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[applause] -Yeah!
Aw.
Yeah.
We have a terrific show for you,
but before we get it going, we should check in on the internet
and see what's buzzin' on that social media.
Hit it, Jess.
Let me hack into the mainframe using my username and password.
[laughter]
How's it lookin' there, Jess, in the cyberspace?
Ooh, great.
Our show is getting a lot of traction on Twitter.
Our hashtag, #partyoverhere, is on the verge of trending.
We are tracking well on Tumblr, Pinterest, and Ello.
We're rankin' very high on Rate My Dump,
and our Myspace mentions are off the charts!
[laughter]
Wait, wait, I'm sorry.
We're rankin' high on which one, now?
Myspace?
No, no, before that.
Rate My Dump?
Yeah.
[laughter]
What is that?
Um, it's a site where people can submit photos
of their doo-doos, and then users can rank
them on a scale of 1 to 10.
And I gotta tell you ladies, we are gettin' some 10s.
[laughter] -Ooh,
Allison, you got a couple 5s.
But mostly 9s and 10s.
Jess, that is so gross.
Who would take that kind of picture?
That's disgusting.
All right, relax.
Rate My Dump is a very reputable poo site.
There are presidents on there. -Wait.
What?
[laughter]
Which presidents?
Future presidents.
[laughter]
OK?
Jessica, take down those poo pictures.
I will not take these poo pics down.
Jessica, no!
OK?
What you did is a violation of our privacy.
If Edward Snowden taught us anything,
it's that our nation is founded on a core tenet
that a person's poops are their own business.
It's our sacred American freedom to take a crap without worry
of being rated, or-- or-- or--or judged,
or ranked, or any such--
Unless you want your ca ca rated on Rate My Dump.
[laughter]
You know, for some personal validation.
I mean, that would be normal.
It would be something that someone would do.
Not that I would do it.
I would never.
Stop talkin', this is weird.
[laughter]
Jess, for all that is holy, please
take down those poo pictures.
Right.
I'm deleting them now.
And we're no longer popular online.
Aw.
[laughter]
That fast?
Put 'em back up!
Yeah, put 'em back up, I'll get you some fresh ones.
OK.
Try for a 7.
You got it.
I've been eating dense meats, so--
[laughter]
[music playing]