The Venture Bros. S1E2 - English Transcript

Good morning, Mr. And Ms. School-Age America. It's time to put your lunch pail in your cubby and punch the clock, because you're about to start the first day of your career in science! Meet your new boss, Dr. Jonas Venture. Famed inventor, philanthropist, and globe-trotting adventurer. Now enter your new office, Gargantua-1 a space station so advanced, so self-sufficient that it has been dubbed "the ninth wonder of the world. " Here, you and over 2,000 other employees, including 200 space welders labor to make the boss' perfect vision a perfect reality. Why, even little Rusty, Dr. Venture's companion and son is pitching in. Yes, it looks like Rusty's career in science has a bright future. - Wuss! - Knock it off! Boys, for the last time, stop! Brock is trying to drive! - I'm cool. - He started it! No, I started it years ago in a moment of passion and I'll end it the same way right here in front of Brock, H. E. L. P. eR. , and God! Now sit on your hands and keep your mouths shut! But now I can't read my Giant Boy Detective book. Shouldn't be reading in a moving vehicle, anyway. You know it makes you Good morning, Vent Shuttle Two. This is control. Maintain present course and enjoy the view. And may I state what an honor it is to have the illustrious Dr. Venture Hello? Should I hold down the little button? Thank you, Control. Vent Shuttle Two ready to receive docking protocol. And roger that. I'll leave you in the hands of Lieutenant Baldavich for that procedure. Welcome home. Let's take this slow. It's my first time. I'll be gentle. Now, where do you want this hot rocket? Wow, that's a big one! Now, ease it in. Good. Just like that. Brock, could we speed this up? I really have to go number one. I'm serious. That's it, keep going. Slow, slow. Yes, that's it! That's a tight fit. It's like they were made for each other. That's because they were, because they were both made by the same guy. Now, can we finish this up, please? I'm almost there. Brace yourself, 'cause it's gonna be Oh, come on! Dr. Venture, I presume? I wish. That's my man, Brock. This is quite an honor, Dr. Venture. I'm Colonel Bud Manstrong, and this vision is Anna Bal I mean, Lieutenant Baldavich. Great. Look, is there some kind of bathroom you could Of course, how insensitive of me. You've had a long journey, and I'm sure you need to unpack your extra liquid. All right, fine. Let's just get going. OK, I like that. Let's get to work. This way, gentlemen. Those sure are dandy-fine space suits you boys got. It's kinda creepy in here. And cold. When it gets cold like this, I always remember back when I was a paperboy on this station. I must have been about your age, and on a night just like this one of the crew just suddenly cracked. Cool! He gathered everyone in the hangar for what he called "movie night. " And under the flickering light of Burt Reynolds' "Sharky's Machine" he opened the bay doors. Almost the whole crew was there, "Sharky's Machine. " Yep, they say his phantom spirit still roams these corridors. Phantom space man! Right, Dr. Venture? Whatever. Look, I'm gonna be honest here. I really need to take a ***. We're here. So, what's the problem? The light went on. That's helpful. And that's never happened before. And then we found this. So, we called you. Thought the brainiac son of Dr. Venture could lick this in a jiffy. Stand back, everyone! Let the genius put on the ol' thinking cap. Flattery will get you everywhere. - Doc, you OK? - Yeah! I'm fine. I was just enjoying the super freedom of space travel. You know, testing out the waste collection pouch. It really is quite liberating. What? We're astronauts. Why is everyone isn't there something we should be doing? You heard the man! Let's scrub this baby down and give her a good powdering. Oh, sweet mercy, tell me these suits have a collection pouch. It's still on! Hold on, boys. Brock! Come in, Brock! Yeah, what? How is the cargo bay? Is it broken? This is a huge waste of time. These panels have never been opened. The whole place smells like a new radio. Fine, just keep checking. Anything? No, it's still on. Do these switches even do anything? What about now? It's wait. Wait, it's On or off? It's still on. Anna. Maybe I'm just a romantic fool spurred on by the friscalating starlight but I phoned Mother about us. I think I may be ready to I mean I don't want to rush you into anything. Rush me? We've been alone on this station for six years! Six years of hand-holding, six years of kisses on cheek, of love notes in locker of "I heart Anna" with that little "T. L. A. " thing drawn on space boot with Sharpie. What more could a girl want? - Now? - Still on. A problem light. Wow, Dad. What a super idea! No, you should always put one of those on the ninth wonder of the world. - Anything? - No. Now? What I'm going to ask you is no small step forward for us. It's one giant step forward for us-kind. So, I need to know now if there's any reason you would not want Brock! You won't get off this easy, Brock Samson. - It's on. - It's off. That's called blinking, boys. - Anything? - Now it's just regular on. Why don't you boys go help someone else? Or better, get me a dry space suit. Your father's basting in his own juices. Oh, it got in my gloves. Oh, dear God. Great design, Dad. What a super place for the gravity button. Our dad wants a dry space suit. - What happened? - Someone opened the bay doors on him. He should be dead. Phantom space man! We gotta warn Dad! Gonna lie down for a sec. Too late. Is he dead? Can't tell. Touch his neck. - You. - No, I don't wanna. Holy crap, I think he's really dead! Why would the phantom space man guy do this? Hello, Rusty! It's time to get up. Dad? I think I peed my bed. Let's go, boy! That pterodactyl looks mighty hungry! And I do believe we're on the menu! Should I hide in a barrel or something? Hang on, son! These savages mean business! Now, grab my hand and hold on tight! Of course. Am I a ghost? Yeah, that's it. I have come here to show you the folly of your ways! Take my hand, and we'll travel to Come on, Dad! One, we just proved nobody's taking anybody's hand here. And two, you never believed in ghosts. You were a scientist. Yeah, that's true. I guess. I whacked my head trying to fix your stupid space station. It's clear you're a traumatic hallucination made manifest by my hitting my ego. All right, fine, fine. But I'm still your father. What did you do to my space station? Stop! I'm gonna throw up! What do we do? We should look for clues or something. Now, what would Giant Boy Detective do? Screw Giant Boy Detective! His dad's not dead! That was mine. This wasn't supposed to happen! I hate Phantom Space Man! Oh, my God, why can't you take the responsibility of your failure? Because Gargantua-1 is perfect! The problem has to be your fault. My fault? "Gargantua-1!" It's like the worst name for a space station. - I thought it cool. - No, I thought you thought it was cool. OK, crazy, then by your logic, you think you broke my space station. - I've tried everything. - Are you kidding me? You were just flipping switches. Think, think, tiny wonder! You built this with me, you should know her inside and out. I was, like, ten. I just wanted to play with my plastic cowboys and Indians. Who lets a ten-year-old build a space station? Nothing. What are you doing? Oh, hold on. I have another call. It was someone trying to fax me. Anyway I'm never gonna get used to that. What? The pain? It would have killed a lesser man, but you look spectacular. Oh, yeah. The pain. That's not so bad. I hacked up some blood a couple of minutes ago. There was this big chunk about the size of a one of those little kiwi fruit but I don't feel anything missing, so I'm not too worried. You are quite a man, Brock Samson. Is there anything I can do to help you? Yeah, you can unzip your space suit for me. And, uh I like it with the helmet on. Oh, crap! The door's locked! If we can't get to Brock, we're goners! No, wait! I see him! And it looks like he's wrestling someone! Shove over! Phantom Space Man! That's it, Brock. Pace yourself. Conserve your energy. What the What's he doing with his Think about it, bro. What other weapon does he have? He needs his hands free for stuff. Phantom Space Man somehow got on top! That's it, Brocko. Shake him off! He's got him on his knees! Just a matter of time now. Brock is just toying with him! Whoa! Pretzel bender! Brock's gotta teach me that one. Phantom Space Man got his helmet knocked off! Oh, my God, he's hideous! Must have been deformed by space rays. Look again, Hank! That's not a phantom space man, that's Lieutenant Baldavich! - That means - Right? Phantom Space Man is still on the loose! Oh, great, Dad. Now it's blinking again. How this thing didn't follow Skylab down, I'll never know. Looks like something pierced the hull. Super-good! Hey My diet pills! Where are my diet pills? Oh, Rusty, you don't need diet pills! You just need to work a few things out. Look who's telling me this, my dead, twelve-foot-tall father. I thought I built a bigger space station than this. I guess I remember you always towering over me. There you are, you little ***! Lad, remember, the solution was in you all the time. - All you have to do is - Bye, Dad. Well, what does it matter anymore? Dad's dead! Just because some Phantom Space Man had to come here and ruin everything! What did dad ever do to Phantom Space Man? Phantom Space Man's a big, fat jerk! Phantom Space Man! - I'm gonna kill you! - Why? How could you do this? You good for We're alone! No! Kill! Vengeance! - For what? - Brock! - Dear God! - Freak! Take it! Die! Die! Die! So how was he? - How was who? - Aw, come on! I shook his hand! It's all fat and stubby! He must have, like, a huge mushroom down there! So, does he have a smurf living in it or what? - What's gotten into you? - Got into me? I know what got into you! And that's what got into me! You don't deserve to be jealous! I gave you every chance in the world! I'm not jealous! I'm pissed! You said you were gonna wait till No! You said we were gonna wait! I don't have to take this. That's because you already took it. In the lap! From not me! Go, Team Venture. Attention! There has been a hull breach! That's Pop! He's alive! - Danger! - Daddy? Brock, come to the bridge immediately! Pelligro! I am now repeating, there has been a hull breach! This is serious! Now, what do we have here? What is this, Tang? They still smell of my salty leavings. - Doc? - What? Where have you been all day? There was a little accident in the cargo bay. No matter. I need you to get suited up and repair a hole in this hunk of junk my dad left to the world. - Yeah, OK, fine. - I'm going with him. It could be dangerous out there. Great. Oh, fine, Dad. Blame me. Blame Rusty. But who's fault is this? Oh, God, it's mine. Sir, you have plucked the flower of the woman I love. I trust you will do the right and noble thing. She will make a fine wife. Her father invented the "Mr. Mouth" game, so she's an heiress. You two should be quite comfortable. It's really my fault. I should have been more attentive to her carnal needs, but to be fair, I must warn you if you harm a hair on her sweet little head, I will No, wait! How inappropriate! Don't do Wait! Stop! Look! I fixed it! - Dad! - Daddy! - We thought you were dead! - You're alive! OK, boys. Let's take it easy. See, crybaby? Told you he was alive. Oh, man! What is it like to be such a huge liar, huh? "I'm all super-scared of Phantom Space Man!" Oh, that's it, bookworm! Oh, fantastic. I'll just slip into this little number, and we can get out of here. No need to say good-bye. I'll let them thank me later. Good Lord, what are you waiting for? Let me in! Not until you apologize. Oh, you're kidding me! I can't feel my right side! I'm going to die out here! I'm waiting. That's good soup.