Red Eye - Recorded Mar 3, 2013, fnchd - Cf

HAD THE DANCE CRAZE TO TEST OUT NEW MUSLIM BROTHERHOOD. SHOCKING STORY WITH NO REAL WINNERS. BRET. >> SORRY ABOUT THAT ANDY. SEE YOU LATER. LET'S WELCOME OUR GESTS. SHE EATS LIBERALS FOR BREAKFAST AND THEIR CHILDREN FOR LUNCH AND STILL HASOON AMAZING FIGURE. I AM HERE WITH THE AUTHOR ANN COULTER . THE HISTORY OF THE CAPPACINO MACHINE . JUST GOT FIRED FROM HIS JOB IN FOREVER BUT LANDED THE ROLE OF THE FRED QUINPICK. THIS WRITER, HOW DOES HE DO IT? >> IN JIM SPANARKEL, IT IS MY SIDE KICK AND HOMELESS SHELTER, MANY WOULD ENTER HIM . FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR AND EDITOR AND CHIEF OF THE DAIL COLOR. DID HE MISSPEAK OR DID PRESIDENT COOL. >> IT WOULD BE A GUY FOR PRESIDENT AND A GUY WHO IS OUT OF TOUCH AND DIDN'T GET POP CULTURE REFERENCES AND FIT THE VERSION OF COOL . SO BELOVED BY JOURNALIST. I GUESS THEY WERE RIGHT. >> MOST PEOPLE AGREE THAT I AM BEING REASONABLE AND MOST PEOPLE BELIEVE I AM PRESENTING A FAIR DEAL AND THE FACT THEY DO I WANT TAKE IT MEANS I SHOULD SOMEHOW DO A JEDI MIND MELD WITH THESE FOLKS AND CONVINCE THEM TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT? >> THAT WAS PRESIDENT OBAMA IF THAT IS HIS REAL NAME. AKA COOLIST HIPPEST PRESIDENT. IN THE PRESS CONFERENCE CONFUSING THE JEDI FROM STAR WARS AND VULCAN MIND MELT FROM STAR TREK. IMPEACHMENT PROCEEDINGS ARE UNDERWAY AS THE INTERLOPER HAS BEEN EXPOSED. WHAT DOES THIS GUY THINK? (SPEAKING SPANISH) NO. NO. NO. NO. FINALLY INTELLIGENCE IN THE SEQUESTER . JESSE, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE PRESIDENT. >> YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO FIND A TUXEDO HOOD THELET IE. HE WAS TALKING ABOUT DR. WHO IS ON FIRST? IT WAS NOT WORTH IT . NAMELY TWO MOVIES AND ONE HORRIBLE REFERENCE. SHOULDN'T HE APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE IN THE NEXT COMIC CON? >> YES, I THINK HE DOES KNOW THE DIFFERENCE AND TRYING TO BE COMING ACROSS AS HIP BY NOT KNOWING STAR TREK. THAT'S WHAT . HE'S RIPPING ME OFF. >> YOU DON'T ANNOUNCE YOUR SCAM ON AIR? >> HIRE'S WHAT IS WEIRD. COMEDIANS THAT MOCK MICK ROMNY. MITT ROMNY WERE SILENT ON TWITTER ABOUT PRESIDENT OBAMA. YOU THINK THEY WERE SUPER BUSY? >> NO, THEY THINK HE IS GRIEVE. >> NOTHING THAT THE PRESIDENT CAN DO TO LOSE COOL. HE IS FUNDMENTALLY COOL. EVEN THE DBCAUCUS. >> HE IS VERY COOL. >> AND WHAT DND IS DUDGIONS AND DRAGONS, RIGHT? >> COME ON. EXACTLY. THAT IS WHO IT WAS. COME ON. IT IS FIVE-SIDED RUBIC'S CUBE. >> HE DID IT, TOO. YOU TOTALLY KNOW. >> BILL, HOW CRUSHED ARE YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR MIXED UP TAR WARS AND STAR TREK. THIS SHOULD BE YOUR ENTIRE ENTIRE DAY. >> I AGREE WITH ANN COULTER AND I WILL PAUSE WHILE OUR VIEWERS REWIND WHILE I SAY THAT. IT HASN'T COOL TO BE KNOW EITHER ABOUT THE GENRES AND HE DID IT BY KIND OF TOUCHING ON STAR WARS AND STAR TREK . NOT KNOWING THEY WEREN'T THE SAME. I KNEW IMMEDIATELY AND MADE A NOISE AND ONE OF MY MESSAGE BOARD AND WE WENT BACK AND FORTH FOUR HOURS WHEN I SHOULD BE WORKING. >> AND PRESIDENT OBAMA, A PERSON STRAIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE. I AM TIRED OF NIRD PURIT I. I REALLY AM. THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE MOVIES. THESE ARE ROMANTIC COMEDDIES. IT IS LIKE CONFUSING YOU GOT MAIL WITH SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE. >> DIDN'T IT WIN A TV SHOW? >> STAR TREK? >> IT WAS A MOVIE, TOO. >> IT WAS A TV SHOW. >> STAR WARS WAS AN ONE ACT PLAY THAT STARTED PETER. FANTASTIC . I DON'T KNOW. ANYMORE. FROM NERD PRED TO HANITY AND TO HIGHER ED, DON'T APLAY AND LATER DECRY. THAT IS THE HARVARD CRIMSON MISSAGE TO CONSERVATIVES THAT GRADUATE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT THE SCHOOL'S LEFTIST LEANINGS. THE PAPER SINGLES THEM OUT FROM BENEFITING BEFORE TURNING AGAINST THE PLACE F. WE COULD HAVE SPOKEN TO THESE THREE MEN WE COULD HAVE TOLD THEM NEVER TO COME TO CAMBRIDGE. ONE DAY THEY SCORE POLITICAL POINTS AND THEY'LL GRADUATE FROM THE FINE. >> CRUISE SAID FACULTIES WERE MARKIST THAT BELIEVED IN OVERTHROWING THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT. HARVEST HEEDED THE CLASSROOMS WITH CARC CASSES OF PUPPIES. GOING TO RED EYE EDUCATION REPORTER: WE ARE DEFINITELY PAYING OUR EDUCATIONAL REPORTER TOO MUCH. IT PROVES IT IS HARVARD CRITICS RIGHT AND THE SCHOOL SHOULD BE CLOSED AND REPLACED BY WALMART. >> YES, IT DOES. FIRST OF ALL THE HONEY ISSUE THAT WE ALWAYS GRAB ON TOMPT ANN COULTER CRITIZED THE TODAY SHOW ON THE TODAY SHOW. HARVARD IS A PREIMMINENT UNIVERSITY. IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T CRITIZE. YOU HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF PROBLEM, BUT ROMNEY WENT TO HARVARD AND BILL ORILEY WENT TO THE AG SCHOOL . KENNEDY SCHOOL OF GOVERNMENT AND YOU PAY $70,000 FOR TWO YEARS BECAUSE YOU ARE DESPERATE FOR HARVARD ASSOCIATION. >> THIS IS NAMED AFTER KENNEDY ON MTV. >> YES. >> SHE IS A DELIGHTFUL PERSON I MUST SAY TUCKER. DO CRITICS DO THIS TO GET FAVOR AND DO YOU BUY THAT? >> I LOVE THIS PIECE. IT WAS SO BENAUL AND BADLY WRITTEN. HARVARD STUDENTS WRITE LIKE CHILDREN. IF IT WAS EDITORIAL FROM THE TECHNICAL COLLEGE OF NURSING, I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED AND THE ETERNAL IRONY. WE ARE OPEN MIND FRY THINKING AND ANYONE DISSHOULDN'T COME HERE. >> IT IS IRONIC USE THE PHRASE CORRECTLY. >> JESSE, YOU APPLIED TO BE A JANITOR AND YOU WERE REJECTED BECAUSE YOU SHOWED IN YOUR PAJAMAS. DO YOU RICENT THEM? >> IT IS CHILLY THERE AND LIVE PUPPIES ARE WARM AND IF YOU SET IT ON FIRE YOU NEED THAT HEAT. IT IS AN OLD BUILDING IT IS IT A SERIES OF BUILDINGS, WAS THAT CAT PLAYING WITH A PREGNANCY TEST? THAT WAS WEIRD . IS THEY HAVE NOT READ IT >> IT IS BETTER WRITTEN THAN THE EDITORIAL. >> I DID GREAT. I THINK YOU CAN'T USE IT TO HELP YOUR CAREER AND DON'T CRAP ON IT WHEN YOU DON'T NEED IT. IT IS A OPEN LETTER TO MARK WALBURG FROM THE FUNKY BUNCH. >> AND YES, OR REVERSE. NO, SEE HE USED IT TO GET FAMOUS AND NOW HE DOESN'T NEED THEM ANYMORE. HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE. BILL SAME ADVICE GIVEN TO YOU BY DEVIE. YOU RIDICULED THEM AND YOU GOT A GREAT EDUCATION FROM DEVIE. >> I SAID I WENT TO DEVIE. I CAMPED OUTSIDE AND GOT CHANGE FROM THE GOOD PEOPLE. YES, I THINK THEY ARE MAKING TOTAL SENSE HERE JUST FROM THE POINT IT IS OKAY TO MAKE FUN MUCH HARVARD IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST IT BUT DON'T SEND THE TRUST FUND KIDS AND SAY WOW, MAKING FUN OF EVERYTHING . IT IS DEINAL TO MAKE FUN OF HARVARD. >> AND FOR ONE THING. THE ONLY THING OF HARVARD IS PASS AND GET IN AND DROP OUT. POINT MADE. DO SOMETHING USEFUL WITH YOUR LIFE. OF UP ARE RIGHT. THAT IS ONE THING WITH THE ADMISSION LETTER AND OTHER THAN THE PERSON WHO WROTE THE EDITORIAL WHO I AGREE WITH YOU IS A LEGACY AND THEY WILL LOOK CRAZY BASED ON THAT EDITORIAL. BUNCE YOU GOT IN THAT'S WHAT YOU GOT. >> AND EVERY ACADEMIC NEWSPAPER. THEY ARE THE EQUIVALENT OF PRODA AND THIS IS WHAT YOU EXPECT FROM THEM AND WE SHOULDN'T BE SHOCKED BY THAT LONGER SHOULD WE? >> IT IS ALL OVER THE UNIVERSITY . YEAH, IT IS IT A PREIMMINENT UNIVERSITY. YOU CAN HAVE COMPLANTS WITH SOMETHING. IT DOESN'T MATTER. THEY SHOULD CRITIZE. >> THEY ARE MAKING AN ARGUMENT AGAINST ADVERSITY >> AND IT IS LIKE YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DISAGREE. >> IT SPEAKS WAS FASCISMS. >> AND THEY'RE LIKE LITTLE KID. >> THEY ARE MAKING FUNEP OF HARVARD ELITES. SNOOT THE ONE WHO BROTE THAT. >> I WILL TAKE YOUR WORD FOR IT >> IT IS THE ODDS OF TWO HARVARD GRADUATES WHO PRODUCE A CHILD THAT IS QUALIFIED TO GO TO HARVARTED ARE ONE IN A MILLION. >> STAR TREK LEGACY WHERE PAWARD AND SHATNER WERE ON THE SAME SCREEN? CALL BACK. >> GOOGLE REPLACE GRANTS FOR ALL OF THE NEEDS. KIDS ARE TURNING TO THE INTERNET FOR ANSWERS RATHER THAN THE ELDERS. ONE IN FOUR GRANDPARENTS WERE ASKED FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO COOK A FAMILY RECIPE OR SEW A BUTTON AND ONLY A THIRD ASKED WHAT IT WAS LIKE WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG. 96% POSE MORE QUESTIONS TO THE GRANDPARENTS WHEN THEY WERE YOUNGER . GRAMPS DO YOU HAVE PAIN MED. SOMETIMES IT IS BETTER TO WATCH AND LEARN. ♪ THAT IMPRESSIVE FOR SOMEBODY AROUND HERE. JESSE, THE MANAGER YOUR REPLACEMENT FOR A GRANDPARENT. DUGET MUCH INFORMATION FROM HIM/HER. >> HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO FISH. LISTEN, OF COURSE GOOGLE IS BETTER THAN GRANDPARENTS. IT IS WAY BETTER. IF YOU GOOGLE TOYOTA YOU WILL NOT GET DISPARAGING REMARKS ABOUT PEARL HARBOR. >> THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE MISSING . I BLAME THE GRANDPARENTINGS. BEHAGRANDPARENTS WAITS TO BE ASKED BEFORE LECTURING ABOUT THE PAST? AND IF YOU WAIT FOR YOUR GRANDPARENTS SAYING WHAT WAS IT LIKE. >> THEY GOT TO TELL YOU. MY MOM TALKS ABOUT THE OLD DAYS AND IT IS EXTREMELY ENTERTAINING. I CALMED GROOGLE. GRANDPARENT GOOGLE . YOU PLUG IN THE ANSWER AND WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE AND ENDS WITH A SUGGESTION FOR A TYPE MUCH RIBBON CANDY AND GO LOOK IN THE ATTIC. >> AND I THINK ROOGLE. YOU JUMP ON IT RIGHT AWAY. NOTHING INSULTING TO SAY ABOUT GRANDPARENTINGS. ONLY ONE OF MINE WAS UP WHENIP WAS UP. ONLY ONE IN 10 COUNTS ARE RELIABLE . SO I WOULD DEFER TO GEELING, TOO. >> BILL, THAT IS IT A CONTRACT BETWEEN REAL INFORMATION GLEANED FROM REAL LIFE, AND NONEXPERIENCE AND DISPOSABLE POP CULTURE FROM DISGRUNTEMED MICROBLOGERINGS. >> I LOST HAMP OF MY BRAIN DUE TO EXPERIENCE. PEOPLE ARE BLOGING OUT THERE AND DOING THINGS. I WILL RETAIN SOMETHING THAT I WOULD BLOCK BY THE TIME I AM 60. THERE IS ONE QUOTE FROM AN GRANDPARENT THAT TELLING. CHILDREN LOVE LUXURY AND BAD MANNERS AND SHOW DISRESPECT FOR I WOULDERS AND LOVE CHATTER IN PLACE OF EXERCISE. >> THAT WAS FROM SOCRATES IN 489 BC. YES, INDEED. THE POINT THAT IS MADE BEFORE. ANY TIME YOU THINK KIDS TODAY, THE PERSON WHO IS COMPLAINING IS INDEED THE FOOL. >> I GOT TO MOVE ON. >> PERHAPS, YOU GO TO GROOGLE MAPS. EVERY DIRECTION IS THROUGH SIX MIMES OF SNOW. >> VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD. >> ALL RIGHT. NOW WHY WOULD LIKE TO TAKE A MOMENT TO COMMEND THOSE WHO GO UNRECOGNIZED IN THE CHALLENGING WORD OF COMMENTATING. WE RECOGNIZE THE WORK OF HOWARD KIRKZ. THIS WEEK'S SALUTE GOES TO YOU MR. HOWIE KIRKS. DURING YOUR CAREER OF CNN YOU PERFECTED AND PERFECTED THE ART OF TAKING IT SELF. YOU ASK SOFT BALL QUESTIONS AND MADE IT EFFORTSLESS AND NATION PREMIERE MEDIA CRITIC. PRINT JOURNALIST AND TV REPORTERS AND BLOGERS, NO ONE IS SAFE FROM YOUR HARD HITTING NO NONSENSE STYLE. WHEN TALKING YOU WELCOME THEM WITH OPEN ARMS AND IN THE PROCESS INSPIRE A GENERATION OF PUNDITS TO FIND THE MIDDLE GROUND BETWEEN SOMETHING AND NOTHING. HERE'S TO YOU MR. KIRK RED-EYE PUNDIT IN THE WEEK. >> I DON'T KNOW OF ANYBODY WHO IT MORE. >> CUDIES TO MAKE A POINT. DO DO IT WHILE LOOKING AWAY. >> HOW BAD CAN THE RECESSION BE IF HOWARD CURTZ HAS A JOB. >> HOW DARE YOU ATTACK HIM . SHOULD YOUR WRIST BAND COVER A TATOO. WHAT TO WEAR ON YOUR FIRST DAY WORKING. >> BUT FIRST. HEY, THAT GUY AND THAT GUY. IT IS IT LIKE I LIKE TO SAY. TUESDAY. IT WAS SO HONEST. GUESS WHAT, HAS GRANDFATHER AND HIS FATHER ARE GREAT LEADERS, AND HE'S SUCH A PROUD MAN. AS A YOUNG KID. HEAP'S SO AWESOME. >> DRIDE UP TUMBLE WEED SAID THIS JUNK. I HOPE ONE DAY I WILL GO BACK TO AMERICA AND I WILL SEE MY KID AND HUG THEM AND THING. DON'T HATE PEOPLE FIRSTS THING I WILL SAY. LAUGH -- LIFE IS NOT ABOUT THE WASHED UP WORM GUSHIOUS ABOUT JUNG. >> NOT ONE MAN CAN DO ONE THING. HE'S PROUD AND HIS COUNTRY LIKE HIM. NOT LIKE HIM, LOVE HIM. LOVE HIM. GUESS WHAT, YEAH, I LOVE HIM. I LOVE, THE GUY IS AWESOME. >> YES, THEY LOVE HIM BECAUSE IF THEY DON'T THEY DIE. THAT'S HOW IT WORKS. SPEAKING OF GRANDY GESTURES. >> OR A GUEST. THAT IS ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE. TUCKER, WHY DO CELEBRITIES MAKE THE TREATS, BECAUSE IT IS PAID FOR AND THEY GET FREE SWAG OIR EGO. >> I DON'T THINK DENNIS HAS MUCH GOING ON. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS REFERRING TOMPT IF HE IS SUCKING UP WITH A STALINIST ***. THE JOKE IS ON NORTH KOREA BECAUSE THEY THINK HE IS STILL A BASKETBALL STAR. >>EE GOT FREE SWAG. HE GOT BOTTLE OF WATER AND CRACKERS AND A NORTH KOREAN AND HE WAS HAPPY ABOUT THAT. DO YOU THINK THEY WILL STAY IN TOUCH. >> THEY GAVE HIM HALF A HATCH TO EAT. BY THE WAY, YOU MAKE FUN OF THE WAY I AM DRESSED CONSIDERING THAT YOU ARE DRESSED LIKE YOU WILL DYE EASTERN EGGS IN A GLORY HOLE A FRIEND'S THEME SONG. YES. >> AND LOOK, IF THERE IS ONE THING THAT IS SAID ABOUT WEDDING DRESS AND DEVICE DIVORCED AND THREE TIMES SPHOUSAL ABUSER AND CONVICTED DENNIS RODMAN. HE HAS FANTASTIC JUDGMENT. >> THAT'S WHY IT IS IT A NEW'S STORY. >> SHOCKED HE WOULD GO TO NORTH KOREA. WAS HE BE A GRACIOUS GUEST AND SHOULD WE BE PRAISING HIS GOOD MATTERINGS. >> WE MIGHT WANT TO RECONSIDER TAKINGAL ATHLETES. TIME TO RECONSIDER THAT. >> BILL SHOULD WE LET THEM BELIEVE IT IS WHO WE ARE. WE ARE RODMAN AND KARDASHIAN AND LINDSAY LOHAN AND G GETS THEM IN A FOOLISH BELIEF SYSTEM THAT WE ARE HARMLESS? >> DON'T BRING LINDSAY OVER THERE. >> WHAT IF WE ARE THOSE THINGS. >> WHY ARE KARDASHIAN AND LINDSAY LOHAN AND DINCE RODMAN. ABUSERS I AM TOLD. IF YOU BECOME AN ALCOHOLIC YOU ARE IN A SUSPENDED STATE OFENCE AND EMOTIONALLY UNTIL YOU QUIT. I BELIEVE THAT DENNIS RODMAN STARTED DRINKING WHEN HE WAS 5. HE PEEKS LIKE MY FIVE YEAR OLD NEPHEW HENRY. HE SAYS GUESS WHAT. FIVE TIMES . GUESS WHAMPT GUESS WHARKS GUESS WHAT? I LIKE'RE I LOVE STEAK ASAURUS. >> WE NEED TO MOVE ON. >> AND I THINK WE SHOULD SEND OUR FIELDS DISGUISED AS AN NBA TEAM. THEY WOULDN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. YOU HAVE A VIDEO OF AN ANIMAL DOING SOMETHING INTERESTING, NOT BAD BUT INTERESTING. HALF TIME REPORT FROM ANDY. JERK. >> TONIGHT'S IS SPONSORED BY DOLPHINS, THE MAMAMS RELATE TOD WHALES AND GENERALLY SMALLER AND HAVING A BEAK-LIKE SNOUT. THANK YOU, DOLPHINS . I WAS PRETENDING AND YOU DIDN'T YOU HAVE TO BRING TUP. >> PEOPLE WATCHING THE FIRST TIME NEVER SAW ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE. >> NOR WILL THEY SEE IT AGAIN. PERHAPS I AM WRONG. PRESIDENT OBAMA MIX JEDI AND STAR WARS WITH THE MIND MELT. WHAT A MISTAKE. >> NICE, I HAVE TO SAY. >> ANN, YOU THINK THE PRESIDENT DID THIS ON PURPOSE TO SHOW HE IS NOT A NERD. I CAN SEE THAT. I THINK YOU ARE ALL WRONG. I THINK HE PROVED HOW HIP HE S. IT IS A MASH UP, KIDS. >> I DIDN'T GET THE WOOKY THING. >> ARE WE HAVING CAMERA ISSUINGS. >> HE IS EITHER EXTREMELY HIGH OR WENT TO THE BATHROOM. TUCKER, YOU SAID SARCASTICALLY THAT PRESIDENT OBAMA CAN'T RUIN HIS COOL. I AM GOING TO SAY SOMETHING. HE'S NOT COOL. DON'T CARE THAT HE'S NOT COOL. HE'S NOT COOL. >> THAT IS RIASSURING. >> WHY DO YOU SAY THAT? >> I HAVE SEEN HIM DANCE. >> HE IS A BAD DANCER. >> HE'S NOT. HE'S UPTIGHT AND NO FLOY WHEN HE FAKE RAPS AND HE'S NOT COOL. >> I THINK IT IS COOL NOT TO DANCE. >> JEVENS, TOO. >> THEY ARE WINNING ME OVER. HE HAD PITCH. >> WE GOT IT RESOLVED. HEAP'S NOT COOL. >> YOU CANNOT PITCH AND STILL BE COOL. >> JUST FOR THE RECORD. >> I DON'T CARE. >> ANDY IS MAKING THE FACT THAT IT IS NOT RELEVANT. THEY SAID HIGH WAS COOL AND MADE A BIG DEAL ABOUT REPUBLICAN NOT BEING COOL. LISTENING TO KANYE WEST ON THEIR IPODS. ARE YOU COOL IF YOU DO THAT? >> TUCKER, I DON'T AGREE WITH THAT. >> COME ON, NOW, ANDY. BEING 50 MEANS YOU ARE BORN IN 1960. >> YOU SHOULDN'T BE BRAGGING ABOUT CAN WAY WEST. HE HATES HIM. HE LIKE HIM. >> HIGH BRAGGED ABOUT HAVING HIM ON THE IPAD. >> YOU CALMED IT AN IPAD. >> YOU SAID HE HAD IT ON HIS HAM RADIO. [LAUGHING] >> YOU WILL NEVER FIND HIP HOP ON MY HAM RADIO. ON THE TWITTERING BOX. >> BILL, YOU SAID IT IS NEVER COOL TO KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT STAR WARS OR STAR TREK. BACK HOME LIKE ME, YOU WOULD FEEL DIFFERENTLY. >> I WAS TRYING TO INSULT YOU. A BARB. >> AND NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN STAR WARS AND STAR TREK. YOU ARE A MINDLESS LITTLE JERK. >> I DID IT ON PURPOSE. >> I DID TO TO CREATE ANGER. SOMETHING LIKE MAIL AND SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE. >> I SAID IT AGAIN JUST TO TICK HIM OFF. >> CRIMSON'S WHINNY EDITORIAL. TUCKER YOU SAID THE EDITORIAL WAS BADLY WRITTEN. IT WAS SOMORIC. >> REALLY, STANDARDS HAVE DECLINED. ANN, I JUST WANT TO POINT OUT I WENT TO THE ONLY REAL IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL IN NEW YORK. >> AND A FINE SCOOM IT IS. >> BY THE WAY, YOU NEVER SAID THAT BEFORE AND NOR THAN THE ONE QUOTE FROM CRUISE I HAVEN'T HEARD CRUISE TALK ABOUT IT IT IS ALWAYS THE ONE WHO WENT TO THE NONIVY LEAGUINGS VAUGLIED WITH IT TALKS ABOUT IT >> ANN, YOU ARE ASKING THE WRONG QUESTION. ASK IF HE GRADUATED. >> I BELIEVE I DID. I DON'T BELIEVE HE . >> IT TOOK ME NINE YEARS. I GRADUATED. >> NINE. IT TOOK YOU NINE YEARS TO GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE. >> IT . THREE OF THOSE YEARS I WAS IN THE ARMY. >> THAT DOESN'T COUNT. >> THREE FROM NINE YOU SIX. JESSE, YOU KIND OF AGREE THAT YOU CAN'T USE HARVARD TO USE YOUR CRIRE AND THEN BATH MOUTH IT I DISGREE. I THINK YOU ARE FREE TO BAD MOUTH. >> I APPRECIATE YOUR DISSENT DR. LEAVE . I ASSUME YOU ARE A DOCTOR. >> ONE WOULD THINK. YEAH. YEAH. *** >> EITHER THAT YOU ARE THE BOUNCER OF THE NEWS ROOM, CONSIDERING HOW YOU ARE DRESSED. >> I AM NOT UNIVERSITY FEDERAL. ANN, YOU ALUPEDED TO SETTING ASIDE CRUISE'S STATEMENT WHICH WAS DUMB. THEY ARE COMPLAINING THAT BILL ORILEY CALM WOULD A HARVARPED PROFESSOR A PIN HEAD AND ANY GRADUATE WOULD THINK THAT MORE THAN ONE OF HIS PROFESSORS WAS A PIN HEAD . MITT ROM NIGH SAYING PRESIDENT OBAMA SPENT TOO MUCH TIME IN HARVARD AND NOT MUCH TIME IN THE REAL WORLD. >> THE OLD COLLEGE PROFESSOR LINE. I THINK IT IS CRAZY, OF COURSE, THE MAJOR MEDIA ARE VERY IMPORTANT FOR THEIR INFLU YENCE SO IF YOU GET A CHANCE TO BE ON THE MAJOR MEDIA, HARVARD IS IMPORTANT AND YALE IS IMPORTANT AND PREIMMINENT INSTITUTIONS AND OUGHT TO BE WORTH THAN THE ADMISSION'S LETTER. THIS HYPOCRISY LAUNCH ON THE LEFT IS OUT OF CONTROL AND ILLOGICAL. >> TUCKER, I FEEL BAD FOR AMERICAN COMMUNE YIST SOCIALIST. ONLY WORK THEY CAN GET IS WRITING FOR THE NATION AND WHO WOULD WANT TO DO THAT. >> THAT'S A GOOD POINT GO TO THE COLLEGE WHERE YOU CAN NEVER BE FIRED. LOWEST STRESS JOB IN AMERICA. COLLEGE PROFESSOR. >> AND ALSO ZERO OFFICE. >> COEDS GO HOME. >> AND GRANDPARENTS REPLACED BY GOOGLE FOR INFORMATION. TUCKER, YOU BLAME THE GRANDPARENTS FOR WAITING TO BE ASKED. GOOGLE IS ALWAYS THERE, RIGHT. THAT IS THE ANSWER FOR THIS. >> THAT WAS A HYPOTHETICAL, BY THE WAY. NO GRANDPARENT EVER WAITED TO BE ASKED. ANN I WAS WATCHING THE SHOW AND YOU SAID EYEWITNESS ACCOUNTS TEND TO BE REALLY RELIABLE. [LAUGHING] BEAUTIFUL POINT THANK YOU. >> AND BY THE WAY, CHECK OUT WHO COMMISSIONED THIS RESEARCH? >> IT WAS A CLEANING GROUP IN ENGLAND. >> YES, DR. BECK MAN A BRITISH COMPANY THAT MAKES CLEANING PRODUCTS AND NUMBER ONE STAIN REMOVER IN EUROPE. >> GENIUS. >> WE REPORTED. GOOD ON YOU CLINING SERVICES. >> THEY CALL WOULD THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE THE SUPERBOWL AND THE OSCARRINGS, TOO. >> THEY ARE KNOWN AS NATE SILVER UK. >> THERE IS IT A JOKE EVERYBODY E EVERYONE WILL GET. >> DOCTORATE IN CLEANING SPENDING NINE YEAR NECESSARY CITY COLLEGE IN NEW YORK. >> UNFORTUNATE JAB AT ANDY. >> I DON'T MIND. DENNIS RODMAN RETURNS FROM NORTH CRORE CORE AND PRAISES KIM JONG-UN AND THAT IS WHERE THE TERM USEFUL IDIOT COMES FROM. >> I DON'T THINK HE'S USEFUL. >> EXPLAIN THAT TERM FOR OUR YOUNGER VIEWERINGS. >> HE'S A DRUNK. >> THEY CAN ASK THEIR GRANDPARENT. >> TUCKER, YOU SAID THE JOKE IS ON NORTH KOREA BECAUSE YOU SAID THAT RODMAN IS IT STILL A BASKETBALL PLAYER. WHO CARES ABOUT DENNIS RODMAN. THE RILE JERK IS RYAN DUFFY. HE BRAGGED TO THE ASSOCIATED PRESS. DINNER WAS A EMIC FEAST AND FELT LIKE 10 COURSES. IN A COUNTRY WHERE THE LEADER IS STARVING HIS PEOPLE. HE IS BRAGGING ABOUT IT >> HE IS A TOTAL TOOL. WOULD YOU BE OFFERED TO GO TO PYONGGANG WITH DENNIS RODMAN. >> I PROBABLY WOULD G. >> ARE YOU KIDDING? I WOULD MISS MY KID'S BIRTHDAY. >> I AM NOT SURE THAT THE GOVERNMENT WOULD LET ME GO BALSE OF WHAT I KNOW. >> THAT'S A GOOD POINT. >> AS A NONVETERAN. >> I AM NOT ALUPED TO HAVE A PASSPORT. I AM NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY. TOO MUCH UP THERE. >> MOST ABOUT AREA 51. >> THANK YOU, COMING UP. TOM CELLEC IS DEAD? TIRED ABOUT ASKED ABOUT A MAGNUM PI REBOOT. >> GIRLS GONE WILD IS LIKE GIRLS GONE MILD. ANOTHER TEASE MAILED IN BY THE JOE FRANCIS GIRL'S GONE WILD EMPIRE IS CRUM BRING. IT IS NOT ENOUGH CASH TO GET COEDS TO FLASH. THERE IS LEGAL MESSES AND THE FOUNDER POINTS OUT THAT GENERAL MOTORS AND AMERICA AIRLINES WENT. WE'LL PAUSE TO REMEMBER THE ONCE GREAT AMERICAN FRANCHISE. ♪ TOUCHING. EXTREMELY TOUCHING. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT IS OVER TUCKER. YOU REMEMBER WHERE YOU WERE WHEN YOU FIRST HEARD GIRMS GONE WILD. >> JOE FRANIS USED TO E-MAIL ME IN PRISON. HE WAS RAILROADED BY SOME GUYS IN BUT A DECENT GUY. >> IN FAIRNESS. THE GOT RAILROAD INDEED THE TRAILER AS WELL NGETTING PEOPLE DRUNK TO TAKE OFF THEIR CLOTHES. HE WAS LIKE THE THOMAS EDISON OF I DON'T KNOW WHAT BUT I DON'T CARE. I JUST DON'T CARE. YOU WERE A CAMERA MAN FOR HIM. >> NO, I JUST DRESSED LIKE I WAS. >> I KNOW IT IS A DISAPPOINTING TREND. WOMEN ARE GETTING LESS WILD. WE GAVE WOMEN THE VOTE IN 1920 THEY WENT (BLEEP) IT IS IT A STEADY INCREASE AND BOILED OVER AND WOMEN ARE GETH LESS WILD. WE NEED TO DO THAT AND ALLOWING THEM IN COMBAT IS NOT GOING TO DO IT >> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? >> THAT'S WHAT I AM THINKING. >> WAY, I THINK YOU ARE ON TO SOMETHING. MAYBE THEY WILL STOP STROTING NOW. >> IT IS A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY. >> AND SPEAKING OF FOOD. THEY CAN DO BETTER THAN WE CAN IN KITCHEN. YOU EVER LOOK BACK AND SAY WHAT A MISSED OPPORTUNITY? >> NO, I DO NOT. WHEN I SPOKE AT STRICT A COUPEV OF YEARS . THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER THAT IS BRIGHTER THAN THE HARVARD. ASKED ME FOR ADVICE AND I SAID PLEASE STOP TAKING YOUR TOPS OFF. >> IT WAS THE GRINNING OF END FOR MODERN CITY. IT USED TO BE THEY WERE THE GIRLS THAT POSED NUDE. >> IT IS SWEET. THOSE GUYS ARE NOT FROM SMITH. THEY ARE FROM FLORIDA STATE. >> AND NEXT TOPIC. EGYPTIAN PROY -- PROTESTORS ARE USING THE HARLEM SHAKE. TAKE A LOOK. ! ON THURSDAY MORE THAN A 100 REVOLUTIONARIES THRUST THISHIPS OUTSIDE OF THE MUSLIM BROTHERHOOD HEADQUARTERS. ONE LAW STUDENT IT IS A FUNNY WAY TO PROTEST THE BROTHERHOOD WHO TOOK CONTROL OF THE COUNTRY. >> THAT WAS A CLIP FROM ARGO. >> THEY LOOK LIKE THE IRANIAN PROTESTORS BECAUSE THEY RIPPED MICKEY MOUSE'S HEAD OFF. >> CREEPY. IS THAT A GOOD SIGN THAT WESTERN STUFF IS HAPPENING IN A TERRIBLE PLACE. >> WE WROTE THE FEDERALIST . THEY PUT ON DISNEY COSTUMES AND DO THE HARLEM SHAKE. >> I HOPED IT WAS PROGRESS. BUT I DON'T KNOW, ANN, YOU THINK IT IS NOT PROGRESS? >> IT IS ALWAYS GOOD WHEN MUSLIMS DECIDE TO FIGHT WITH SARCAS'M THAN VIOLENCE. >> THAT'S MY POINT. >> THE LARGER POINT IS PERHAPS THE ARAB SPRING NOT A DAY AT THE BEACH WE WERE LED TO BELIEVE. >> BILL, YOU DO THE HARLEM SHAKE AFTER YOU WAKE UP ON 125TH FEET NAKED. >> I AM HAVING SHAKES JUST THINK BEING IT. >> DID I WAIT FOR THE ENTIRE SEGMENT WITH A JOKE. >> YOU ENDED WITH IT IS GOOD. >> A DANCE CRAZE CAN BE ATTRIBUTED ON HOW EASY IT IS TO DO. >> THE HARLEM SHAKE IS. I CAN DO THAT. >> WHEN YOU DRESS LIKE THAT. IT IS CREEPY. >> YOU CAN DO IT WITH SOMEBODY ON -- SOMETHING ON YOUR HEAD. PRETEND THE MICKEY MOUSE. THE WATUSEY WAS JAZZ BANDS. >> AND WHEN WE COME BACK. GO TO ANY BOOK STORE OR AMAZON.COM. GET AN AUTOGRAPPED COPEP AND GET IT THERE. IT IS MILLIONAIRE ORGANIZER FROM THE MISSION TO MARS WANTS TO RECRUIT A MARRIED COUPLE FOR A TRIP TO THE RED PLANET BECAUSE ONLY A TRIED AND TESTED MALE-FEMALE RELATIONSHIP COULD COPE WITH THE CLOSE CONFINEMENT. THEY WOULD SHARE THE SMALL SPACE WITH EATING AND SLEEPING AND THREESOMES WITH ALIENS. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE WITH YOUR HUSBAND AND WIFE AND YOU NEED SPACE AND YOU ARE NEED SPACE. >> GO TO THE SINGLE PERSON AT THE TABLE. I AM GISSING THE INNOVATOR IS NOT HIMSELF MARRIED. THIS IS MY FAVORITE STORY OF THE EVENING BECAUSE I HAVE THOUGHT OF ALL OF THE COUPEMS I WANT TO SYND. >> IT DOES SOLVE THE PROBLEM. >> COULDN'T IT DESTROY A MARRIAGE? >> TOTALLY. THEY WOULD HAVE CONVERSATION. NOW, LOOK. I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO A ROUTINE AIR LOCK BIOHAZARD WAIST DUMP. >> YEAH. SO TRUE. >> AND COMMUNICATION PROBLEM. HOUSTON WILL HAVE TO DETERMINE WHETHER IT IS IT A LONG RANGE TRANSMITTER OR HE DOESN'T LISTEN. >> THAT WAS A GOOD JOKE. >> THAT'S WHY YOU WROTE FOR THE OSCARS. >> WE DON'T KNOW IF IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. >> NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU DIDN'T WRITE THAT SONG. >> TUCKER, YOU GET OUT THERE WITH YOUR WIFE AND HAPPILY MARRIED AND THERE WAS A SEXY PLANET. WITH A HOT ALIEN AND WOW, THERE IS LIKE A BILLION PLANET TEA PARTYINGS. >> YOU ROLL WITH IT, BABY. THAT IS THE INTERGALACTIC WAY. >> I DON'T KNOW. I AM A FAITHFUL GUY. I WOULD HAVE TO MAKE STRONG CHOICES. ARE YOU OFFEND HAPPENED THAT IT COULDN'T BE TWO SPACE BROS HANGING OUT. >> NO. IF YOU HAVE BRUNCH OUT OF A SQUEEZEY BOTTLE. IT IS NOT THE SAME, GREG. STEREO TYPINGS. THAT'S IT. >> ALSO, I WILL SAY WE ARE ASSUMING THAT COUPLES ARE NOT GOING TO COPE AND THEY NEED TRIED AND TRUE COUPLES LIVING IN A CAN AND SEEING NOTHING BUT EACH OTHER. ONE OF THEM WOULD STAP LIVING AND THE OTHER CIMMINGED AND THEY WILL EAT HER. >> AND WHO LIVES IN A BUBBLE. MITCHELL OBAMA AND BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON. >> YOU WOULD ONLY SEND LIBERAL MARRIED COUPLES. CLOSE IT OUT FINALLY TONIGHT IT WAS ONE YEAR AGO THATAN DREW PASS WOULD AWAY. HE'S A BIGN THAT THE PROGRAM HAS BEEN ON THE AIR SIX YEARS AND ONE YEAR AGO RED EYE DID A SPECIAL TRIBUTE AND WE BROKE UP THE TIME HE CRASHEDANTH THEE ***'S PRESS CONFERENCE. >> YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE WAYS WITH WHICH HE RECEIVED THE PHOTOS, SHE ATTESTED THAT IT CAME FROM CONGRESSMAN ***. I HAVE SEEN A LOT OF THE CONGRESSMAN'S BODY AND HE'S A VERY GOOD SHAPE. >> THE GREAT THING HE TOOK OVER IT IS PRESS CONFERENCE . BASICALLY CHANGED HISTORY. WE MISS HIM.