James Franco performs from his new novel, Actors Anonymous

I am the actor. I am the actor. I am the actor. I am the actor. I am the actor. I am an actor, so I can play everything. Everyone is in me, and I in everyone. I am part of your consciousness. You don't think so? You want to deny that I have made my way inside? I am here to entertain you, but I don't really care about entertaining you, know what I mean? I used to care a lot about acting, but now I see that you're only as good as the material. And if you have good material, you're only as good as your director. There is so much dependence on others that I can't care about acting anymore. I am Jack Nicholson, and Marlon Brando, and Jimmy Stewart, and Belmondo, and Steve McQueen. I am Nicolas Cage and Robert Pattinson and James Dean and Rock Hudson. I am Norma Shearer and Lillian Gish. I am Garbo. I'm like a sophisticated prop. I'll give you all the feeling you want, and accents you want, all the hairstyles, and wardrobe changes you want, and I'll say whatever you put in front of me. But do not expect me to take pride in the work. I used to care about how I looked. Now I don't care as much. Maybe it's because I'm so handsome. Shakespeare was an actor. So was Sophocles. It's funny when people say actors can't write. Most of 'em can't, but look at *** Allen. Look at W.C. Fields. If James Dean had lived he probably would have made some flops. He was supposed to have played Billy the Kid and then Rocky Graziano in Somebody Up There Likes Me. After Dean died, Paul Newman did it. It wasn't very good. I am a good actor, but sometimes I look like a bad actor. And I don't care. Would you rather be Buster Keaton or Peter Fonda? Charlie Chaplin or Leonardo DiCaprio? John Wayne or Phillip Seymour Hoffman? River Phoenix or Mickey Rourke? When you're portraying a romantic relationship on screen, you can usually score with your partner after the first make out scene. This applies even if the other person is in a relationship. Some of the best actors are really uneducated, but they understand people well enough to fake it. Everyone likes to talk about movies because they think that they can. Everyone's a specialist. If you are a film actor, get ready: You will be treated like a fool. People will think you are like your roles. If you smoke pot onscreen, you are a stoner; if you kiss a dude, you are gay; and if you kill John Wayne, well, then your career is over. I used to want to do a bunch of accents and physical impediments with every role. Now I don't care. Now I want to be as simple as possible, just slip into the world I'm in and be as natural as possible. I am the actor. I am the actor. I am the actor. I am the actor. I am the actor.