LL GO, "OH, JEFF, PROTECT ME," AND BURY YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEAD RIGHT THERE. OR I MAY THROW UP... RIGHT THERE. HELP ME WITH INVENTORY. I WORKED ON THE PLAYBOOK ALL WEEK. ISN'T SUNDAY MY DAY OF REST? IF YOU CREATED THE WORLD IN THE OTHER SIX. YOU WRITE, AND I'LL READ OFF THE LABELS. I CAN'T CONCENTRATE ON FOOD. MY HEAD IS FILLED WITH FORWARD PASSES, QUARTERBACK SNEAKS, AND... YOUR SMILE. I'LL WRITE, AND YOU CAN READ THEM OFF. THIS IS BORING. I WANTED TODAY TO BE SPECIAL. YOU SAID ANY DAY WITH ME WAS SPECIAL. AND IT IS. I WANTED TODAY TO BE EXTRA SPECIAL. IT'LL BE EXTRA BORING IF WE DON'T FINISH. HOW MUCH MUSTARD? A LOT. I'M SERIOUS. 24 JARS. 23, IF ONE'S FOR HOT DOGS AT THE MOVIES. FORGET THE MOVIE, HOT DOG! OH, YOU'RE TOUGH. AND GETTING TOUGHER. TELL ME HOW MUCH HORSERADISH MUSTARD, DILL MUSTARD, PEPPERCORN MUSTARD-- WAIT A MINUTE! SLOW DOWN! HOW MUCH HORSERADISH MUSTARD? THEY ALL LOOK ALIKE! ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR! FOUR JARS OF HORSERADISH MUSTARD! WHAT'S WRONG? CAN'T YOU READ? JEFF. HEY, READING'S NOT MY THING, OK? BUT THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. YOU'RE A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL, AND YOU CAN'T READ? I'M INTO FOOTBALL. COACH SAYS I SHOULDN'T GET DISTRACTED. DISTRACTED? YOU SAID IT YOURSELF. I AM THE FOOTBALL TEAM. SCOUTS FROM NINE COLLEGES ARE WATCHING ME. NOT EVERYBODY CAN SAY THAT. MAYBE NOT, BUT EVERYBODY CAN READ. I CAN READ. I DON'T WALK INTO PLACES THROUGH THE EXIT. I'VE NEVER WALKED IN THE LADIES' ROOM. I CAN READ ENOUGH. OK. ALL RIGHT. THEN READ THIS. WHAT'S THIS? HORSERADISH MUSTARD. IT'S HOLLANDAISE SAUCE. WHO CARES? I'M NOT GOING TO EAT EITHER ONE ANYWAY. HOW DO YOU GET THROUGH SCHOOL WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO READ? HOW DO YOU PASS YOUR TESTS? PEOPLE DO THINGS FOR ME. PEOPLE CHEAT FOR YOU? IT'S NOT CHEATING. IT'S HELPING. LOOK, I TAKE MY OWN TESTS. MY FRIENDS LOOK UP THE ANSWERS, BUT I MEMORIZE THEM. LIKE I DO WITH MY PLAYBOOK. NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT IT? IF THEY DO, THEY HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING TO ME. DON'T YOU WANT TO READ? OF COURSE, AND I WILL. I WILL. RIGHT NOW, THEY'RE OFFERING ME THE CHANCE TO BE THE BEST QUARTERBACK IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY. I GOT TO MAKE THE MOST OF THAT. YEAH, I GUESS. TOOTIE, LOOK. DON'T BE LIKE THAT. I DON'T WANT MY GIRL LOOKING LIKE SHE'S BEEN EATING SOUR LEMONS. BUT, JEFF, THIS IS YOUR... YOUR GIRL? AS IN... ♪ I'VE GOT SUNSHINE ♪ ON A CLOUDY DAY I REALLY... CARE ABOUT YOU, TOOTIE. I CARE ABOUT YOU, TOO, JEFF. THEN I WANT YOU TO WEAR THIS... AND BE MY GIRL. TO THE END OF INVENTORY! MAY WE NEVER DO IT AGAIN! LUCKILY, THIS ISN'T McDONALD'S. OVER 45 BILLION SERVED, AND SOMEBODY COUNTED EVERY ONE. [DOORBELL RINGS] I'LL GET IT. HI, TOOTIE. I THOUGHT YOU WERE JEFF. I'D LIKE TO BE ANYBODY ELSE THIS WEEKEND. HI, GERI. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? OH... SILLY MOI! GERI AGREED TO DO FRESHMAN NIGHT. I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO. I DIDN'T. BUT AFTER SEEING BLAIR'S PATHETIC FACE, SHE COULDN'T SAY NO. WRONG. I SAW MY PATHETIC BANK ACCOUNT AND COULDN'T SAY NO. YOU'LL BE A HIT. I'M CRAZY OPENING FOR A ROCK BAND. SILLY MOI AGAIN! I FORGOT TO TELL YOU THE ROCK BAND CANCELED. CANCELED? DAYS AGO. GREAT! YOU'LL DO IT YOURSELF. YEAH, THE GERI TYLER SHOW! I HOPE YOU HAVE ENOUGH MATERIAL. NO, NO, NO. WE GOT A NEW HEADLINER. WHO? YOU'LL BE THRILLED. IT'S NOT A ROCK BAND. WE GOT ROBERT KLEIN. I LOVE HIM! WE SAW HIM! ROBERT KLEIN, THE COMEDIAN? YOU MEAN, I'M OPENING FOR ANOTHER COMIC? I DON'T THINK SHE'S THRILLED. IS THAT PUNCH BOWL DEEP ENOUGH TO DROWN IN? [DOORBELL RINGS] THAT MUST BE JEFF. I'M GLAD YOU CAME. A DAY WITHOUT TOOTIE'S LIKE A DAY WITHOUT SUNSHINE. YOU'RE JUST IN TIME FOR THE CELEBRATION. WELL, YES, YES, YES! I'M ALWAYS READY FOR A PARTY. WHAT ARE WE CELEBRATING? THE END OF INVENTORY. I'LL DRINK TO THAT. I GOT GOOD NEWS, TOO. WHAT? THERE ARE NO SECRETS HERE. I PASSED MY BIG BIOLOGY TEST. FANTASTIC! ÷GREAT! I GOT A HIGHER GRADE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD. YOU'RE HOME FREE. I GOT ANOTHER BIG ONE--ENGLISH. BUT IF I PASS THAT, I'LL SIT BACK AND LET THE COLLEGES FIGHT OVER ME. LET'S MAKE A TOAST TO JEFF. TOOTIE. UH...I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. NATALIE'S THE WRITER. YOU'RE ALWAYS PUTTING ME ON THE SPOT. AM I SUPPOSED TO JUST COME UP WITH SOMETHING-- OH, I GOT IT. TO JEFF WILLIAMS, THE BATES BOMBER, ATHLETE AND SCHOLAR. HE'S NOT JUST ANOTHER DUMB JOCK. ALL RIGHT! I'LL DRINK TO THAT. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE? I'M NOT SURE YET. TOOTIE, WHAT'S WRONG? PEOPLE KEEP MESSING UP THE FORKS AND SPOONS. TOOTIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? STOP MESSING UP THE PLASTICWARE! WHAT'S WRONG, TOOTIE? NOTHING. I KNOW. IT'S ABOUT JEFF, ISN'T IT? WHAT ABOUT JEFF? IT'S OBVIOUS WHY YOU'RE UPSET. JEFF'S GOING TO COLLEGE. YOU'RE AFRAID HE'LL FORGET YOU. DON'T WORRY. HE'LL WRITE. NO, HE WON'T. HE WILL IF YOU WRITE FIRST AND ASK QUESTIONS. THEN HE HAS TO. NOT IF HE CAN'T READ MY LETTER. TOOTIE, YOU HAVE NEATER WRITING THAN JOHN HANCOCK. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HANDWRITING. TOOTIE, ARE YOU SAYING JEFF HAS A PROBLEM WITH READING? I BABYSIT FOR KIDS WHO READ BETTER THAN HE CAN. NOW, WAIT A MINUTE. THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT. HOW DOES HE PASS ALL HIS TESTS? HIS FRIENDS HELP HIM. THEY GIVE HIM THE ANSWERS AND HE MEMORIZES THEM. HIS FRIENDS. SOME FRIENDS. MRS. GARRETT-- THAT REALLY STEAMS ME! THESE "FRIENDS" AREN'T HELPING HIM. THEY'RE CHEATING HIM OUT OF HIS FUTURE. LOOK, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I UNDERSTAND PLENTY. THOSE PEOPLE DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM. JEFF'S A STAR FOOTBALL PLAYER. THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS! THAT'S NOT TRUE! THE PEOPLE WHO HELP JEFF CARE A LOT! TOOTIE... WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? HIS FRIEND IN BIOLOGY CLASS WAS SICK. JEFF WAS DESPERATE, SO I... TOOTIE, YOU DIDN'T. HE NEEDED ME. IT DIDN'T SEEM LIKE SUCH A BIG DEAL. IT WAS JUST ONE TEST. OH, TOOTIE. NOW HE'LL ASK ME TO HELP HIM ON THIS ENGLISH TEST. HOW CAN I REFUSE? I DON'T SEE HOW YOU CAN'T. NOT IF YOU WANT TO GET JEFF BACK ON THE RIGHT TRACK. HE WON'T LISTEN TO ME. NOT WHEN OTHERS MAKE IT EASY FOR HIM. LISTEN, HE'S GOTTEN THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL. HE'LL PROBABLY GET THROUGH COLLEGE... WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM HIS "FRIENDS." YOU'RE A BETTER FRIEND THAN THAT. AREN'T YOU? WELL, IF MY GIRL'S IN HERE, THIS MUST BE WHERE THE PARTY IS. YEAH, AND FOUR IS A CROWD. LET'S GO, NATALIE. OK. WE'LL STICK AROUND ANOTHER HALF HOUR, THEN WE'LL HAVE A PRIVATE CELEBRATION. TAKE YOU OUT FOR A PIZZA. JEFF, I DON'T THINK WE HAVE ANYTHING TO CELEBRATE. YOU ONLY HELPED ME ON THAT BIOLOGY TEST 'CAUSE YOU CARE. IF I REALLY CARED, I WOULDN'T HAVE CHEATED FOR YOU. IF MY OTHER FRIENDS FELT THAT WAY, I'D NEVER HAVE A CHANCE FOR A FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP. CAN'T YOU THINK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE? I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT FOOTBALL IS TO YOU-- I KNOW. WHAT IF I DON'T MAKE THE PROS? NO. WHAT IF YOU GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT? SO YOU'RE RICH AND YOU'RE A STAR AND IDOLIZED BY MILLIONS OF KIDS. YEAH! ALL YOU'LL BE IS AN ILLITERATE JOCK! DON'T YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE? YOU'RE OUT OF LINE. OUR PEOPLE WORKED IN THE FIELDS. THEY HAD TO LEARN TO READ IN SECRET. NOW AN EDUCATION IS YOUR RIGHT AND YOU'RE STILL ON THE FIELD! OK, SO IT'S A FOOTBALL FIELD, BUT-- FOOTBALL IS WHAT I DO. AND IT'LL GET ME WHAT I WANT. WHEN YOU'RE IN SPORTS ILLUSTRATED, WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO BE ABLE TO READ THE ARTICLE? GET OFF MY CASE! NO! JEFF, IT'S NOT EITHER/OR. YOU CAN PLAY FOOTBALL AND READ, TOO. I'M NOT SAYING I'M HAPPY WITH THINGS-- THEN DO SOMETHING! BUT I'M ALMOST 18! I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE A FOOL. I'VE GOT MY PRIDE. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? LOOK AT ME. I'M TALLER THAN MOST 4th GRADERS. I'D LOOK STUPID SITTING AT THOSE DESKS WITH MY KNEES UP AROUND MY CHIN! WHO CARES? I DO! THAT'S NOT PRIDE, THAT'S EGO. I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED. IT'S HOW I FEEL. YOU'RE TOO SMART FOR THAT. I MEAN, NOW EVERYONE LOOKS UP TO ME. ONCE THEY KNOW, THEY'LL LAUGH AND... I'LL LOSE EVERYTHING. JEFF, I KNOW. AND YOU HAVEN'T LOST ME. FUNDS FOR CAPTIONING THIS PROGRAM PROVIDED BY EMBASSY TELEVISION CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC. PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1983 EMBASSY TELEVISION