Taking Care of Yourself While Being a Cancer Caregiver

{\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\cocoartf1038\cocoasubrtf360 {\fonttbl\f0\fswiss\fcharset0 Helvetica;} {\colortbl;\red255\green255\blue255;} \margl1440\margr1440\vieww15940\viewh10060\viewkind0 \pard\tx720\tx1440\tx2160\tx2880\tx3600\tx4320\tx5040\tx5760\tx6480\tx7200\tx7920\tx8640\ql\qnatural\pardirnatural \f0\fs24 \cf0 My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer, metastatic lung cancer, when he was 40. And at the time, we had small children. And so, he was treated for a year. He was on a clinical trial. And so, he passed away after a year, but during that time, he was in treatment the entire time. A big thing for me and for other people I've talked with is, you have this huge sense of responsibility. This person who you love so much is so sick and going through these treatments that you know are life or death. And cancer really is a family disease. And so, you know, you're trying to take care of them, and in my case, I was working and taking care of my children. There's just so much responsibility on you. You don't have to be perfect. You just want to be a good enough caregiver. And so, at the end of the day, did your person that you're caring for, you know, did they get what they needed? And the same thing with my children. And then another really big thing is, everybody says this and you have to make an effort to do it, but you really, really do have to take care of yourself. I cannot stress that enough. I know from being a caregiver that you come at the end of the thing because you have all this other going on, and you know, people tell you, you know, to get rest and exercise and eat, you know, properly. And, you know, all those kinds of things. I would say out of those rest is the most important. It's just fundamental. Being able to go out and walk was a big stress reliever for me. But to be able to do that, at the end, I needed to have, you know like, friends come and sit with him or my mom or something because he needed to have someone there. But, you know, even if I got out for 15 minutes, that was very helpful. And then also for me, journaling was just a lifesaver because I would have, I would just have, all these feelings. And you know, I was grieving, and you know, I was worrying about my children. Were they getting what they needed? Of course, I was worrying about him. I was dealing a lot with, you know people put a lot of, "Well you should do this, and why aren't you doing that or that kind of thing." That kind of help me process all of that. It really helped me process his progression as he went along because when he was diagnosed he was terminal. And he had a really good response to his clinical trial, but he was still really, super sick. And so, being able to write all of that down. The other thing was, you know, like in the middle of the night, I would wake up. People would always say call me whenever you needed to talk or whatever, but you can't call people in the middle of the night. And so to be able to then get out my journal, that was really helpful. And then, after he passed away, I went back and I read those journals and I thought "My gosh! You know, I really was strong. I really was doing OK." And then I was also happy to have that record of what a lot of that was like that I could share with my kids some. And I also cried a lot\'97not around him or not around my kids because he just he was very determined that he was going to live. He really wanted, of course, to live for the kids. And I think the why reason he lived as long as he did was because he was that way, and it was really disturbing to him to see me upset. But, you know, I was grieving, and so when I was driving to work, because it took me 30 minutes to drive to work, that's when I cried. So I'm a big believer in you've got to let those emotions out. Also we would schedule his inpatient chemos. they had a support group up on floor here at Vanderbilt, and we would schedule his chemos, because he had to spend the night, so that I would be able attend the support group while he was, you know, in there for treatment and safe and being watched and all that kind of thing. Gilda's Club didn't exist at that time. So, that was real, real helpful to me. You know not everybody is a support group person. You know, if you're a more introverted person or whatever, that may not be your thing, but for me, that was very, very helpful. }