Drunk Philosophy! by Raywilliamjohnson

[Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] What’s up guys? It’s been a great week for me! And while you were off, you know, m()lesting Koala Bears, or whatever it is that you do. I was celebrating the 4th of July. And I also ran across this video of this kid playing Soccer! [Hit With Soccer Ball - Clip] [Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] Now the part you wanna focus on is this old woman back here, minding her own business as usual. [Hit With Soccer Ball - Clip] (soccer ball hits the old woman in the head) [Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] Your face! GOD-DAMN-IT! Wait! Wait, Wait, guys! Are you sure he was playing soccer? Cause I have yet to see him fake an injury. Now this video got a 250,000 views (a quarter of a million) in a month. And no, this isn’t the original, it a copy, I lost the link to the original cause I’m a (beep)in idiot, but whatever man, I’m watchin’ this video and I’m thinking the same thing that everyone else is thinking, like, damn that was a good shot. But what the hell was he using a aim ____. You know I think the funniest part is that she’s half way threw/through falling in mid-air and the video cuts off. Can you imagine that happening to you, your just walking along, minding, your like, oh, hey, I think that’s a new billboard. (hit with soccer ball). Your face! GODDAMNIT! [Cool Transition] [Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] Now this next video got 5,000,000 views in a week. And yes, I saw it, I saw it, I saw the video, please stop sending it to me. [Squirrel Close Call With Speeding Lamborghini - Clip] You: But Ray, we didn’t know if you had seen it or not. We thought you were all busy, off buying step ladders, and platform shoes and ah, ha, ha, ha, ha! [Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] Clever! Oh, no, no, no, no I saw it, I saw the video, I swear to God, if one more person sends that video to me, I’m gonna punch Hillary Clinton right in the balls. Now the video isn’t that (beep)in great anyways. It looks to be some kind of race track were they’re filming a Lamborghini and it looks like its for some websites, seeing how the URL is here(top corner), this Lamborghini is coming down the track, right, and then Sandy here, came all the way from Bikini bottom to cross the road and OH MY GOD he almost gets hit! But doesn’t! So, ya, that was it, biggest video of the week, kind of a let down, huh? I mean it’s kind of like the first time your girlfriend saw you naked, she was like ohh, this is going to be great — ohhh! (not great) So, anyhoe, I guess the appeal of this video right here, is just how close the squirrel got to being hit, soooo close! I mean, if I were that squirrel, I’d be P^SSED! You know the only time I tried to cross the road and there’s one car, one car on the track and it almost f(beep)in hits me! I swear to god, Jesus hates me, and it’s really hilarious how badly people freaked out over this, ah, oh, my god! corybory345 Poor furry little guy, he was only trying to cross the road. maridani93 omg, for a moment i thought it was going to die. iruipedro Poor squirrel, I like squirrels horseygirl7110 Awww poor squirrel [Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] The car almost hit the squirrel, if that had been like, a fish almost getting hit by a boat, no one would of giving a s(beep) You: No but Ray, we love the fluffy little squirrel we don’t give a (beep) about the fish – fish are like mother natures retards! [Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] I mean really is that what you guys think? I don’t know – I guess I’m guilty of it too! I really don’t give a f(beep) about the fish. [Cool Transition] [Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] Alright, last video, it was really popular it got 4 and a Half million (4,500,000) views in 10 days. Now the video is in Spanish but we’ll subtitle it for you. Cause we’re tight like that! So I guess this news station finds this drunk homeless guy, and I guess they decide to interview him. The homeless guy starts talking about FUA, which I guess is this internal powerful Universal Force he believes in, you know, some of that new age bull(beep). [Drunk FUA Guy - Clip] It’s just that I can no longer, I can no longer, I can no longer. How Come?! FFFUUUUUUAAAAA!!!!! (FUA)! FUA! And I bring the guts and I bring the force and I bring the power~ [Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] Can anybody tell what the FUA he’s talking about? I can’t figure it out but, I think he funniest part is that the news station put: “Los Efectos del Alcohol”. In the lower ____, so basically the news station, itself, is saying, you see this guy, this is how (beep)ed up ALCOHOL WILL MAKE YOU! Run around talk about FUA! [Drunk FUA Guy - Clip] (FUA)! (FUUUUUA)! (FUAAAAH)! ALL CAPS RAGE!!!!! [Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] Now, the funny this is, and I don’t wanna be insensitive here, but this FUA, this all powerful, (thanks, ben kenobi) universal force, it can’t really be that great. I mean, it didn’t really help this guy his s(beep) together. Now, did it? I mean he was drunk and sleeping on the streets when they found him. But to the guys credit, this FUA think is actually catching on, the dude has a bunch of Facebook fan-pages dedicated to him and FUA, which is way better than being sober and having a job, but maybe it is, maybe, maybe it’s some Jedi s(beep), maybe it’s like the most powerful force in the universe. Like, (video edit: FUA man slow motion) Ya, I know, I’m, I’m terrible, I’m a terrible person, but you know I love you guys, not really, I mean, Jesus may love you, but I think your a piece of s(beep). Oh, come on I keed(kid) you know I love you guys! And when I say: “I love you guys.” I mean that in the most homos&xu@l way possible, but you know what else I love? The comment question of the day which comes from this pink haired chick named Tradechat. And she said: [Tradechat] I was just wondering, are hot dogs sandwiches? And if hotdogs aren’t sandwiches, what are they? [Ray William Johnson (RayWJ)] So if hot dogs aren’t sandwiches. what are they? [Ray William Johnson] Leave your interesting and creative responses in the comment section, you know where to leave it, do I have to tell you every-time. [Cool Transition] [Ray William Johnson] But thanks for watching today’s episode of Equals Three, I’m Ray William Johnson, and I approve this message. Oh, and get well soon Keenan Cahill, we’re rooting for you bro! And everyone else, I’ll see you in a few days, so tell me guys, what happened to your family? [Outer] (The outer song Ray William Johnson – Fight To Win – Featuring – DeStorm.)