Relationship Reboot - Celebrating valentine's day every day

ON VALENTINE'S DAY, THE HEART-SHAPED BOXES OF CHOCOLATE, THE FLOWERS, MUSHY CARDS, I LOVE IT. IT IS BEAUTIFUL. OUR RELATIONSHIP GURUS ARE HERE AND THINK EVERY DAY SHOULD BE VALENTINE'S DAY, A CHANCE FOR WORKING ON RELATIONSHIPS. I JUST THREW UP IN MY MOUTH A LITTLE BIT. OF COURSE EVERY DAY SHOULD BE VALENTINE'S DAY. WE DRESSED FOR THE OCCASION THIS WEEK. YES, WE DID. THERE IS STUDY YOU HAVE BEEN TAKING A LOOK AT THAT TALKS ABOUT THE QUALITY OF OUR RELATIONSHIPS AND THAT YOUR HEART IN LOVE RELATES TO YOUR HEART AS FAR AS HEALTH, AS A MUSCLE. AMAZING. YEAH, ABSOLUTELY. ONE OF THE-- THE LONGEST STUDY OF ADULT DEVELOPMENT STARTED IN 1938 AND IT TRACKED OVER 700 MEN AND NOW THERE IS WHAT? 60 LEFT. IN THEIR 90s. WOW, THAT IS REALLY LONG. IT IS. AND IT IS FASCINATING BECAUSE WE HAVE NO OTHER EVIDENCE LIKE THIS. THE EVIDENCE IS SO CONCLUSIVE THAT HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, SATISFYING, GOOD FOR YOUR PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH. NOW WE HAVE THE BEST EVIDENCE, TRACKED OVER 75 YEARS. IS IT JUST YOUR HEART? NO DIFFERENT PHYSIOLOGICAL MEASURES, THEY GO EVERY 2 YEARS AND DO ALL THESE CHECK OUTS. THERE ARE WOMEN, IT STARTED OUT ON MEN, WHICH IS KEEND OF INTERESTING-- KIND OF INTERESTING WHEN YOU THINK OF THE STEREOTYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS MORE IMPORTANT FOR WOMEN BUT THIS IS A STUDY THAT STARTED OUT COMPLETELY MEN. TO HAVE THIS FINDING COME OUT STRONGLY IS INTERESTING. THIS GOES TO THE IDEA A LOT OF US GO TO THE GYM TO TAKE CARE OF US PHYSICALLY AND YOU WORK ON YOUR BODY AND YOUR HEALTH. BUT THIS GOES TO SAY THAT FROM AN EMOTIONAL STANDPOINT, PUTTING THAT TIME IN AND WORKING ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP DOES PAY OFF. ABSOLUTELY. THESE RESEARCHERS WERE ABLE TO PREDICT AT AGE 50 THOSE PEOPLE THAT HAD THE MOST SATISFYING RELATIONSHIPS WERE THE HEALTHIEST AT AGE 80. HAVING WARM, LOVING RELATIONSHIPS, IT DOESN'T JUST HAVE TO BE SPOUSAL RELATIONSHIPS, IT CAN BE FAMILY, FRIENDS, NEIGHBORS, THEY ARE PROTECTIVE AND LOWER YOUR STRESS HORMONES AND BOOST YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM. THAT IS HOW IT MAKES SENSE, I HAVE TROUBLE THINKING IF YOU ARE IN A GOOD RELATIONSHIP, YOU HAVE GOOD HEALTH. WE KNOW WHAT STRESS DOES TO YOUR BODY, SO THAT IS WHAT IT MEANS TO ME. NICE FLIP. SOMETHING ALSO INTERESTING IS IT IS NOT JUST HIGH CONFLICT RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE *** YOUR HEALTH, IT IS LOW AFFECTION, WHEN PEOPLE ARE REALLY DISENGAGED, WE KNOW THAT FROM THE MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE LITERATURES THAT WHEN PEOPLE COME AND SEE A COUPLE'S THERAPIST AND ARE DISENGAGED AND DON'T CARE WHEN APATHY SET IN, THIS IS THE MOST DIFFICULT TIME AND PREDICTIVE TIME OF COMING DIVORCE. APATHY. YOU CAN BE LONELY IN YOUR MARRIAGE. SO WHEN YOU ARE IN A LOW AFFECTION MARRIAGE WHERE, YOU ARE SORT OF LIVING SIDE PIE SIDE, WE ARE KNOWING THAT HAS REALLY NEGATIVE EFFECTS, NOT JUST ON YOUR EMOTIONAL HEALTH, BUT PHYSICAL HEALTH. BECAUSE WE ARE AFFECTIONATE BEINGS. WE NEED THESE WARM, LOVING, SOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS. IF YOU ARE STARTING TO SEE A LITTLE APATHY SET IN, WHAT OTHER SIGNS-- WHAT ARE THE SIGNS EARLY ON WHERE YOU DON'T GET TO THAT POINT? YOU START AVOIDING HAVING THE DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS, WHEN CONFLICT COME UP, YOU DO STONE WALLING, LIKE, I WILL PROTECT MYSELF FROM THIS FEELING OF STRESS, I AM NOT GOING TO ENGAGE. THAT IS AN EARLY WARNING SIGN. CRITICISM, DEFENSIVENESS, THE 4 HORSEMAN OF THE APOCALYPSE. THE IMPORTANT THING IS TO BE INTENTIONAL ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS AND UNDERSTAND THAT THE WORK YOU PUT IN, YOU WILL GET OUT. THAT IS THE THING THAT IS HARD SOMETIMES BECAUSE WE THINK SOMEHOW THAT RELATIONSHIPS SORT OF MOTOR ALONG BY THEMSELVES. THEY DON'T. LOTS OF OTHER THINGS COME IN, IN-LAW'S, KIDS, JOB CHANGE'S AND UP'S AND DOWN'S OF LIFE AND THAT IS WHY WE HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION TO OUR RELATIONSHIPS. IT IS PROTECTIVE OF EACH OTHER AND OUR HEALTH. THAT IS WHY WE SAY EVERY DAY SHOULD BE VALENTINE'S DAY. CHEESY. SO CHEESY, BUT IT IS SCIENCE. IT IS THE BEST SCIENCE OUT THERE. THE BEST PART OF VALENTINE'S DAY, THE LOVE, NOT NECESSARILY-- YOU DON'T HAVE TO-- YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEND $400. I WAS WATCHING THE EARLIER SEGMENT. I WAS LIKE, NO, JUST BE INTENTIONAL ABOUT EXPRESSING YOUR AFFECTION.