Terrifying Tri - State trilogy of terror

♪ There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation ♪ and school comes along just to end it ♪ So the annual problem for our generation ♪ is finding a good way to spend it ♪ Like maybe ♪ Building a rocket, or fighting a mummy ♪ or climbing up the Eiffel Tower ♪ Discovering something that doesn't exist ♪ Hey! ♪ Or giving a monkey a shower ♪ Surfing tidal waves ♪ Creating nano-bots or locating Frankenstein's brain ♪ It's over here! ♪ Finding a dodo bird Painting a continent ♪ Or driving our sister insane ♪ Phineas! ♪ As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do ♪ before school starts this fall ♪ Come on, Perry! ♪ So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all! ♪ So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all! ♪ Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a Halloween special! (WOLF HOWLING) (SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING) (ENGINE WHIRRING) (HINGES SQUEAKING) Hello, children. Welcome to the Macabre Book Mobile. What is your pleasure tonight? How about a fright? Well, you are in luck, because I have three stories that are guaranteed to make you scream with delight! (LAUGHS) Stop it! Enough with the feather, Renfield. We talked about this. Now knock it off and go and stand over there by the chifforobe. And stay out of those olives. I'm saving them for company. (LAUGHS) HIPSTER GUY: Uh, excuse me. What? Can I get a free-range organic grilled cheese slider? This isn't a food truck, you baboon! It's a Macabre Book Mobile. Yeah, I'm totally giving you a bad review. May the ancient moths of Sumeria feast upon your skinny jeans! (CELL PHONE BUZZES) One star? Man, that burns. Now where was I? Ah, yes! The first story in our Terrifying Tri-State Trilogy of Terror! (ECHOING) For crying out loud. (SQUEAKING) Sorry about that. Now where were we? "Chapter one. "A teenage girl chats idly to her friend on the phone, "alone in her room, as a storm rages outside." (THUNDER CRACKING) Little does she know what evil awaits her as she discovers how dangerous careless words can be. No, Stacy, I have the whole place to myself. Mom and Dad are at the movies, and the boys are playing ping-pong over at Buford's. Oh, so listen to this weird book I've been reading. "If one repeats this incantation in the presence of a doll, "then alive it shall be!" (CHUCKLES) But check this out. "The light of a full moon will make it evil!" Oh, I'm so totally doing it. Oh, relax, Stacy! It's funny! (READING IN SWAHILI) I will you alive, Ducky Momo! (GRUFFLY) Candace, this is Ducky Momo. You must buy more of my memorabilia, like my fiftieth anniversary collector's item bobble head. But, you know, I'm really concerned about its resale value. (SCREAMS) Help! Help! (LAUGHS) Sorry, okay? Just having a little fun. So, what's up? Ha! You know, I just used this new exfoliating and moisturizing scrub in the bath, which is totally confusing, because why exfoliate off all the cells you just moisturized? (INDISTINCT SHUFFLING) Weird. Hold on, Stacy. I thought I heard a sound coming from under the bed. (MEOWS) Cheese and crackers! And we don't even have a cat. How did you get underneath there? Oh, it's nothing. Ducky Momo must have fallen under my bed. Now, stay put. (THUNDER CRACKING) Okay, so let me tell you about my day with Jeremy. So he picks me up, and the same song I was playing in my room was the same song playing in his car! The same song! I mean, what are the chances of that? And then he says, "You wanna get grilled cheeses at that place?" And I was just thinking I wanted grilled cheese! (HISSES) Me? I'm just making a snack. Oh, I just thought I'd have, you know, something healthy. What? Oh, okay, you caught me. Donuts and cheesy popcorn. (RATTLING) (CLANKS) Yeah, Jeremy was so great. He took us out for mani-pedis. (AIR WHOOSHING) Is someone there? Oh, the storm just blew the door open. Yeah, I know. Creepy! Anyway, since Jeremy's mom is a regular at the mani-pedi place, we got special treatment. Yeah, they served us sparkling apple juice and finger sandwiches and made fun of us in Thai. It was all so classy. What can I say? I love a well-groomed foot. (MAN LAUGHS EVILLY) ♪ You thought you were alone but then you hear a floorboard creak ♪ And from the shadows you see two crazy eyes and a little orange beak ♪ Then you hear a noise that makes your heart skip a beat ♪ It's the creepy pitter-patter of his little webbed feet ♪ You say, no, no, no, no, Momo ♪ Might as well say hello you can sense that he's near ♪ Now you know why yellow is the color of fear ♪ You say, no, no, no, no, Momo ♪ Ducky Momo, Ducky Momo ♪ You say, no, no, no, no, Momo ♪ Ducky Momo, Ducky Momo ♪ Is someone there? (GASPS) Stacy, I know you're gonna think this is crazy, but I honestly think something is in the room with me. Have you ever been in a situation where your whole body, like, senses a presence? Like, you can't see it, but it's, like, it's, like, right next to you? (QUACKING) (SCREAMS) Upstairs! The only logical escape! (SCREAMS) Stacy, you gotta help me. The spell from that weird book worked! Ducky Momo is alive, and he's trying to get me! No, he's downstairs, he... Would you stop laughing? Yes, you are! I can hear the milk shooting out of your nose. (QUACKING) (SCREAMS) My phone! Back! Stay back! Ah! Stay away from me! You stay away! I'm serious! Uh... Oh, come on! No, he's unstoppable! Come on, open! Open, open! Oh, yeah, it's an innie. (PANTS) Keep it together, Candace! Think. Think, think, think. Block the door. Block the door! (SCREAMS) I didn't really mean to wish you to life! I was just goofing around! I don't understand! What do you want? (QUACKING) Huh? It almost looks like you want a... ...a hug. Seriously? You just want a hug? Well, okay. But I don't get it. If the incantation made you alive, then the moonlight should've made you evil. (QUACKING) What? What? Oh, the moon was behind the clouds, so you're not evil! (CREAKING) But now Mr. Miggins is! (GROWLS) (SCREAMS) Ah, you have returned for more. Our second story starts upon a dark and stormy night, where a platypus will soon show an evil scientist that every wish has a twist and the wisher might not wish for what he wished. (LAUGHS) Hey. (EXCLAIMING) Doggone it! You... You should know better than to sneak up on a guy like that, especially on a dark and stormy night! Anyway, I was reading this weird book, and there's a chapter in here I think might interest you. Ha! Sucker! I'm surprised you fell for that old "Slam the platypus in a book" trick. Actually, I'm surprised it took me that long to think of it. Anyhoo, you should know that that mysterious book that you are trapped in has a very interesting chapter about, bum-bum-bum, the inexplicable giant floating baby head. (THUNDER CRACKING) Wow. That was weird. I wonder if that's gonna happen every time I say, "Inexplicable giant floating baby head." (THUNDER CRACKING) Oh, cool! Hey, watch this. The inexplicable giant floating baby ham sandwich! (THUNDER CRACKING) Ah! Anyway, the chapter says that if you get close enough to touch the, uh, the inexplicable giant floating you know, (WHISPERS) you get three wishes. Pretty sweet, huh? The rest of the chapter was devoted to the giant floating rest of the baby. But since I've never seen one in Danville, I didn't finish. So how am I going to get the baby head to come to me? Behold! The Inexplicable-Giant -Floating-Baby-Head -Attract-inator! Everything I know about getting a baby's attention has gone into this inator. Yes! Babies like keys, right? When you shake your keys. Yeah, (STAMMERS) it...it's one of the things they like. (COOING) It's so horrible. Gently, gently. Don't kill me. Just one small... (THUNDER CRACKING) It's gone! (GASPS) Perry the Platypus, look at my hand! It's kind of disturbing but it worked. I get three wishes! Okay, we'll give this a whirl. I'll use one wish just to test it out. Hmm, I wish for an iced tea. Well, look at that! It worked! Mmm. Not bad, though it could really use some sugar and one of those lemon slices. I... See, I wasn't specific enough. Oh, right, I forgot in these kinds of stories there's always a twist. But, but, but I'm too smart for that. All I have to do is be really clear about what I want, like my next wish. I'll be really sure to clearly say, "I wish to control..." Aah! Cheese and crackers! (THUNDER CRACKING) Oh, you think you're so clever, don't you, Perry the Platypus? Making me waste a wish? Nice try, pal. But what you don't realize is that this guy knows the real waste of a wasted wish is to waste the wish that was wished wastefully. And I am not wasting this wasteful wish. The point is, I now have control over cheese and crackers. Cheese, advance! Swiss! Smoky gouda! String! Individually wrapped cheese food substitute! Ha! Cheese, snack attack! You, Limburger! Hold on a second, (STUTTERS) you're a strong cheese. Get this book shelf off my foot. Oh, man. If I wasn't so hungry, this would be horrifying. Well, you may have shredded it, but you haven't stopped it! (LAUGHS) Uh...uh... Oh, I see. I don't know how I forgot cheese was edible. By the way, I believe you're over the five second rule there, Perry the platy... Ow! Well, I hope you didn't leave room for crackers! Crackers, go get him! Why do I have six boxes of oyster crackers? Must have been on sale. (GRUNTS) (CLUTTERING) Very clever, Perry the Platypus, but let's see how you do against the hard stuff. Parmesan, give him a taste of your crystalline texture! (SCREECHING) (BLOWING) (ALL SQUEAKING) Ah, so you beat up a bunch of snacks. Big deal! But you forget, Perry the Platypus, I still have one wish left. And I've learned from my past two mistakes. I'm going to do this one right! You know what it is I want, Perry the Platypus? I want to be the biggest ruler of the... What? Oh, you're right! I say "ruler" and I could end up being, like, a big wooden yardstick or something. Good catch. Good, good catch, Perry the Platypus. Let me rephrase that. I want to be, specifically, the monarch of... No, no. No, you're right, that's a butterfly. Well, how about the super-inten... No, no. Wait, (STUTTERS) I know! I wish to be the head of the Tri-State Area! Oh! Shoot! I just heard that. (THUNDER CRACKING) Yep! (SIGHS) Yep, I'm a head. A big old head, Perry the Platypus. That's what I wished for. Where are you going? So, what? I don't need your help. That's right. Just walk away, Perry the Platypus. Oh, you're giving me the smirk face. Nice. Fine. Maybe I like being a giant head, huh? Uh-oh. Oh! I have to itch my nose! Oh, no! I can't. Aah! (SNEEZES) (CAT MEOWING) Ow! Curse you, Perry the Platypus! And you, too, you giant inexplicable floating baby head! Eh, knock it off! At dot, dot, dot, funny warts, add the picture and... Ah! Back from the commercial, are we? Shall I continue? Hmm. The final grim installment in our Terrifying Tri-State Trilogy of Terror takes place in an unassuming suburban backyard where five happy campers and their platypus discover they may not know what they are going to do today. BUFORD: Suddenly, from out of the shadows, the zombie bunny rabbit appeared and then he ate up all the marshmallows! (CHOMPING) BALJEET: Remember, those marshmallows are for everyone. The zombie bunny doesn't care! Okay, it's my turn to tell a scary story. Ooh! What's it gonna be? Suspense, stalker, horror, action, adventure, or my personal favorite, the campy costume alien teen romance dramedy? Well, let's see what's in this weird book. "Make a doll come alive, how to get three wishes, giant floating rest of baby." Hey, check it out! It says here you have to be careful not to spill grape juice on a platypus or it will make an evil platypus clone. I'm not really sure why anyone would... Keep reading. Buford, stop! Aw, poor little guy. Buford, you shouldn't pour anything on a platypus. I just wanted to see what would happen. (CHATTERING) Well, he's dry, but now he's purple. Whoa! Cool! It actually worked! Who's my little platypus clone? (GROWLS) What was that all about? What part of "evil clone" are you not getting? Obviously, the "evil" part. I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. Cheese and crackers. Oh, no! Look! They are using our grape juice box to make more! (ALL ROARING) Wow. This is such a Halloween thing to happen in the middle of summer. What are we gonna do, Phineas? We have to contain these duplicating evil platypuses somehow. Uh, we could build a vacuum that attracts only platypus fur. No, no, then Perry would be in danger. Uh, maybe an alpha ray grid to... No, no, that's too much radiation. Hmm. I can smell his brain working. Oh, sure, blame it on Phineas. I don't know, gang. I'm kinda stumped on this one. Fear not! I know someone who can help us. Follow me! (ALL ROARING) I don't get it, Baljeet. Where are we going? Whenever I need counsel on a problem, I go to my life coach. Life coach? I am so hurt! Buford, this man is the embodiment of pure thought and wisdom. Well, well! If'n it ain't Baljeet! Everyone, this is Rusty Britches. Rusty, this is everyone. Well, I'm right pleased to meet you kids! Wha... Howdy? Well, don't just stand there with your hair on your head and your socks tucked into your boots, come on in. Thank you for the lemonade, Rusty. You're surely welcome. Now what can I do you for? If I may, Mr. Britches. The city's been overrun by evil platypuses, and we can't figure out how to get rid of them. Well, that's a real beehive in your well water. Let me get my thinkin' bench. (CREAKING) Well, it's like old Pap used to say. When your horse starts drawing a bath instead of a wagon, it's time to change the welcome mat. Does anyone else get the feeling we're really taking our time with this thing? Look, Rusty, we really appreciate your colloquial prairie wisdom, but I think we have to move along before things get worse out there. Well, I reckon you know best. It was right fine to meet... Aw, cheese and crackers! This is supposed to be for cleaning boats, but sometimes you gotta wash with the wrong brush to get a colt to the chaparral. Wash? Brush? Chaparral? That's it! You're a genius, Mr. Britches! Oh, shucks! I'm just a simple cowboy life coach. Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today. So, since the evil platypuses are made out of grape juice stains and dark magic, these high-powered bubble washers ought to do the trick. Okay, suds up, people! We're going platy-scrubbing! Hey, Phineas! How about some good ol', down-home, granny slappin' platy-scrubbing musical accompaniment? ALL: Yeah! ♪ The chips were down, the stakes were high ♪ The kids knew it was do-or-die ♪ Ripped to shred with razor-like claws ♪ Their doom was all but nigh ♪ Screaming in pain, they'd be eaten alive... ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey! What the heck, man? You're bringing us down. It's really a good song but, uh... Maybe you could play something a little more, you know, up-tempo. Oh, right. Gotcha! ♪ Well, we were shootin' 'em, washin' 'em, scrubbin' 'em ♪ Terminating all livelong day ♪ Happy little kids with a happy little chore ♪ Just yodeling all the way! ♪ (YODELS) (YELLS) Rusty! Go on without me! It's as I always say, you gotta... Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! (ROARS) This doesn't look too good, Ferb. Everybody retreat to that factory! Oh, no, guys! This is a grape juice box factory! How terrifyingly specific! (BANGING ON DOOR) They're here! Run! There's too many of them! Phineas! Isabella! I'm getting tired of running from these jerks. And so, our heroes were ripped to shreds and left to die! Wait a minute! That was a pretty grim ending, don't you think? Yeah, talk about your unlightful endings. He means delightful, and he means the opposite of that. Okay, okay. I'll give you the Hollywood ending. I have a plan. Everyone keep your eye out for the sprinkler system supply housing! There it is! Isabella, you, Baljeet and Buford hold them back while we get the soap into the sprinkler system. You'd better hurry, Phineas! (GROWLING) There are too many of them! Oh, no! The manual override is way up there! There's no way I can reach it. Uh, guys, I'm out! I am out, too! What are we gonna do? (BUGLE BLARES) Yee-haw! (HORSE NEIGHING) Look, everyone, it's Baljeet's cowboy life coach! On a unicorn! Straining all credulity, he has come to save us! Soap's on, little tykes! Rusty, you did it! They are all melting away! (BUGLE BLARES) You've saved my factory! Look, everyone! It is Officer Concord, the juice-time juice box flavor cop! Well done, everyone! Let's dance! (MUSIC PLAYING) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Totally unbelievable. Which part? The unicorn or Officer Concord, the juice-time juice box flavor cop? Nah, the cowboy. You do not believe in cowboys? Have you ever seen one in real life? So, you see, if I had a Macabre Book Mobile, those are the kinds of things that could happen. I'm gonna be blunt, Mr. Macabre... It's "Macabre." Mr. Macabre, I'm not gonna give you a loan to buy a Macabre Book Mobile. And why not? You have no detailed records of assets, no inventory, nothing you can use as collateral. Your stories don't even make sense! It's a bad business proposition. What if I were to say "please"? That's not gonna work. Please? Get out. Pretty please, with a cherry on top? A cherry, huh? (SIGHS) Okay, but this is the last loan I am giving you. ♪ All is well that ends well ♪ With a happy little cowboy song ♪ Happy little steps on a happy little... ♪ Aah! Dang it! (GRUNTS) I'm all right. Hey, you go ahead and read the credits, I'll just wait down here. It's kinda nice down here, actually. There's a dandelion. It's all puffy and ready to go. Here you go. (BLOWS) Logo ought to be coming up any minute. There it is!