The provocateur .

I really don't get it. I can't understand, why YOU don't wanna watch that. I mean, that ... that Cannes not be true, right? Or is it some kind of promo gag in the end, so you Cannes get some headlines? I don't really know. You know what I mean? Something like "Aaron Baumann Didn't attend the festival but got the Golden Palm Cannes you believe that?" I don't know. Well, take the one you like. Alright, do you have something to sniff it? Yeah, of course. Ah, fresh. Oh! Heavy! - It's good, isn't it? - Yeah! Well ... Well ... And now? Wanna go? No! You don't wanna watch it? No. Well, I would like to ... Well, with you. I'd like to watch it with you. On my own, I Cannes not really appreciate ... That kind of stuff. But, well, we can also ... Have a drink. Good idea. Alright, I'll open the champagne. It's getting worse and worse ... Yeah ... The catering ... is not the best one Cannes offer. Yeah ... Cheers. Yeah. Cheers. Damnit! That's disgusting! Well ... Disgusting! Could be ... Could be better. Whoa, that's disgusting! No ... Not good at all. What's this? Rum. Well then, let's improve our drinks. Or not? Don't be a pervert! Shall I ... I'm gonna refill our glasses and then I'm gonna tell you something. Something really perverted. Tell me perverted. I like perverted. Perverted (in Eastern-German accent) Listen up. I'm working on a story ... Cheers. Cheers. I'm working on a story - I found it in the internet. Some guy set up a message board - it's called shitmyself.de Shitmyself.de Yeah, alright, I got it. That's a message board for people who find *** pleasure in *** themselves. Really *** themselves, you know? There are stories, too, how they discovered they had that fetish, like that one guy who wrote, like, he was hiking with his aunt - in the middle of nowhere, hiking - no toilet, right? And then, he tells his auntie "I gotta go in the bushes, I gotta pee", right? But well, "to pee", right? He was looking for a good bush, ran around and everything, well, and then it was too late and he *** himself, right? Got it? The choco-car had already honked, right? So, he sits in the bushes, thinks about his aunt and realizes that it makes him really ***, the warm ***, and than he starts jacking off, right? Well and that guy ... I kinda chose him, right? And I'm gonna interview him. Investigative journalism, right? He wrote me emails and told me how he does it. He told me that once a month, twice a month, roundabout, he covers a playground in his living room, covers everything with cling film, so it doesn't lubricate the ground, lays on his back and ***, saved up nicely from three days, and *** and ***, smears his belly with all the stuff and has a really nice ***. Really disgusting. Like I said, that's the story I'm working on at the moment. Dude, that's so disgusting! Yuk! Just disgusting. Why are you telling me about that? That's really disgusting. Really disgusting! But it fits with your films. They speak for themselves. I mean, right? I'd like to know what's going on in your sick mind, too, to put it nicely, right? Can you set up another line? No offense, but ... Yes. Of course. I do. With pleasure. Mr Baumann. Yesterday your new film opened, sadly you couldn't be there, but I can tell you this: It was a big success! After only five minutes max half of the audience had already left the theatre. You could instantly feel the irritation: What is this supposed to tell us? Is it supposed to tell us anything? Should we find this funny or should we just throw up, right? So, you really twisted the knife in the wound, right where the nerve is, made it really painful, again and again and again and again. Right? And that, by the way, is exactly what I find, just formally, in your complete works, which your new film is again a brilliant example for, very fascinating, you know, beyond the purely substantive provocation, this ... this uncompromising courage to do a whole movie without any kind of artistic sophistication. This ... this consistent solidarity with the amateurish, what am I saying, this complete botch, right? Which is, of course, in its consistent ... consistency, only possible in the cinema, right, that needs the big screen, it needs this greatness, all its brutality, when it literally attacks the audience, like a biblical plague, and screams: "YES! This is how *** looks! This is how it smells! This is how it ... tastes." So, yeah, the camerawork is beneath contempt, the plot is ridiculous, the performances are at best unintentionally funny But I mean, we, the audience, who is ... what is ... what is that? See? And that's exactly what it is! Right? But that's the question, that obviously and I don't even want to point my finger at my more conservative film critic colleagues that obviously doesn't reach everyone these days. Just like the question "Why?" Why is that important, why does a culture need to suffer this, right? This parade of digust and irrelevance, this artifice to the absolutely insubstantial. This artistic dive into the proverbial toilet. Without any kind of reflection on its with dried brain *** crusted surface. I mean, just the first scene, right, this very first scene, this ... this amateurish *** that literally explodes into the viewer's face, right? And your unconditional will to pull this through to the end ... That, of course, makes me ask myself: How do you get these ideas? How do you get them? I found it beautiful. The whole movie. Not disgusting. I found it beautiful. Mr Baumann! You almost fooled me! But my colleagues have warned about that: An interview with Baumann, they said, that's gold! Gold! Sorry, sorry, sorry! We're late! True. Sorry. It was my fault. Oh, was it? Well, mine too. A little bit. But it's a funny story! Funny? Well, great! Tell me. Yeah, Yves! Tell him! Alright. Uhm, well, we got on the train, and maybe I should say first that I don't like the subway too much I'm more the cab taking kind of guy. Public transportation - Urgh. Hehe. Well, anyway, we got on the train, and we were already a little late, because Eva had taken so long in the bathroom, women, right? Well, so we got to the train, the doors were almost closed already, but I jumped inside like this and pressed on the doors like this. Well... And Eva got through smoothly, and then we sat there and thought: "Huh? Why does it take so long until we reach our destination?" And the funny thing is - We didn't. At all. Well, and then we talked and in our compartment, there was an old lady, who said in very bad German: "Thiiis iiis wrrrrong trrrain. Wrrrrong directionn." Hehe. First, I didn't even understand what she wanted. And Eva looked at the plan then and found out: We were in the wrong train, going in the wrong direction! Isn't that funny? I mean - So stupid! We were so happy to have finally got on the train, and then we found out that it was actually the wrong train! Isn't that ironic? Ironic? Yes. Because, you see, we were so happy that we had finally made it, that we were on the train, but we were going in the completely wrong direction. That's ironic, isn't it? Well, uhm ... Ironic ... Aaron. Yes. Ironic. Yes. Ironic. Hehe. Do you want to have a drink? Oh. Yeah. How is the wine list? Uhm, they have red wine and white wine. Oh. Back to the roots. Which one is better? I've never had wine here. I think, I will take the white wine. Then I'll take that too. Alright. And you? I'll have a beer. Great. I'm gonna order then. Aaron. I find it really great. I find it really great, that this is possible. With us. With you and me. So peaceful. That's very mature. Yeah. Mature. I mean, that really doesn't go without saying. Even though one should think it would, among grown-ups, that it's possible, like with us. Well, there is really no reason for us not to like each other. Eva is a free man. A flower. And once she flourished into your direction, and now she's intergrown with me. I mean, I didn't take anything from you. She's not your property. And she's not my ... property. Hehe. It's just ... You never know. People are evolving. And what ever she may have found attractive about you, doesn't fit into her life any more, and then she met me and ... I mean ... Who can influence it? Who? I mean, I find it great, that we can ... I mean ... That's very mature. Especially you. You're very mature. And it's very important to Eva. You. You are very important to her. That ... You know that, don't you? She ... She worries about you. A little. Maybe. Yeah, maybe. And that's why she finds it very important for us to meet up with you. And she's right about that, isn't she? Uhm... I got your drinks. Here you are, darling. And your Beer, Aaron. Kilkenny. Thanks. Uhm ... We like wine! Yeah... We like wine. I like wine and you like wine, too, right, Yves? Yeah. We like wine. We even attend wine tastings. Uhm ... Did you know, that Kenny from South Park is called Kenny and has to die in every episode because of Kilkenny beer, you know, "kill Kenny" ... Yeah, I know that, Aaron. Well ... Wine tastings! Before, I would never have gone to one. But we simply dared. Right, Eva? Well, and then we were there and I really thought I would feel stupid, because everyone else can identify all the fruits and influences of the wine, but I have to say, I became quite good at that myself. That's true! Last time he even assigned the correct vitange. But that was simple! I knew the region. Very vaguely. Well, it must be remembered, that the last really dry summer in France was 2004. And the wine couldn't have been much older than that. It tasted too ů youthful. It was fruity. The grape was just very sweet. And full-bodied, it tasted full-bodied. Yeah. And then Monsieur de Gaublier, a great Winemaker, he's really a legend ... We do like his wine very much. Well, he had this series of wines, and I think he made only ten of them, or how much was it, Eva? Eleven, I think. Exclusively for Carl. Yes! Carl! The sommelier. Carl is the sommelier who organizes these tastings. And he knows Monsieur de Gaublier personally, ha! Well, and this series had these various influences, these fruit splashes. There were, uhm ... Plum. Hehe. And, uhm, rasberry, and ... a touch of ... Something tropical! Hold on, darling! Pitaya! Bravo! Isn't he great? A lucky amateur. I find culture very import... something important for itself, it's ... I really like culture. And I would love to go to classical concerts more often. Culture? Wine tastings, classical concerts, what else? Well, we were recently in the theater. Oh, theater! Which one? Bremen. Season opening. Borgerding! Is the director, yes. Michael Borgerding is a *** son of a ***. Uhm, well, I don't really know if one can say ... Yes, yes, yes! I mean, he even looks like a son of a ***. - Aaron... - Yes he does! I mean, he is a real ***. Yes Michael Borgerding is a *** son of a ***, I think that's the most irrefutable truth about the German art world. Okay, uhm, I don't find it too cultivated to just call somebody a son of a *** ... Oh, I don't just call him that, he is one. Uhm ... Yeah ... I don't know. Maybe that fits into the world of your films. I don't know. "Son of a ***" ... If we have to discuss that right now ů I don't know. What have my films to do with the fact that Michael Borgerding is a *** son of a ***? Well, expressions like that ... The shamelessness of ... We recently watched your new film! That's great, but I really wanna know what my films have to do with sons of ***. Well ... Uhm, well ... the joy you find in provocation, like right now for example ... That's recognizable in your films ... Is that so? Well, I found it a little ... I found it a little vulgar. Vulgar. Without wishing to offend you. Just this whole "son of a ***" thing. I mean ... One could say that's your crutch ... Your style. Your style. That's okay. You're successful, I respect that. You're good at what you do. Very good. You're really very good at what you do, and I find it ... Well, I ... I find it a little adolescent. I mean, maybe that's your intention! Maybe that is your intention, I'm just saying, I ... I don't like it. Oh. Uhm ... How was Cannes? Hello! You look like ***. Thanks. Whoa! This is where you live now? Yes. Temporarily. Why don't you go to a hotel? It's alright here. It's mine. Ah, I don't know ... The location is great. I like it here. Good memories. I've been here before, right? Yes, we rehearsed the "Merchant" in here, sometimes. Right! Awesome! The penniless beginnings! Yeah ... And Eva lives in your apartment now or what? Yes. Why do you let her? It's such a great apartment! It's alright here, too. Honestly? Maybe I need something like this. What exactly? Back to the roots. Wow. That sounds stupid. Whatever. What are you watching? Antichrist. Awesome! Propaganda ***! "All women are evil" and so on. Do you have a beer for me? Yeah, uhm ... This is the beginning, right? Yep. Good. Can't watch the ending, way too disgusting. Why are you here? To look for you. What is this? Can I turn this off? Yeah, sure. How are you? Great. None of us has heard anything from you for ages. Yeah. Sorry. What have you been up to? Uhm, no idea ... Hanging around ... Don't know. Did you write something new? No. An idea? No. No plans at all? No. Yummy? No. We're all broke. Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. You don't have a new project? Really? Nothing at all? No. Why? Why should I? I'm not your daddy. Do something on your own. That's not how it works, Aaron. Why? Come up with a good idea, film yourselves, publish it - Lawrence will do that for you! We need your name! You have names yourselves. Say I'm the producer. Aaron, we need you. But I don't want to do it anymore. What do you mean? I don't wanna make movies anymore. Like, on principle, or what? Maybe. And what do you wanna do instead? Right now, I want to watch "Antichrist". Awesome. And what's gonna be your income? I'm not in need, you know. ***. Thanks. Goddamnit, Aaron, some *** little piece of *** project, okay? Aaron, this is not how it works! We had a deal: You've got the ideas and we join you! We take care for each other! I mean, how many hours of unpaid work have we performed! In how many sinkholes have I slept, just for your films! We all worked so hard for you! Jana has basically prostituted herself to raise money for your medieval film! Dirk, you know, he could be anywhere as a DOP by now, but no, he stayed with you, even though it was never forseeable if it's gonna be worth it! You always expected us to sacrifice ourselves. And that was alright, cause you did too. We believed in the projects. We take care for each other. Don't you remember? The group helps themselves, that was our pact. Can't you remember any of that? Did you suddenly forget everything? You owe us a new project, Aaron. All of us. One, and then another, and then another. You owe us! Listen to yourself! You're not children, you are adult people, responsible for your own actions. Why should I owe you? I don't owe you anything! I never forced you to do anything. You never had to join me, if you didn't want to. And now, I don't want anymore, and I won't join. You are beautiful, strong wild geese. Fly! You're such an ***, Aaron! You can go now. Aaron. That can't be it! Seems like it is. Why don't you wanna do anything anymore? I'm not in the mood. Do you need an idea? We can brainstorm together. Listen to yourself! It can't be that you don't have any ideas at all anymore. Is it beacause of Eva? Leave me alone! I mean, Eva isn't the only girl on the planet. You're on all the covers. You're on the spot! You don't have any reason to let yourself go like this. I just don't want to make movies anymore! Why should I? In the end, it's all just provocation! That's so profane! You force yourself into something to stimulate deep processes or thoughts, and then there comes the laughing crowd, partying because someone says "***". That sucks! I don't wanna do it anymore. Then just make something more conventional. Why? Does that make any difference? Cause then the big glasses army arrives, sitting in the theatre with serious faces, holding their writing pads and nodding affected? Yeah? Tell me, what sould be my message for them? Be yourself? Go your own way? Love is the answer? Children are the future? You guys suck and I hate you all? Yeah? I always wanted to ask questions. What questions? I don't know anymore. At the moment: What for? Well, then how about this answer: For us! Yeah, cause you need money. So, we need money! What's the big deal? What kind of film would you find appropriate to finance the champagne-and-caviar-lifestyle of some dependent, nacissistic egocentrics? Cause you need money! Go make a ***. Well, I heard Von Trier is very successful at doing that. Yeah, great idea. I will wirte a *** for you, alright, with lots of violence and blood and *** and vomit, and then you can give interviews and say that it's all very socially critical and you can go to Cannes and grin narcissistically while the audience boos for you, and then we can go and make a second part with even more vomit! Alright ... You are really disgusting. Thanks. Disgusting. Coming from the emissary of the money-grabbing vultures, calling themselves my friends. Disgusting is the audience. Disgusting is the art scene. And you guys, you are the most disgusting of them all. I'll go now. Yeah, *** off. Call me when you're back on track. ***! *** *** ***! These *** robbed me. In that ***' homeless shelter in Hammerbrook. This is all a conspiracy. These yankees with their airplanes ... Jesus, Hitler, Che Guevara, Buddha, it's all the same. Did you see the weather? Conspiracy! The war is waged underground now. Yeah. It's so *** cold here! Do you see the streaks in the sky? They make the weather! If the yankees wouldn't have their airplanes, it would be 2-3 degrees warmer. It's all a lie! Climate conference ... *** lie! The ice age is coming, the the yankees know that, and that's why they make war underground. My wife knew that. And they know, that I know. That's why I'm hiding. Life is short. So short! Pow! And over! Yeah. Now the life expectancy is up to 108. Jopi Heesters [famous, very old German actor] - Ha! The war is underground, it's not over! It's waged undergound! Do you see the streaks in the sky? They ... They make the weather! Right. I know that, and they know that I know. That's why I'm hiding. I'm not stupid. My wife kicked me out, and now she's helping the yankees making war Underground! Ah, this beer is so stale. They pissed in it in Hammerbrook! This is mine! It's all mine! That's anti-social. Fits your marketing campaign, doesn't it? What's your next project? I don't know, uhm ... Nothing. That's impossible, we have a contract. I get at least three more films from you. Yeah, right. I wanna see how you force me to make them. There are ways and means. I can't think of anything - What should I do? Come on! Take some social issues, some blood, some insults, some weird sequences with naked people and it's gonna be alright! Right. Always this overestimation of successful artists! Do you know what your problem is? Your own expectations of yourself! You're always trying to do even better than the time before. Forget that! Think like a businessman: What is it that people like the most about you? It's your rudeness, the provocation, the freshness and the blood, the show values and the humour. The provocation. We're friends, stop pretending you're stupid. You don't have to sell anything to me, Aaron. You already did. So, you want something really provocative from me. Exactly. You know what, Lawrence? *** you! There's no reason to be abusive. I'll make a film for you. Pure provocation. People will run out of the theatres in disgust and puke. Perfect mouth-to-mouth-propaganda, I promise. I'll make that film in just one day, without any budget. Awesome, right? No budget, maximum sales capability. Sounds great, doesn't it? Sounds too good to be true. Did my old friend Aaron Baumann return to this table? Your old friend Aaron Baumann is gonna bring his next blockbuster into your office tomorrow by twelve. I can't wait. Gotta go. By the way: It's gonna be a film about people, who *** themselves and then jack off. Enjoy your meal. Olaf? Hi, this is Aaron. Uhm, remember our conversation in Cannes? You told me about that guy ... *** himself ... Could you give me his number? Yes, for a movie. Yeah, you were right, it's a great story. Okay, I'll wait. Hello! Hello ... Nice that it worked out so spontaneously. I appreciate the interest. Come on in. I'll prepare everything. I've got to admit, I'm a little excited. Becoming a movie star with this! I was already over the moon when that journalist called me, but this goes beyond my wildest dreams! Would you like something to eat? Something to drink? Alright ... I'll hurry and we're going to start in a second. I'm always very thorough with the film, so I can let off steam relaxed on my playground. Genuine hardwood. Anyway, a beautiful old building. A beautiful area! Just the neighbours are kind of weird sometimes. I don't want to know what they are doing behind closed doors! But all in all everything's fine. You came here by bus, right? I'm looking forward to the day they take the subway station in operation. The rents will rise, but it's worth it. I don't like the bus. It's always so crowded and stuffy. And uncomfortable. But these new streetcars sometimes aren't that great either. In some of them you can't even open the windows anymore. And then there's no fresh air. No fresh air! Do you know what I liked? These old regional trains to Pinneberg! They still had these comfy chair seats that invited you to just rest for a moment. These days everything has to go fast. Always in and out quickly, everything is functional, only a means to and end ... By the way, I have a book by the Dalai Lama. Fascinating man! And he says, like me: Enjoy the moment! I mean, who does that? How many people take time, just for themselves? Hardly anybody! Just like: Once a month I take some time for myself, I build my playground and do something good for me. That can be something different for everyone. For some people it's a nice bath ... Maybe I am a little ... different. But there are more of us than one might want to believe! I think, I will use this opportunity to send a message To send two messages! Mindfulness for the moment and tolerance! I've read a lot of things about you, too! I've got to admit, I haven't seen any of your films, but if I got that right, you are quite a messenger yourself and your films always have something to say. Spreading a message. I will spread the message of tolerance and awareness. I like that! Shall we get started? Uhm ... Yeah, sure. Is everything alright? Oh, you don't say "Action" or something like that? Oh, uhm, yes, of course ... And ... Action! Would you send me the tape then? That'd be great! So, there we were, the pianist was just starting to play the second movement, and right after the first few notes I said to Eva: "Eva, THAT is not Rachmaninoff", right, Eva? That's how it was, wasn't it? And then ... Aaron. Eva. What are you doing here? I'm really drunk right now. Obviously. Shut the *** up! Dude! Can you really just talk *** all day? Eva, what the *** do you like about that schmuck? I've never seen such a self-satisfied, pseudo-intellectual ***! You go to wine tastings? And classical concerts? How boring have you become? How pretentious is that guy! I can not call Michael Borgerding a son a ***? Sorry, Yves, but Michael Borgerding happens to be a *** son of a ***, and your fear of the expression son of a *** doesn't change a thing about that, you son of a ***! Damnit! You are drinking wine with snobs in *** bars and listen to Yves as he talks ***. What happened to you? Why? What do you like about him? Aaron No, Eva, seriously! Tell me, please. What about him is better than me? Damnit, Aaron, I don't need this. You're drunk. Please go. Alright. I'll go. In a second. Okay? Just a second. Because I want you to know one thing. And ... I'm drunk, and I'm broken. Today, I filmed a man *** in his living room and rubbing with it I never had less pride and dignity than now. So, when should I tell you this, if not now? So, listen, alright? Just a second. I still have breakfast in the Golden Camel sometimes. First, Janine always brought dishes for you, too. Just out of habit, I mean, she didn't know that you wouldn't come anymore. And then, I just sat there. In front of your empty seat. I missed you so much. Now, even Janine understood that you're not with me anymore, and so she brings just one plate and one cup. But I don't miss you less. I miss you. Every day, every second ... I don't know what to do without you. I have no idea what to do with myself. And everyone is so loud and so fast, they celebrate my films like never before, but they just don't get them! They all want me to make a new one, but I can't! I'm not a provocateur. My films are no provocation. My films are beautiful and they are serious. And each of my films is a love letter to you. I can't make films any more. That's your fault. You broke my heart. 14 years Taekwondo. Nobody calls me son of a ***.