New Tricks S3E8 - English Transcript

What's going on? What's the big mystery? Who cares? There's a tab. Someone else is paying. Evening, all. Oh, evening. What's this about, then? It's December 9th. Is it? You haven't twigged. UCOS - three years old today. Happy birthday! Oh! Happy birthday. Men don't remember dates because they're too busy. Men don't remember dates, cos they don't care. Why's the table set for five places? Every silver lining has a cloud. It's his idea and he's paying. Oh, well, in that case Good evening. Evening. - Evening. - No, don't get up. Now, look, before we get stuck in, I just wanna read you something. "Congratulations to you all. "Your dedication, hard work and success are an inspiration. " That's from the Commissioner. Oh, very nice. Ooooh! Policy Planning Review had nothing but plaudits. As a result, I have senior officers queuing up to pass on problem cases. Oh, great(!) Jack Halford? That's me. I'm Luke Hanson. It's OK, we're police officers. Keep still, son. He's clean. All right, let him go. . . Sandra? Well, Jack? Luke Hanson. Ricky Hanson's son. It's all right, it's OK Doesn't really matter if you're old and grey It's all right, I say it's OK Listen to what I say It's all right, doin' fine Doesn't really matter if the sun don't shine It's all right, I say it's OK We're gettin' to the end of the day. I got nicked for burning my old school down. I'd been expelled, I had previous for arson. My girlfriend gave a false alibi. The caretaker was badly burned, so they done me for attempted ***. Come March I'd served eight, was about to get released when your lot found out I'd hijacked a *** lorry in Dover, same night as the fire. So the problem is You can't have been in both places at once. Exactly. They made one sentence concurrent with the other, let me go, and here I am. So the real arsonist is still out there and you want us to help you get him? I've written it down in the envelope. If I could go to anyone else, I would do. And what does your dear old dad make of all this? I dunno. I don't see him no more. I don't see anyone from back then. Not even Lysette Perry, your girlfriend? Ex. No. Your dad must have contacted you when you got out. Yeah, yeah. Couple of times, yeah. But I just told him I wanted to be on my own. He said, "Fair enough, you are. You're dead to me. " Always did have a way with words. Listen, I don't really care if you believe me or not. But I didn't burn that school down. Somebody did and they let me take the rap for it. And what exactly will you do if we find them? Well, maybe the old Luke, yeah, would've paid 'em a visit. But now, you do your job, that's enough for me, that they go through what I did - jail. Yeah, that'd do it for me. All right, Luke, thanks very much. Ta-ra. Prison did something to him. Yeah. Did something to Hitler. So, Ricky Hanson. A mate of yours? Biggest murdering, thieving Oh, nothing personal, then? We were on his case a long time. "We"? I was on Jack's team. We linked him to three murders, including his own brother. Last case I worked on before I left the job. Funny old world, isn't it? Sandra, could I have a word, please? I wanted to tell you last night before we were rudely interrupted that as a result of the success of UCOS, it's been made clear to me that were you to apply for promotion, a lot of people would be happy to see you to get it. This week's police notices. They're advertising for the head of the *** Squad. Now, obviously I'd be sorry to lose you from one of my areas of control, but Anyway, I've passed the message on. What did he want? Oh, you know. Just stressing the need for delicacy, sensitivity. Here we are. This is it. Lysette Perry? Oh! What's that smell? It's disgusting! Oh, no, sorry, I know what it is. You gotta be coppers, right? We're not policemen, as such. Ask what you wanna ask and shut the door on your way out. We're here about your ex-boyfriend, Luke Hanson. He's not my ex-boyfriend. You were close(?) He don't want nothing with me, I don't want nothing with him. At his trial, you were done for attempting to pervert the course of justice by giving him a false alibi. It's what you do when you love someone, isn't it? Just out of interest, where were you on the night of the fire? With my mum. That's how you knew I was lying! Look, a man nearly died in that fire. You don't seem very bothered. I'm not. Can we get out of here, please? Yeah, well, tell Luke that I'm seeing someone else now, won't you? Someone older. More mature. In fact, you can tell him I hope he gets cancer! After going out with her, it would probably come as a relief. Ah, at least he's got a nice view. Gary Kendal? What do you remember about the night of the fire? Not much. Saturday night I used to walk round the school, check the grounds. Police tried to talk to me at the time, asked me who'd done it. I was too ill. As it wasn't Luke Hanson, do you have any idea who it might have been? I wish I did. If you find out, do tell me, because I should like to meet them. Face to face. We can eliminate Lysette Perry. Her alibi proves she couldn't have set the fire. She has trouble lighting a ***. It could've just been an angry pupil. Well, a lot of research links arsonists with *** deviancy. You know, psychosis, psychopaths. Ricky Hanson's middle name. This fire-raiser is indifferent to hurting people. So, Gerry, starting tomorrow, trace all known arsonists south of the river at the time. Brian, the fire started near the sports hall, there was a toy fair going on, so tomorrow you and I will go back to the school, ask them about that plus any other problem kids they had. Jack? I'll see the head of the tribe. 'So, we have a full night of racing here at Leytonstone for you tonight' What d'you want, then? Frieda. No chance! Hello, Ricky. Blimey. You're a bit lost, ain't ya, Jack? The cemetery's that way. I'm exactly where I want to be - at work. Really? I heard you had to give up the day job. Sickness in the family or something, weren't it? Talking about family, I spoke to your boy yesterday, that fire he got sent down for. Seems he didn't do it. Too busy nicking cigarettes. You've lost me, Jack. What son? You wouldn't know anything about that fire? Luscombe School? What happened to that blonde bird you used to knock about with? What was it? Sheila? Sandra! That was it. She still around? I liked her. She liked your Luke. Thought he was straight. Unlike the pond life that spawned him. You know, you really should take it easy, Jack. Rest. Put your feet up. Go home to the wife. Oh, forgot. You ain't got one. My only regret about leaving the job, Ricky - you. Well, what goes around comes around. 'Eh, how about that? My dog's come in at 5-1. That's the difference between me and you, Jack. I'm a winner. Say hello to blondie. DOORBELL RINGS Yes? Are you Gerry Standing? Who wants to know? Emily Driscoll. Oh, yeah? I think you might be my dad. In '76, my mum moved to Woking, where I was born. She wouldn't tell me who my dad was. Then last year she got cancer. She died two months ago. Oh, erm, well, I'm sorry. No, it's all right. I'm OK, really. It's just that, at the time, I said it wasn't fair if she went and I didn't know, so she gave me this . . and told me your name. Oh, blimey! This is your mum? Patricia Driscoll. You do remember her, don't you? Yeah, of course I do, yeah. Ah, she was lovely. Oh, well, so, er . . what do we do now? I mean, what do you want? I don't know. I don't want anything. Except a dad, I suppose. I haven't got any other relatives. Sorry, this must be a bit of a shock. Er, yeah. Yeah, it is, actually, a bit! Look, I don't want to cause you any trouble. You probably need some time to think about all of this. There's my mobile number. Oh, right. You going? Hold on, hold on. It's all right. I'll see myself out. I was Deputy Head when Luke was permanently excluded. The week before the fire, he drove right across the playing fields in a red VW Golf. Evening of the fire, I spotted an identical car parked outside the school gates. Come the trial, that, and the false alibi, Luke's history. Arsonists often suffer from severe learning difficulties. Asperger's, Tourette's. Did you have anyone at the school like that? We had problem children, some difficult to teach but Any possibility they could have been involved? No, in my experience children threaten to do all sorts of things, but they never happen. Now, the fire started near the sports hall, and apparently there was some sort of toy fair that weekend. Not a toy fair. A convention. Convention? War-games convention. War-games convention?! Oh, look! Oh, you mean toy soldiers. Er, no. These are not toy soldiers. They're what Miniature figurines! Bosniak Lancers? Do you play with them? Battles and things? No, no, no, no, not "play", "re-enact". You re-enact major historical military engagements, but to scale. My hobby, which is why I made the hall available to the organiser. Who was the organiser? Victor Pritchard. Victor Pritchard?! Would you want to speak to him? I probably have a number. Oh, my God, would I?! Due cappuccini. Thanks. Oh, sorry, do you take sugar? Yeah. Huh! What? That's exactly how much I take. Look, I'm glad you could come. We ought to find out a little bit more about each other. So, erm, what do you do for a living? Erm, I'm a police officer. What, uniform? Plainclothes. CID. What did he call me? Blondie. That was the name of Hitler's dog. Blondie. But, then again, you are blonde. Or do you put stuff on? Anyway, we have something a bit more concrete. Well, it's actually more an amalgam of lead, tin and nickel, to be precise. What? Soldiers. The sort they use for war-gaming. The weekend the school burnt down there was a war-games convention in the hall. Ancients, Medieval, Napoleonics. Where the hell have you been? It's half past one! Yeah, I'm sorry, but I needed some personal time. And get this, it was organised by Victor Pritchard! Who? Victor Pritchard! He is Mr Table-Top Miniature-Battle-Re-Enactment. And what's that when it's at home? Blimey! This is . . fantastic! Yes! Victor Pritchard? Take 'em off! They're dead. All of 'em! Dead! Dead! Victory! A whole regiment of chasseurs a cheval. What a waste. Victor Pritchard? Oi, Napoleon! The fire destroyed all the toy soldiers? "Toys"? She doesn't understand. The insurers paid out a lot of money for the "figurines", to you especially. I lost every single army I had. Sassenids, Seleucids, Varangian. And that's just the first millennium. Do you have any idea what it costs just to paint an army of Nikephorian Byzantine? I can't even spell it. The insurance didn't cover it? Not close. No-one in their right mind would commit such an act of wanton destruction. So you don't think it could have been a war-gamer? I never said that. When we talked to the police about the fire, we were told it was that boy who did it. Now you're saying he didn't, I've a very good idea who it was. Go on. Someone with a grudge. Someone who didn't lose any of their soldiers. Midgely was a very bad loser. He was kicked out of the tournament that Saturday night and took all his armies with him. I was head judge, so he blamed me. Said he'd get his own back. By burning down a school? You have to understand, my armies were better than his. Can I ask you, do you dress up in military uniform as well? Don't be ridiculous! That's re-enactment. Totally childish. That's amazing. Here's me thinking I'm gonna have to go to bed on me own tonight. Not while there are dogs on the street. Don't blame me. It was Jack said you was easy. And what sort of man fails to take advantage of police intelligence? What sort of man lets his son go down and doesn't lift a finger to help? Gary Kendal. Nice. Just how I like my steak. Your son doesn't think it's funny. He thinks he'd like us to catch whoever did this. I already told the tailor's dummy there, I don't have a son. You did a lot of screaming and shouting when a boy called Hanson was expelled from there. Is that what you call motive? No wonder they put you out to grass. You know, if there's one thing I've missed, Ricky, it's crossing swords with you. You got some front. Who d'you think you are, coming here, talking to me like I was nothing? You wanna know where I was that night? Talk to your mates in the Flying Squad. Yeah, that's right. Oh, don't worry, you can't miss 'em. Big, ugly and stupid, just like you. Er, June? Yeah, June? Over here, love. . . What d'you want? What do I do? I mean, imagine telling the women in a family like mine there's another one. How do you know she's yours? Oh, she's mine, all right. No, there are too many similarities. She takes the same amount of sugar in her coffee. Oh, well, that proves it, then(!) Brian, she's a copper! Trust me, I know. It's genetic. It's cobblers. You don't know anything. She could be anybody. I'm telling you, she's mine! She's really lovely, too. Get her DNA. Then you'll know. I can't do that! Why not? Haven't I let her down enough already, all those years not being there? No, it'd show a complete lack of trust, the ultimate betrayal. I'll phone Tower Bridge in the morning to see if he's lying about the Sweeney. He is. Jack, you're always telling me never to get too involved. Maybe he's just trying to wind us up, in which case, don't bite, yeah? All right. Good night. Good night. Thank you. 'None of us has managed to build ourselves back up to where we were before. 'This is your next delivery. Do not discuss your mission with any other recruit. 'Tell no-one that you are here. ' See ya. See you later, mate. Bye. *** FROM ABOVE All right, babe? Hello, doll. And fire! And charge! Hello, darling. It's just an itch I have to scratch, Esther. Be fair. I haven't done it for years, have I? Exactly. And then we can buy that big bed. That nice big bed, remember? Plenty of room for rolling around. Ricky? Stay there. Where are you going? Who taught you to tail people? Tell me, your boy's ex - were you comforting her before or after he went inside? Listen, you used to waste a lot of time bothering me in the past. I'd have thought you learned your lesson last time. CAR HORNS BEEP Shut it! What was all that about? Don't you worry. It's all sorted. CAR HORNS BEEP PHONE RINGS Yeah, Pullman. Flying Squad? Gerry, Brian! I think we're onto something. Sorry, yeah. I left a message for you last night about Ricky Hanson. How long? Oh, right. Ricky Hanson is screwing Lysette Perry. So? He's screwing his son's ex-girlfriend! Ricky Hanson set a fire in order to have his son put away so he could get his leg over a brainless chav(?) Sandra, he could have set fire to the school because No, he couldn't. He was under 24-hour observation by the Flying Squad five days either side of the blaze. They just rang to tell me. He warned me off last night. He said he thought I'd learnt my lesson. What does that mean? You've got to stop your obsession. It was a warning! He may not have lit that fire himself, but you don't know he didn't order it. No! I don't know the Pope didn't either! Give me a break! What about the arsonists? Have you traced them? Er, no, no, I haven't had time yet. I've You've had three days! What's the matter with you all? Are you inefficient or bone idle or simply stopped caring? When are you going? When is it, your promotions board? Does this make it easier, convincing yourself that we're not up to it any more? Is that what you're doing? You leaving? Well, yeah, I've had a chance to Oh, come on, you know as well as I do how difficult it is. How many women Chief Superintendents are there? It's my career! When you going? Actually, no. You don't ask me what I'm doing, I ask you! She can't do that. She can't just go! She is. But I have to have continuity! I can't function without She doesn't care about us. Brian, she didn't say that. She doesn't, Gerry! It's not that she doesn't care She doesn't care about us. Hold on, where are you going, Brian? Wait! Oi! Well, not you an' all, Jack? Unfinished business. Morning. Can I help you? Good morning, I'm Detective Superintendent Pullman. I'm looking for Nigel Midgely. Nigel? It's the police. Hi! I'm DS Pullman from the Unsolved Crime and Open Case Squad. We're re-investigating a fire that took place at Luscombe School nine years ago. Re-investigating? Yeah. The boy who was convicted couldn't have done it. Why are you talking to me? I understand that you were thrown out of the war-game tournament that was taking place there at the time and you weren't too happy about it. Who told you this? Is this Victor? You threatened to get your own back. Is that true? When you see Victor, will you tell him that this is pathetic? Yes. Yes, I did say that. Victor had me thrown out out of pure jealousy. Jealousy? I'd beaten him the last three Ancients competitions we were in. But you were thrown out. I didn't care, cos I'd already got my own back - Rosanne. Victor's my ex-husband. That's what this is all about. You left Victor for Nigel? Well, wouldn't you? Erm, where were you at the time of the fire? He was with me. That was the day I left Victor. Where? We stayed in a hotel. Does it have a name? Yes. The Viceroy in Kensington. Nigel can't do dates or places. He has a form of Asperger's. It's mild. OK. Thank you. PHONE RINGS Standing, UCOS. Hi, it's me. How's it going? I'm on top of it. Good. Will you phone the Viceroy Hotel in Kensington? Yeah, hold on, hold on. The Viceroy Hotel. Yeah? And find out if a Nigel Midgely and friend stayed there the night of the fire. Yep, will do. Ten years ago, how old were you? Sixteen. I came round to your house. Yeah, I remember. Your Uncle Jim had disappeared. He was presumed dead, although the body was never found. Word was he'd messed up on a drug deal, a fairly big one, and your dad was not too impressed, so I really fancied him for it. What, my dad? Oh, yes, he did it all right, and I let him know I knew it. Well, why didn't you nick him, then? I might have done, only my wife was run over. Hit and run. I jacked in the job so I could look after her. A couple of years, she died. Your dad ever mention anything like that? What do you mean? Hit and run. Her name was Mary. No. I don't believe you. Look, believe what you like. I'm telling you no. Come on, you don't owe your dad any loyalty. He doesn't have any for you. Maybe, but he's still my dad, in't he? Yeah, like he's still giving Lysette Perry one, as he was nine years ago. Come on now, you're not all that dim? Why do you think her alibi was so crap? Oh, hang on! You do know! You're not that dim after all, are you? Shut up! Just a minute, let me work this one out. Your dad told you to take the fall for the fire and not the ***, because the *** would have implicated him. But he said you'd be OK because Lysette would give you a cast-iron alibi. Shut up! But he stitched you up, didn't he, eh? You were a bit of a liability. Little loudmouth, expelled from school, arsonist. You've gotta hand it to the old man, though, eh? Not many men of his age can screw the son and the girlfriend, and both at the same time! Come on, get up! GET UP! Hang on, hang on. What am I giving away here, No, I think I'll stay where I am. I don't know anything about your hit and run. You understand me? Get out! Going straight? You're about as straight as the Circle Line. Grenadier dragoons. Elite unit. Move at double speed. And they haven't even fired yet, so Yes! Very good! Have a go. I will. This is great! No?! HE LAUGHS You're kidding me? What, and you saw all this?! Oh, man, that's fantastic! Well, thank you so much. You've really cheered me up. Thank you! What was that, then? The Viceroy Hotel. On the night of the fire, the police were called to a disturbance. A Nigel Midgely and Mr and Mrs Victor Pritchard were taken into custody as a result of Victor bursting into the King Henry Suite and finding his wife stark naked, tied to the four-poster bed. Cue massive punch-up. They were taken to the cells and released the next morning with no charge. Who are Rodney Prentiss and Emily Prentiss? Which case are they from? Comparative DNA analysis of wine glass and Rodney Prentiss's blood sample confirms that Rodney Prentiss is not the putative father of Emily. I'm still waiting. Not the father? They're not from a case, are they? You did this. Great(!) Have any idea what would happen if Strickland found out? Did you do this on purpose? What?! Did you do it just because I applied for promotion? No! I am Rodney Prentiss, and, er . . obviously, Emily isn't my daughter. Emily's a girl - well, no, a woman I never knew existed. Then suddenly, she pitches up out of the blue and says she thinks she's my daughter. I'd known her mother years before, and, er well, I thought No, I was convinced that she was. Why didn't you use a commercial company to run these tests? Oh, they take weeks. Patricia - that's Emily's mum - she died of cancer, and Emily hasn't got anyone else. No family. Nothing. Just me. Least, that's what I thought. OK, Gerry, you go and see her and . . just do what you have to do. I'm sorry, Sandra. Thank you. I surrender. Bloody hell, we've won! Bloody hell, you have. Next! I think you'll find that's me. How did you get in here?! You left the back door open. No, I didn't! You'd better call the police, then. You'd better get out of here. Or? Ricky told me you were a nutter. He should know. Hey! Ow! You parked the car outside the school. Luke's car. He deserved it! How about Gary Kendal? Did he? Probably started it himself! Oh. Oh, you didn't know Kendal was a drunk? Oh, right. Said you were a right big loser! Such a loser you even managed to lose your wife! And such a crap detective that you couldn't even catch the killer when he was staring you right in the face! A full and exhaustive trace of all known arsonists in the Greater London area at the time excludes any possibility PHONE RINGS DS Pullman. Why is there no mention in the case file of Kendal being a drunk? Jack? 'I think you should find out. ' LINE GOES DEAD Jack? Ah! There you are. I was born to do this. It's what I was put here for. Twice in three days. People will talk. People already have. You didn't tell me you were a drinker. You didn't tell me you were a cow. Well, Gary, is it possible that you lit that fire, drunk, not knowing what you were doing? Is it possible that you started it and that ever since you've just blanked it out? All I remember is having a drink walking round the school, doing my job, checking everything was OK. Nobody. There's nothing around. And then I went back in the school and thenthen . . I don't remember! You went round the school outside? Yes, I said! Just leave me alone. And there was nothing around? No! I told you! What about cars? What? Did you see any cars parked anywhere? A red car? No! There weren't any cars! Are you sure, Gary? Are you positive? Yes, I'm sure! I keep telling you, I remember everything before the fire, before everything changed. What red car? Artillery! Here we go. Come on! Fire! Fire! Fire! Less than 50%. I think you need a morale check. Yes, yes, yes! I know. I know you know! YEAH! We did it! MOBILE PHONE RINGS Yes? Hello, it's Detective Superintendent Pullman. I got your number from the school. Could I come and talk to you? It's about the fire. I'm right in the middle of something just now. It is important. Well, I can see you at the school in half an hour. He should never have pushed through the middle. I had 'em coming on both sides! Cor blimey, you're on time for a change. Bloody cheek! How's the most handsome boy in the world? Taking after the female side of the family! Did you say everybody's coming? Yep. All the wives, all the kids, all en route. Why? It's not Sunday. No. Erm This is my first wife, Carole, my daughter Paula. And that's my grandson, Gerry Junior. And this is Emily . . my eldest daughter. Please, take a seat. Oh! I see you've been warring. "War-gaming. " I've been speaking to Gary Kendal. Really? For a while I thought he may be responsible for the fire, but now I think it's unlikely. In fact, I'm convinced he wasn't. Oh. Well, I'm glad, given what he's been through. So I thought I'd come and let you know where we stand in the investigation. Right. Luke has been discounted, as have other pupils. Ditto the war-gamers. Luke's ex-girlfriend is out of the frame. I considered whether Luke's father may have been involved. Well, I did wonder whether that was a possibility. He has a cast-iron alibi. I see. So, in one sense, it makes my job all the more difficult. The optimistic part of me says I'm simply narrowing down the range of suspects. You're an optimist? Mr Simpson, I spend most of my days working with three older men. I have to be. They've been distracted, and I've allowed myself to be distracted, too, otherwise I would have focused on the obvious question. Which is? What's the point? I'm not with you. An arsonist sets a fire to fulfil something within himself - ***, psychological, whatever. Anyone else does it for an external purpose, for gain. Gain? No-one stood to gain from the burning of the old school. Well, you could say that the school gained. I've, erm, I've been looking at your website. "Although the former site had its attractions, no-one could deny its failings. "It had deteriorated, both in its fabric and its ability to coax the best from its pupils. " Well, that's certainly true. "We did have problem children, some very difficult to teach," you said. What the Ofsted report said was you were failing. The winner of the Age of Reason competition, with a record score and, may I say, a record display of elan, is Mr Brian Lane! There's also Luke's red car. Or rather there isn't. You lied. Me? Gary Kendal walked the entire perimeter of the school. There were no cars outside, red or otherwise. So that's your thesis? Kendal, a drunk, says no, ergo I lied? I'm a police officer, Mr Simpson. In the absence of evidence, having eliminated all suspects, I have to look at what's left. I keep getting you. So, what? I burned down Luscombe in the hope of being the next head? I don't know. I was hoping you'd tell me. What I do know is you knew Luke and you loathed him. Something we have in common. You were willing to give evidence at his trial you knew no-one would doubt, coming as it did from a deputy head. Hm. I was happy to do it. It's immensely brave, testifying against a dangerous criminal's son. In my experience, other criminals would be anxious at the prospect. I'm unusual in having a heightened sense of responsibility. You're unusual in being happy about it, which either makes you reckless or you have an underdeveloped sense of personal danger. Courage, I would call it. In a war, maybe. Ordinarily, people who behave like that tend to be labelled sociopaths. And what is the consequence of what happened? Can we consider that for a moment? A boy, a hopeless boy, goes to jail and is reformed. A school, a hopeless school, burns down and is rebuilt. And all its hopeless former pupils are scattered to better schools, better built, better equipped, better staffed, just like this one. Now, who can honestly say that what happened wasn't for the best? Gary Kendal. Kendal burned because he was a drunk. The old school was a disaster. It was out of control. It was becoming a factory for future criminals, murderers, even. I stopped that. I probably saved lives. Yes, I burned down Luscombe. It was the best thing I ever did. Is that a confession? Only between us, I'm afraid. But now I know who the guilty party is, I can start all over again, working to that end. I'll get you. And when I do, you'll go down. That's a shame. Up till then you could've made bail. Oh, Gerry, I'm sorry to bother you. Have you seen Brian? No. I've been looking for him. He hasn't had his medication. And his soldiers have gone. Soldiers? His little soldiers that he used to take when he went war-gaming, when he used to drink. Come in. I'll make some phone calls. No, you're obviously busy. No, I'm sorry. I'd better get back, anyway. I'm sorry to bother you. Try not to worry, and, er I'll track him down. I'll let you know, OK? KNOCK ON DOOR Sorry, Sandra, I didn't mean to startle you. It's OK. I heard about the arrest. They said he went mad. He IS mad. You're OK? I'm fine. You shouldn't have gone alone I realise that. I know it's your last case, but you don't have to solve it single-handedly, you know. But it was a great job. Well done. Actually I don't think it is my last case. I mean, I know it isn't. I've decided not to go on Monday. It wouldn't be for the right reasons, and I realise it's not what I want, cos I already have what I want. Erm, job satisfaction means more to me than status. If that's all right. If it's not a problem. Of course. Of course it's a problem? No! Of course it's not a problem, it's a lovely decision. Excuse me, er, Brian's gone missing. Brian's always missing. Esther's worried. Apparently, he's taken his soldiers. He used to go war-gaming. But when he did, he drank. I mean, in much the same way, if I was the leader of a Roman army fighting barbarians, I might apply Lucius Accius's maxim. "Oderint "Oderint dum metuant. " Oh, not again. What is this, Return Of The Living Dead? I spoke to your tart earlier today. Really? Which one? Lysette? You dirty devil! She let something slip. Come on, Jack, sure it weren't you? Mary. My Mary. You ran her down. You did it. Y'know, you really are one sad old man. Maybe. But unlike you, I won't be growing older in prison. Yeah, well, even prison's better than bouncing off a car bonnet at 70 mile an hour. You should have seen her handbag fly, Jack. Went nearly as far as she did. Waitrose bags all over the manor. I remember there was lasagne. Like a bit of Italian, do you, Jack? She must have bought it special. Shame. No supper for you that night, eh, Jack? You thought you were so great, didn't you? You thought you was invincible. You think I spend all my time figuring out a way to kill you? But then, that's your trouble, innit, Jack? You think a bit too much of yourself. Worked a treat. Like a dream. Right, here we go. No, no, I don't drink. It's not drink, it's champagne! Brian the Great! Brian! Brian! Brian! Brian! Brian! Brian! Brian! Come on! Take one sip of that and I'll knock you spark out. This man is an alcoholic, and you're a bunch of bloody idiots. Come on! Me cup! Excuse me! You don't care about me! You only care about yourself. She's not leaving. What? I'm not going for the board. Why not? Because I'm a bloody idiot as well. Christ! It's a disease. Go on! Does Jack know? No, we're gonna go and tell him. Where is he? I don't know. The last thing he said to me was that he had some unfinished business. It's all right, doin' fine Doesn't really matter if the sun don't shine It's all right, I say it's OK We're gettin' to the end of the day Hi-tech, low-tech, Take your pick Cos you can't teach an old dog a brand-new trick I don't care what anybody says.