Growing Pains S2E11 - English Transcript

CHEERLEADERS: Go, you mighty *** V, V, victory For var, var, varsity Victory for varsity Go, ***! [CHEERLEADERS CHEERING] [MICROPHONE SQUEALS OVER PA] PRINCIPAL: Mike Seaver to the principal's office. Mike Seaver, come to the principal�s office immediately, mister. Well, I mean it's like a scientific fact that you can be cute or you can be deep. But only one in a million can be cute and deep. Yeah. It's like last summer I thought I might try being really deep this year, but. Okay. So then, what would you call someone like Carol Seaver? Pathetic. Carol, I need you to write me a note. To the principal�s office, in Mom's handwriting. What did you do this time? I don't know yet, so why don't you make it one of those all-purpose deals, okay? Hey, Tom. How you doing? Stand still. Are you nuts? You're my sister, a book head. You even study during lunch. [MICROPHONE SQUEALS] PRINCIPAL: Uh, scratch that last announcement. Carol Seaver, come to the principal�s office, please. That's Carol Seaver. All right. Sorry, Mike. It was an honest mistake. Hey, no sweat. -Is Mom home yet? -Nope. -Dad? -In with a patient. But I get to talk to him first. Yeah, well, I want to talk to Mom anyway. Ben, you know you're not supposed to be pigging out like that. Yeah, well, it's not for me. It's for Mike. Hey, thanks, Benny. So, Carol, did the principal decide to name the school after you? "Nerd High"? Well, as a matter of fact, he called me in to say that if I wanted to I could skip a grade. Whoopee. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Carol. If you skip a year that means we're both gonna be in the 1 1th grade together. Only for a year, then I'll move on to 12th grade and you could have 1 1th all to yourself again. Hey. [PHONE RINGS] Carol, in my grade. This really sucks eggs. BEN: Hello? Hey, Mike, it's Jerry. Look, Jerry, I can't talk now, all right? I just got the worst news. No, believe me, nothing you can say is gonna cheer me up right now. Oh, yeah? How incredibly gorgeous is she? You serious? Oh, whoa. I don't know, man. I mean, it's a school night. She's a stewardess? Oh, really? No, no, I'm in on it. Just let me run it by my dad. It makes him feel involved. Mr. Bendle, for our next session, I'd like you to think about why it is you have so much difficulty just talking to people. Well, okay, then, I'll see you next week. -Hey, Dad. -Dad. CAROL: Mom? Is that Mom? -Can I go out? -I was here first. -I was. -Mike. -Ben. -Boys. CAROL: Mom? -She's not home. MAGGIE: Jason, I'm home. -Okay. -Carol? CAROL: What? -Mom. -Mike. -No, Carol. -What? Stop. -Ben, what? -I want to play next door. Fine. Carol? I want to talk to Mom. Fine. Mike? -I want to go out tonight. -It's a school night. What happened to "fine"? So, Carol, what do you need to talk about? Well, did the principal call you today? Oh, no, what did Mike do now? Nothing, it's me. I wanted to tell you first. I'm sorry, you're just not going anywhere until I have some details. Yeah, all right, Dad. Man to man, the truth. I've agreed to go out on this blind date with a shy, young fragile girl who's only in town for one night. A traveling high-school girl? Exchange student, yeah. No. If it's okay with Mom, is it okay with you? Yeah, good luck. A whole grade? That's my girl. Carol, this is absolutely fabulous. What? What's fabulous? -Carol, your father doesn't know? -Well, not unless the principal called him. What did you do now? Nothing. Carol�s the one who got sent to the principal�s office. Carol, honey, what's the matter? "Carol, honey"? I'm sorry. There's something very wrong here. Carol�s going to skip a grade. Well, I have to pass the 10th grade proficiency test, of course, but. [GIGGLING] Well, that's nice. Jason? It's very nice. Honey, he's thrilled. Mom, listen, just real quick. Dad says I can go out if it's okay with you. -Okay. -Thanks. -Nice? -I said very nice. I don't understand you, Jason. Skipping an entire grade is a real achievement. It can be, but there are recent studies of adolescent-- I don't wanna hear about recent studies of adolescents. I mean, this is Carol. Our daughter. She's different. She has goals, ambitions. Like her mother. Exactly. Something wrong with that? -You said you didn't wanna hear about it. -Well, I wasn't ready then. I am now. Okay. Well, the question is not whether she should skip the 10th grade but why she wants to. Is it because you want her to? Is it because with the additional workload she won't have time for social activities she's not comfortable with anyway? And won't she be even more uncomfortable with kids who are a year more mature? And what if she fails? Is she really ready for that kind of pressure? Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to be married to someone who's so rational? Not a clue. Excuse me I'd just like to express my thoughts on Carol skipping this grade. You know, as an older brother who cares for-- No, no, I'll just say it, who loves his younger sister I'd just like to say. Please don't let Carol skip this grade. I don't ask much from you guys, little allowance some shelter from the rain, a burger now and then. -Get up, Mike. -I'm not asking for myself, no. Personally, I would find having Carol in the class a delightful experience. I'm asking on behalf of the entire 1 1th grade. And what's their problem? Well, basically they feel that with Carol in the class we'll have exceeded our nerd quota. Oh, really? Yeah, Dad, you know how it is, it's a very delicate balance. One more nerd, it tips. Chaos. Dinner will be ready in just a minute. I lost my appetite, Mom. I'm studying about the Donner Party. MAGGIE: Oh. -Oh, listen, Carol, just one quick question. -Sure. This business of skipping a grade, you would be doing it for yourself, right? -Of course. -Okay. And it isn't to avoid a year's worth of social activity and keep your nose buried in books instead of interacting with other kids, is it? No. Great. And you've thought about the additional pressures, right? What pressure? What pressure? That's my girl. I'm just curious. Does this seem wrong to anyone else? Mike, help your brother with the dishes. Sure, Dad. Ben, the dishwasher's that way. So if we're finished talking about this, I have to go study. -I'm finished. Jason? -Go ahead, Carol. See what I mean? She's thought this completely through. I don't know why I let you get me so worried about it. I can't help wondering-- If I had that extra year, things would be a lot different for me. I would have graduated in '68, had Ben in '7 4, gone back to work in '84. Why, I'd be a year younger. No, wait. Carol, if you skip a grade, won't you miss your friends? Well, it's not like I'm gonna be changing schools, Dad. I think she should skip the grade. It's a chance to mess up Mike's whole year. My life is good. Well, I do admire your determination, and you remind me of your mom. Yeah, but I won't make the same mistake she made with the marriage and family bit. -Did she just say--? -Yes, she did. Marriage and family are a mistake? -Where would she get such an idea? -Honey, don't blame yourself. Me? Me? You're suggesting that I gave her that idea? No, no. No, no. I mean, I love being married to you. I love my family. I mean, there's times I think about it when I almost gush. I know that. I've seen you gush. Then where would she get such an idea? Well, probably from some adult she admires. Who? I would guess somebody close to her. -A woman. -Yes. Oh, I see. So now we're back to accusing me. Maybe she's misread your decision to go back to work. Maybe you do put a little too much emphasis on excelling. [GASPS] Just like potty-training. -What? -Do it for Mommy. Do it for Mommy. Do it for Mommy. Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom. Carol, why don't you and I go out for an ice cream cone and we'll discuss skipping that grade, okay? -Ice cream's fattening. -You have nothing to worry about. I wasn't thinking about me. [DOORBELL RINGS] You were saved by the bell. MIKE: I got it, I got it, I got it. I got it. I got it. I'm gonna get it. Hi, I'm Kitty from Bravo Airlines. You must be Mike. Hey, did I luck out this time or what? I usually don't go out on blind dates but I just broke up with my boyfriend his name was Rico and with no warning whatsoever he dumps me, talk about immature. How do you do? I'm Jason Seaver, I'm Mike's dad. Mike? Hi there. I'm sorry, Mike can't go out with you tonight. Oh, why? Is he sick? No, he's young. Mike, why don't you take Kitty out on the porch and maybe you can explain further. -No, no, Dad, I don't think-- -Jason, what's going on? Maggie, this is Kitty. This is the woman you gave Mike permission to go out with tonight. I didn't. You did. Uh, Kitty, we must talk. Well, the usual punishment or are you feeling creative tonight? I can't think about it now, Jason. I have to talk to Carol. -Yes. Okay, okay. -Okay. Carol, got a minute? -I just got to pass that proficiency test. -That's what I wanted to-- If I do, I'll finish high school a year earlier, finish college a year earlier start a business a year earlier become TIME magazine's Woman of the Year a year earlier. Well, before you hit retirement, I'd like to have a word with you. -What's wrong? -I'm not sure. I might be overreacting and I probably heard you wrong but I thought you said some silly thing about marriage and family being a mistake. Right. -Right? -Yes. -Where did you get an idea like that? -From you. Oh, honey, you know that I don't feel that way at all. I mean, I love being married to your dad, I love raising you kids. Ask anyone we know. Give me a phone, I'll dial. Mom, why are you getting so excited? Why? Because I get the feeling we haven't been talking about skipping a grade. We've been talking about you skipping life. I remember you told me to work hard. -Think about college and a career. -Sure I did. So, what's the point of doing that just to get married and give it up like you did? I haven't given up anything. Mom, you worked for Newsweek and quit to raise kids. Yes, but now I've gone back to work. For a local newspaper. The Long Island Herald is number one in Syosset and number two in Massapequa. Exactly. Oh, Carol. Look, honey, I know this is a little complicated. I mean, sure I'm sorry that I missed the big time but I'm not sorry at all about getting married or having three great kids. Do you understand? Yes. -Are you sure? -Of course. You think you have to say this because you regret what you had to do. Oh, no, no, I don't. Of course you do. And don't worry about it because I am gonna make you so proud of me that you are gonna go crazy. I'm already there. So you see, Kitty, I used to be much older than this. Oh, dear. It's an extremely rare disease. That is really amazing. Oh, and tragic too. I would think so. You know, as far as I know, there's only two reported cases in the world. Me and *** Clark. But you don't show your pain. No. No, I don't. Do you have any idea what it's like going through puberty backwards? I can imagine. If they ever find a cure for this, give me a call. You can count on it. I have seen the future and it is good. Jason, do me a favor. Shoot me. It'd be quick and clean. We can do it on the front lawn, turn on the sprinklers, no mess at all. So it went well? Oh, honey, this is all my fault and do you know why? Of course you know why. You know everything. -Well, it's my-- -She thinks I'm some kind of a saint. Who gave up everything for you and the kids. Does she know that's the choice you made? Yes. And she didn't believe me. I wish she had been around before she was born. Yeah. You know, that might work. Don't humor me when I don't make any sense. Oh, honey, if you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them. I didn't think so. [GRUNTING] Dad, what are you still doing awake? Well, I just have something here I think you might be interested in. Not another song by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap. No, why do you say that? Because every time you get out the old tape recorder, it's to play a terrible old song. Well, Gary Puckett happens to be an artist, and that's not what this is about. I still have a lot of studying to do, Dad. Well, just listen when you have a chance. Listen, it's a blast from the past, 1971. It is Gary Puckett. [MAGGIE DOING LAMAZE BREATHING] DOCTOR: You're in the way, Mr. Seaver. JASON: I'm a doctor. DOCTOR: So am I, you're still in the way. JASON: Come on, honey, one more push. MAGGIE: Sure, where else am I going to go? JASON: Come on, one, two, three, and push. DOCTOR: Here it comes. JASON: I see him, a little more, Maggie. [BABY CRYING] JASON: Wow, just look at him. Her, her. It's a girl. MAGGIE: It's a girl. We have a daughter. JASON: Hello, Alexis. MAGGIE: Not Alexis. JASON: But we agreed. MAGGIE: That's when I thought it would be a boy. DOCTOR: Nurse. JASON: Well-- MAGGIE: Oh, isn't she beautiful, Jason? I don't care what we call her. This is the happiest day of my life. JASON: She looks like you. MAGGIE: Where is she going to go to college? JASON: Before we decide on college, shouldn't we give her a name? MAGGIE: Maybe Carol won't go to college. JASON: Carol? MAGGIE: I've always liked that name. Do you? JASON: Well. MAGGIE: I don't care what she wants to do. Just as long as she's as happy as I am right now. JASON: Carol it is, then. -Oh, Jason, I love you. [BABY CAROL CRYING] Does that sound like a woman who regretted her choice? I always thought. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy were you wrong. So you did what you wanted to do. I still am. So you're saying I should have a family? No. So you're saying I should have a career? No. Mom, I'm really getting confused here. Good, because that means you're beginning to realize that you have options. Well, as long as we're set up, how about some classic Gary Puckett? [MAGGIE AND CAROL LAUGHING] Hot? Was she hot? [MAKES SIZZLING NOISE] Well, let's just say that on a scale of one to 10 she was a 7 47. So my mom says: "Take that lewd blouse back, young lady. " Boy, your mother's great compared to my mother. I swear, I have like no choices. It's like she's sick of her life, so she wants to lead mine. My mother's not like that. Are you talking to us? Yeah. My mother lets me make my own choices. She wants me to make my own choices. She expects me to make my own choices. Isn't that incredible? Too much studying. -No, no. See, it's all up to me. -Uh-huh. Do I really want to spend every lunch hour studying? Do I really want all the pressure? Do I really want to skip this grade? No. No. No, I do not want to skip this grade. All right, this is my day. [MICROPHONE SQUEALS OVER PA] PRINCIPAL: Mike Seaver. Mike Seaver, I want you in my office in five minutes and this time there is no mistake. Mom, Mom, Carol just played that tape you made when she was born. Again? Yeah, I didn't even know tape recorders were invented in the olden days. Yes, we came up with that right after fire. Well, when do I get to hear the tape you made when I was born? Your tape? JASON: Umm. Well, you see, Ben, old buddy when first you have children, you want to capture every moment and then-- I think we probably packed yours in a different box. -I'll get it in the morning. -All right. Jason, we didn't make a tape when Ben was born. -Well, not yet we haven't. -Wait a minute. Now, you remember how it goes. One, two, three, push. [English - US - SDH]