Red Eye Recorded Apr 30, 2013, Fnchd - Cf

>> WELCOME TO "RED EYE." IT IS LIKE I AM SAME. LET'S GO TO ANDY LEVY FOR A PRE GAME REPORT. WHAT IS COMING UP ON TONIGHT'S SHOW? >> THE EX-GIRLFRIEND OF TAMERLAN TSARNAEV SPEAKS OUT. THE EXCLUSIVE STORY AHEAD. JUST KIDDING. SHE GAVE AN INTERVIEW SOMEWHERE ELSE. AND THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENT DINNER IS GREAT AND AWESOME. AND FINALLY, WHAT LEGENDARY MUSEUM -- MUSICIAN WILL BE TOURING, GREG? >> AFTER THE SHOW WILL YOU BE MAKING A TIME SHARE PRESENTATION IN CORAL GABLES? >> WE DON'T CALL THEM TIME SHARES ANYMORE, GREG. >> WHAT DO THEY CALL THEM? >> I WILL TELL YOU AFTER THE SHOW. >> I WON'T BE MAKING IT DOWN THERE. UNLESS YOU CAN MAKE IT WORTH MY WHILE. >> WE HAVE FREE COOKIES. >> THERE YOU GO. I'M A SUCKER FOR COOKIES. GO AWAY, SAD, STRANGE MAN WITHOUT A TIE. SHE KNOWS LIKE I KNOW JEAN SHORTS. IT IS CALLED STYLE, PEOPLE. I AM HERE WITH A FIRST TIME GUEST, PROFESSOR VICKY ZIEGLER. DON'T KNOW A LOT OF VICKYS, SO I AM GLAD TO KNOW YOU. AND IF LIL LAIR TEE WAS A BOWL OF TRAIL MIX, IT IS COMEDIAN JOE DEVITO. AND IN RUSSIA HE IS CONSIDERED A MEAT PIE, BILL SCHULZ. AND IF MUSICAL GENIUS WAS A CHECK I WOULD BLOW HIM ON A SKI TRIP WITH FRIENDS. NEXT TO ME, MUSICIAN AND RECORD PRODUCER ANDREW W KAY. >> A BLOCK. THE LEDE. THAT'S THE FIRST STORY. BE READY TO BE INFORMED AND ENTERTAINED, AMERICA. >> HIS EXDIDN'T GIVE A -- AN F. THE BOSTON BOMBER WAS A BAD BOYFRIEND. THE EX-GIRLFRIEND OF TAMERLAN SAID WHEN SHE HEARD HE WAS KILLED SHE, QUOTE, DIDN'T CRY. IN AN INTERVIEW WITH "THE SUN" , NOT THE THING THAT GIVES US LIGHT AND HEAT, THEY REVEALED THAT SHE ENDED HER THREE-YEAR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OLDER BROTHER REPRESENTED HERE AS USUAL BY A DRAWING OF DOG POOP. HE PHYSICALLY ASSAULTED HER FOREGOING TO A POOL PARTY WEARING CUTOFF JEANS AND A CROP TOP, WHAT JOE WEARS AFTER THE SHOW. SHE CALLED THE SUDDEN TRANSFORMATION, QUOTE, ONE MINUTE HE IS A NORMAL GUY WHO LIKES BOXING AND HAVING FUN. AND THEN PRAYING FOUR TIMES A DAY. IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE FIVE, ACTUALLY, WATCHING ISLAMIC VIDEOS AND WATCHING INSANE NONSENSE. HE BECAME EXTREMELY RELIGIOUS AND TRIED TO BRAIN WASH ME TO FOLLOW ISLAM. HE WANTED ME TO HATE AMERICA LIKE HE DID. YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT TO FOCUS ON? THIS. THAT WAS PROBABLY -- THAT WAS THE -- -- >> THAT WAS A SEIZURE. >> THAT WAS A GREAT WAY TO START A MONDAY. A KITTEN PLAYING AROUND IN A BOWL OF MILK. IT HAS TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. WK, IF IT IS TRUE, WE KEEP HEARING THESE STORIES AND YOU GET RADICALIZED LIKE THAT. CAN WE JUST STOP HAND WRINGING? HAND RINGING BECAUSE WE CAN'T GO BACK. IT IS LIKE GETTING A GOOD TO EVIL CHANGE, LIKE A SEX CHANGE, BUT GOOD TO EVIL. >> IT IS LIKE A NEW HOBBY THAT TAKES OVER EVERYTHING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, AND THEN YOU CAN SELL -- CANCLE -- CANCEL YOUR OLD LIFE. THEN HIS GIRLFRIEND WATCHED THIS HAPPEN AND WAS DISTURBED. I THINK SHE WAS LUCKY TO SEPARATE FROM HIM AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. >> IF SHE IS INDEED TELLING THE TRUTH. WE DON'T KNOW THAT. OF COURSE WE DO. VICKY, WELCOME TO THE SHOW. RUT FIRST VICKY I HAVE RUN -- YOU ARE THE FIRST VICKY I HAVE RUN INTO SINCE MY BABY-SITTER WHICH I HAVEN'T FOUND. DO YOU THINK THIS WILL BE -- >> I AM IN YOUR HEAD. >> ARE YOU IN MY HEAD. IT IS A LARGE PLACE. SHE WAS SURPRISED THE YOUNGER BROTHER WAS INVOLVED AND THAT HE WAS A NICE KID. ISN'T THAT GOING TO BE THE DEFENSE? THEY WILL SAY THE BROTHER WAS BULLIED AND WE WILL HAVE TO NOD ALONG? >> ABSOLUTELY. HIS POSITION IS CLEARLY GOING TO BE "I WAS BRAINWASHED BY MY OLDER BROTHER. I WAS A GOOD KID. EVERYONE WILL ESTABLISH THAT DURING THIS TRIAL. I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG" EXCEPT FOR THE FACT WE HAVE HIM ON VIDEO AND THE EVIDENCE THAT WILL OUT ON INSTRAW GRAM AND HIS TWEETS -- 0* INSTAGRAM AND A LITTLE INSIGHT OF WHAT HE HAS DONE. EVEN THOUGH HE IS 19 WITH A BABY FACE HE IS A COLD BLOODED KILLER , AND I DON'T THINK ANYBODY WILL BE DISSUADED WITH THAT ARGUMENT. JOE, YOU HAVE A BABY FACE, BUT YOU KEEP IT IN YOUR GLOVE COME PARTMENT -- GLOVE COMPARTMENT. I DON'T MEAN TO INSULT YOU. WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE FACT THAT THESE GUYS HAVE INCREDIBLY, I DON'T KNOW, INTERESTING PASTS, SOCIAL LIFE WITH MANY GIRL ENDS FROM, IT HAS TO DRIVE YOU NUTS, JOE. >> A LITTLE BIT. LET'S SEE HE IS AN ABUSIVE FILL PLAN DEERING TERRORIST. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THE NEXT FIVE WOMEN I DATE COMPLAIN. HOW LONG IS THE SELF-ESTEEM ON THESE WOMEN THEY DATE, AND HOW CAN I CAPITALIZE? >> THESE GUYS HAD NO PROBLEM GETTING WOMEN, AND THEY WERE *** BAGS. JOE, I CONSIDER YOU A NICE GUY. I NEVER SEE YOU OUT WITH A GIRL. >> YES, THAT'S WEIRD. >> HOW DO I GO OUT WITH THEM? >> YOU CAN'T JUST WEAR THEM, JOE. >> WHAT RADICALIZED YOU TO BECOME A HUH MAF -- A HEMAPHRODITE? >> I HAVE ONE LESS THING TO GET INJURED. HE STARTS OFF SAYING HE WAS A NICE GUY AND LIKED SPORTS AND HE IS FUNNY AND THEN HE DID THIS AND THEN HE DID THAT AND THEN HE HIT ME. THEN HE FORCED ME TO CONVERT TO ISLAM. HE HIT ME AGAIN WHEN I WENT TO A PARTY AND WORE JEAN SHORTS. AT WHAT POINT DO WE SAY, I MAY LEAVE THIS? I DON'T UNDERSTAND -- >> NOT WITHOUT MY BURKA. >> SHE HAD LOW SELF-ESTEEM AND HE MADE IT 10 TIMES LOWER. JAY WE CAN BEAT UP ON HER ALL -- >> WE CAN BEAT UP ON HER ALL WE WANT BECAUSE -- >> WELL HE DID. >> WELL, HE DID. IT WAS NEVER PROSECUTED BECAUSE HE ASSAULTED HER AND THAT'S THE BIGGER PROBLEM. HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN ARRESTETTED AND INCOURSE RATED BUT HE WASN'T A U.S. CITIZEN. WE ARE MISSING THE BIGGER POINT. I AM NOT TRYING TO BE A DOWNER. >> WE NEED THAT TO BALANCE OUT OUR OWN IDIOCY. MY FAVORITE PART OF THE STORY AND I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IT BEFORE WE MOVE ON, BUT THE MOM WAS CAUGHT SHOPLIFTING AT A LAUREN TAYLOR YEARS AGO. AND IT IS YOU A SO MANY THAT IT WAS THE SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS THAT GO GOT HER IT IS LIKE THE INVISIBLE ELEPHANT IN THIS STORY. I WANT TO SHOW THE BEFORE AND AFTER OF THE MOM HERE. THIS IS BEFORE. SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE COULD HAVE BEEN A SUE SEE AND -- SUSIE AND THE BANSHI OR A MEMBER OF THE BLACK HEARTS OR THE RUN AWAYS. >> WENT DOWNHILL. >> SO RAID CAL ISLAM -- SO RADICAL ISLAM IS PART OF THE SASSINESS. >> FROM JOAN JETT TO SINEAD O'CONNOR. >>> IS IT A HARMLESS EVENT OR SHOULD EVERYBODY GET BENT? THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENT DINNER BROUGHT TOGETHER MEMBERS OF THE MEDIA AND CELEBRITIES AND POLITICIANS STINKING OF COME -- CUMBERBUNS. HERE ARE HIGHLIGHTS, FANS OF HIGHLIGHTS. >> LOOK, I GET IT. I LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND I HAVE TO ADMIT, I AM NOT JUST THE STRAPPING YOUNG MUSLIM SOCIALIST I USED TO BE. I RECOGNIZE THIS JOB CAN TAKE A TOLL ON YOU. I RECOGNIZE THE SECOND TERM. I NEED A BURST OF NEW ENERGY AND TRYING SOME NEW THINGS EXAMINE THEN MY TEAM AND I TALKED ABOUT IT AND WE ARE WILLING TO TRY ANYTHING SO WE BARROWED ONE OF MICHELLE'S TRICKS. >> I AM JUST GLAD HE ADMITTED HE IS A LADY HATING KENYAN. HE IS ATTACKING HIS OWN WIFE ABOUT HER HAIR SAYING HE IS A MUSLIM SOCIALIST. I DON'T KNOW HOW AMERICA FINDS THIS FUNNY. SHOULD THIS SHIN-DIG BE SHUN? SARAH PALIN BLASTED THE BLAST SAY,ING QUOTE, IT WAS PATHETIC. THE REST OF MARK IS WORKING WHILE THESE DC CLOWNS, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT MOVIE I COULDN'T RENT, THROW THEMSELVES A NERD PROM. WHAT A MOUTH ON THAT GIRL. YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS NOT AFRAID OF SAW -- CELEBRITIES? DOG AFRAID OF RICHARD SIMMONS. >> THAT IS AN ATTACK ON RICHARD SIMMONS. I GUESS OUR ANIMAL VIDEOS ARE HOMOPHOBIC, GREAT. DEVITO, COMMENT ON ANY PART OF THE STORY YOU LIKE, BUT WERE YOU SURPRISED TO SEE PALIN USE SUCH LANGUAGE? >> YES, I WOULD HAVE TO SAY I GOT A LITTLE TURNED ON. WELL, YOU KNOW, I DON'T WORRY ABOUT THESE CORRESPONDENT DINNER. I WAS AT THE "RED EYE" GUEST DINNER HELD AT AN EXXON STATION. SURPRISED YOU DIDN'T TURN OUT. >> I WOULD, BUT I HAD OTHER PLANS. WE COULD HANG OUT THERE AND STIR A SINGLE CUP OF COFFEE AND NEVER PAY UNTIL THEY ASK US TO LEAVE. AND THEN WE USE THE BATHROOM. IT IS A SADDENING FOR ALL OF US INCLUDING THE GUY THAT HAS TO CLEAN THE BATHROOM. NOTHING PRETTY COMES FROM GAS STATION COFFEE AND OLD BURRITO. DOES THIS PARTY LOOK BAD TO AMERICA, OR IS IT HARMLESS FUN? >> YOU KNOW, WHAT I THINK AFTER THE SECOND OR THIRD GLASS OF WINE WHEN I WAS WATCHING IT, I STARTED TO FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. IT IS A LITTLE STRANGE. I THINK THE PRESIDENT HAD COMEDIC TIMING, BUT SOME OF THE JOKES WERE A LITTLE OFF COLOR. I FELT A LITTLE STRANGE. I WASN'T THAT INTO IT. BUT TALKING ABOUT SARAH PALIN FOR A SECOND, I HAVE TO LOOK UP WHAT *** CLOWN ACTUALLY MEANT IN THE URBAN DICTIONARY AND IT WAS THERE. IT WASN'T IN WEBSTERS. SHE IS JUST TRYING TO GET RELEVANT. >> *** CLOWN IS BASICALLY WHAT I UNDERSTAND A CLOWN THAT LIVES IN YOUR ***. I WOULDN'T HAVE TO LOOK IT UP. WK, YOU ARE AN OUTSPOKEN PRO PONE INEPT OF PARTIES AND PARTYING IN GENERAL. IF YOU WERE INVOLVED IN CONTROLLING OR IMPROVING THE DINNER WHAT WAS MISSING? >> BALLOONS FOR STARTS. I DIDN'T SEE BALLOONS. IT HUMILIATED EVERYONE IN A GOOD WAY. PEOPLE CAN RELATE TO THEM MORE. IT MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE WHEN YOU GO ON AN AIRPLANE AND YOU MAKE JOKES. IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE THE PROPER PLACE. SAVE THAT FOR AFTER. >> I HATE THAT. I HATE THE SOUTHERN -- JUST RELAX. AND THEN SOMEBODY SAYS IT IS ONLY SOUTHWEST. YOU SHOULD START HECKLING. BILL YOU ATTENDED IN 2012 AS A BUSBOY AND HAD SEX WITH JON BON JOVI IN A BROOM CLOSET. >> I WAS HIS *** CLOWN. I THOUGHT THE ONLY THING IT NEEDED WAS AN OVER WROUGHT, UNFUNNY COMEDY FILM WITH KEVIN SPECEY AS HIS CHARACTER IN THAT SHOW AND POINTLESS CAMEOS WITH PEOPLE WE DON'T KNOW. OH WAIT IT DID HAVE THAT. IT WAS FOR HALF AN HOUR AND IT WOULD NOT STOP. THE WHOLE THING TOOK FOREVER. BY THE WAY, SARAH PALIN IS CALLING HER OWN FAMILY *** CLOWN. FOR THE LAST TWO YEARS HER HUSBAND AND DAUGHTER HAVE BECOME. SHE JUST WENT TO THE PARTIES AFTERWARDS. SO SHE GOT RID OF THE CORRESPONDENTS AND JUST HOBB KNOBBED. >> NUMBER ONE, IT DID FEEL LIKE WANNA BEES EXERCISING THE VELVET ROPE THAT EXCLUDES THE REST OF AMERICA. AND MY VELVET ROPE INCLUDES YOU. >> WE CAN'T SCROLL DOWN. >> THAT IS NOT A CIGAR. >> I WANT TO MAKE A POINT. NOBODY THERE GOT DRUNK. WHAT WAS MISSING WAS PEOPLE VOMITING AND WHAT HAPPENED DURING THE GREAT PARTY WAS PEOPLE GET [BLEEP]. >> THEY DON'T SERVE ALCOHOL? >> I WAS THERE LAST YEAR AND THE YEAR BEFORE. BUT THEY DON'T GET WASTED. >> THEY WERE EATING AT MY TABLE. >> THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT. IF AMERICA WOULD WATCH IT, IT WOULD BE THE HIGHEST RATED THING. >> DID YOU SEE THE DEAN MARTIN ROAST WHERE THEY ARE SMOKING AND THEIR SHIRTS ARE UNBUTTONED? >> YES. >> THE PRESIDENT'S TIMING IS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD. IT MUST BE INTERESTING FORT MEADE YAW TO BE THERE AND SAY OH WE NEVER THOUGHT OF MAKING FUN OF THIS PRESIDENT BEFORE. >> EXACTLY. HE CAN DO A BETTER VERSION THAN ANYBODY. DO I HAVE TIME TO GO TO THIS? FROM NERDS TO JOCKS. DOES EARNING A VARSITY LETTER KEEP KIDS FROM DOING BETTER? ACCORDING TO THE UNIVERSITY THE DUMB JOCK LABEL MAY BE A SELF-FULFILLING PROPHESY. THE MORE THEY IDENTIFY THEMSELVES AS ATHLETES THE LESS CONFIDENCE THEY HAVE WITH ACADEMICS. THEY SAY IT CAUSES A STEREO TYPE GROUP AND THEY BEHAVE AS EXPECTED. LET'S GO TO A TYPICAL COLLEGE ATHLETE FOR A COMMENT. >> THAT IS DELIGHTFUL. WK, ARE YOU A FORMER GORGEOUS JOCK. ARE YOU BUYING THIS? >> YES JIE. YOU WERE A JOCK? >> I WAS ON THE SWIM TEAM AND TRIED TO RUN A FEW TIMES. THE JOCKS WOULD MAKE FUN OF ME AND SAY YOU ARE JUST A PARTIER , LOSER A HESHER OR WHATEVER. AND IT HAPPENED. I SAID NO I AM NEVER GOING TO GROW MY HAIR LONG. IT REALLY WORKS. >> YOU ARE A HESHER. I HAVEN'T HEARD THAT PHRASE IN AGES, BUT YOU ARE A HESHER. >> A METAL HEAD A POT -- >> THE FACT THAT YOU ARE HIDING THAT WORD. >> DO YOU BUY THIS? DIDN'T HE DO BETTER IN SCHOOL AND WE HAVE TO MAKE THEM DO BETTER IN SCHOOL? >> THIS IS A TOTAL MIND YOU KNOW WHAT. YES, THEY MAY FOCUS ON THEIR ATHLETIC ABILITY IN SCHOOL AND, BUT IT IS NOT ABOUT SOCIO ECONOMIC VALUES OR BECAUSE ARE YOU A JOCK OR A GOTH OR A NERD AND YOU WILL DO BETTER OR WORSE IN SCHOOL. I WON'T TELL YOU WHAT I WAS CALLED IN SCHOOL. >> WHAT WERE YOU CALLED? >> NOT TELLING. >> YOU WERE PROM QUEEN, WEREN'T YOU? >> NO, I WAS NOT. >> YOU WEREN'T CALLED FRANK, WERE YOU? >> DEVITO, ISN'T THE WHOLE POINT OF DOING SPORTS IS NO ONE EXPECTS YOU TO DO WELL IN SCHOOL? >> I WAS ON THE WRESTLING TEAM. >> THAT WOULD-BE WHY THERE ARE NO WITNESSES. >> THE COACH WOULD MAKE US ALL COME BY AND WE HAD TO SHOW OUR REPORT CARDS. EVERYONE ELSE GOT BAD GRADES. I WAS A HORRIBLE WRESTLER. HE SAID YOU GOT A'S, BUT I AM 0-12 AND YOU CAN'T KICK ME OFF THE TEAM. >> YOU JUST PROVED THAT YOU BROUGHT EVERYBODY ELSE DOWN. IF YOU ARE A JOCK, SCREW THE GRADES. BILL, YOU LOVED SPORTS, BUT YOU WERE TERRIBLE AT THEM AND YOU WERE A TERRIBLE STUDENT, A FAILURE ALL THE WAY AROUND WHO STEALS FOOD FROM OTHER SHOW'S GREEN ROOMS. >> I DO NOT. IT IS AVAILABLE TO ANYONE WHO IS CALLUS. >> BASICALLY WHAT YOU ARE SAYING IS ANYBODY ELSE THAT GOES IN THERE, CAMERAMEN, SOUND PEOPLE WHO WANT FOOD SHOULDN'T BE GETTING FOOD? >> THERE IS A PECKING ORDER AND THEY ARE WAY DOWN THERE. I AM UP HERE GETTING THE FREE FOOD. >> ARE YOU BASICALLY SAYING WHEN YOU SEE ANY OF THESE CORE FOS LK-- >> FIRST I STEAL THEM DRUGS. SECONDLY I TELL THEM NOT TO EAT MY FOOD. >> IS THAT WHY YOU RUN OUT OF QUESTIONS? LET'S TAKE A BREAK. DOES PARTIES LEAD TO HEARING LOSS? ANDREW WK HAS MORE. FIRST IS THIS AD TOO DARK OR DID THEY HIT IT OUT OF THE PARK? >>> TWO ADS GOOD AND BAD, THAT'S THE SUBJECT OF A NEW SEGMENT WE ARE CALLING AD MULLET. YES, IT IS SERIOUS BUSINESS UP FRONT FOLLOWED BY A PARTY IN THE BACK. DID THEY GO TOO FAR TO SELL A CAR? HYUNDAI IS GETTING FILLETED FOR ON ON-LINE AD FEATURING THE NEW GREEN TECHNOLOGY THROUGH A FAILED SUICIDE ATTEMPT. ROLL TAPE, TAPE ROLLERS. >> YOU HAVE THAT GREAT HOUSE. HYUNDAI AND THE GERMAN AD AGENCY ISSUED APOLOGIES WITH THE CAR MAKER SAYING WE ARE SORRY FOR ANY DISTRESS THE COMMERCIAL CAUSED. NOW TO CLEANSE YOUR PALLET LET'S SHOW THE OTHER AD WHICH ASSUMES THE POSITION OF PARTY IN THE BACK. IT COMES FROM A LITTLE COMPANY CALLED K-MART. >> I SHIPPED MY PANTS RIGHT HERE. >> YOU SHIPPED YOUR PANTS? >> RIGHT HERE YOU CAN SHIP YOUR PANTS. >> I CAN SHIP MY PANTS FOR FREE. >> I MAY SHIP MY PANTS. >> BILLY, YOU CAN SHIP YOUR PANTS. >> I CAN'T WAIT TO SHIP MY PANTS, DAD. >> I SHIPPED MY PANTS AND IT IS VERY CONVENIENT. >> I SHIPPED MY DRAWERS. >> I SHIPPED MY NIGHTY. >> I JUST SHIPPED THE BED. >> IF YOU CAN'T FIND WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IN THE STORE, YOU CAN FIND IT ON K SMART.COM -- K SMART.COM AND SHIP IT FOR FREE. >> WHO EVER CAME UP WITH THAT AD WILL NEVER HAVE TO WORK AGAIN OR BE PROMOTED AFTER BECOMING THE PRESIDENT OF THE AD AGENCY. >> SOMEONE IN THERE SAID THE F-WORD WITH A T, I SWEAR. >> THAT'S WHY IT IS SO BRILLIANT. YOUR BRAIN MAKES YOU THINK YOU SAID IT. HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT TO BET THAT WAS AN ACCIDENTAL DISCOVERY. SOMEBODY SAID I MEANT TO SAY I WET MY BED AND THEY SAID [BLEEP]. >> AND THEN THEY KEEP SAYING IT. >> JOE, WHAT ABOUT THE -- I WANT TO TELL YOU THE OFFENDING COMPANY ABOUT THE SUICIDE THING. THEY SAID THE SPOT WAS CREATED TO, QUOTE, GET CONSUMER FEEDBACK TO DRAMATIZE AN ADVANTAGE WITHOUT ANY COMMERCIAL PURPOSE. I THINK THEY ACHIEVED THAT. THERE WAS NO COMMERCIAL PURPOSE. >> SOMEBODY NEEDS TO TELL THIS GERMAN AD AGENCY TO QUIT GASSING PEOPLE. . >> I GET YOU ANYTHING THE K-MART AD WHICH WAS HILARIOUS SOMEBODY SAID WHAT ABOUT THIS? DONE. AND THE OTHER WAS MESSED WITH? WHERE DO YOU CHECK OUT? THE WORTH PART IS THERE IS NOT -- THE WORST PART IS THERE IS NOT EVEN A TWIST. OH, AND HE IS STEAMING THE WRINKLES OUT OF HIS SHIRT. YOU THOUGHT HE WAS TRYING TO KILL HIMSELF. >> HOW MANY DEPRESSING THINGS WILL WE TRY AND GET IN? >> ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT IF YOU DID THAT IN YOUR CAR YOU WOULD GET WRINKLES OUT OF YOUR SHIRT? >> IT MUST BE TRUE. THEY ARE CLEAN EMISSIONS. >> YOU WOULD HAVE ACTUALLY MADE THEM MONEY. >> UNLESS YOU ARE JEWISH BECAUSE IT WAS IN GERMAN. IT IS A GREAT MARKETING TOOL. IT IS EASIER TO KILL YOURSELF IN OTHER CARS, NOT MY CAR, BUT ANYBODY SHOULD BE TERMINATED AND FIRED AND THEY SHOULD BE GASSED. >> BE GASSED? >> THEY KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. >> I AM INTO IT THOUSAND. >> I THINK THEY MAY HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING ORDERS. >> BILL, YOU LITERALLY [BLEEP] YOUR PANTS. >> I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE TO OUR EDITOR. THERE WAS NOTHING SHIPPING ABOUT THAT. >> FIRST OF ALL, THE HYUNDAI THING I DON'T UNDERSTAND. THEY DIDN'T ASK HIM TO PROVIDE A CAR, YOU COULD HAVE DONE IT AS AN EXCERPT. BUT THEY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. >> I THINK IT IS A COVER. EVERYBODY WATCHES "MAD MEN." YOU HAVE FOUR PEOPLE PITCHING FOR AN ACCOUNT, SO IT IS PROBABLY JUST AN ACCOUNT. THEY ASK AND THEN THE GUY GETS REJECTED AND THEN THE GUY PUTS IT ON THE WEB. >> HIS RESUME. >> THAT'S WHAT THEY TALKED ABOUT NOW. THEY SAID MONTH MATTER WHAT THEY WILL GET A LOT OF COVERAGE. >> THAT'S WHY THE I SHIPPED MY PANTS AD IS POPULAR. WE #R TALKING ABOUT THE K-MART ADD. DOES IT MAKE YOU WANT TO GO TO K-MART WITH A MAN WALKING WITH HIS JUMPING FROM HOLE WAY TO HALLWAY -- HALLWAY TO HALLWAY? IT DOESN'T MAKE ME WANT TO GO TO K-MART. >> MORE LIKE K-FART. >> IT IS GETTING AWAY WITH DOING SOMETHING NAUGHTY THAT WATTS CLEAN. THAT'S WHAT "RED EYE" DOES EVERY DAY. WE ARE TERRIBLE AT THIS. THEY WERE GOOD. DO YOU HAVE A CMEOMNT ON THE SHOW? E-MAIL US. IT IS RED EYE AT FOX NEWS.COM. DO YOU HAVE A VIDEO OF YOUR ANIMALS DOING SOMETHING, ANYTHING. GO TO FOX NEWS.COM/RED EYE. CLICK ON SUBMIT A VIDEO AND WE MIGHT USE IT. STILL TO COME, THE HALF TIME REPORT FROM TV'S ANDY LEVEY. HE IS FULL OF SHIP. >> TONIGHT'S HATCH TIME REPORT IS SPONSORED BY AT CROW BAT PARTICULARS. SPONSORED BY ACROBATICS THAT INVOLVES LOTS OF AGILITY. THAN >> WE ARE BACK. LET'S FIND OUT IF WE GOT ANYTHING WRONG SO FAR. FOR THAT WE GO TO TV'S ANDY LEVY. HI, ANDY. >> IT IS MONDAY NEWS, TUESDAY MORNING FOR SOME OF YOU AT HOME. >> ISLAND NATION OF HAWAII, IT IS STILL MONDAY NIGHT. >> THAT IS TRUE. ROAMING THE FOREST AND LOOKING FOR ANTS AND RATS TO EAT BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE A TV AND YOU HAVE TO SWING FROM VINE TO VINE. >> AND YOU NEED THEM TO PAY TRIBUTE TO YOUR KING. >> THAT'S TRUE. GREG BRADY. >> TAMERLAN'S EX-GIRLFRIEND SAID HE CHANGED OVERNIGHT. YOU SAID IT IS LIKE A HOBBY THAT CAN SELLS YOUR OLD LIFE. THIS IS COLTISH BEHAVIOR, ISN'T IT? >> OUT OF RESPECT FOR CULTS, I WOULD SAY NO. IT IS COMPLETE INNAN BEHAVIOR. SOMETHING THAT IS PASSIONATE, BUT SOMETHING WITHOUT REAL PURPOSE BEHIND AWFULNESS. IT MAKES ME ANGRY. >> I THINK THIS IS A GREAT WAY TO DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN THE RELIGION OF ISLAM AND RADICAL ISLAM. IT IS BASICALLY A SUICIDE CULT. >> IT IS A DEATH CULT. >> DEATH CULTS ARE NOT COOL, BUT REGULAR ONES ARE ALL RIGHT. >> I THINK THERE WAS A BAND CALLED DEATH CULT. >> AND THEN THE CULT. >> YOU ARE THINKING DEATH QULT FOR CAUGHT TEE. CULT FOR CUTIE. JOE YOU SAID TAMERLAN WAS AN ABUSIVE BOYFRIEND. SOME OF THE THINGS YOU HAVE TO DO ARE REALLY, REALLY CREEPY. >> BUT IT DOESN'T DISCOUNT THE WATCH LISTS I AM ON. >> DO YOU FER INVITE A DATE TO ONE OF YOUR SHOWS? >> WHICH ONE ARE YOU REFERRING TO? >> WELL AT THE END OF THE SHOW SHE IS GONE? >> THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN. ANY GIRL I TAKE TO THE SHOW THERE IS A TWO-DRINK MINIMUM. >>- Q. I THAT WAS YOU. -- >> THAT WAS YOU. >> THE NEXT TIME YOU INVITE A GIRL TO YOUR SHOW YOU WON'T WONDER IF SHE WILL LEAVE BEFORE IT IS OVER. >> SHE WON'T. I WILL MAKE SURE OF THAT. I USE IT ON MYSELF. >> VICKY, YOU SAY HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN JAIL AND YOU DON'T MEAN TO BE SERIOUS AND A DOWNER. THAT'S MY JOB. >> IF YOU CANNOT DO THAT IN THE FUTURE. >> YOU DO LOOK GOOD ON CAMERA. >> THANK YOU. >> THAT'S IT? >> I HAVE SEEN YOU IN PERSON AND WOW THE CHANGING IS REMARKABLE. >> IT IS. YOU ARE HIDEOUS. >> THANK YOU. >> YOU ARE MADE FOR THE TV LIFE. >> YOU KNOW WHAT ANDY IS LIKE? HE IS LIKE FRIED CHICKEN AT A CORNER DELI. UNDER THE LIGHTS IT IS PRETTY GOOD, BUT WHEN YOU GET IT BACK TO YOUR OFFICE AND IT IS LIKE, WHAT WAS I THINKING? >> IT IS ALL SOGGY. >> SOGGY AND GFS UH STOMACH ACHE AND. >> AND YOU END UP THROWING IT IN THE TRASH. >> AND THEN BILL COMES ALONG AND EATS IT. >> I WILL NOT HEAT SAW -- EAT PSORIASIS. THAT'S WHERE I DRAW THE LINE. >> YOU SAID YOU WERE TURNED ON BY SARAH PALIN SAYING *** CLOWN. >> I WAS SAYING THAT. YES. >> THAT WAS GOOD. >> GOOD QUESTION. >> VICKY, YOU SAID AFTER THE THIRD OR SECOND GLASS OF WINE YOU FELT UNCOULD COMFORTABLE. WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENT DINNER. YOU WERE DRINKING THATIGHT? >> I WAS NOT. >> YOU NEEDED TO. LOOSEN UP. >> GET A ROOM. >> IS THIS LIKE THE DATING GAME REDX? >> ANDY EVER TIME GETS THE LOVELY LADIES. >> IT IS BECAUSE I AM IN A DIFFERENT ROOM. >> IT SMELLS VERY BAD. >> THE HOMELESS FACTOR IN HERE ISN'T GOOD. >> BILL, YOU BROUGHT UP THE HOUSE OF CARDS VIDEO THEY MADE WITH KEVIN SPECEY. >> IF HE IS THAT DEAD PANED AND ANNOYING ON THE SHOW, NOT WATCHING. >> BUT I JUST THOUGHT THE WHOLE THING SHOWED HOW SECRETLY EVERY REPORTER WANTS TO BE A BAD ACTOR. >> AND THERE IS A REASON THEY ARE NOT. DO YOU KNOW WHAT REPORTERS DO 1234* THEY SIT AROUND AND THEY CARP ABOUT BRIAN WILLIAMS. WHY IS BRIAN WILLIAMS ON "30 ROCK." WHY DOES HE GET TO PLAY HIMSELF? I CAN DO THAT. BRIAN WILLIAMS SUCKS, BUT YOU DO TOO. >> JEEZ. >> SEEMS UNNECESSARILY HARSH ON BRIAN WILLIAMS. >> HIS GIRLFRIEND IS HOT. >> AND THAT AN GURS YOU -- ANGERS YOU. >> TOO HOT TO BE ON GIRLS HAVING VEX WITH WEIRD OWES. >> IF I HAD TO CHOOSE I WOULD CHOOSE BRIAN. >> DOUG, AT THE LEAST THEY NEED TO STOP DOING THESE DINNER, BUT THEY HAVE TO SHUT OFF THEEN INTERNET. >> I LIKE HOW HE HELL GRAMS THE JOKES. OBAMA WAS MAKING A JOKE ABOUT BEING MUSLIM. >> I STARTED UNFOLLOWING PEOPLE. VICKY, YOU SAID NOT DOING WELL IN SCHOOL IS NOT ABOUT BEING A JOCK. IT IS ABOUTOCIOECONOMIC ISSUES AND UP BRINGINGETT SET RAW. BUT THERE IS A THING CALLED STEREO TYPES THREAT THAT THE IDEA OF PUTTING IN SOMEBODY'S HEAD LESS IS EXPECTED BECAUSE OF RACE OR GENDER OR WHATEVER AND MAKES THEM ANXIOUS BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO CONFIRM TO THAT STEREO TYPE AND THEN MAKE THEM MORE LIKELY TO CON FOICIAL TO -- CONFORM TO THE STEREO TYPE. I BELIEVE THERE COULD BE A SUSPECTS CLASS, BUT PEOPLE NEED THE SUPPORTS. JOCKS, WE LOVE THEM AND NEED THEM FOR THEIR ATHLETIC ABILITY. >> WHAT DO YOU THINK ANDY PROVIDED THE TABLE? >> I BELIEVE THEY CALLED HIM AN *** CLOWN. >> I THINK WE WERE NERDS TOGETHER. >> IT WAS A SUICIDE ATTEMPT. JOE, YOU MADE A FUNNY ATTEMPT. IT IS A FUN NEE JOKE, BUT THE AD AGENCY IS SOUTH KOREAN. >> REALLY? NOT ACCORDING TO THE MATERIALS I LISTED. >> WELL YOU READ THE WRONG MATERIALS. >> ONE MORE THING. BILL, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THE ADS ARE APOLOGIZING. THE WP IS THE IN HOUSE -- IT IS OWNED BY THE DAUGHTER OF THE CHAIRMAN. THEY CAN'T SAY THEY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. >> THERE IS A LOT OF PIECES OF THE STORY THAT CONFUSE ME. >> SAY WHAT YOU WANT. I NOW KNOW THAT THE IX35 HAS 100% WATER EMISSIONS. THE AD WORKED. >> FOR A SICK PERSON LIKE YOURSELF. THESE ADS ARE THE WORST THING FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU. >> WHY? THAT IS BECAUSE HE IS NOT A HAPPY PERSON? I DON'T WANT YOU LOOKING AT THAT AD, ANDY. I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET IDEAS. ONCE YOU LEARN HOW TO DO IT -- YOU SHOULD BE TEACHING PEOPLE HOW TO DO SOMETHING YOU DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO DO. HOW WOULD YOU KNOW HOW TO KILL YOURSELF THAT WAY AND THEN YOU GET THAT. >> HE IS THE AMBADSMAN, BUT DON'T BE THE AMDEADSMAN. NEAR, FAR, WHEREVER, YOU ARE, I BELIEVE THE TIME WILL GO ON. >>> ARE INMATES REVIEWING PRISON ON YELP. >>> THEY PUT THE RATE IN INCARCERATE. INMATES ACROSS THE COUNTRY ARE REVIEWING PRISONS ON YELP, THE CONSUMER REVIEW SITE WRITES ONE PRISONER OF SING SING WHICH I DIDN'T KNOW EXISTED, THE MAXIMUM SECURITY FACILITY IN NEW YORK STATE, MOST STAFF IN THE WORLD AND THE RUDEST. OTHERS COMPLAIN ABOUT MEED YOLKER FOOD AND VIOLENCE, BUT IT IS NOT ALL NEGATIVE. ONE REVIEW OF A DC FACILITY NOTES, AT NO TIME DID THE OFFICER VIOLATE MY CONSTITUTIONAL PRIVILEGES AND EVEN GAVE ME A JUKEBOX AFTER I SAID I WAS THIRSTY. YOU HEARD IT RIGHT. THEY HAVE JUICE BOXES. IF YOU ARE GOING TO GET ARRESTED. DISCUSS IN ARLINGTON COUNTY. >> DISCUSS -- >> LIGHTNINGROOOOOUUUUNNNDD. LIGHTNING ROUND. >> A N DREW, UNLIKE A RESTAURANT YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE FOR WHAT PRISON YOU ARE SENT TO. WHAT IS THE POINT OF REVIEWING A PRISON. >> I THOUGHT THEY WERE LAWYERS. THEY HAVE AGO TESS TO COMPUTERS? HOW CAN YOU COMPLAIN WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE THE ABILITY TO COMPLAIN? >> I THOUGHT IT WAS PEOPLE VISITING THE PRISON. HAVE YOU EVER WRITTEN A REVIEW ON YELP? >> NO. >> I HAVEN'T. I DON'T KNOW FRIENDS WHO HAVE. THERE IS A SMALL GROUP OF PEOPLE WORKING AT YELP TRYING TO WRITE ALL OF THE REVIEWS. >> THAT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE. WHEN YOU GO ON YELP YOU GO -- THEY EITHER SOUND LIE OVERLY POSITIVE. >> THANK YOU THINK ABOUT IT, YELP IS THE NOISE YOU MAKE BEFORE YOU TBET MURDERED? >> I THINK IT IS FOR AND BY CRIMINALS. >> YELP. >> WOULD YOU SAY PRISONS AND WAR DONEES AND GUARDS AND IT WILL INFLUENCE THEIR WORK FOR THE BETTER OR PERHAPS THE WORST. >> IT IS INTERESTING TO SEE PEOPLE SAY WELL I AM TAKING MY BUSINESS ELSEWHERE. I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT ALL WERE WRITTEN BY THE KILLLY INSANE. IT IS SO BUSINESSES ARE NOT PROMOTING THEMSELVES AND YELP WILL DO THAT. IF THEY FIND OUT YOU DID THAT THEY LIFT UP A BANNER THAT SAYS THAT. AND THE RELP REVIEWERS HAVE A LOT OF TIME ON THEIR HANDS. SHOULD YELP STAKE THEM DOWN OR ARE THEY HELPFUL. >> I DON'T KNOW IF ANY OF YOU HAVE EATEN IN A PRISON. IT IS IMPORTANT FOR PEOPLE TO KNOW THEY WILL BE CRIMINAL SHOPPING. THIS THEY WILL DO A CRIME PERHAPS IT WILL BE A PLACE THEY WILL LAND UP AND IS MORE TASTY AND NUTRITIONAL. >> WHAT WIEW -- WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEND TIME IN A PRISON. >> WHEN WHERE? ZOO. >> RICERS. I USED TO RUN THE TOUR THERE. SERIOUSLY IT IS VERY GOOD. >> THE STRUDEL WAS GOOD. >> MAYBE YOU SOME GET YOUR OWN AGE AND THAT IS A LAWYER. >> SOMEBODY TWEETED THAT TO ME. >> IT WAS BILL. >> THEY DO LOOK DIFFERENT. >> BILL, WILL THIS SAVE YOU TIME IN BOOKING YOUR NEXT CAN -- CONGIGIL VISIT? >> HER EITHER DIDN'T GET *** OR GOT ***. THEY CAN GET ICONS, DIDN'T GET ***, YEA! >> IF THIS IS TRUE, NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE SAY THE PRISON PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE WILL READ THEM. EVERYBODY LIKES COMMENTS ABOUT THEIR WORK. THEY WILL SAY THEY ARE TEAR TABLE AND SO PISSED AN INMATE BAGGED ON THEM. I CAN'T BELIEVE HE SAID THIS. >> AN INTEREST DREW WITH ANDREW WK. >>> ARE YOU READY FOR THE MOST EXTREME WORKOUT EVER? THE ANDREW WK WORKOUT PLAN. >> IT IS THE MOST INTENSE WORKOUT ON THE -- OH GOD. IT IS ABOUT WIPING YOUR BODY OFF THE WALL AT THE END OF THE SESSION. >> I LOST 10 POUNDS OF UGLY FAT USING THAT VERY WORKOUT. I -- AND WK HAS BEEN WITH US, BUT HE ANNOUNCED HE IS TEAMING UP WITH A PUNK ICON. HE IS JOINING MARKY RAMONE FOR AN UP COMING WORLD TOUR THAT KICKS OFF MAY 3RD. THAT'S THIS FRIDAY HERE IN NEW YORK CITY AT THE WONDERFUL SANTOS PARTY HOUSE ON A NUMBER OF OCCASIONS. I HAVE GOTTEN DRUNK THERE. I WAS THERE WHEN THEY HAD MALE GAY *** ON THE WALLS. >> I WAS NOT THERE. >> OR DID I? >> HOW DID THE TOUR COME ABOUT? >> AN AMAZING MAN NAMED STEVE LONTAS. HE WAS MY FRIEND AND LOOKING FOR A NEW SINGER AND WHY NOT ANDREW WK? IT WAS ONE OF THE WORST EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE, BUT I GOT GOSH DARN GIG. AND NOW I HAVE TO GO MORE LUNG COLLAPSE TEE. CAPACITY. >> ARE YOU PLAYING 38 SONGS. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG? >> THAT'S ONE OF THE MOST UH PHASING THINGS. THE WHOLE SET FEELS LIKE ONE INCREDIBLE SONG. BUT IT IS FULL BLOWN. IT IS PUSHING ME TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITIES AND I AM DO THE BEST I CAN TO DO JUSTICE. >> I LIKE THE FACT WE DO AN ENTIRE SET AND THEN TRY TO DO THE DAME SATURDAY WHICH IS WHAT RED EYE DOES. WHO ELSE WOULD YOU LIKE TO TEAM UP WITH. >> THIS IS SO OVER THE TOP IF SOMEBODY HAD TOLD ME I WOULD BE THING THESE SONGS #W* MARKY RAMONE WHO IS REALLY ONE OF THE MOST INCREDIBLE BUMS. NOBODY LOOKS LIKE HE DOES. I FEEL LIKE A LUCKY BOY. ANYTHING I GET TO DO IN THIS LIFE IS ADVENTURE. >> YOU BRING A LOT OF HAPPINESS TO PEOPLE. SO YOU ARE HEADED TO EUROPE FOR A BIT. >> YES. >> BUT FOR PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SEE YOU ON THE U.S. LEG OF THE TOUR? >> MAY 3RD THIS FRIDAY IN NEW YORK CITY AND THEN TO EUROPE AND BACK TO THE U.S. IN OCTOBER. THERE IS PLENTY OF TIME TO CLEAR YOUR SCHEDULE. >> WHEN YOU ARE BACK HERE IN OCTOBER, WE SHOULD TRY TO GRAB SOME LUNCH ORING OR SOMETHING. I DON'T WANT TO PUT PRESSURE ON BOTH OF US. I AM NOT A FISH -- CAN YOU SAVE ME LEFTOVERS? >> I WANT TO TRY -- GO TO ANDREW W.K.COM. WE HAVE TO GO. I HAVE SEEN HIM PLAY. >> TV'S ANDY LEVY POST GAME WRAP UP. >> JOE, UPCOMING GIGS ? >> THIS THURSDAY SOMETHING NEW. I WILL BE A GUEST JUDGE AT THE GONG SHOW LIVE. IT IS AT THE CUTTING ROOM IN NEW YORK CITY 7:00 SHOW. >> VERY COOL. EXCELLENT. >> GONG SHOW. [LAUGHING]