Dealing with Awkward Office Situations - Bad girl guides

"How To Stop Your Boss Leching On You." If you are a woman and you have a male boss, chances are - he fancies you. Fine if your job's PA to George Clooney, but if he's a sweaty 50-something, wearing an off-white shirt with yellow sweat stains under the arms, you've got a problem.   So it's only prudent you have some tricks up your sleeve to neutralise his *** water-cooler come-ons. Try these on a Monday, and he won't come near you by Friday. Guaranteed. "The Flirty Email." It starts with him casually adding a 'X' to his sign-off, and before you know it while asking for photocopies he's asking you for a "special extra one - just for me". Eugh. So next time a group email goes round about 'limiting paper intake', send him a direct reply along the lines of: "Oh dear, I think my intake is a lot higher than the other girls in the office". He won't be able to resist making a tired, old pun on "intake" probably crow-barring in some kind of gag about you opening your throat. If he does, hit "reply all". Now his clumsy advances are out there in the open for all to see and - like everyone else in the office - he'll get the message. "The Deflection." Here's an easy one: convince the new temp that she "should definitely wear more mini-skirts and short shorts". Tell her if you had legs as good as hers, you'd get them out all the time. "It's not slutty at all - own it girlfriend!" So long as your skirt is always a smidge longer than hers, your boss's pin-stripped pick-up lines will be forever directed at her. It's foolproof! Here's a tip: If you don't have a female co-worker, then just start turning up in an old boiler suit - it has basically the same effect, but hopefully it won't get to that. "The Double-Bluff." Most boss-based leching is painfully under-committed, so try shock therapy. Next time he calls you into his office for a "private meeting", test his testosterone by slamming the door shut, sweeping everything off his desk and shouting: "Right here Big Boy! I am TOTALLY up for it!" Watch him squirm as he runs for the hills (and possibly to his wife, who knows the truth about his *** competence anyway). Another tip: Have a stapler on stand-by. If by any chance he does have the balls to go for it, then wait till he drops his kecks and staple his tie to the desk then invite all your colleagues into the office; point and laugh. "The Christmas Party." This is a classic move. Two plastic cups of red wine down, and with his tie round his head, your boss decides to crowd you into a corner with a sprig of plastic mistletoe that he made you go out and buy. Short of kneeing him in the baubles, there's no easy way out of it, so better to let him in for the kiss while holding your eggnog up, then "accidentally" pour the lot down his novelty tie. Total mood killer. Now go get some mouthwash. "The Silver Bullet." If things have really escalated and your boss is actually trying to jump you, tell him you're into it, but only if it's a threesome with the new hot intern. Tell him you'll ask her, and arrange to meet him at your place. Then be sat there with his wife. She needs to know. Worth noting that this one will probably actually will get you fired. Worth it though, for the look on his face! Which you should totally photograph and post on facebook.