Piano Sessions - Comedy short film - Corey vidal

[offscreen] They had no idea! So when they got closer, we finally realized that we were humans and that we were the enemy. But - What'll it be? [sigh] I'll have a chocolate milk... I was kidding. I'll have a club soda. And that's how I got suspended from high school. [offscreen] Thank you very much. Here to let it all out? [Cheering and applause] Me? Can I get a chocolate milk, please? Thanks. You up next, slick? No. Okay, a piece of advice? Don't think about it, just get up there! Why not? Uhm... hi. Um. My name's...my name's Corey. I've never really done anything like this before. Oh. Piano accompaniment. I don't really know what to say. Say what's on your mind, brother! I came here tonight expecting to just... drink them off my mind. You know? But... that's impossible for a guy like me. I'll never understand why they do what they do. You know, women. I don't want to bore you with the details. Go ahead and lay 'em on us, Daddy-O. Alright, well... I just don't really seem to have much luck with relationships. It's not that I'm bad with women, it's just that... women and I just never seem to click. It dates back to college graduation. There was a girl there named Courtney, and I met her at a party and she was really nice and we talked and I invited her back to my place and she came over. So then, I was giving her a tour of the house and she asked me if my Star Wars bedsheets were authentic. I was like "of course they're authentic!" and it was right at that moment when she remembered that she had left her oven on at home. So I called her, probably a good 20 or 30 times over the next week and I never heard back from her. I've actually been worried this entire time that maybe her house burned down. So, again, about 6 months ago I got rejected by this gorgeous brunette and there was such chemistry in our eye contact as we stared at each other for maybe 40 minutes. When the police arrived and told me there were reports of a Peeping Tom in the neighborhood, I was very concerned, and I told them, "I would have noticed somebody, I've been here the entire time." So they thanked me, and they gave me a free ride home which was great because I didn't have enough money to take the subway. So after those two fiascos, I thought I'd try my hand at online dating and you know, it actually went pretty well. There was this one girl and we talked until 2 in the morning and I just, I felt it, you know? You know what I mean? And so she agreed to go out with me. So we made plans to go out to dinner the next night at Luigi's. She asked me how she would recognize me, so I said I would be wearing the blue tie and my mother would be wearing the summer dress. She didn't show. But it wasn't a complete loss. You know, at least my mom bought me ice cream. Anyways it's like I said, I just, I have no luck with women. But thank you all so much for letting me get this off my chest. I'm just hoping that one day I can find the Princess Leia to my Han Solo. Thank you. [scattered applause] Do you guys think you could play me off? Thanks.