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THEME SONG: Post your status kill.
-[SNIFFS]
Open Nav.
[ELECTRONIC STARTUP NOISE]
-I count six of them, including the VIP.
The others are low priority.
2,000 meters and counting.
-Weapons?
-Looks like standard munitions.
But be advised, those escorts are multinational mercs posed
as locals.
-And the VIP?
-That's Richard Header, AKA The Spam King.
A former CIA agent turned rogue for hire.
He systematically shut down two small countries with email
spam attacks.
He's on his way on foot to avoid detection to an
underground data center where he hopes to shut
down a small US bank.
-Copy.
-1,900 meters and counting.
Denton, did you remember to map your exit strategy?
1,800 meters and counting.
Have you assigned appropriate rations?
1,700 meters and counting.
Did you fill out section 539 with your updated coordinates?
Your paperwork has been a little slow, Denton.
1,600 meters and counting.
You need to fill out the proper forms.
We have an 0400 meeting with four field agents.
We need to know your status.
Denton, you may have to work this weekend.
1,500 meters.
We need you to fully commit to your job.
Denton.
Denton.
-BRB.
-Uh, wait.
What?
-Log in.
ELECTRONIC WOMAN'S VOICE: Logging into TweetFaceSter.
-Z'oh my god, Sparky!
I've missed you.
You've been offline for, like, an hour.
-I know.
My boss is being a total ***.
-Yeah, I hates dat.
Sparky, when you gonna come see me finally?
-Soon, I hope.
I've been waiting on my vacation time.
-I thought at least I could talk to my computer.
That it would listen to me.
Life sucks.
-What's wrong now, Robert?
-Aw, does somebody need a man hug?
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
TRACY (OFFSCREEN): Why is it every time I get a new
boyfriend he ignores me?
-'Cause he isn't a real BF.
You've never met him.
-Tracy, I am very busy at work.
Can we not do the drama thing now, please?
TRACY (OFFSCREEN): Whatevs.
Maybe Allison is right.
I mean we've never met, and yet we are in a committed
relationship.
-I understand, but I take everything I say online very
personally and I mean every word of it.
-Anyway, Sparky109, you guys are all dogs.
-Wait, what?
I don't even know you, Allison.
-Well that's what you get for posting on my friend's wall.
It's public.
Dur!
Next time, get a private message room.
ELECTRONIC VOICE: Diego suggests you become a fan of--
-(SINGING) O'er the land of the free--
-Denton, they're practically right on top of you.
What is your status?
-Bored at work.
Is it 5 o'clock yet?
ROBERT (OFFSCREEN): I dunno what's wrong.
I still can't find the Finder on my new Mac.
-That's because the only thing you can do with a Mac is take
it to the Apple Store and let a Genius fix it.
Lols.
-Hey, it's better than the alternative.
After 40 years, PCs still don't work.
-Windows 17 is going to fix everything.
Just take it in, Robert.
-I'd wipe that man *** off the screen before you
bring it in, dude.
-Thanks.
Sarcasm.
[GUN COCKED]
-Hey, you guys hear this girl yet?
She is awesome.
-(SINGING) Land of the free--
-Denton, they're right on top of you.
Take the shot.
Take the shot.
-Captain!
-Run!
-Captain!
-Go!
[GUNFIRE]
-Run for it!
-Whoa!
-Well, this is awesome.
-Movin' out!
-Go!
-Move it!
-Move it out!
-Go.
THEME SONG: Post your status kill.