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Previously on The Riches
- I'm sorry.
- You wanna pretend to be the dead guy?
You want to wear his suits,
and you want me to be his dead wife?
Do you really think dad has a plan?
He stole the money, ma lost the money,
and now we're here
in a dead guy's house.
How'd you get in the front gate?
We live here.
Come and meet our new neighbors.
Hi, Nina.
Can I come in?
- Well, sure, honey.
- Doug Rich
was a securities lawyer,
whatever that is.
This is not my specialty.
I'm a securities lawyer.
With your experience,
it should be a piece of cake.
Doug is a republican,
his best friend is Pete.
Pete's a mortgage broker from Dallas.
He's e-mailed twice about a golf trip.
Why are we gettin' a bill
from Mountain View Nursing Home
- for $4,700 a month?
- It's must be where Cherien's mother is
Come on, ma.
We're getting out of here.
It's Cherien's mom.
She likes it here.
Can you not read the sign?
I've already availed my services
to some of your neighbors,
Y-your backdoor neighbor.
- Doug Rich?
- That's his name?
So Doug Rich, he really
screwed you over on that paint.
He can suck *** in hell for all I care.
Hugh's not back yet.
What do you mean, he's not back yet?
W-Where is he? What's he doing?
- Hugh, where are you?
- Somewhere in the desert, I'm guessin'.
As of this moment,
I am in control here.
***!
Yeah, I just got an e-mail from,
uh, Pete.
You remember him.
Yeah, he wants to come
visit his friend Doug.
- When did he e-mail?
- Who e-mailed?
- Pete.
- Pete who?
Pete, Doug's best friend,
best man at our wedding?
- Oh, that Pete.
- Wants to come visit.
Look, e-mail him back
that both Cherien and I have
the flu.
No, make it bubonic plague.
Bubonic plague?
Well, he's unlikely to come over
if we got bubonic plague.
You know what, that's dumb, honey.
Say it's hepatitis.
Hepatis, and tell him
it's more contagious than mono.
- You're late.
- No, I'm not.
- It's 10:30.
- It's only a couple of hours.
- Well, he's back.
- Hugh?
Whoa, five days gone,
and he waltzes in with no warning?
Yep, and he does not waltz in alone.
Doug
great to see you.
Cherien
great to see you.
Where the hell have you been?
Aubrey, could you
please give us a minute?
Thank you.
I need a break.
I really did after
that dinner party of yours.
Got a little wild there,
but I feel good now.
- I feel real good.
- Obviously.
Hugh, five days, we were worried.
Oh, no, there's no need for that.
Old Hugh's not
fallin' down any rabbit hole.
No, I went to Taos,
did some spirit ***.
Some of that sweat lodge, naked men,
banging on drums thing.
Cleaned myself right up.
And there you met a
Gymnast.
That's GeeGee, and she's a dancer.
After Taos,
I felt so clean, uh
And kinda gay.
Kind of freaked me out,
went right to Vegas.
A miracle happened.
I fell in love.
I really fell in love.
And, in part, because of the
inspirational nature
of your relationship
I married her.
Oh, I did.
Looky there.
Look it.
- You don't fool around, do you?
- I trust my instincts, Doug.
I always have.
Oh, a tiny thing
I neglected to have her sign a pre-nup,
- so fix that, will you?
- A pre-nup?
I learned the hard way.
Everything needs to be in writing, okay?
And have it wrapped up
by saturday before the party.
What party?
My wedding reception.
Well, look at you, all clean.
Is that how you like it, Dale, clean?
No, ma'am, I certainly do not.
You've been playing with my arm,
haven't you?
Haven't you?
- I like it.
- Oh, you like it?
- I like that you like it.
- You do?
Oh, ***.
Oh, hi, darlin'.
I was just checkin' the rat traps.
It looked good.
Your lucky charms are on the table.
I'll be in in a second.
Stop.
Oh, you're bad.
Aw, you have no idea.
I just
I don't understand.
I don't
What is a pre-nup?
Well
it's a kind of contract thing that
buffers make before they tie the knot
because, basically,
they don't trust each other.
Then why would they get married?
- It's a different way of thinking, baby
- I don't understand.
How can you have a pre-nup
if you already nupped?
Then it's a post-nup.
And why would she sign that?
I mean, she got him
right where she wants him.
Damn.
Okay, we got a problem
with your pal Pete.
Yeah? We're sick, we got hepatitis.
Yeah, he's sorry about that,
feels real bad.
The thing is, he's gonna be in town,
and he really wants to see
his old buddy Doug.
- He's coming anyway.
- He's comin' anyway.
***, Wayne.
~ SeriesSub.
com ~
present
Ricana &
[Yossarian, sheva85] from
::ItalianSubAddicted::
Season 01 Episode 12
It's a Wonderful Lie
So what are we supposed to do, Wayne,
when he shows up here lookin'
for Doug and Cherien Rich?
- Yeah, how did he even get the address?
- Doug must've given it to him.
We could go hide out.
We could stay in the
RV for a couple of days.
- Why don't we just leave?
- I don't want to leave.
I don't want to sleep
in the RV anymore, dad.
- What time is he coming?
- Sometime tomorrow.
You know what, we'll just
tell him the Riches have moved.
We have no idea where they've gone.
We're real sorry.
See you later.
No, I say we tell him
nothing about the Riches.
We aren't the Riches, we don't know
the Riches, we never met the Riches.
When he shows up,
we just tell him we're the
the Montpierre family.
Wayne and Dahlia Montpierre.
Dad, that's retarded.
- I'm with her.
- Sounds a lot like a sleeper.
No, it can work.
Just e-mail him back, tell him the fever
has broken, come around about five,
Right.
We are gonna de-Rich this house.
- I have to pee.
- Oh, God in heaven.
Hi.
***
Hi, this is ***!
Hi.
Leave a message.
No, Geegee, it's not a pre-nup.
It's a post-nup,
as in after nuptials.
I know what it is
***.
I assure you,
this is a very normal legal document.
A post-nup is a typical
thing you sign if you haven't
- signed a pre-nup.
- All right, if that's the way he feels,
then we should just call the whole
thing off.
I don't want anything of his.
I'm I'm I'm a college graduate.
I can take care of myself.
- I'm sure you can.
- I need a coke.
- Huh.
That didn't go too well, huh?
- Doug!
From what I just saw,
my bride doesn't look happy.
- She didn't buy the offer?
- I don't think that's the problem.
Not even the part about
the dance scholarship in her name?
I really like your vest.
Thanks.
You know, it's not what you guys think.
I'm not a gold digger.
I put myself through college
by pole dancin'.
So what?
- I don't need to justify myself to you
or anybody else.
- No, you don't.
She feels that if you're doubting
the strength of the union so early,
- perhaps it's best
if you just walk away.
- What?
- She has a point.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?
I love her.
I don't want to walk away.
I don't want to walk away.
I just don't want her walkin'
away with half of Panco, either.
On the off, off, off, remote
chance that something does go sour.
I've been honest with Hugh,
told him I want more from my life.
- What's wrong with that?
- Nothin', honey.
- Everyone wants more.
- Even you,
- working at a nice place like this,
classy as you are? - Yeah, even me.
With you marrying Hugh,
I figure I might move out
of bein' a personal assistant.
- Maybe be a sales associate.
- I think you'd be real good at that.
- You carry yourself with real
authority, you know.
- I do? - Yeah.
- Thanks.
- That's somethin' I've been working on.
Yeah, well, I'm workin' on
I'm workin' on some things, too.
- She's brought me love, Doug.
I'm a changed man.
- Really?
I took a long, hard look
at my life over the last five days.
I realized I was missin' somethin'.
- I was lonely.
- Yeah.
Now, you and Cherien,
You got somethin' there.
It's
- Call it love, call it chemistry.
Why shouldn't I have that? - No reason.
- I figured you weren't ever
gonna hand over Cherien.
- What?
And then I met Geegee, and
she has made me
a different person.
I'm a kinder, gentler person.
So, fix that, will you?
I got to call the caterer.
She wants a white wedding
and I'm gonna give it
to her, by God.
Kimmie, where's the ***
latte I asked for?! I need my caffeine!
Please.
Do you think Hugh really loves me,
- or am I just a little Vegas toy?
- I think he loves you.
- But, I mean, it's up to you
to decide what you are.
- Yeah.
Would you tell me if he didn't love me?
Yeah, if I was you, I wouldn't.
It'd be easier to lie.
- It's always easier to lie.
- Excuse me, Cherien.
Dr.
Cal just phoned.
It's almost five.
Aw, ***.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- His car's out front.
- He just pulled up
- but he's not gettin' out of the car.
- What's he doin'?
- Who knows?
- Okay, everybody ready?
Oh, ***.
Hello.
Uh, hi.
Is, uh, Doug here?
Doug.
Doug who?
Doug Rich.
No.
Uh, no Doug Rich.
- Montpierre?
- Yes, I'm Wayne,
and my wife, Dahlia
Oh, here she is.
- Darling, this is Pete
- Mintzy.
Pete Mintzy.
Hi.
How do you do?
I'm Dahlia Montpierre.
He's looking for his friend
- whose name is I am sorry.
- Doug Rich.
He e-mailed me he was sick.
That's
- why I brought him the soup.
- Well, that's nice of you.
- May I
- Yeah.
There.
His friend used our
house as his home address.
- And you've lived here
- Little while now.
- That's strange.
- Now, honey, is this something
we should be concerned about?
This Doug Rich person who
seems to know where we live,
and, pardon me, but is he involved
in any kind of criminal element?
- Because we do have children
to consider.
- No, certainly not.
Are you sure? Because
Dahlia is right.
We have children.
- Hi, mom.
Hi, dad.
- Hey, we're goin' to the park
shoot some hoops with
the other neighborhood kids.
- Okay.
Well, be back before dark.
- Sure.
- Take care.
Hey, mom, uh
I just put the lasagna in the oven.
- Want to know if there's
anything else I could do.
- No sweetheart.
Go on upstairs
and finish your homework.
- Okay.
They're good kids.
I'm so sorry we couldn't help you.
The front door was open, so
Oh, I'm sorry,
- I didn't know you had company.
- I was just going.
- The Montpierres have been more
than kind.
- Uh-huh, the Montpierres.
That is
Oh, thank you for your generosity, and
and thank you so much for my tray,
bringin' that back
and your
understanding, Nina.
Well, you're entirely welcome, Dahlia
Montpierre.
- So, Pete, I am sorry this is a
dead end.
- Yeah, so sorry, Pete.
I never thought Doug would
pull something like this.
I mean, my best friend,
and he's avoiding me?
I guess I'm just gonna have to
try and track down his ex-wife Jolinda.
Pete!
It's almost 6:00, cocktail hour
We can't let you head
out on the open road
without having a cocktail,
for God sakes.
- Yeah.
- Come and have a cocktail.
- Are you sure? - Southern hospitality.
So, is Jolinda Rich from Tampa?
I think so.
I only met her once.
- Got it.
- Told you he was good.
Reception here is really awful.
If you'd like to try a
phone, there's one in the kitchen.
There might be more privacy.
Okay, thank you.
That was fast.
It's on the counter.
Oh, I think I hear grandma.
Hello?
Is this Jolinda?
Jolinda Rich?
Who's this speaking?
Uh, this is pete mintzy from tampa.
I'm a friend of your ex-husband's.
Oh, yeah, I remember you, pete.
Uh, good.
Um, listen, I'm looking for Doug.
Oh, well, join the club.
I ain't seen him since he ran out on us.
Well
Um, sent me his new
address in Edenfalls.
He's been e-mailing me since he moved,
but when I showed up here,
it
turns out to be completely
the wrong place.
- So, I'm wondering
- Let me stop you right there, pete.
you don't get it, do you?
What do you mean?
The only one reason why
Doug doesn't want to
talk to someone is because
he don't want to.
All right?
That's just how it is.
No, no, you don't understand.
We're really great friends.
I was best man at his wedding.
Uh, you know, the second one.
I hate to be the one to
tell you this, pete, but
Doug Rich was no real friend of yours.
I don't know what you're talking about.
We were golf buddies.
We went fishing together.
Don't tell me he wasn't my friend.
I paid for his bachelor party,
for God's sakes.
Okay.
Well, I'm sure you did,
and I'm sure you paid for a lot of
- things, pete.
- Well, look, you know what?
You clearly have your
own issues with Doug,
but don't confuse those
with my situation, all right?
Maybe you don't know the Doug I know,
You know, maybe that's why he left you.
You know what, pete?
Let me just tell you a
few things about Doug here.
The house was foreclosed on because
of him.
They shut off the electricity,
shut off the phone, shut off the gas.
I had to move me and the kids into a
homeless shelter for a month, all right?
He did not like you.
He used to call you "pete the patsy.
" he
used to laugh at you behind your back.
You know, he only let you hang
out because he felt sorry for you,
all right? So you are better
off without him.
You hear me?
Move on with your life, forget
all about Doug Rich.
Doug Rich is a ***, all right?
I'm sorry.
Hey, kids, stop it!
I got to go.
My kids are killin' each other.
Okay? All right.
Goodbye.
God damn it.
So how'd it go?
Doug Rich
Is the biggest *** in the universe.
I know you.
Poor mama.
Completely senile.
Loves crackers.
Have another cracker there, mama.
How did she get in here?
I don't know.
It's, uh, bath time, right?
- Come on, grandma.
- Was Jolinda any help?
You know, ma, it turns out
that Doug Rich is the
biggest *** in the universe.
I'm so sorry.
Really, I'm so sorry, pete.
Maybe it was for the best you
couldn't find Doug, but
- terrific to meet you.
- I need to talk to leif.
- Leif?
- Like a tree leaf?
Leif is my shrink.
He's norwegian.
I know you.
Grandma, you smell so good.
Let's go to
the mall or something.
How about that?
I'll take a large cinnabun.
Leif, it's pete.
- I am in cris.
- You're not Cherien.
I don't give a *** if you
are on vacation at the kea lani.
Something really major just went down,
and we need to process.
Call me as soon as you get this.
You norwegian sack of ***!
Okay, pete.
Well, I am so sorry I
couldn't be of more help
in finding Doug, but
you have a good trip back.
I was a joke to Doug!
He didn't even like me!
All those years,
all those nights,
driving around
I'm hot!
Talking all night.
My best friend.
I'm really sorry.
My throat's closing up.
I can't breathe.
I gotta talk to leif.
He knows how to talk me down.
I'm gonna go talk to Nina.
So, when you call leif, does
he call back real quick?
Within a couple of days.
As it turns out
I'm a shrink.
Dahlia montpierre?
Yeah.
I know, it's weird.
I know,
- it's strange.
It's just
- You can say that.
Well, Nina, see,
- the thingpretending
- You know, Dahlia,
for a while now,
I've been noticing that things
don't
quite add up with you folks.
I mean, the money in
the lawn chair thing.
Who keeps that much cash around?
Or the way you were a
dental hygienist one minute
and something completely
different the next.
Or how you got your kids into
Rosemere in the middle of the year,
and nobody does that.
Yeah, I've been noticing things.
A whole bunch of things.
So, I've been thinkin' about it,
and I finally figured it out.
Y'all are in the witness
protection program.
What?
Jesus.
I knew it.
I knew it!
Don't worry about me.
My lips are sealed.
I won't tell Jim or wes or
I mean, even though Jim thought
y'all were strange from the get.
So,
who is that pete guy?
- Okay, look.
- It's okay.
Shh shh.
I get it.
I get it.
Well,
thank you for not blowin'
our cover with him.
you're the only one who knows.
That means the world to me.
Thanks.
Got you covered.
I have intimacy issues.
- Intimacy.
- That's what leif says.
He thinks I'm
Anxious about
my ***.
Your ***?
About
Having it amputated.
So you're having your *** amputated?
God, no, man, are you insane?
It's a primal fear.
Yes, of course.
Th That's what I'm talking about.
Yeah, I'm talking about trust because
He cut my *** off.
So he cut your *** off.
My My metaphorical ***, of course.
Your metaphorical ***,
of course.
Thank God.
And I wish I could tell him
what it feels like.
I am not a joke, Wayne.
That *** *** mother thinks
he can go around mocking me?
I want to hurt him, Wayne.
I want to hurt him like he hurt me.
Do it.
Really?
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
You don't have to take
that Doug Rich *** anymore.
You go back to your hotel room,
get your computer, write an e-mail,
get it all out.
Hurt him.
Kick the *** out of him.
The metaphorical ***, of course.
And then you leave.
That's it.
Change your e-mail.
Put as much distance between you
and Doug Rich as you possibly can
and get him out of your mind
forever.
God, you're even better than leif.
She hasn't signed it.
Okay, Hugh,
I'll get it done.
No, I got a plan.
What's your plan?
- You.
- Me?
- You got to talk to her, baby.
- Why?
Because she doesn't trust me.
I am a lawyer.
- More importantly, I'm Hugh's lawyer.
- You know what, here's the thing.
I can't get behind this whole
buffer pre-nup ***,
you know?
Is that really all they care about?
Just their stuff?
Hugh has been screwed over
by a lot of his ex-wives.
Well, maybe he had it comin'.
I'm just sayin'.
I don't want to be a buffer if it
means livin' by a legal document.
look at it this way.
Geegee
could end up with part of Panco.
Do we really want a stripper
in control of our future?
She went to college.
Well
Do it for me.
Do that woman-to-woman thing.
You ever get sick of lyin'?
This is not lying.
This is
creative reasoning.
It's lying.
It's all we do now.
It's all we did as travelers, baby.
No, we never lied to our friends.
We lied to the outside world,
who the hell cares?
Well, things are different here.
If a lie can produce a
better result, then we lie.
If we want to stay here,
if we want our kids
to have this kind of life, go to school,
learn to become somebody,
then we got to maintain the lie.
But What if we start
to forget the truth?
You know,
about who we are?
We'll never forget who we are.
It's locked into our dna.
I feel bad about what
I said to that pete guy.
That was a mean lie.
Yeah, but it did the trick, didn't it?
I guess.
Had to do it.
Yeah, I will have him call you.
- Hugh has called three time already.
- It's 8:15.
He wants to know
whether you've fixed it.
He's already had two xanax, and
they're not working.
I have to tell you,
- he was not this anxious
at his other weddings.
- Well,
maybe he really,
really, really,
really loves her.
I put the lloyd contract on your desk.
- I need it back today.
- All right.
Pete.
No, I am
really, really, really, really busy.
That was the best day of my life.
Oh, man, you look hot.
I ain't never been to vegas.
Kind of sucks.
Well, look.
Some mothers are ***.
I mean, that's all there is to it.
Don't get me started on this.
I thought Hugh really loved me.
He does.
Then why's he trying to get me
to sign that damn thing?
You know, it's almost
like he don't trust me.
Honey,
men are just like little boys sometimes.
You know, they're just scared someone's
gonna come and take away all their toys.
Oh, I wouldn't do that.
I don't even care about his ol' money.
Oh, ***.
Everyone cares about money.
I've had it, and I've lost it, and we
both know it is better to have it.
It can't buy happiness.
Yeah, but it can buy you
really great clothes
and a lot of shoes and a huge house
and all this stuff, and then you can
decide who it is you want to be.
But you're right.
It can't buy you happiness.
And it ain't romantic.
No, it ain't romantic.
Well, some women were just
not meant to be mothers,
right?
***, I wouldn't sign this, either,
not unless there was
somethin' in it for me.
What do you mean?
I've been lookin' on the internet.
These things go both ways.
You can put all kinds of *** in there.
Hugh cheats on you,
ka-ching,
five hundred grand in your bank account.
I read about that catherine zeta
who's-it, she put that in there.
- I could do that?
- Yeah.
You don't want to do it doggy style?
Put it in your post-nup.
He's mean to your mother?
A new camaro.
I can really do that?
Honey,
it's all part of the negotiation,
you know? And let me
be the first to tell you
That is all marriage is.
Well,
I guess I could think about it.
I would.
No, I think you're worthy of love.
You know what I think, pete?
I think this is Doug's problem,
you know? He's obviously a
superficial son of a ***.
He doesn't care for anyone.
No, no, that's not a good idea.
Why don't you have a drink?
Really?
That many?
Now, come on, pete.
Don't be dramatic.
No, don't say that.
I don't want
to hear you talking like that.
Look, pete, I got to go.
I got a lot of customers here.
Uh, patients.
We use both words.
Okay.
Okay.
Well, you can try me,
but I won't be here.
Okay.
Good luck.
- Jesus, that guy is relentless.
- What did he say?
He said he had a tragic childhood.
He said it all links back to
abandonment issues with his mother,
and that he's having difficulty
maintaing perspective,
and that Doug was his best friend.
Oh, God,
I feel awful.
That's terrible.
Oh, trust me, he is
just being a big baby.
Well, how bad did he sound?
Not that bad.
I mean, I've heard worse.
He'd been drinking.
This is all our fault.
You know,
we pushed him way too far.
He's just looking for a
little attention, that's all.
You call him back.
You tell him
Tell him what?
We're his friends.
- We're not his friends.
- Just tell him anyway.
Why should I tell him?
We're trying to get rid of him.
Not like that.
Call him back.
Oh, my God, he's not answering.
I'm goin' to the hotel.
He's probably in the bathroom.
Oh, crap.
We gotta open the door.
Baby, the door's not opening!
The key doesn't work!
- God damn it.
- I gotta pee.
Can I help you?
Yes, three times today, I
I Something's wrong
with the cards.
I don't know.
I got to go downstairs and
Oh, thank you.
- Thank you very much.
- You need some more towels? Soap?
What are you doing here?
We were worried about you.
You weren't answering your phone.
Come back inside, pete.
No.
I am not comin' inside.
Okay, look
Say, you do jump.
What's gonna happen?
Your liver's gonna end
up comin' out your ear,
your brain's gonna be
all over the pavement,
and then someone's gotta clean it up.
Is that what you want?
You know, at the
very least, it's a cliche.
Pete, Doug's not worth it.
My life sucks.
I don't have any friends.
I just lost my job at balman, rogers.
My wife moved out.
So I came here
To talk to my best buddy Doug,
and he *** on me, too.
Look, pete.
Don't come any closer.
I mean it.
Okay.
We could do a session right now.
I don't want to talk to you.
I don't want to talk to anyone.
You, leif,
You're all full of ***.
What?!
We're all lonely!
No, you're not.
You have Wayne.
everyone is lonely
at one time or another,
and, God knows, everyone gets lied to.
It's just how it is, man.
Life is hard sometimes.
Look, a couple of years back,
I was right where you are now,
and I had a really easy way to do it.
I just got interrupted,
so I didn't do it.
I woke up the next mornin'
I don't know.
I just felt a little better.
Pete, you might wake up tomorrow
and just feel a little better.
You jump,
you ain't never gonna know.
Come on.
Hell, if you don't feel better,
there's always tomorrow.
What, to kill myself?
What's your hurry?
Please come in.
Well, that's better.
Well, it ought to be.
I maxed out
the credit card on that one.
Really?
You have a limit?
Oh, everett's got me on
an allowance for everything.
I hate it, but what are you gonna do?
Sure as hell ain't gonna work.
A suit like this makes me
look like an ***
In a good way.
A suit like this
could make me fall in love with you.
Now, where am I gonna wear this suit?
You got any ideas?
I might have a few.
Take off the arm.
Slowly.
Will you call us from the airport?
- Thanks.
- Bye.
Did you mean what you said in there?
About killing yourself?
Well, everybody's thought
about it one time or another.
geez, geegee hit the jackpot.
Course, she has to live with Hugh.
hi, guys.
- Hey, Doug.
Kimmie.
- Hi.
Isn't this great?
I love it when Hugh gets married.
He throws the best parties.
Yeah.
Let's hope this one works out.
His divorces aren't nearly as much fun.
Cherien, you look fantastic.
Well, look who's here.
It's the Riches.
Howdy, neighbors.
- So how do you know
- Dale did some work for me
on my house.
Turns out we got a lot in common.
Hartley tells me that you two
were involved in a legal matter.
She says you are quite a lawyer.
You better believe it.
Doug here is the best ***
lawyer I ever worked with.
Although, I don't know what
you got against doggy style.
How are you?
How's young everett?
Fine, Hugh.
Just fine.
This is my friend, Dale Malloy.
Glad to have you.
Pleasure.
I got to get a drink.
Well, the bar's over there.
Would you folks excuse us?
You're lucky I'm in love.
Otherwise,
I'd kick your *** right out of here.
Oh, look, Dale, shrimp.
***, Wayne.
Ken must have told him where we are.
What is he doing with
the one-armed bandit?
Dale is a psycho.
I know he's
playing some kind of game.
I'm gonna talk to him.
Hey, there.
I've been lookin' for you everywhere.
Oh, Nina, you look so pretty.
- Where's Jim?
- Jim hates Hugh.
He and wes are home baking.
Wes has got a plan to open up
one of those cupcake places.
Well, that's nice'cause
everyone like cupcakes.
You know, I gotta find Doug.
Dahlia, can we talk?
- Can have coffee tomorrow morning?
- No.
Now.
Here, let me top you off.
We have a lot to talk about, my friend.
So who dressed you?
I did.
So I seen your kids
around the neighborhood.
Dahlia driving a big, fancy
Oh, I mean,
Cherien, driving a big, fancy car.
Wow, you're doin'
really well for yourself,
bein' a successful a-ttorney.
You know, in some ways, this is
the happiest I've been in a long time.
It's been a relief,
this whole business with Jim.
I mean, like a weight's
come off our shoulders.
I never realized how
hard it was to keep livin' a lie.
Or how lonely.
Here's the other thing I've come to.
I can't abide being lied to anymore,
not by people I care about.
Y'all aren't in the witness
protection program, are you?
'cause I been thinkin' about it,
and it just doesn't quite make sense.
I mean, if that pete guy
was with the, say, fbi, then
he'd know you were in
the witness protection program
and that you were the Riches,
if that's the name they've given you.
I mean,
I don't want to put you on the spot.
What is going on?
All right,
all right.
Well, you don't have
to tell me anything.
I just wish you wouldn't lie to me.
You're my friend, Nina.
I'd never lie to you about that.
Hey, quiet, everybody!
Everybody quiet!
Listen up, everybody!
Come on over here, honey.
I want to propose a toast
to the most beautiful gal
I've ever set eyes on.
I've known
lots of great women in my day,
but I've never known happiness until
Until I met geegee last week.
What happened?
This little girl
has shown me the true meaning of love.
She got her hands on my heart,
and she hadn't let go, and
I thank God for that.
So,
to my beautiful bride,
geegee Panetta.
Hear! Hear!
Oh, oh, and, uh,
here's a little, uh
Louisiana surprise.
we're back from vegas,
and everything is right
it's the same this morning
as it was last night
you're the one, baby
you're the one
I can't do it.
I want to do it for you,
but I can't be a buffer.
You're not a buffer.
You're a traveler.
No, I'm not.
Not anymore.
I don't belong there, either, now
'cause I know too much
about all of this now,
all these people.
I'm not Dahlia Malloy,
and I'm not Cherien Rich.
You said we were gonna
come here and be somebody,
and I don't know who that is.
I know who you are.
You're my wife,
you're the mother of my children,
and you're the most
important person in my life.
And that's who you'll always be,
wherever we are.
I cannot make a truth
out of all the lies I'm tellin'
myself and everyone else.
geegee, you're the one
you're the one, baby!
All right, y'all, let's get
this party started! Come on!
Baby, take the car and go home.
You be with the children.
I will look for Dale.
so what do we do?
- I am not goin' back to camp.
- No one's asking you to.
God damn it, Cal.
You know, this is all your fault.
If you wouldn't have gone to see tammy
then they wouldn't even
know where we are.
They would've found us sooner or later.
No, they wouldn't have, Cal!
Why don't you just admit it, Cal? You
blew it.
You ruined this for everyone!
You know what?
You're never gonna be a buffer, Di.
Drop it.
It's never gonna happen.
You're a traveler.
- You're always gonna be a traveler.
- Screw you! You're a piece of ***!
Oh, knock it off.
Jesus.
Think all your yelling and
screaming is gonna do anything?
It's over.
Maybe we don't do anything.
No, dad, we have to do somethin'.
Dale came here for us.
He's not goin' anywhere.
Dale seems to have
been here for a while now.
He could have blown our cover
at any point, he didn't.
Why is that?
He's Dale.
He's workin' an angle.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Well, we gotta work out what
the angle is and work it against him.
And why the hell is he hangin' out with
that stupid hartley underwood chick?
- Dale has got a plan.
- Okay.
What?
I don't know.
I guess he'll let us
know sooner or later.
What are we supposed
to do in the meantime, dad?
Nothing.
We go about our lives, we go to school,
we go to work, we wait for
him to make the first move.
Well, that's a *** plan, dad.
Yeah? Well, we leave, and he wins.
We stay and
Then we're in it with him.
And it's all up for grabs.
I'm bettin' on us.
What do you think?
there's someone in your office, waiting
for you.
I told him to wait out here,
but he insisted on going inside.
He said he's a friend of yours.
Thank you, Aubrey.
Guess you're probably surprised
to see me here, Wayne.
A bit.
Well, I was on my way to
the airport this morning, but
I had a little time to kill,
and I thought
I'd drop by your house
to thank you for all your kindness.
Only you folks weren't home,
but your neighbor was.
Jim, I think his name is.
That's right.
Lovely man.
But, boy, does he like to talk,
especially about his neighbors
The Riches.
So, Wayne
You and I both know
you're not Doug Rich,
though everyone here
seems to think you are,
which leads me to a couple of questions.
Who are you?
And where the hell is
my best friend Doug Rich?
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