Alf S2E6 - English Transcript

Is this a pirate, or is this a pirate ? Lynn ? It's a pirate, mom. Willie ? Definitely a pirate. Good morning. What are you wearing ? A touch of your aftershave. I meant those silly glasses. Silly glasses ? Look who's talking. This is my halloween costume. What are you supposed to be ? Gene shalit. Too obscure ? You're not planning on trick-Or-Treating, are you ? Are you kidding? I can't wait. I'm coming back with a bag full of candy apples, Popcorn balls, And cats. No one's going to give you a cat. That's right. You have to bob for cats. ** What's the matter ? I can't sleep. It's my job promotion. I think i blew it. What ? Honey, how ? Today mr. Burke took me off that teen runaway project. I was working on it for 3 months ! You're kidding ! No. He needs me, he says, For an internal investigation. I have to go through the files, And see if i can locate His missing water cooler. Well, i hope you yelled at him. I sure did ! But, i think i can kiss that promotion goodbye. You can kiss me good night. I'm proud of you. Yeah ? Yeah ! Oh good ! You're up ! Get out of here ! Not until we get halloween straightened out. We already said "no", alf. You can't go out trick-Or-Treating ! Forget that fear of cavities. I brush once a month, like clockwork ! We're not talking about cavities. We're talking about somebody seeing you. You leave me no choice. Read it and weep. "Free the halloween one"? It's a petition signed by america's prominent citizens. "We demand that you let alf go trick-Or-Treating. " Signed presidents reagan, carter, ford, lincoln, And mercury. This is your handwriting. Hey, it's a joke ! My way of saying, let the funny alien Have a crack at the outside world For one lousy night! No ! I'm taking this to the supreme court ! All the way to chief justice pontiac, i suppose. Look, i'll make you a deal. You let me go, And i'll tell you how to get that promotion. How do you know about that ? The amazing alf knows everything ! Was the amazing alf listening at our door ? The amazing alf never reveals his secrets. What we have to do, Get the boss-Man to like you again. Invite him to a party and butter him up. I'm not giving a party to butter up my boss ! Who do you think i am, dagwood bumstead ? Think very carefully, Before you answer that ! A party might be fun. I can't think of the last time we had a party. Our social life has gone to pot since Since you know who arrived. Who ? You. You mean all those complaints about you know who, -- It was me ? What do you say, honey ? Let's have a party. Okay, but not my boss. I'll handle mr. Burke myself, In my own way. Oh, good thinking. Have a party and exclude the boss. Better yet, walk in tomorrow and hit him with mud ! [Door bell] Trick-Or treat. What do we have here ? We're the Three ? Well, moe had to go to the bathroom. Oh. Well, take one for moe. Thank you. Happy halloween. Happy halloween. Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck. More stooges ? Yeah. Okay, now where is alf ? He's in the garage. Kate, the house looks great. Of course, that's probably because alf's in the garage. [Door bell] trick-Or-Treat. Oh, brian, just open the door. [Kate] oh, blackbeard is home ! And look at all that ***, argh ! I want to go out again. Brian, we went to 32 houses ! In 8 minutes ! I had to get back to change for the party. Lizard will be here any minute. Lizard ? You heard that too ? What kind of name is lizard ? I have a friend in school called frog. Why do they call him that ? Because he's a frog. It makes sense. I've got to go to the garage And give alf his share of the candy. is a lot ! He wanted 90 ! Whoa !Yeah ! Great haul, brian ! Thanks. I'll guard these. You get back in the house. The party's going to start soon. I hate parties. Everyone pats me on the head, And says i'm growing up too fast. Cut the small talk ! Let's divide the loot ! Okay, one for you, One for me. One for you. One for me. One for me. One for me. Not so fast, me bucko ! You are growing up too fast ! We'll do this right. One for me. One for you. Did you see alf ? Yeah, and i still have some candy left ! He must be losing his touch. [Door bell] I'll get it. Hi, lynn. Hi, lizard. Mom, dad, this is lizard. Hello, lizard. You can call me eric. He got his nickname in biology class. He removed a brain tumor from a lizard. Now it's as good as new ! Well, not really. It can only flick its tongue to the left. [Door bell] Howdy, partner. Hey, ed. Bernice. Look at you ! You're wearing costumes. We call them duds. Why don't we mosey on over and rustle up some brie. [Door bell] Hello. Who are you ? We're the burkes. It's my boss ! This must be brian. You're growing up too fast. That's it. I'm going to bed. Did you invite them ? Of course not ! Why is he here ? Why the costumes ? Maybe they're just trick-Or-Treating. What am i supposed to do -- Offer them candy and send them on their way ? Hello. Thank you for inviting us. You're welcome your majesties. Won't you make yourself at home. Our castle is your castle. [Door bell] How come you told me this was a costume party ? Because that's what the invitation said. Make yourself at home, won't you. Somebody seems to have invited the burkes, And also told all these people to wear costumes. I don't know who that was, or why he did it, But, i'm going to go into the garage and strangle him. [Door bell] Kate, willie ! Gordon shumway. Long time no see ! Hope you don't mind, i parked behind your boss. Hey, you look good in vinyl. How are you doing ? Nice to meet you. Happy halloween everybody ! [Everyone] happy halloween ! Say, what are you doing here ? Greeting the guests. Hey, tex ! Looks like you're putting on weight. Ha, ha ! Could i speak with you in the kitchen ? Hey, not now willie. Your pumpkin's on fire. His pumpkin is on fire ! Come here ! Well, who is little this guy? This is gordon, everyone. Gordon's an old friend of our family. Don't mention his height. He's very sensitive. Hey, cowgirl. Nice calves. Ha ! Nice calves ! Okay, mister. I want the truth ! And i want it now ! All right. Your hair is thinning. You got a hold of our guest list, didn't you. You called people and told them to wear costumes Just so you could come. You dragged me in here to tell me things i already know ? On top of that, you invited the burkes ! Again, old news. Just tell me why. Because i want you to get that promotion. Get out there and start kissing up. [Kissing sounds] I'm not kissing up to anyone. Especially, not walter burke ! I knew you wouldn't. That's why i'm here to do it for you. Oh, wally ! No , wait ! You can't go out there. What if they discover you're an alien ? They won't ! They'll think i'm wearing a costume. See ! Where did you get that zipper ? You know that old jacket you were going to throw out ? Yeah. Better hang on to it. I ripped this out of your new raincoat. All right go on. Go out there. I don't care. Go on. Blow your cover, that's fine ! Just do me one favor. Okay, okay. I'll do my elvis impression. Please, keep away from my boss. No problem. He seems like a yutz, anyway. [Alf] okay everybody, let's tear this place apart. We're out of onion dip and meatballs. How do you like lizard ? I like him. He's intelligent, polite, well groomed. Does he have a van ? No. I love him ! What's alf doing ? His elvis impression. Well, thank you. Thank you very much. I'd like to dedicate that last song, To my hunk of burning love, Bernice. Oh, elvis, Love me tender ! I will, momma. But, now excuse me. I've got to work the room. Hey, so what did you think, liz ? The king lives. Thanks. Hey, science question - If there were an alien life form, What would he be like ? Huh ? Are you deaf ? I'm trying to get some insight. You're an egghead, aren't you ? I do well scholastically. Yeah, right. What about aliens ? They'd probably have highly developed brains and be very advanced. Well, thank you. Oh good, more food. Sorry, gordo. We weren't expecting this many guests. You're telling me ! Your boss eats like he's going to the chair. How's the kissing up going ? I'm not kissing up to anyone. I haven't done anything wrong. Play hard ball. I like it. Hi. Mind if i take one of these ? Hey, why hold back now ? I can't believe it. Alf is going to put a lamp shade on his head. That is the corniest Party gag there is ! [Laughter] But, somehow he makes it work. He's the life of this party. Even walter burke is having a good time. Honey, you might get that promotion after all. Sounds like alf might get the promotion. I don't want to work for alf. We already do. Gordo! Gordo! Gordo! Gordo! Gordo! Go! Go! Go! Yeah! Hey, thank you. We couldn't do this back home. Of course, we didn't have gravity. Ha ha ! Just kidding, tanners. Ha ! Who's next ? How about walter burke ? Oh, no. [Crowd chanting "walter"] Not walter ! Not walter ! Walter, give it a try. No. What about my bad back ? Go for it ! It's halloween. What are you -- A wuss ? Come on, walter. Be a man ! All right. Yeah ! Go! Go! Go! Ow! Mr. Burke, are you all right ? Just get me to a hard, flat surface. Hey, don't expect high marks on technique. Here you go. Oh, my. Good night. Good night. Lizard, can you do anything ? I could remove his brain. Gordo, be careful. I know what i'm doing. Ahhh. That feels good. It does ? Go figure. May i use the phone ? I want to call the doctor. Is it a local call ? Gordo ! I'll show you where it is. Leave 20 cents on the night table. Gordo, how can i thank you ? Easy ! Bury the hatchet and give willie that promotion. We both know he's the best man for the job. He's intelligent, Hard working, honest, Alf. Bad with names. It's gordo, remember. I think mr. Burke's heard quite enough from you. You're right. It's your turn. Go ahead, willie. Be obsequious. I have nothing to be obsequious about. I was taken off an important project To look for some stupid water cooler ! You're still mad ? You bet i am ! You took away something i'd worked on 3 months Because you didn't like tap water. Willie, maybe i should define obsequious for you. It means to grovel. I will not grovel ! I never knew how strongly you felt. You can have your project back. I can ? Well, thanks. I guess that settles that. Hey, wait a minute. Loose end here ! What about the promotion ? The promotion is a whole separate issue. We can discuss that later. What better time ? He's in pain. We can get anything we want. We'll discuss the promotion at another time ! It's all right, tanner. You've got your promotion. I never felt otherwise. Oh, good. Would you get me more ice ? Yeah, sure. As long as you're here, burke, There's a few other things willie needs. Like what ? Let's talk parking spaces. Willie has a parking space. Yeah, but it's not close enough. His office doesn't even have a window. Neither does mine. That's your problem. And, willie's not nuts about that guy working next to him. What's his name ? Simmons ? That's the guy. He's not pulling his weight. Get rid of him ! There's a parking space, right there. Oh, yeah, let's talk overtime. Overtime ! O. T. !Yeah ! Overtime. Willie's working too hard. He doesn't get home 'til 8:00 at night. What are you guys doing down there ? Give the guy a break ! How's your back ? Come on, willie. Alf, it's too risky ! We'd better go. Hey, you owe me. I got you an office with a window. But i liked simmons. I really did. Trick or treat ! Alf, your voice -- You're supposed to be a child. Right. No problem. Hello, young man. Hello, old woman. We're sorry to bother you so late, But we couldn't get out any earlier. I'm afraid i gave my last candy bar away over an hour ago. Aw, shucks. I'll see if i can find something else. [Meow] Was that a cat ? Yes, i have lots of cats. I'll take a yellow one. Captions performed by by alien productions. All rights reserved.