Sliders S1E6 - English Transcript

Man: Open up! Conrad Bennish, Jr? Maybe. Who wants to know? FBI. Whoa! What are you guys doing here? Oh, hey, if it's about that *** I just bought, I thought it was a plant holder. - Honest! - Come with us. (computer beeps) Whoa! Look at this place! Great equipment. What's he using this stuff for? Whoa! Fantastic! The construction is beautiful! Mr. Bennish? - (buzzing) - Mr. Bennish! Please have a seat. This guy's a genius? Mr. Bennish, please sit down! Quinn Mallory. (laughs) Advanced physics student. Specialist in "super string" theory. Your friend and classmate, correct? Yeah Professor Maximillian P. Arturo, - Whoa-ho-ho. - University of California. Noted international physicist. Expert in the field of ontology and cosmology. Wade Kathleen Wells, Quinn's co-worker. Currently attending North Shore Junior College. Majoring in extemporaneous poetry and prose. Oh, you gotta love it, dude. A chick with a poetic lick. These individuals have been missing since Tuesday, Mr. Bennish. We have reason to believe a fourth individual may also have disappeared. Rembrandt Brown, also known as "The Cooking Man. " - "Crying Man. " - Whatever. A neighbor has claimed to witness a screaming person fitting his description drive a red Cadillac into a huge, blue whirlpool that emanated from this house. She said it "vanished like a ghost. " Cool You have any information regarding these events, speak up now! Hey, look I don't know anything, all right? But you do know about the bridge. Incredible. Just last week, Conrad Bennish and I were discussing the Einstein-Rosen-Podolsky bridge, and now, I've crossed it! (laughs) I mean, I've really crossed it! Is that possible? You need to maintain quantum coherence over a macroscopic compact region of time and space. The bridge, Conrad. We need to know. What is it?! Well, it's a hypothetical thing. A connecting point between universes. If they've crossed the bridge if that's why they're missing it means they may have journeyed to a parallel Earth! (groaning) (groans) What's the matter, Professor? You kicked me in the ribs, that's what's the matter! Next time we slide, watch where you flail. Hey, this could be home, right? (groaning) Then where is everybody? Quinn: Well, look at the bright side, at least it's peaceful and quiet. Professor: Mr. Mallory, what seems to be the problem? Oh, the timer needs a rest. And so do we. Maybe we could find a place to lie down. - We haven't slept in - (siren blurts) P. A: There are now 10 minutes to zero. - The swarm is approaching from the south. - Swarm!? If you have not evacuated the city, may God have mercy on your soul. Quinn: What if you could find brand new worlds right here on Earth, where anything is possible? Same planet, different dimension. I found the gateway. (theme music plays) TV reporter: The swarm has now reached the outskirts of the deserted city. Given the massive devastation in Southern California, it's hard to imagine anyone would be foolish enough to venture within Of course! Who else could possibly be here but us - the happy wanderers? - Reporter: The South American spiderwasp is a hybrid creature created in a Venezuelan lab as a potential form of pest control. A queen escaped from the compound in 1987, and in just eight short years, the brood she fostered has moved 2,000 miles north cutting a path of death and destruction in its wake. With a wing-span reaching up to a foot - Don't tell me that! - Barbed stingers filled with venom, and an immunity to pesticides, the spider wasps have yet to be slowed. I think we'd better get indoors. and their ability to eat through walls renders most buildings extremely vulnerable to attack. That does it. That just does it! Listen up! I want to go home! You dig what I'm saying? Home! Now! Let's go! Okay, then forget home. Let's just leave here! - What has gotten into you? - I hate spiders! I'd rather face a vampire after I cut myself shaving - than deal with a spider. - These are more of a wasp - than a spider! - That's supposed to make me feel better, girl? That these spiders can fly and sting my head off?! This thing is on its last legs. We have to let it cool. - Professor: Good heavens! - Rembrandt: Oh my God! The timer may be messed up, Quinn, but we've got to go! Okay. Professor: Come. Now, let's go. Wade: Hurry - Rembrandt: Look - Professor: Ugh! - Wade: Hey! - Ladies first. (yells) Where are they? Good heavens, Mr. Mallory. Do something. Oooh! They're coming, Mr. Mallory. Come on, come on, come on Come on, come on, work, work. All right, Professor. It's open! Go! Go, go! (electricity buzzing) (yells) Killer groovy, man. The prophets have arrived. All our problems are over. (crowd murmuring) (yells) (Professor groans) Oh, no, no, no. We're alone. When the gate closed, it it must have shut off the tunnel Wade and Rembrandt were sliding through, then we slid down a different path to a different Earth. Mr. Mallory, would you mind having a look at my back? Is it about to do something nasty? Get it off, please. Quick! Perhaps it's dead? Oooh, no, no. Mr. Mallory, please. (Professor shudders) Don't worry, Professor I used to quarterback in high school. Hold perfectly still. Oh ugh! Oh-hh! They're not coming, are they? They never made it through! Whatever this place is we're here for keeps. L am Skidd. This is Seeker. And this is Fling. "Fling"? Skidd told me I was his latest fling, so I changed my name to prove my love. Can you guys tell us where we are? You're at our commune, man. Just outside of San Francisco. San Francisco, man, that's not bad. What year is it? It's 1995. Uh-huh. Who's the governor? Pete Wilson, man. Yes! Who's the president? Oliver North, man. You look tired. Come with us. We'll take you to a loving place, where you can rest and be refreshed. Look, we could use some shut-eye, Wade. I'll go back and search Cheney Street later. Just in case. (folk music playing) Crowd chanting: U. S. Out! U. S. Out! U. S. Out! U. S. Out! U. S. Out! U. S. Out! U. S. Out! - Hey, man! - U. S. Out! U. S. Out! Hold still. Ow! "Quarterback," indeed! What kind of offense did you run? Wishbone. Now you tell me! Couldn't we have got some ordinary medical tape, hmm? Something a little less ostentatious? You said, "No doctors. " This'll do the trick just fine. (groans) Hey, check it out, brother. And just look at this lot! I hated the '60s when it was the '60s. "Tune in, turn on, turn over. " And endless babble about free love. Totally irresponsible hogwash! Let's face it, lad, Wade and Rembrandt are probably on an alternate Earth, and they have no idea how much I envy them. Go away! Blistering idiot. I'm sorry. Professor Selling junk on the streets, wearing silly hats. A completely wasted generation. Yeah The Gods will come down from the sky September "Down from the sky," man. What more do you want? It's true, Trem, we saw it. So we got two unearthly prophets, disguised as humans, sleeping in our tents? - Woman: Right on. - What are we supposed to do when they wake up? We're gonna act normal. We're gonna keep an eye and an ear open. Because every word they utter could have a profound, multiple meaning. Oh, yeah. Man: Right on, man. (laughter) Oh, man. So far out. Rembrandt: Man, oh, man, this is heaven on earth! Do you ladies know me? I mean is that why you're doing all of this? Skidd recognized you the moment you landed. When he told us who you were we nearly dropped to our knees. Damn. I wasn't sure "The Crying Man" had made a mark in this world. Now I can see I had nothing to worry about. (laughing) Girls: We'll be back. We love you. Later. Cry like a man Do-do-do-do. (laughing) You girls are blowing my mind. Come on and walk with me. Say, guys when my companion wakes up, could you tell her that I've gone into town to look for our other companions? Oh! Then then there are more of you? Yeah, there are two more. But they're probably stuck on another world. - I know that must sound crazy - No, it makes perfect sense. Your kind travel from world to world. We'll always do whatever you say. I wish all my fans had that attitude. Hey, Skidd man, can I catch a ride into town? Yeah, sure, man. Unless you want to take one of our cars yourself? - Well, how many cars you got? - Both: Uhh nine. Nine. - Are they stolen? - Hardly, man. Seeker's father owns half of India. He donated the cars and the mansion. The main house is just over the hill there, it's got about Seeker: Yeah. (laughing) I'll be damned. You guys are rich! Well, we may be into Mother Earth and spiritual values, but we're not stupid. Wall Street has loving things to say as well. Whoa! You know I used to live in that house years ago? Looks like some kind of party going on. Think they'd mind if I took a peek inside? Uh-huh, neighborhood's as friendly as ever. That's why I moved out. (organ music playing) (low chatter) Woman: Dearest family and friends, we are gathered here today to honor the memory of my late husband Rembrandt Brown. When the telegram arrived, saying Rembrandt was missing in action, and presumed dead, my whole world collapsed. But thanks to you, his family and friends, Rembrandt Junior and I find a way to go on somehow. Rembrandt was a good father, a loving husband, and most of all, the best friend - anyone could have. - (crowd murmuring) You got anything you want to add, Cezanne? For those of you that don't know me, I'm Cezanne Brown, Rembrandt's big brother. - Right on, right on. - Mourners: Right on, right on. I would just like to think that well that somewhere up there that Remmy can hear me. And I just want him to know that that I forgive him for all the times that he let me down. Mrs. Brown: I'm sure we all feel that way. See the truth of the matter is is that Rembrandt was jealous of me. 'Cause I was the family achiever. Give me a break! Could I help it that I was born the better athlete? - Man: No, you couldn't. - The better student? It's not your fault, Cezanne. - No, it's not my fault! - Not true either. Now, we all know that, well, Remmy liked his music. (murmuring) (chuckles) He even thought about (chuckles) Trying to make a career of it at some point. (mild laughter) I mean could I help it that the Lord blessed me with more musical talent? (crowd muttering) Musical talent? (all gasp) You couldn't carry a tune if it was strapped to your back. You're supposed to be dead! (shrieking) Put me down! Put me down, man. You don't understand! (thumps) Man: Watch your head there, boy. (stammers) S- Sharon? Wow! It's really you. My love. You've come back to us. It's a miracle from God. Now that Dad's not dead, can we eat? Of course, honey. Everyone this is no longer a wake. It's a celebration! (all cheer) All right, my man is back! - Two cups of coffee, please. - Waitress: Sure thing. (laughs) Aw, shoot. Even the older generation's dropping out. What are you looking at, dropout? Clean yourself up and get a job. I have a job, sir! I am Regent's Professor of Cosmology and Ontology at California University. (laughing) Yeah, and I'm "Snoop Hippie Dogg. " Quit tripping, Grandpa. And button your lip before I haul your psychedelic *** down to the station. Freak. Impudent yahoos! Professor it's Bennish! Good heavens, so it is. And I can actually see his ears. Hi there, I'm Conrad Bennish, Junior, president of The Young Republicans For the War. Remember, gentlemen, conformity and patriotism, they're not dirty words. Take pride in the love of God and country. Hi there, I'm Conrad Bennish, Junior, president of The Young Republicans For the War. (music, party chatter) That was quite a speech. Hey, man. Hey, you know I was only jiving. Man I knew you were there the whole time. - (chuckles) - Don't sweat it, Cezanne. I'm not offended, because I'm not really your brother. I'm from another dimension, a whole 'nother planet. That woman there, Sharon, I had the biggest crush on her in high school, but I never had the guts to ask her out. Now we're married and she worships the ground I walk on. Are we talking about the same Sharon? This is paradise, man. I got a nice house, a devoted son Rembrandt Junior I couldn't have chosen a finer name. This is the life I was meant to live. It's all clear to me now. What are you saying, man? I'm saying that I'm staying! I always dug the '60s groove. I could start my musical career all over again. I'll be bigger than I ever was back home. If such a thing is possible. (snickering) (laughing) I got it! What? You trippin'. "Another dimension"? Man, you had me going there for a second. Well, baby, you have come back for the perfect time for groovin'. 'Cause it's time to be free, and Fight the powers that be. Let me tell you about the women, baby. Now, the women, man, they are so I'm gonna let you two talk. Right on, right on. Uh did we go to the prom together? Don't you remember? You asked and I said no. I barely knew you were alive back then. Some things never change. It took 10 long years of nagging before I'd even go out with you. What's the matter, honey? Something wrong with your memory? Yeah, that's it. I kinda lost some of my recall temporarily. Mmm, how convenient. I know you been fooling around on me over there. But tonight I'm going to remind you what "home cookin"' is all about. Wade: You said you had a lot of questions to ask? Seeker: Mistress, you look troubled. Well, Rembrandt said that he'd be back soon. It's been a day now. But, he's a Gemini so you never know. What? "Gemini"? What is that? It's a sign. You know like, I'm a Virgo, and my friend Quinn's a Libra. (muttering) No astrology on this world? No. Uh-huh, no. Well, I guess we've got some catching up to do. Group: Wow! Yeah! (thunder crashes) The timer is useless in its present condition. But hope is still alive. Are you familiar with Alexander Helix? Yes? Yes! The Helix Spiral! I see where you're going. It would seem prudent that we put our collective genius together if ever we are to get home. Are you game? Of course. I'll do whatever it takes to get us home. Oh, good lad. Now, seems we need a place to hole up if we're to work out the schematics of this thing. Given our current state of near poverty, a loft would suffice. It so happens that there is one in walking distance. "Furnished loft for rent on monthly basis. No pets, radicals, draft dodgers, musicians or other counter-culture types allowed. Must be clean-living, drug-free and patriotic. " Well, I guess what they don't know won't hurt them. - Ever spit on the flag? - Certainly not! L- I-I-I'd never do a thing like that. How do you feel about the war? We don't follow it much. We have no opinion. (clucks) I see so you'd have me believe you are real non-political types, right? I won't allow any sympathizing with the Outback Cong under my roof, understood? This fight ain't just with the Aussies, if South Australia falls, it's just a hop, skip and a jump to our shores. Well, we can't have that. Boomerangs and kangaroos everywhere? What a nightmare! You will have to forgive my kid brother. (laughs) His sense of humor takes some getting used to. Brother? I thought you said he was your father! Yes well, I am. I am I had him when I was very, very young. Oh, those hot summers of one's promiscuous youth. You remember? Well, the reason I called him my brother is because we're that close. Strong family values, eh? Listen up. I'm going to rent you the place for a week, on a trial basis. That's only because the last two people to apply were a rock drummer and a nudist. And compared to them and only them, you two just might be okay. Don't worry, Mrs. Tweak, we're a-okay. Right, Dad? "Dad"? (chuckling) Sonny Recording: FBI informant line. The President's Emergency War Powers Act allows us to accept reports on anti-social behavior that may threaten the stability of our nation. Please leave the information at the tone. This is Mrs. Ezra Tweak again. I just rented my loft at 14 Bell Street to two subversives. They paid in cash, lied about who they were, and referred to quote "promiscuous youth," end quote. I believe they have come to kill the President, who's visiting our city this weekend. As a concerned citizen as a concerned citizen, I urge round-the-clock surveillance followed by direct intervention. I think we got to bring these two in, dead or alive. (distant siren wails) Yes Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Yes yes. Q. N. T. (sighs) (yawns) Wake up, it's 4:00. Wake up, wake up. You're turn to bat. (groans) The schematics of this are proving to be intriguingly difficult. It will take us many hours of sustained computation to come up with a satisfactory conclusion. Go to it. Go to it. Your turn. Wake me up at 7:00. Remember, we need clothes and food in the morning. I'll take care of it, Professor. Right now, I need coffee. Lord, that woman is hell on wheels! She wore me out! If she says, "One more time" one more time, man, I'm gonna Hello, Junior. Uh I was just commenting on what a wonderful woman your mom is. Save it! We both know the score. You know I've always wanted to have a son just like you, a chip off the old block. Okay, let's see what we've got here. Whoa, looks like Mom's got to do some shopping. Who're you kidding? Now that you're home, you'll be doing all the shopping. - No man on earth's as whipped as you! - What? (laughs) Oh, I get it you've got that keen sense of humor too. And you'd better clean up the house and fix her coffee before she wakes up. She'll kick your tail for good if you don't get to it. Boy Now, we gonna have to have a talk. You may have spoken to your father that way in the past, but it isn't gonna fly anymore. Sharon: Rembrandt! Bring me my morning coffee! And make sure it's hot. You better get on that coffee, Jack. That is if you're planning on keeping your huevos. (laughs) (door opens) All right, you've had your day of fun. Don't think 'cause you're home, means you got time to be lazy. I got a list of chores for you, so get hopping. Come on, now. The early bird gets the worm. Get moving. What happens when you die? I can't say. I've never died. - (crowd murmurs) - She's immortal. (crowd gasping) Of course she is, man. I could have told you that. Wow. We feel our movement will sweep the world. All people will eventually reject commercialism, and adopt the concepts of love, - peace and freedom. - (crowd murmurs) The Summer of Love will never end. Please tell us that's true. - Yes, it it's true. - Thank you! (relieved sighs) "Paradise. " I didn't come 10 zillion light years to become somebody's houseboy. The next time she comes in here, I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind. I really am. You missed a spot. Mom's not gonna like that. Don't you worry about it! And who was that at the door? Army telegram. Gave it to Mom first. Wanna see? "Dear Mrs. Brown pleased to inform you that Sergeant First Class, Rembrandt Lee Brown, rescued from the outback " (snickers) "Sergeant Brown is resting comfortably at a Melbourne hospital and is expected to fully recover. He will be contacting you shortly. Signed, Lieutenant William A. Calley, United States Army. " She's in the bedroom loading up. Did you say "loading up"? Right on. Now that she knows you're an impostor, she's gonna teach you a lesson. As soon as she finds some shells for her shotgun. (laughing) Ahgh! Mom! - Sharon: Rembrandt? - Mom! Oh, don't even try to run. (shrieks) Letting off a gun is a federal offense! Get back here, you ***! (engine starts) Fool woman! Jive turkey! Quinn: Rise and shine, Professor. I bought breakfast. I found out what this war is all about. It seems the U. S. Lost the battle of the Coral Sea during World War II and the Japanese invaded Australia. When the Nazis surrendered, the Russians entered the Pacific war and helped liberate North Australia. But they never gave it back. Now the North's attacking the South Mmm. Different Earths, identical mayhem. I spent all morning looking for our friends. No go. Hmmm. Cookies peanut butter, Ritz crackers. Wolfgang Puck you are not. Beggars can't be choosers. We're not exactly rolling in the dough, you know? Oh I bought us some clothes at a second-hand store. I took a guess at your size. You could change in the bathroom if you want. Well, that's that's damnably kind of you, my boy. Well done. Is this some kind of joke, - Mr. Mallory? - Yes I think you look very cool, Professor. "Ultra-hip," if you will. Yes, I'm sure. - Now, let's get back to this equation. - I solved that already. What? It wasn't that hard. The important thing is, I've got good news. There is a window of opportunity, - a precise moment when we can access the gate - (pounding on door) - Woman: FBI, open up! - Man: Kick it down! - Man: Don't move! - Woman: Just hold still, kid. If you move a muscle, I'll have to blow your head off. I don't suppose you people have ever heard of a thing as a search warrant? We've heard of it but we don't need one. President North's new law gives us a lot more leeway with the likes of you. Thank God we finally got an honest man in the White House. So you got any idea what they're trying to cook up? Could be some kind of elaborate pipe bomb. Pipe bomb? You blistering idiot! A pipe bomb is child's play compared to that. (stammers) Well, that is to say, it's it's it's it's nothing like a pipe bomb. - It's it's - (distant singing) Cry like a man Rembrandt! Rembrandt! - See me walking - Rembrandt! It was "The Crying Man. " He didn't see me, but I've got to stop him! You're not going anywhere! Drop your guns! Drop those guns. Go. Off with you, Mr. Mallory. Quick. Cry, whoa They say a tearful goodbye And tears spring from my other eye Rembrandt, stop! - Rembrandt! - Whoa, I'm gonna find me Rembrandt, no! Rembrandt! Speaking of tripping, look at that fool. There oughta be some kind of a law. Wait a minute! Hey, that's Q-Ball. (laughing) It's you! Where's the Professor? Go, go, go! Move, move! Get in the car! Come on, Professor, come on, come on. Come on! Go, go! Seems like you two make friends wherever you go. Why am I not surprised? Wade: The problem with the Australian conflict is, it's an undeclared war, a war run by politicians playing for a stalemate. It's likely to go on for a long time without resolution and a lot of good people are gonna die. - (murmuring) - Woman: Bummer. I'm not advising you not to go I'm just urging you to follow your conscience. How about that, fellas? Leave the girl alone for a day or two, and she becomes a full-fledged guru. Quinn! (group gasps) Yes, well that was remarkably stupid of you, Miss Wade. You know nothing of this world, nothing of their war, The proper position should have been, "No comment. " Some truths are universal. Besides, if we can bring some of the things that we've learned on our world to parallel cultures, then I say, "Go for it. " We can't just slide from place to place aimlessly. We have to get involved. And don't tell me what to do! Ow! Group: Ooh-hh! I'm not your student. Save it, you two. - (beeping) - Oh, we better go. Come on. Agent: Everybody out! All right, all right. Right here. Wade: What are our chances of getting home? Quinn: No one knows how many parallel Earths there are. There may be six, - Agent: I got the weapons. - Agent #2: Right. If it's six, home's just around the corner. Wade: What if there's six million? Then we have an awful lot of sliding to do. - Agent: Come on, let's go! - All right, let's do it! Thank you for your hospitality, and goodbye! Yah! (screams) Stay cool, y'all. Great car! Sorry about the lights! Yah! - Skidd: Don't go! - Fling: Don't go, please! I have to, you guys. But thanks for everything! - Don't go! - And remember, all you need is love. All: Love is all you need. Freeze! Hold it right there! (all moan) (yells) (Quinn groans) You okay? There. until the next window. Unless unless this is home (wind whistles) (rumbling) Can anyone hear a curious rumbling sound that appears to be coming from the west? What do you say we just wait right here? Whatever it is, it'll be here soon enough. (rumbling increases) There's something y'all should know I can't swim.