Cgr Undertow - The raven - Legacy of a master thief - Chapter 1 - The eye of the sphinx review for ps3

Boy, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m captivated. I’m telling you. I could listen to these two talk about whatever it is they’re talking about for hours. And that’s what’s great about this game. You get to do exactly that. You get to listen to people talk. Literally for hours. Holy sh*t, this is boring. It’s The Raven: Legacy of a Master Thief—Chapter One: The Eye of the Sphinx. Argh, even the title’s boring! So this is supposed to be a point-and-click adventure. I’m not sure I’d go that far. You never really point at anything, and to call this an adventure when you spend 20 minutes talking to an old lady, that takes balls. Either that or a low bar for what you consider adventurous. I’d like to spend a Saturday night with you, you party animal. We might not get back until…10 PM. Better call mom ahead of time. We’re going to get nuts. No, what this really is…is a game about talking. It’s a f*cking eavesdropping simulator. You do have to solve puzzles and figure out clues…but that stuff’s actually just a fraction of the overall experience. You spend much, much more time just…listening to people talk. But hey, sounds like that could be something, right? If there’s a cool mystery with a fun character. Yeah, you play as balding middle-aged white guy, so. Freaking “Mean Gene” Oakerland, but without the personality. This is so boring! Actually, his name’s Anton Zellner. He’s a constable. Which is foreign talk for policeman. So there’s been this mysterious robbery of some priceless artifact, and as you’d expect…Zellner jumps into action. By…finding a stolen purse. And talking to children. Why am I…what do children know about anything? Guy’s the worst constable I’ve ever seen. At least “Mean Gene” was funny. This guy’s going on and on about butterscotch candy. Know who eats butterscotch candy? Boring old people. Alright. Let’s…let’s reset here. Let’s get back to basics. Story-driven point-and-click, with a whodunnit mystery. Okay. And on the plus side, there are some nice looking locations in this game. The character models are kind of ugly, but not the environments. So that’s a positive. Actually, the puzzles aren’t bad, either. I mean, they’re straightforward, but…I think I was enjoying them. Then again, I would’ve enjoyed anything, over more talking. I think there are really two problems with this game. One…it’s really boring. But there’s also some issues with the gameplay. To the extent that there is any. Just walking is a chore in this game. Zellner walks like he’s 50 years older than he looks. He’s slow, he gets…stuck in the walls, sometimes. So just moving around is clunky in this thing, which makes things even slower. And with all the dialogue and loading screens…things are already really slow. This game progresses with all the speed and excitement of a leaky faucet. And you know, a game this story-driven should really make an impact with its story. But this game…it’s like, when something important actually happens, it’s not even exciting. It just falls flat. I don’t know if that’s the character, or the voice acting…but I mean, the guy’s stuck on a runaway train that’s about to explode, and he’s walking and talking like he was before. There’s no sense of urgency or drama here, at all. There is cool music, though. And the intro theme sounds like Are You Afraid of the Dark? But fortunately, this is just chapter one, so…maybe it gets better from here. More exciting. Maybe we’re just getting the formalities out the way with this one. We’ll find out later. For now, let’s just say…there are more exciting adventures than Chapter One of The Raven. A game for inhumanly patient gamers. And people who like butterscotch.