Stephen Strasburg Ceremoniously Re-Injures Arm On Opening Day

Welcome back to the GOOMF if you just are now tuning in you are an idiot while neither Doc nor I have been shot yet that is only because there hasn't been a gun pointed at our heads until now. I feel like I have nothing to lose just give me the gun. This has gone to your head. The nationals officially got baseball season underway with an awe inspiring opening date ceremony featuring hurler Stephen Strasburg blowing out his arm. His first pitch was 102 mile hour fastball that is split his limb in half and let this arm hanging limply off the joint like a— Nothing better than seeing a young superstar rip his body apart to signal the arrival of America's mandatory pass time. Your as dumb as my dog Teddy, Kenny. Strasburg is nowhere near as good as Dwight Gooden destroying his career. Careful Doc, Lou slipped mp clips when the NBA season heading into the home stretch the latest worst teams are battling it out for the right to draft NCAA champion Kentucky with a first pick. Kentucky is a one in a lifetime draft choice. They have never combined wingspan of 118 feet and collective basketball IQ of 7.93. After missing several games with a torn meniscus Knicks fenom Jeremy Lin took New York's Beth Israel Medical Center by storm when he died in surgery on his first day in a gown. Lin is the ultimate New York sports hero. Flashy, tempered, just a bit ethnic. Ultimately I am able to say things bad season and dead. You don't expect an early death like that from a Harvard kid. Speaking of things nobody saw it coming. NBA forward Terrence Thomas inspired dozens of Charlotte area fans yesterday by becoming the first Bobcat to dunk a basketball. What a remarkable story for all those players over there whose names I don't know and I refuse to learn. I think any sportscaster who doesn't know any Bobcats players should be shot. Also you should know this group includes me. And yet still more *** basketball Tim Duncan credited his 50.23 rebound performance to the huge amount of refined sugar in the 3 bowls of Capn' Crunch he consumed before last nights game. It has been free throw attempts. He ran around with his arms like half playing saying nonsense songs and asking if there was any Capn' Crunch left. That stuff is even better than having a gun to your head right doc. You know what? What? *** the gun and *** the network and you know what else? What? I don't want to yell much ones anymore this is no way for a man to live. Doc you are talking like a man with a death wish and you have my extra set of house keys so knock it off. I am sorry Kenny. I have to think for myself. [Gunshot] Was that a gu— ? Doc? Doc, nooo! [Gunshot]