Dream Reamer

>> ♪ WELL, THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE COLLEGE ON THE EDGE OF THE TOWN ♪ ♪ NO ONE SHOULD EVER GO THERE ♪ ♪ YOU KNOW IT'S BAD, BAD, BAD ♪ ♪ IT GETS WORSE EVERY SCHOOL YEAR ♪ ♪ BUT, MAN, THE FREAKIN' TEACHERS ARE RAD ♪ ♪ YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH ♪ >> Baby Cakes: [ BEAT-BOXING ] >> WHY CAN'T I REPRESENT THE HISTORY DEPARTMENT AT OKTOBERFEST? >> Frank: OH, I WISH I COULD, TOO, BUT STEVE IS CONSIDERABLY COOLER THAN US. >> RUBBISH. ALL HE DOES IS SNIP THEM PLANTS INTO CONES NOW. >> Steve: [ Chuckling ] SAMMY, I HAVE HAD A FEW BOOKS PUBLISHED. >> Baby Cakes: AND I HAVE [BLEEP] A FEW DRAGONS. >> I HEAR DRAGONS SCREW REALLY WELL, ACTUALLY. >> Baby Cakes: WELL, YOU HEARD RIGHT, LADY. >> BUT A DRAGON GOT NOTHING ON SOME OF THE PROFESSORIAL *** AROUND HERE. >> Frank: HEY! I SAID NO, YOU PILE. >> Pony: [ MOANS ] >> Frank: OH, OUR T.A. FINALLY SHOWS UP, HUNG OVER AND UGLY. >> Steve: [ Chuckling ] OH, YOU WENT TO THAT PARTY, RIGHT? >> Pony: [ SCOFFS ] I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. >> Frank: I BET SHE GOT REALLY DRUNK AND JUST RUINED SOME BOY'S NIGHT. >> Pony: LOOK, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE IMPLYING. >> Frank: WHOA! I WAS JUST MESSING WITH YOU. >> Baby Cakes: HEY, PONY, HOLD YOUR ARM OUT AND I'LL BLOCK IT. >> Pony: UH, NO. NO, BABY CAKES, STOP. >> Baby Cakes: WHAT? IT'S THE WARRIOR'S CODE. YOU GOT TO DO IT IF ANOTHER WARRIOR ASKS YOU TO. >> Pony: OKAY, BABY CAKES, I AM NOT A WARRIOR. NEITHER ARE YOU. THIS IS THE REAL WORLD. GROW UP. >> Baby Cakes: [ CHUCKLES ] I CAN SLAY YOU. >> Pony: LOOK, I'M SORRY, BUT WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO FIND SOME OTHER FRIENDS AND MAKE THEM FAKE ATTACK YOU? >> Baby Cakes: MY ONLY OTHER FRIEND IS A VILLAIN. >> Frank: YOU SHOULD JUST GET ON FACEBOOK. >> Steve: NO, HE SHOULDN'T. EVER SINCE I GAVE UP FACEBOOK, MY LIFE HAS BEEN AWESOME. >> Frank: [ Chuckling ] OH, I LOVE IT. I MAKE ALL MY STUDENTS FRIEND ME AT THE BEGINNING OF EVERY SEMESTER, AND THEN I JUST HIDE ALL THE GUYS. >> OH, I HIDE EVERYONE. WHY DOES EVERY HUMAN HAVE A BAND? >> Frank: ON FACEBOOK, I CAN TAKE LONG, DEEP LOOKS AT PEOPLE. [ SIGHS ] AND IT'S OKAY. >> Steve: [ CHUCKLES ] FACEBOOK JUST DIGS UP [BLEEP] IN YOUR PAST THAT YOU'D RATHER NOT CHAT WITH. >> Pony: NO, NO. I THINK IT WOULD HELP HIM BRANCH OUT. WHAT DO YOU SAY? >> Baby Cakes: [ CHUCKLES ] I CAN SLAY YOU. >> SO, FRIEND EVERYONE YOU KNOW. THEN, FIND OLD FRIENDS, EVEN OLD ENEMIES, SO YOU CAN BURY THE HATCHET. >> Baby Cakes: HEY, DID YOU FIND MOM ON FACEBOOK AND BURY A HATCHET IN HER? >> [ LAUGHS ] AH, YOU SWEET BOY. NO. GOD, NO! >> Baby Cakes: OH, COOL. IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU! [ CHUCKLES ] I KNOW YOU. [ LAUGHS ] I'VE GOT FRIENDS. THE DREAM REAMER, MY EX-IMAGINARY FRIEND! >> FIND OLD ENEMIES. BURY THE HATCHET. >> Baby Cakes: [BLEEP] DAD. [ BEAT-BOXING ] >> [ Rapping ] ♪ BABY CAKES ♪ ♪ CAKES, CAKES ♪ ♪ BABY CAKES ♪ ♪ BABY, BABY CAKES ♪ >> Baby Cakes: ♪ BABY CAKES IS A KILLER ♪ ♪ THRILLER, KILLZILLA ♪ ♪ IF YOU WONDER IF HE'S GONNA TELL YOURSELF ♪ ♪ HE FREAKING WILL-A ♪ ♪ WITH THE UN ♪ ♪ THE UN, THE UN, THE UN ♪ ♪ AND THAT'S THE WAY YOUR LIFE WILL GET DONE ♪ ♪ BECAUSE I'M BABY, BABY CAKES ♪ ♪ CAKES, CAKES, BABY CAKES ♪ ♪ I AM A WARRIOR ♪ ♪ I AM THE BEST ♪ ♪ MY CHEST IS BLESSED ♪ ♪ I AM UNKILLABLE ♪ ♪ I'LL EAT A TREE, A HOUSE ♪ ♪ I AM UNFILLABLE ♪ ♪ AND IF YOU WANT TO DIE, WELL, I SUGGEST THAT YOU STEP ♪ ♪ BECAUSE THE WARRIOR IS MASSIVELY PREPPED ♪ NOOOOO! DREAM REAMER, SHOW YOURSELF! WHY DID YOU SUMMON ME? >> [ LAUGHS ] HELLO, YOU ***. LONG TIME, NO SEE. >> Baby Cakes: LOOK, I KNOW I HURT YOU WHEN I DUMPED YOU, BUT MY DAD SAID I NEEDED REAL FRIENDS, MAN. >> REAL FRIENDS ARE FOR CLERKS AND IDIOTS. >> Baby Cakes: REAMER, I WANT TO BURY HATCHET. >> [BLEEP] YOU! WE ONCE RULED THIS DREAM WORLD TOGETHER. WE SANG, WE LAUGHED, BUT YOU HAD TO MAKE THOSE REAL FRIENDS. WELL, NOW I HAVE A NEW MAGICAL WEAPON. BEHOLD! >> Baby Cakes: OH [BLEEP]! NOOOOO! >> OH, YES. NOW WITH FACEBOOK, I CAN [BLEEP] WITH YOUR REAL FRIENDS' REALITY ALL DAY LONG. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU STOP CHILLING WITH THE DREAM REAMER. [ GROWLS ] [ LAUGHS ] >> Baby Cakes: NOOOOO! HEY, IF YOU SEE MY OLD FRIEND, WHO IS LIKE A DOG-FACED ***, DON'T TALK TO HIM. >> Frank: [ Chuckling ] HOLD ON. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THE DREAM REAMER? >> I JUST ACCEPTED HIS FRIEND REQUEST. WE ALL DID. >> Pony: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US THAT YOU HAD ANOTHER FRIEND? THIS REAMER GUY IS REALLY FUN. >> Baby Cakes: WHAT? NO! HE'S A ***. HE USED TO REAM DREAMS, AND NOW HE'S GOT FACEBOOK SO HE CAN RUIN YOUR REALITY. I MEAN, HE'LL SHOW UP AND NO ONE CAN SEE HIM. HE'S POWERFUL! [ ALL LAUGH ] >> Dean: GIVE IT UP FOR THE DEPARTMENT REPRESENTATIVES! UP NEXT, WE GOT A RAW PUMPKIN-EATING COMPETITION! [ WHISTLE BLOWS ] >> WHAT UP, BABE OF CAKES? WANT TO GET NUTS? >> Baby Cakes: NO. >> ARE THOSE YOUR FRIENDS? THEY LOOK [BLEEP] STUPID. >> Baby Cakes: UNH-UNH! THEY LOOK COOL! [ GRUNTS ] [ MOANS ] [BLEEP] REAMER! TAKE THAT! [ GROANS ] OH [BLEEP] [ MOANS ] >> CHARLIE 16, CALL THE INSANITY DEPARTMENT. THE CAKES KID IS GOING APE CRAP AGAIN. [ CRICKETS CHIRP ] >> Pony: HMM. [ CHUCKLES ] YOU'RE CUTE. OH, MY GOD, NO! OKAY. WHO TAPED THIS? [ MOANING ] >> [ SCREAMS ] >> Pony: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! OH, MY GOD, NO! WHO IS -- [ SCREAMS ] YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD SOMEONE, PONY. I KNOW, BUT I WAS SO DRUNK I THOUGHT I IMAGINED IT. WELL, YOU DIDN'T. OKAY, IF THEY SUSPECTED ME, THEY WOULD HAVE COME A-KNOCKIN', RIGHT? HOW DID THE DREAM REAMER GET THIS EVEN? >> HE KEEPS TALKING ABOUT SOME IMAGINARY...FRIEND FROM HIS PAST. I-I DON'T KNOW. >> THEN WE SHOULD ENCOURAGE HIM TO CONFRONT THAT PAST. YOU CAN BE HONEST WITH US, BABY CAKES. >> Baby Cakes: WELL, THEN, YOU SMELL TOUGH. AND THAT GIRL'S A GHOULIE. AND THAT GUY I'M PRETTY SURE IS A RIVER GREMLIN. >> THAT'S NOT REALLY WHAT I MEANT. >> Baby Cakes: I'M *** NOW! YOU'RE FATTER THAN YOU THINK, AND YOU COULD BE SEXY. >> WE NEED TO KEEP HIM HERE. HE'S CLEARLY INSANE, BECAUSE I AM SEXY. >> Pony: [ GROANING ] [ SCREAMS ] [ GASPS ] WHAT THE -- OH, MY GOD! [ GRUNTS ] OKAY, PONY. JUST HIDE IT, GRADUATE, AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS TERRIBLE TOWN. BUT THEY STILL GOT TO BE LOOKING FOR HIM, YOU IDIOT. UNLESS THEY NEVER FIND HIM. [ SIGHS ] >> Steve: YOU SEE, WITHOUT FACEBOOK, YOU CAN LIVE A LIFE FREE FROM OBSESSION. >> Pony: MM-HMM. >> Frank: HEY, YOU KNOW MY EX-GIRLFRIEND THAT TOOK NAKED PICTURES OF ME? WELL, IT TURNS OUT SHE'S THE DAMN DREAM REAMER'S FACEBOOK FRIEND. >> Steve: SO? >> Frank: SO, SHE SAID THAT THE DREAM REAMER BOUGHT MY *** PICS! WHICH ARE TOTALLY AWESOME. >> Steve: BULL DOG, WHO CARES? >> Pony: NO, NO. I CARE. WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? >> Frank: WHY WOULDN'T HE? THAT'S NOT THE POINT. I JUST NEED THEM FOR MY PORTFOLIO. [ BEEPING ] [ GASPS ] WHAT? OH, NO. >> MY BALLET COACH WANTS ME TO DANCE? [ CRIES ] >> Dean: BUT I THOUGHT WHAT HAPPENED IN NAM STAYED IN NAM. [BLEEP] YOU, FACEBOOK. >> Pony: WE HAVE GOT TO STOP THIS DREAM REAMER GUY. [ RINGTONE PLAYS ] >> Frank: OH, YOU ARE SO RIGHT. AND FOR THAT, WE NEED BABY CAKES. >> Steve: HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT? >> OH, THIS BAT'S HAVING A LASAGNA PARTY FOR MY BRAIN PAN. THESE TOENAILS ITCH ME. >> Frank: [ Southern accent ] NOW, YOU GOT TO TAKE MY MOM SO I CAN FINISH MY NOVEL. EVERYONE WANTS TO READ IT, BUT SHE WON'T LET ME WORK. >> YOUR MOTHER CAN'T BE ADMITTED JUST BECAUSE YOU NEED TO WRITE A BOOK. >> Frank: WELL, FINE, BUT WHEN I KILL HER OUT OF FRUSTRATION, HER BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS, FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE. >> Steve: [ As Baby Cakes ] WHAT'S UP, LADY? COULD I GET A BUCKET OF NUGS? >> Frank: I WANT MY NUDEY PICS. HOW DO WE FIND YOUR DREAM REAMER FRIEND, YOU HEAP? >> Pony: FRANK! OKAY, BABY CAKES, I'M ENACTING THE WARRIOR'S CODE. CAN YOU VANQUISH THE DREAM REAMER? >> Baby Cakes: ALL I CAN DO IS TRY, ***. BUT YOU GOT TO DO EXACTLY WHAT I SAY. OKAY. IN THE DREAM WORLD, WE WILL BECOME WHO WE WISH WE WERE. BUT WE GOT TO SLEEP ON THE FLOOR WITH OUR HEADS TOUCHING. >> NO, SIR. I DO NOT SLEEP ON FLOORS! >> Baby Cakes: SWEET DREAMS, EVERYBODY. FRANK? >> Frank: WHAT? LET'S DO THIS. >> Baby Cakes: BEHOLD. CASTLE REAMER! [ CHATTERING ] DREAM REAMER! IT IS I, MAN CAKES. WILL YOU YIELD? >> All: OH! >> [ LAUGHS ] >> All: [ Chanting ] FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! >> [ LAUGHS ] >> Baby Cakes: [ Rapping ] ♪ THE WARRIOR IS BACK ♪ ♪ IN THE UNDIES AND BOOTS ♪ ♪ HE'S GONNA STOMP AND GONNA ROMP AND GIVE THE REAMER THE BLUES ♪ >> ♪ NOT SO FAST, YOU FREAKING FATTY WITH YOUR GLEAMING NAKED TATTIES ♪ ♪ I CAN TAKE APART YOUR STUPID MIND WITH MORE ASSAULT AND BATTERY ♪ >> Baby Cakes: ♪ WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE DOOKIE ♪ ♪ YOU GOT DOOKIE FOR A HEAD ♪ ♪ YOU FREAKING DOOKIE, DOOKIE, DOOKIE ♪ >> ♪ YOU'RE A STUPID DRUNKEN DOO-DOO WITH A POO-POO FOR BRAINS ♪ ♪ YOU LIKE TO TAKE A PIECE OF DOO-DOO FOR A WALK IN THE RAIN ♪ >> Baby Cakes: ♪ I DO BESEECH THE FREAKING REAMER WITH THE WARRIOR CODE ♪ ♪ HOLD OUT YOUR ARM FOR ME TO HARM ♪ ♪ YOU GOT TO DO IT, YOU KNOW ♪ >> NO! IT'S THE WARRIOR'S CODE! I MUST COMPLY. >> Baby Cakes: EXCELSIOR! WAKE UP NOW! >> All: [ GROAN ] >> WHAT TIME IS IT? >> Frank: OH, I KNEW IT WOULDN'T WORK. WAKE UP! >> GET OFF OF ME! >> Pony: OH, MY GOD. IT'S HIM! FRANK, YOUR PICTURES MUST HAVE BEEN IN THE REAMER'S POCKET. AND...YOU MUST HAVE DYED YOUR *** HAIR PINK. >> Frank: IT WAS VALENTINE'S DAY! >> YES, CHECK OUT FRANKIE'S PANKY! >> Frank: NO, NO! WHY DID HE PRINT THEM OUT? WHO DOES THAT? [ GROANING ] >> [ GROANS ] >> Baby Cakes: DAD! BRING ME A HATCHET! I'M CONFRONTING MY PAST! >> OH, SON. IT'S OKAY. JUST LET THE PAST GO. >> Baby Cakes: MM, IF YOU SAY SO. >> WELL PLAYED, BABE OF CAKES. BUT NOW THAT I'M IN YOUR WORLD, I'M GOING TO -- [ GASPS ] >> Baby Cakes: I DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF WHAT HAPPENED. EVER. SOME PEOPLE SAY THEY KNOW STUFF. A LOT OF PEOPLE FIGURE THINGS OUT. BUT ME, I'M NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE. I'M BABY CAKES.