Harry Potter And The Ten Years Later - Episode One

Andrew, it’s the twenty-first century! Use the computer! Right, love to, but I seem to have inexplicably turned my computer into a ukulele. [ukulele strums] And I suppose you’d like me to input this week’s report. If you’d be so kind. This thing’s just as impossible to figure out. -Andrew? -Yes Harry? Why does this report have the word FINAL written across the top of it? Ah, yes, that. Well, as you may have noticed, there hasn’t been much call for Aurors in a long, long time. You took care of He-Whose-Name-I-Can't-Quite-Remember… -Voldemort! -That's the bloke. Anyway, since then, there haven’t been any problems with dark wizards for us to deal with really, have there? But the forces of evil could regain power at any time! They could, they could, yes. But, they haven’t. It’s been ten years, Harry. The Ministry has been very generous keeping the department open even this long. And I think a lot of that has to do with how grateful everyone felt towards you. But the war’s long over. It’s time to move on. So I’m fired then? Afraid so. When? Um, you input that report yet? What’s happening to you? I am being reassigned to… the IT department. Information Technology. Sounds exciting! -Hello darling! -Hi hon. I have good news. I’ve just taken my temperature. Hooray! -That’s not the news. -Oh. The news is that I... am... ovulating! Hooray… So while I go finish getting a chicken in the oven for dinner, you go into the bedroom and get psyched up for some sex. Honey- Here, you can use this. Bum bah dah bum bum dah bum bah da bum bum bow! Ginny honey, don’t you think we should w- No. I think we’ve waited quite long enough, thank you very much. Come on now. Accio trousers! You know, there are more romantic ways of doing that! Ginny, they’re closing my department. -Finally. -Finally!? Harry, no one’s seen a dark wizard in ages. You were completely going to waste there. Maybe now you can get a job with a future, you know? Something with management prospects! Fine. All I’m saying is, we might not want to have a baby when we don’t know where our next paycheck is coming from. Right? [cell phone rings] Hello? It’s Hermione. Ron looking for new investors for his next brilliant venture? No. She said he's gone. She kick him out again? She said he left this time. That’s a new one. I’m sure he’ll be back in a few hours though. That’s the other thing. She said he left a month ago. What? Harry Potter. I’m so sorry Hermione. I’m so glad you’re here. You don’t mind if I pour myself a glass of wine, do you? No, of course not. Whatever you need. Good answer. Your call made me realize how long it’s been since I’ve seen you two. Sorry about that. It’s not like Ginny and I have been busy, we haven’t. Almost the opposite. Almost as if I’ve been doing so little for so long, I’ve gotten used to it. Makes me think of when we were kids, right? Oh I know. Awful, wasn’t it? I was such a mess! All I did was worry. People were trying to kill us every other day and all I could think about was, Oh no, I might not get a perfect grade in… wand waving or whatever. It’s only recently I’ve truly started to appreciate that life’s too short for crying over every little thing, don’t you agree? Sure, I guess. I mean, you’ve always been pretty high strung. But it got you everything you ever wanted, didn’t it? I mean, you’re a successful barrister, you’re wealthy, healthy, you know… Happy? Are you asking? Oh Harry, don’t you ever feel like something’s missing? Yeah. Yeah I guess. I think for me it’s- So do I! Here’s to finding that missing something! Oh, all right. Shouldn’t drink too much. Didn’t get a chance to eat dinner before coming over. [slow jazz music plays] All I’m saying is- All I'm saying is, looking back those- those're like my favorite years of my whole life! Favorite years!? The ones where people were plotting your death, others were writing books calling you a fraud, and the Dark Lord was fingering your brain like a *** prom date!? Oh yeah. Sounds a bit silly out loud like that, doesn’t it? But I think I was just too young to appreciate the adventure of it all! I mean, you never feel so alive as when someone's trying to kill you! Harry, I've spent the last few days trying to build myself up for this and I'd really appreciate it if you didn't ruin it by talking anymore. Building yourself up for what? Ooooh… ***! Seen the paper this morning? Indeed I have. Does this mean it’s time for Phase One to begin? No. It means Phase One is complete. Ah. Got me phases mixed up then. So it would seem. Moving on to Phase Two then? Obviously. Which is…? Which is we offer him the job! Right. Right! And Phase One was…? All this prep work we’ve been doing! Collecting everything! Setting up the business! All right! Calm down! No need to get all worked up. Don’t tell me to calm down! I’m not the one who don’t know what’s going on! So you want tea? Yeah all right.