Grey's Anatomy S1E6 - English Transcript

Previously on Grey's Anatomy: - We had sex, once. - Go out with me. You know you're my boss, it's against the rules. Do you like Izzie? Is that what this is about? She's not the one I'm attracted to. So there's a one. Ever been attracted to someone you couldn't have? Meredith. - Just coffee. - Good. - OK. - OK. [Woman] Your mother's Alzheimer's is advancing. While she's lucid enough, - she needs to sign everything to you. - Me? Thanks for the coffee. [Derek] So you blew me off for a bottle of tequila. That's not nearly as much fun to wake up to. - [Knocking] - Mind moving this tail wagon? You're blocking me in. [Sighing] [Meredith] A couple hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. "Never leave that till tomorrow, " he said, "which you can do today. " - [- Jem: Save Me] - [Thunder rumbling] [Alarm buzzing] This is the man who discovered electricity. You'd think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection. Wouldn't it be easier to just ask her out? [Thunder rumbling] [Alarm buzzing] - She's gonna be late. - Maybe not. - [Izzie gasping] - We should wait for her. Definitely not. I'm not her mother, and you are not her boyfriend. Not yet, anyway. Stop, OK? I told you I'm not interested. Life is short, George. Do you really want to die before you ever ask her out? I do not want to ask her out. Do you really want to die a liar? I'm not I'm not dying. [Meredith] Sometimes, the fear is just of making a decision. Because, what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? Crap. Crap? Hi. I'm late. You're avoiding me. Yes, but also late. Oh, are we going to talk about this? No. About us and Bailey and what she saw? I don't need to talk about it. I experienced it, naked. This is getting complicated. Complicated for me. I'm the intern sleeping with the attending. Bailey isn't speaking to me anymore. Not that that's a bad thing. If I was a better guy, I'd walk away. Yes, you would. Do you want me to be a better guy? Yes. No. Crap. I'm late. Take your time. Think about it. [- Psapp: Chapter] [Elevator bell dinging] That was definitely worth being late. [Sighs] Thanks. Is this a? Should we talk about this? Yeah, definitely. - [Meredith] You're late. - So are you. I know, and I can't afford to *** off Bailey any more. Do you think she told anyone? - About you and McDreamy? - Yeah. No, he's her boss too. If they find out, what can they? Can they kick me out, or? No Not officially. You'll just get edged out, blacklisted, banned from his surgeries, passed over for chief resident. [Sighing] It'll be humiliating, but you'll live. I have to end it. I definitely have to end it. - I have to end it, right? - Meredith, shut up. What? [Meredith] Did you seriously just tell me to shut up? Oh, please. You got a hot doctor who likes to make you open up, and say "ahh. " It's the American dream, stop whining about it. No. No good can come from sleeping with your boss. - Cristina, you're late. - So is Meredith. [Meredith] Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true. That, by the time the pain of not doing a thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor. When we walk in this door, you will maintain decorum. You will not laugh, vomit, or drop your jaw. Are we understood? [Door opening] - Why would we laugh? - Oh, just you wait. Good morning, Miss Connors. [Miss Connors] Good morning. What is it? Tumor. [Meredith] And you thought I was speaking metaphorically. [- Psapp: Nobody Knows] Good morning, Annie. How are you? This is Dr. Bailey, and these are my fellow interns. Dr. Karev, we refer to patients as "mister" I told him to call me "Annie. " "Miss Connors" makes me feel old and fat, which I am, but why feel that way? [Burke] Good morning. Annie, this is Dr. Burke. [Whispering] Awesome surgeon. Dr. Karev. Annie Connors is a 43-year-old woman who presented last night with progressive shortness of breath the past three months. Found to have a very large tumor of unknown origin pressed against her diaphragm. Stable vital signs. Scheduled for CT this morning, sir. Thank you, Dr. Karev. Are you at all claustrophobic? [Annie] I've been housebound for the last year. How claustrophobic could I be? [Burke] All right. Dr. Stevens is going to take you up for a CT. It'll give us a better look at the tumor, - and we'll know how to proceed. - Could someone tell my mom? She'll worry if she gets back, and I'm not here. Yeah, of course. Of course. And would it be possible for Alex to take me instead? I mean, he He's just so fun to look at. [Chuckling] Annie. [Burke] Sure. Sure, Ms. Connors. Excuse me. [Izzie] How much do you think it weighs? [George] 60 pounds. More. She's carrying a whole extra person. This one's going in the books. I've got to get in. I almost did. Have you ever seen Alex like that? He actually seemed sincere. "Seemed" being the operative word. He was on call when she came in. I am never leaving this place again. Let's move, people. Ms. Connor's surgery, should we choose to proceed, will take most, if not all, of the surgeons off the floor, which means you people will have to work extra hard not to kill anyone, 'cause we won't be there to fix your mistakes. [Man] Dr. Burke. [Woman over PA] Trauma team to OR one. Trauma team to OR one. I really want in on this. I thought we weren't talking. I'm not talking. I'm just saying. [Sighing] Find her mother, get a family history, and I'll tell Bailey. [Izzie] Mr. Harper had a coronary bypass yesterday. His blood pressure, currently 100l65. It was running low overnight down to 70l30, but responded to medication. Postoperative labs show a crit of 30 and normal coagulation. Chest-tube output has halted over the last two hours. [Bailey] What's your plan? Chest x-ray and check the tube for possible occlusion. Good. He's doing fine. [Exhaling] Thank you. I know you think I like Meredith, but I don't like Meredith. What? No. I like Meredith. Obviously, I like Meredith. I just I just don't have a thing for her. OK. It's just this morning I know you were probably just teasing, But I don't want you to say anything to her. We live together, and that'd be awkward. - George, stop talking. - OK, then. [Elevator bell dinging] 'Morning. Mr. Levangie, this is Dr. Bailey and her fine staff of surgical interns. Welcome to hell, kids. [Groaning] Who's presenting? Edward Levangie is a 63-year-old man admitted for pain management for Dyskinesia. He's been stable since last night, and responding to the bolus injections. - [Burke] Izzie, treatments? - [Izzie] For Parkinson's disease? Deep brain stimulation has Not for Parkinson's, for spinal pain. Oh, um Intraspinal catheter. That way, he can have constant pain medication. Excellent. This is Dr. Grey. She's gonna prep you for the procedure and assist. [Pager beeping] Excuse me. You make yourselves busy, I'll catch up with you. [Woman] I'll see you over there. Miranda. Excuse me? Well, that's your name, right? It's on your jacket. All right, I'll just call you Bailey then. You think you're charming in that talented, neurotic, overly moussed hair sort of way, good for you. But if you think I'm going to stand back and watch while you favor her - I don't favor her. She's good. - I'm sure she is. Can I point out that, technically, I'm your boss? You don't scare me. Look, I'm not going to advertise your extracurricular activities with my intern. However, the next time I see you favoring Meredith Grey in any way, I'll make sure she doesn't see the inside of an OR for a month. Just for the sake of balance. [Elevator bell dings] - We're all set, doc. - OK. There's going to be a microphone in there for you in case you get scared or you want to get out, but try not to do that, because then we're going to have to start all over again. I'm fine. I'll be fine. I know you're going to be fine, because I'm going to be right over there, waiting for you. - All right? - OK. You ready? Are you really ready? Let's do this. - [Machine buzzing] - See ya. Oh, hey, man, you got an extra battery? Unbelievable. - Oh, I know, right? - I've never seen anything like this. God. Well, what I don't understand [over speaker] is how a person lets it get like that. I mean, man, that is a whole lot of nasty. [Man] Maybe she's afraid of doctors. Poor thing. [Alex] Poor thing? Please. If you're afraid of doctors, you take a pill. She's just sick, like, warped, you know? Seriously, I don't know how she lives with herself. [Laughing] Ugh. Well, at first, we thought she was just putting on weight. When we realized what was happening, I tried to get her to go to the doctor, but she was scared. And, the bigger it got, the less she wanted to go. And she never really felt all that sick until last night. She couldn't breathe. Because the tumor was crushing her lungs. Yes, well, I called 911. It just seemed like the right thing to do. You know, the right thing to do would have been to call a year ago. Thank you. [Meredith] OK, Mr. Levangie. We're going to get you more comfortable, OK? I'm going to go downstairs, and I'll be back up shortly. - [Grunting] OK. - OK. [Woman over PA] Cardiac perfusionist, 4217. Excuse me. - I'm sorry, doctor - Grey. My dad seems to like you. He's always liked skinny blondes. Is that rude? I'm sorry. I'm so tired. Is there something? I was wondering if you would talk to him. About? Brain surgery. The doctor mentioned it, and I've read about it online. If it worked, it could help with most of his symptoms, not just his pain. Is he a candidate? He is, but he's afraid of it. Surgery on his back, he can understand, but his brain And there are risks. - But his quality of life - There isn't any. And, it keeps getting worse. I'm getting married next month. I already lost my mom. And I want him to walk I want him with me. Maybe that's selfish, but You don't know what it's like having a parent Watching him I do. I do know what it's like. I'll see what I can do. Thanks. You're welcome. Thank you. The right hemidiaphragm is so high that it's completely displacing her lung tissue. It's infiltrated her spinal canal in three places. We should start there. It's going to take 3 or 4 hours to get around those nerves. I'd prefer to start in front, and then flip her. You never know what vessels are involved. I'm going to need a good head start. [Derek] If I miss a step, she's paralyzed. If I don't relieve the pressure on her lungs, she'll be dead. Do you think she really wants to live? Come on. She's been housebound. She's been living under this thing, just watching it grow for how long? She doesn't seem stupid. Doesn't even seem all that scared. Why would anyone wait this long, unless they wanted to die? People do things every day that they know could kill them. Doesn't mean they want to die. What are her chances of surviving the surgery? Slightly better than if we do nothing. So is it worth it? Hey, come on. You were already thinking it, I'm just saying. She's 43. It's worth a try. [Door opening] Ha! Morning. [Woman over PA] Dr. Moretti, 4672. Dr. Moretti, 4672. Dr. Shepherd. Mr. Levangie, the Parkinson's patient, a good candidate for DBS? Yes, but he's not interested. OK, but I think it's worth talking to him again, pushing him. We're talking about a brain surgery that is performed while the patient is awake, a risk of paralysis, death. The patient doesn't want it. It is not my job to push him into anything, and it's definitely not yours. OK You're uncomfortable with my decision. It's best you don't scrub in. - But - It's minor. You won't be missed. You know, they call you the Nazi. So I've heard. [Woman over PA] Dr. Conserva, 3742. Dr. Conserva, 3742, stat. [Burke] I won't lie to you. The surgery is going to be long and difficult, but we have an extremely capable surgical team, and I can Am I going to die? There's always that risk, but if we don't do the surgery I'll definitely die. Yes. Soon? Yes. - Mom, the room's clean. - OK, honey, OK. - Mom! - She'll have the surgery. - Mom! - No. No, Annie. She will have the surgery. I guess I'll have the surgery. I think that is a very wise decision. On one condition. I don't want him there. I'm sorry, Annie. Did I upset you in some way? If he's in the surgery, I'm not having it. That's how I live with myself. [Burke] OK, Miss Connors. Dr. Karev. - What the hell did you do? - Nothing. L-I don't know. Man. The mike must have been on. If anything goes wrong, anything, you are 60 percent more likely to be sued if you've offended the patient. I never would have said that. The mike shouldn't have been on. I didn't realize she could hear me. Now you won't realize your chance to scrub in. You're banned from the OR. Mine or anyone else's. All week. I got the history on the tumor. It's been growing for a year and a half. It's the first time she's even had it looked at. It's like she's fatally lazy. [Sighing] Why doesn't she get banned? Go prep Annie Connors for surgery. You're scrubbing in with Cristina. Really? I mean, thank you. OK. We just need to recheck your labs and get an EKG, so I just need to take a little blood. Dr. Burke is great, and Dr. Bailey. - I know you're probably scared. - That's OK, kitten. You can just do your job. You don't have to talk to the fat, nasty tumor lady. I mean, I let it get this bad. How much sympathy do I deserve? Why did you let it get this bad? You're the first person since I got here to ask me that. Well, I guess it's just like the elephant in the room. - Elephant? - I mean It's more like a giant sow, don't you think? Every time I went to the hospital, someone died. All four of my grandparents, then my dad. My best friend's mom, my baby sister. They all went in, never came out. So I put it off. You know, you're not the only one to put things off. I never do anything till the last possible minute. Like what? Well I've had this thing for my roommate since, like, day one, and I just I can't tell her. She probably wouldn't go out with me, anyway, but How do I know that for sure, if I don't ever ask? Seriously? You're equating your pathetic love life with my record-breaking tumor? Seriously? [- The Ditty Bops: Walk or Ride] It's just that he blatantly favors me in front of her and then blatantly dismisses me. How do you know he was favoring you? Look, you've got a brain. You got into this program. Shepherd munching your cookies doesn't mean you didn't deserve what you worked for. But he's making me look bad. I have to end it. - Right. - It's over. Is it true you get to scrub in on that tumor? - Don't sit here. - You get to scrub in? How psyched are you? On a scale of one to ecstatic, ecstatic. I think Burke wants to get into your scrubs. Why are you sitting here? He kicked me off that surgery for the same crap you pull every day. If I stuck this fork into his thigh, would I get in trouble? Not if you make it look like an accident. - Hey. - Hi! Thank God, man. I'm drowning in estrogen here. You look Is everything OK? Shepherd's a ***. Really? I think he's kind of great. He reamed her out in front of Bailey. - [Izzie] Why? - 'Cause he's a ***. - Oh. - [Tray clattering] Well, bad days are bad. [George] Maybe tonight, uh, if, you know, if you drink alcohol, I mean, we could all of us, I mean, go out and drink alcohol Because of the bad day. [Pager beeping] I got to go. Dude. Shut up. [Laughs] How's your back? - Still good. - Good. How are you? Can you lean forward for me? I want to check something. - Does that feel OK? - Yeah. - Right here? - Did you page? Mr. Levangie, have you given any more thought about the other surgical options we discussed this morning? What? Why would I? I already told you no. I'm letting you cut into my back, But that's not enough for you. All you guys ever want to do is cut. Dad, just listen to what he has to say. I already listened. Sir, there's a very small window of opportunity here. Once the Parkinson's progresses to a point of dementia, you're no longer a candidate for DBS. And when I'm no longer a candidate, is that when you people will leave me the hell alone! What? Do I have to start drooling, and forget my name to get a little peace and quiet? All right. I'll check back with you later. Try to get some rest. Dad, you're being unreasonable. The doctors are only trying to help you. It's my damn life, and it's my damn brain. You want me to let them cut up my brain while I'm lying here awake, for what? - Dad! - I'll be at your wedding. I will sit in the back. Your uncle will walk you down the aisle. I know it's not perfect, but it's life. Life is messy sometimes. I know that. [Sighs] If she knows, then what the hell are we still talking for, huh? Why in hell can't she drop it? It is your life. But it's her life too. And you have a chance to get better here. And all she's asking you to do is try. If they pull this off, I'm totally calling Oprah. You two been working out? Sometimes I jog, and I try to take the stairs whenever possible. [Cristina] Why? See that large pile of tumor? You're going to be retracting it for the next 14 hours, so I'm just saying I hope you have strong backs. Dr. Shepherd. Yes? Mr. Levangie has agreed to DBS. If we do it today. If he leaves, he won't come back. Don't worry, Dr. Shepherd. It'll take hours before we get around to the spine. - I'll page you. - All right, then. Let's do it. Dr. Bailey. I didn't know that he was my boss, when I met him. I didn't know. - I don't care. - Really? Oh, well, you sort of seemed to not be talking to me, so I You see this, what's happening right here? This is the problem with you sleeping with my boss. Not whether or not you knew him before, but how it affects my day. And me standing here talking to you about your sex life affects my day. And the longer this little fling goes on, the more favors you get over the others, who are fighting tooth and nail just to make it through this program without any assistance. When those people start finding out what's going on and they don't want to work with you and talk to you or look at you, and they start *** and moaning at me, the more it affects my day. So, no, Dr. Grey, I don't care what you knew, or when you knew it. Are we understood? - Yes. - Good. [Alex] This sucks. I'm not a real fan of yours, either. Not you. This. Everyone is scrubbed in somewhere. Bright side, we have the run of the floor. Want to do it in the stairwell? I'm just saying you never know what could happen. [Vomiting] I'm changing. I'll page you if I need you. You do that. You are so my favorite person today. - [machine beeping] - [Doctors chattering] Begin more suction. We need to hang another bag of O-neg. Cauterizing the small bleeders to keep my visual field clean. God, is your back killing you? George, shut up. We're in here. [Man] Hold it right there. Mrs. Harper, let me show you these chest films. We were able to relieve the obstruction of his chest tube, so the buildup of fluid you see should resolve itself soon. Which translates as he should be home in no time. He was making waffles. I'm sorry? He was making waffles. He was mixing the batter, and and then, he was on the floor. Izzie, we need a central line run in 204. - Page Dr. Karev, will you? - He's not answering. [Sighs] I'm so sorry. I'll be back. [Pager beeping] Like what you see, right? [Woman] Neuro sponge. How you doing, Mr. Levangie? All right. Drill bit's charged. Where's blondie? I'm right here. Can't you see me? I'm shaky. I'm not blind. Anything goes wrong here, I'm blaming you. OK, in that case, I'll stay where you can see me. [Woman] We have to drill a hole and try to find the spot that controls the motor function. You can't see my brain from there. Aren't you supposed to be learning something? I'm good, right here. - [Woman] EEG waves look good. - OK, Mr. Levangie. Just take a couple deep breaths. - Focus on the pretty girl. - [Whirring] [Derek] This is going to sound really scary, but try and relax. You shouldn't feel a thing. - Any pain here? Here? - No. - OK. - [pager beeping] Dr. Stevens, I need you to check the x-ray in 2103. and Jane's wondering if you want her to start feeding 2112. I'm going on break. OK, yeah, before you do that, could you page Dr. Karev again? - I already paged him. - Again? - [man] Irrigation. - [woman] Little more pressure. Excuse me. How is it? [Man] Long and slow. I don't envy those two. They've been holding that thing for eight hours. Their arms have to be ready to fall off. [Burke] Look at the size of this artery. My God. It's as thick as a thumb. You ever seen a vessel this size? No. This thing's just feeding on all her blood. We need more O-negative. [Woman] I'll call the blood bank. [Clinking] [Burke] Damn it, O'Malley. You want me to kill this patient? No, I Sorry. I mean, is the art of retracting just too much for you? No, I was, uh Um I had an itch. Way to go, George. Nicely done. Just keep trying, Mr. Levangie. Mimic my motions. You can do it. You're doing great, Mr. Levangie. Just a little longer. Oh, damn it! Take a breath and try again. One more time, Mr. Levangie. The probe is almost in. You'll know it when we find the right spot. [Woman] Well, how about that? [Derek] There it is. I'll be a son of a ***. [Derek] Bailey was on the warpath. I was trying to protect you. You trying to protect me is why she's on the warpath. You can't ask me to scrub in, when I haven't earned it. OK, OK. You can't treat me like crap when I haven't earned that. I can take care of myself. I got myself into this mess, and I And you'll get yourself out? I don't know that yet. [Pager beeping] Don't let me keep you. You did great work here today. Dr. Shepherd. Yeah? Sorry I called you a ***. You didn't. I did. Twice. Tell you what, blondie. If you don't marry him, I will. [Pager beeping] [Pager beeping] No, no, no, Jimmy! No, no, Jimmy, no! - What we got? - Pressure plummeted to 64l22, and he has runs of V-tach that aren't perfusing. CVP is sky-high. - Give him dopamine, ten mikes. - He's maxed out. The resident was here an hour ago. I can't reach him. - Of course you can't. - Do something! What's the matter? - Get her out of here! - No, no! Mrs. Harper, you have to get out of here. Does he have a myocardial ischemia? No, it's a clot. Big one. - Page someone. - He'll be dead before they get here. You have to open him up, right here, right now. - You said he was OK! - Get out of here now! You have to cut. I can't. I've never seen it done. I could kill him. Do nothing, you'll kill him faster. - Your glove size? - Six. Oh, God. Oh, God. Take a breath, Dr. Stevens. She has to move over there. Walter, move out of the way. Cut the stitches and then the staples. Don't let them fall into the chest cavity. Wait. I've never cracked a chest before. Oh, God. Oh, God. No pulse. Wide complex rhythm. I can't get this clot out. I need more suction. I need more. He's bradying down. You have to get the clot out. I can't get it. Screw it. I'm using my hand. [Woman] Oh, God, look at the size of that clot. Anything? No. You have to massage the heart, doctor. Come on. Come on. Come on, please. Come on, Mr. Harper. We have a pulse. [Izzie panting] OK, follow with suction. [Shepherd] How's it going? It's more intertwined than the studies made it look. [Bailey] I need another bag. Call the blood bank. We need more O-negative. I'm down 10 units of blood, and I haven't even flipped her yet. Oh, wow. Hmm. Hold it steady. Look at that. Sponge. How am I supposed to get around that artery? Let me call down and see OK. All right, then. Forceps. Here you go. Excuse me. God, it's unbelievable. Right. How did she live like that? Watch what you say. You never know who's listening. [Laughing] Look at George. He looks like he's about to fall in. Are you really as shallow and callous as you seem? Oh, you want to go out for a drink later and hear about my secret pain? Does that line ever work for you? Sometimes. Oh. Must be because you look like that. Like what? [Chuckling] So is that a yes? No. I can't. I'm seeing someone. Look, if you don't want to go out with me, just say so. No need to lie. Oh, OK. Well, I don't want to go out with you. But I think I really might be seeing someone. [Woman] Yeah. No, it's up here. It's up here. It's up here. We're still in the middle of surgery. Mr. Harper, the post-op heart patient in 2114. I had to open his sternotomy bedside. - You what? - [All] What? What? He had cardiac tamponade. His chest films were clean this morning. It happened fast. He was in PEA. There was no time. Go ahead. I got it. We're OK here. Yeah, I need some retraction. - Pull back on the retractor. - I got it. You opened a heart bedside, and you couldn't even page me? Needed all the glory for yourself, right? I paged you 50 times. Do you have any idea what I have been through? Oh, man. The battery. I forgot to change it. You forgot? You forgot?! You are hateful! You are a hateful, hateful, lazy, arrogant, hateful man! Hateful! Never a dull moment here at Seattle Grace. - Oh! - Oh, my God. Get right in there. She can't afford to lose this much blood. Get me some suction. I can't see what I'm doing. Clamp, clamp, clamp, please. Is there any blood in the rapid infuser? We're waiting on two units. What do you mean, waiting? We didn't anticipate this blood loss. We prepped double. We've used it all. - What did you cut? - [Bailey] Nothing. It just blew. She came in with too much damage. The artery walls are too weak. Annie, come on. - Ten units of O-negative. - I cannot see. Give me your hand. Push down here. Pull it towards you. Suction! The pressure's dropping. Where the hell is the blood?! Somebody grab that. Push it back, George. Come on. [All panting] Oh, God. Just squeeze it off right there. Here we go. Is that O-negative for OR 1? Uh-huh, OR 1. OR 1, right? I got it! I got it! Some suction, please, in here, now. - [flatlining] - We're losing her now. Look at this. Come on. [Flatlining continues] Oh, come on! Come on! [Grunting] Come on! [Panting] [Monitor switches off] Time of death is 11:42. I got it! [- Butterfly Boucher: Never Leave Your Heart Alone] [Meredith] The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. Messy. I'm sorry. Don't be. You saved his life. [Meredith] He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still, sometimes, we have to see for ourselves. I'm not doing you any more favors. This was it. I've been holding up for the past 12 hours. My back's going to need traction, and the patient died anyways. And you think you did me a favor? Look, I'm just What is this that we're doing here? What is it? You need a definition? You really want to be that guy? [Meredith] We have to make our own mistakes. Lock the door. We have to learn our own lessons. Have you seen Meredith? Save yourself the misery, man. She's off the market. What? No, that's not We're just friends. Whatever. But she's not. I mean, if she was seeing someone, I live with her, I would know it. [Meredith] We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering. That waking is better than sleeping. I, um, know this place where there's an amazing view of sunrise over the ferryboats. I have a thing for ferryboats. I remember. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.