Ghostbusters - Angry Video Game Nerd

Warning: This script contains some text in Shift-JIS encoding, which may be destroyed if edited in some text editors. He's gonna take you back to the past To play the *** games that suck *** He'd rather have a buffallo Take a diarrhea dump in his ear He'd rather eat the rotten *** Of a road killed skunk and down it with beer He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd He's the Angry Atari Sega Nerd He's the Angry Video Game Nerd Ghostbusters It was one of the most successful comedy in the 80's. It's one of the most popular franchies when I remembered as a kid. There's a sequel, a cartoon series that ran for 7 seasons, huge amount of merchandise, and a line of action figures you got firehouse, which is awesome. You got the Ecto-1, You got slimer, The marchmallow man Yea he's a little dirty man, the dog shoved it up his *** You have all the ghostbusters They came out with version that made facial expression You have this car that turns into a some praying mantis or something. You have all these weird one that I don't even remember from the show This one I don't think it- That's not mine, get that the *** out of there Every kids on the block needs a proton pack And even though it's plastic, in our minds, it's an unlicensed nuclear accelerator. You have the ghost trap which doesn't work anymore because it's a piece of ***. PK meter always shows .03 and always show a ghost So, I wanted to take you back to the 80's When Ghostbusters and nintendo were the best thing in the world. Now NES I believe needs no introduction So when we heard that Ghostbuster game for Nintendo was coming out We were so excited, we *** in our pants Literately *** came out of our ***, I mean rocketing through the roof. It was two favorite things coming together. Should have been bread and butter More like dead stunk and dog ***. You pop this piece of crap in expecting Ghostbuster and what do you get? Well... Ghostbuster, you got the logo there. Looks promising enough Are you willing to bet that it going to get really bad when you start playing? Yeah. Guess what... It gets bad as soon as you press the start button. [Horribly 8-bit sound clip saying Ghostbuster plays] What the *** was that?! [Ghoshbussteer] Goashbuuusstter... [GooassstBbbooosstter..?!] Now don't get me wrong I'm not criticise the game for a lack of voice clarity Did you hear how bad that sound? Let this set the tone for the rest of the game. Here's the main screen This is it, this is Ghostbuster on the Nintendo. This is my wasted childhood you're looking at. I don't even need to comment I mean just look at it, it's *** for the bird Okay we gotta come up with the game about Ghostbuster, what can we do? How about have a Ghostbuster logo floating around playing tag with cute little yellow ghost. If you like Ghostbuster, it's right up your alley. More like up your ***. Now for music, you got the Ghostbuster theme song. It sounds like a decent 8-bit rendition But there's one problem It's the only song in the whole game and it never ever stops. It starts playing at the first screen all the way to the end of the game. It drones over you and it makes your brain go numb and when it gets to the end of the song it pauses for a second, then it loops again You better get use to it But let me tell you when that one second when the music stops. It feels so satisfying to hear dead silence even for one brief moment to put your mind at peace. So, seriously what am I doing? Why am I a Ghostbuster logo floating around playing tag with ghosts? From what I understand, the more ghost that goes into the Zuul building in the center, the more the PK energy goes up I guess. What happens when it goes up all the way? I don't know. Some Staypuff Marshmallow man appears some *** like that. But I'm not here to fiqure out how the game works. I'm here to retell my experience of the game. Now what am I trying to do? Why does this white box keeps appearing when I press the B button? Well I'll explain later. So here's what you're suppose to do, you need to find which building has ghost in it. They vary any point of the game. You need to go around the city and when you touch certain building, it blinks red. That means there's ghost in there You try to enter and- opps, you can't do that yet. You need buy your own proton packs and ghost traps. Ghostbusters don't have there own equipments and they have to go buy it from a store. So this is it, this is the Ghostbuster store. When or where there's a store that sell equipment for catching ghost? If the Ghostbusters aren't inventing there own gadget, then who the hell is? Anyway, buy your *** and get out. Now we can see what that wierd white box that shows what equipment that you have. You can hold up to 4 items at a time. Go find a blinking red building and go in. Now you're in the Ecto-1 driving down the road. Why do you still have to drive to the building is beyond me? On the map screen, it looks like you're right there. You move all around, you don't have to drive. Only when you're at the building that you need to drive there. Every other cars in the city is out to hit you. They move back and forth, nobody stays in their lanes Seems like the city actually has a bigger problem with drunk drivers than it does with ghost. Oh guess what, when the cars hit you, Who have to pay for the damage? You do. That's right, every car that hits you take a few hundred dollars away. ***. You get the building to capture the ghost. Drop the trap, catch the ghost with your beams. open the trap and time it with the ghost dragged in with that white thing that goes up and down. Keep going around finding building to go in... Avoid drunk'n drivers... and catch more ghosts. When you catch ghost, you get money. you're going to need it when you need to buy other stupid *** later. There's a time limit so when you catch any ghost, Your goal is to catch as many of them as you can. Most of the time, you'll probably be able to get all four of them. Sometimes, it goes somewhere where you can't reach without buying a longer beam. Good luck catching enough of them to be able to afford a longer beam. But, sometimes they go to low and you can't reach them there either. Now whatever you do, don't cross the stream It's an important safety tip thanks to Egon from the movie. It'd cause total protonic reversial. Try to imagine all life as you know, stopping instantly every molocules in your body, exploding at the speed of life. Now that's epic. Now every time you catch a ghost, you can't reuse the same trap. When you try to enter the building, you might get a message that said, You need an empty ghost trap. You need to go to the ghostbuster headquarter to empty the traps. When you get there, you may be baffled to see that the size of the car is the same size as the building. You constantly running around, emptying traps... You keep running out of gas. That's right! You can run out of gas in this game! How do you get gas? You have to go to the gas station What happens when you run out of gas? The two little *** balls get out and push the car. Do you have to go to the gas station at all? No, you also can slam into gas tanks on the highway. *** the gas station, I wish it was this easy in real life. Need gas? Just run over the gas container. So because you needing to get gas, needing to empty ghost traps, needing to buy stupid *** are all such a big part of the game. It would be wise in the beginning to buy the super trap as one of your first item This trap you don't have to empty The regular trap is a piece of crap! Another thing you may want to buy is ghost vacuum. It's a vacuum that goes to the top of your car to sucks ghost is a good idea to build extra money hope to make up of the damages that the drunk drivers have cause. A ghost vacuum Is there an existance of a store that sell a ghost vacuum? Lets fine out... Hi do you sell vacuums? Clerk:Um yes Um yea, I'm looking for a special kind of vacuum, it's like shaped as a funnel sorta. Clerk:What kind of vacuum? It's shaped as a funnel that you put on the roof of your car. Clerk:You want a vacuum to clean your car? No no...You put it on top of your car... Like while you're driving? Clerk:You want a vacuum to clean-- No, these vacuums are for catching ghosts. Well apparently these vaccums don't exist in real life. So if you want to suck up ghost from the roof of your car, you have to do it in this game. I really hate these driving stage. Naturally you want to speed up to get them over with. When you speed up, your car goes to the top of the screen. you can't see what coming at you whether be ghost that you're trying to catch, gas barrels or drunk drivers ***!!! ***!! You must be wondering, is this all you do in the game? Going to building to building catching ghosts and dodging cars. Well... yes. This is all you do. I am dead *** serious! The main idea is to go into the Zuul building But you can't do that until the game said you can. How does it decide that? I don't have a ***' clue. Maybe it has to do how many ghost that you need to catch or the PK energy get to a certain number so it probably means to letting the ghost go in So, I don't know For whatever reason, you're not allowed to go into the Zuul building right away. Maybe there's invisible barrier that take like a *** an hour to go away Also, why is it called the Zuul building? If it meant to be named after the main villian from the movie, it should be Gozer. Gozer has 2 minions. the Keymaster is also known as Vinz Clortho. Gatekeeper is also known as Zuul. So, why is the main building in the game named after Zuul? Who knows... So anyway, it takes forever to be allowed to enter the building. In the meantime, you just keep on catching ghost. after doing this for long you start to wonder. Who pays you to catch ghost anyway? Why are the ghost so generically cute looking? They don't do anything to you. Why are you busting them? Busting them make you feel good? Don't the ghost have a right to death? Obviously I'm thinking to deep about it, That's what happens... That's what happen when you play such a boring *** *** game. Your mind get delirious See right now, I feel like I'm going *** crazy! So finally you get a message to enter the Zuul building But it's on the very bottom of the screen! You need to be paying attention. Seriously, half the time, I really don't notice it because I am not looking down there. A little sound cue would of helped, you ***. Now you get into the building, It a breath of fresh air to see something different. Unlike the rest of the ghost in the game, these one harm you. In order to move through the stage, you have to keep tapping the A button as fast as you can. Why can't you use the control pad? Now you move so slow, ghost aren't possible to dodge. And constantly going up the stairs doesn't help either. You're basically defenseless. You can't get away when you're on the stairs. When the ghost touch you a few times, you fall. When you fall three times, you're dead! The game's over. If you want to try again, you gotta start over all over from the beginning. Now let me ask you this, why can't the ghost buster use there proton beam here? Well, let me answer my own question. That would make the game resemble a decent side-scroller shooter. Problem there, that would make the game kinda good. Apparently, that what wasn't they going for. So playing through the game for the second time to get another shot to get to the damn stairway. It would be wise to invest in some items to help you out. Anti-ghost suit that supposely would give you an maybe extra 2 hit from the ghosts Then there is this ghost bait. Now what kind of food would ghost eat? Then there is a sound generater which I think slows the ghosts down. But forget about it, it's too ***'n expensive. So anyway, now you know why these a lot of these items are so important. You need every bit of help that you can get. You will never have enough money to buy everything in the game. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU KEEP GETTING HIT BY DRUNKS! ***!!! I'm out of GAS! It really sucks to keep refueling this car. It sucks even harder when the gas cost money too! It cost more money than it does in real life. You need to keep catching ghost for money. To spend money on gas that you need to catch more ghost. It keeps on going, it's an endless cycle. Eventually, you'll see the enter Zuul building message again. Sometimes you're not *** ready, because there are equipments that you need to buy in order to get to up the stairs. The offer to enter is only good for a short period of time. By about the time you catch more ghosts, make enough money, and buy the gear that you want, it's too late to enter the building. The only way to get that offer again is to go catch more ghost and wait another hour, however long it takes. The only sure way to be able go in the building the first time is to trade your traps, ghost vaccum and other equipments you don't need for the stairswell stage. You can only hold 4 items at a time anyway. You actually need to trade something in. But by the time you get the message, drive to the store, trade your *** it, buy the stuff you needed, and come back to the Zuul building. You're too ***'n LATE!!! So what you gotta do now!? You got to CATCH more *** GHOSTS!! So you got to go back to the store again trade your regular stuff back and ***, I HATE THIS *** GAME!!! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING!? Well, let's try to get through the stairwell and hopefully see the end of the game. I think one of the problem is my thumb get tired pressing the button. The hell with that controller. We're going turbo. Drop the damn food. Get the *** food. Get out of my way. Out of my way *** The ghost bait doesn't do ***. Even if you out run the ghosts, They never leave the screen. Once you start climbing up the stairs. They scroll up with you. as soon as the ghost bait goes off screen, the ghosts start chasing you again. What the point of dropping the ghost bait if you're not allowed to go up the stairs to get away. What am I gonna do? Drop the bait and stand there? Why would I do that? Oh my god! Now they are right in the way! How am I going to get up there? comeon A... A.... very good... Oh A... A... Ahh... there you go. UH A.. Oooo... right between there. Oh man uh oh... ohmigod!! UUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH... *** ***!!! Oh please Game Genie, grant me 3 wishes. That's right, we're going to cheat. There's one cheat that I care about. Immunity from the ghost on the stairwell. At least now I can't get killed by the ghost, but it means it take all ***'n day to get up the *** stairs. It keeps going. Even if you did it with the control pad, it would be cheating. The fact that you're suppose to tap the button the whole time and dodge ghosts. ...enough counted, there are 22 floors. Do you think that is enough? What were the *** were the *** thinking!?!? This is the worst game that I played in my life. It's worse than Dr.Jekyll and Mr.Hyde. Well maybe it wasn't that bad And then they run? They move like slug the whole *** time... As soon as they reach the top, they run like they have propellers in there ***. Well here's the last screen of the game and it looks like ***. The whole layout design like a grid flat gray floor there's no background, it's all black. The little ghost with the tounge sticking out look like ghost from a kindergarden halloween decoration. Neither Gozer and the dogs moves. I can even name the dogs, that's Vins Clortho and Zuul. Zuul appearencely brought the building as he is standing there. Now you know what really shocking about this part? Moving around, dodging projectiles and shooting at things... kinda like a game. Surprising right? This is the closest moment that this piece of *** ever come possibly be decent. You know what's really annoying? Anytime you go anywhere near the bottom of the screen, this happens... Say hello to Mr.Staypuff climbing up the building. I don't know what the point is, Everytime I accidently go down there, Staypuff is higher up the building. I can guess when he reaches the top, that can't be good. So, let's show this prehistoric *** how we do things downtown. ... oh now you gonna get it now... ...herewego...yea...... ugh... take it you *** ***!!! This chick is TOAST!!! what the ***... ... what? OOoowhat? *sobs* [ghostbuster BG music volume increasing]