Orchids And Salami

JACKIE: Previously on Nurse Jackie... Lift the bottom. TUNIE: FYI, he is in an awesome mood. He found out you're going to those meetings. Well, what can I say? It works if you work it, right? I was doing so good. And then, pow! Divorce. Pow! I wanna be chief. Pow! I wreck my foot. I'm not handing over the First Lady visit without a fight. We got to get out in front of this. I scoured the budget and hired a temp. Don't eat him alive. My name's Kelly. You're at All Saints. You're gonna be okay. Sorry if I muscled in on your gunshot. I didn't notice. Oh, Percocet. O'Hara's gunshot. Kelly picked it up, then came back, swapped it out for Motrin. (DOOR OPENING) My heart's going really fast. Can you check my pulse? Sure, sweetie. Come here. I'm sorry. Oh, honey, there's nothing to be sorry for. I'm glad you're here. You know why? Why? Because now we can have midnight cocoa. How does that sound? It's not midnight. Well, then we can have 2:00 a.m. cocoa. That's even better. GRACE: This one had her throat cut. This one was skinned alive. And this one was rolled on hot coals. "Gruesome Saint Deaths." That's some pretty scary stuff, sweetie. It's no wonder you can't sleep. It's not scary. It's our religion. There are more than 10,000 saints. What if I choose the wrong one for the pageant? May I? Pick a saint, any saint at all. I'm Saint Barbara. (GRACE LAUGHING) What's so funny? Saint Barbara's a girl, Dad. Really? Aw, shoot. Okay, my turn. There we go. This guy. Saint Isidore, patron saint of the Internet? What? Who knew? JACKIE: All right, sweetie, your turn. No, thanks. I need to you to wake me up by 7:00. You want me to tuck you back in? I'm 11, Mom. Yes, yes, you certainly are. 7:00 a.m. it is. Don't forget. We got it. (SIGHS) Hot coals. Hmm. ***, I'm tired. You're a good mom. You know that? Yes, I do. I see you already have your morning fix. Two hundred bucks for five pills? Really? Supply and demand, babe. And you know I gave you six. Hey, Jackie. You're a friend of Bill's? I don't know what or who you're talking about, Sam. That guy back in the diner you were hugging. He's, like, the best sponsor in the world. He's legendary. He's an epileptic I helped a long time ago. He is not a friend. I don't know him. End of story. I'm sorry. I'm just jumping back into the program, you know. Man, today this one chick told a story about her boyfriend OD'ing. And she was so strung out. She, like, stole the drugs off his dead body before she calls 911. So *** bleak. Oh. Hello. Do you mind? No, not at all. It's private. I can wait. Sam, it's my husband. Oh, sorry. Jesus Christ. Are you meditating? Kind of. Word on the street is Kelly Slater runs to work shirtless. Oh... I shall wait with you. That was fun last night, hanging with Kelly, Peace Corps style. I can't believe he paid for everyone. Who ever heard of a rich nurse? "Not I," said the fly. You know, I used to have a big problem with him until last night when he paid for all my drinks and a French onion soup. I saw Sean Penn in his contacts. Yeah. They hung in Haiti. He told me all about it. They text. Incoming. Jackie. Ladies and gentlemen, on your left, the original nurse without borders, 5'10", 190 pounds. ZOEY: Not shirtless. THOR: Unfortunately. ZOEY: Mr. Kelly Slater! And on the right, from... Queens. THOR: I know, but is that where she was born? ZOEY: Don't know. Probably. But maybe not. Jackie's very private. Hi, Jackie. Wish you could have been there, Jackie. What can I say? I have a life. Anybody want to work here? Kelly told us about delivering a baby. In a cave. That must have been dark. I had a bacon martini. Delicious. It was. Sort of. Not really. Mr. Slater, I can't tell you how happy we are to have you with us here at All Saints. Well, thank you for saying so. I hadn't realized that you had been at Bellevue at one point. Pediatric ER, really, really rewarding stuff. You must know my colleague, Lily Chung. Yeah, yeah. Tough lady. Smart, though. Hmm. Yeah, well, I'd love to hear your thoughts on how All Saints can better service the community, especially in relation to childhood obesity issues. That's funny. Chung was a killer when it came to kids' health. She did some really outstanding work with... Yes, Lily is a killer administrator. (LAUGHING) Yeah, well, she ran a tight ship over there. She leaned heavy on the acronyms though, like, AIM. "Accountable, Impeccable, Meticulousness." Kind of a mouthful. (CHUCKLES) That's a great shot of Mrs. O. You know, most people don't know she's got a wicked sense of humor. You know the First Lady? You know, you kind of remind me of her. Well, to be honest, I don't know her. My mother knows her. She's a judge. But I did meet her once briefly. Briefly is good. Briefly is just fine. " Orchids and Salami "? Eva Gabor's memoir. The two things she had in her fridge. Duck sauce and Marlboros. Let me guess, your fridge? Lenny's. How do you spell "camaraderie"? ZOEY: C-O-M-A? That's "coma." Hey, am I in your blog? Maybe. Cool. What about me? I've changed the names to protect the innocent. Innocent? (SCOFFS) What about me? You guys, it's anonymous. Fine. Can I be called "Joaquin"? Right. Like I can spell that. JACKIE: Zoey, I need you to stop whatever it is you're doing and get to urology. Stopping. Jacks, are you available after work today? Why? What do you got? Another ghastly open house. Champagne, grabby Russians. Really unpleasant. So much more fun if you've got a friend. Wow, I would really love to, but I should get straight home. You know, Kevin... Is he still treating you like an inmate? Yeah. To say the very least. Next time? Sure. I'll go if you want. By the way, blog without an "L", bog. That means "toilet." Precisely. Female, 35. Kid called it in. Observed shallow breathing, non-responsive. Hi, there. What's your name? Walker. Is that your mom, Walker? Okay, you wait right here. On my count. One, two, three! Sat is low. She's aspirated. Kid said they went to a concert last night. This morning, Mom didn't wake up. We can't pump her stomach. Nothing like getting trashed with your 12-year-old. Hey, buddy. Do you want us to call somebody for you? Maybe your dad? That's funny. How are you doing? How's my mom? It's gonna be a little while. Why don't you come with me? Zoey, Zoey, can you take Walker to the cafeteria, please? Why don't you get some breakfast, sweetie? Follow me. You smoke? Um. I do not. But I do have this weird gum that I get in Chinatown. It's black. Cool. (BELL RINGING) GRACE: I asked you to wake me up at 7:00. We get marked down if we're late. I'm sorry, Gracie, but as you know, we were up pretty late last night. Aunt Tunie sleeps late, too. She says it's good for her skin. (GASPS) My saints! Dad. FIONA: I didn't do it. It's fine. I'll pick them up for you. I worked so hard. There's 87. KEVIN: It's okay. I'll find them for you, honey. FIONA: Come on, it's okay. Let's go in. Check everywhere, Dad. Everywhere. Look in between the seats. You have to find all of them. It's okay. Every single one. I promise, okay? Have a good day. (RATTLING) (CELL PHONE BUZZING) (PHONE CONTINUES BUZZING) Haven't seen my dad since I was 11. Where's he live? Jersey. My dad's in prison. This a good hospital? Yes. I mean, in what way? In the "is my mom gonna die" way? It's a good hospital. I smoked menthols when I was your age. Gross. I know. Now, we're gonna need to flush this. It must have been some kite. A regular kite. Just flying it 60 stories up. You on a roof or something? 34th and 8th. I'm an ironworker, fourth generation. We fly kites at lunch. It breaks up the day. The wind's pretty fierce up there. Yes, I can see that. Higher the better, you know? You won't get an argument out of me. Actually, that's not true. I'm terrified of heights. Yeah, me too. What are you doing working on top of a building? Kind of like a family business, I guess. I'm Mohawk. Oh. Everyone thinks Indians aren't afraid of heights. Total ***. Really? We're just as scared as the next guy. We just hold it differently. What does that mean? Well, fear is danger, right? And danger, when you think about it, is kind of exhilarating. So, you know, pretty much like that. Okay, you sit tight for a minute. (SOFTLY ROARING) Can't believe my moms made me clean out my room. Millennium Falcon. You know it? Know it? I had Chewbacca sheets and I turned my sandbox into Tatooine. Are we really back to you not answering your page... What the ***? You're encouraging him? Princess Leia out. Please don't yell at me. (SIGHS) All right, you're having a hard day. I can tell. (CLEARS THROAT) You know what I think might help? Ice cream? No. No, Coop, not ice cream. How about a really interesting patient? (SIGHS) How interesting? An ironworker. An Indian? Yes. I saw it on the Discovery Channel. What room is he in? He's in Exam 1. Joseph, this is Dr. Cooper. I heard we had a wind walker in our midst. That's not what I said. Actually we call it "walking iron." Right, right. You're the guys who aren't afraid of heights. That is so badass. Excuse me while I kiss this guy. (MAKES ELECTRIC GUITAR SOUNDS) (LAUGHS) Dr. Cooper, the eye. You guys built most of Manhattan, right? Uh, yeah. I mean, my grandfather built the Chrysler Building. My dad did the World Trade, so... Dude, how's your lungs? Yeah, yeah, they're fine. These guys helped out huge on the cleanup. Rough on the lungs. Four by four. Must be nice. All those dads working together, building things, family. You want to talk about fear? Try having two moms who decide out of the blue, without warning, to essentially destroy the family unit, rip it in half. Hey, Jackie, Dr. O'Hara needs you. It's about the kid. I have to drive upstate this afternoon. My daughter's in a school play. Yeah, dude, check it out. I lived in a teepee in my room my entire fourth grade. Probably wanna stick to some short-acting painkillers, if you're gonna be driving later. Yes, Slates, I got this. Definitely gonna go easy on the drugs. Vicodin, probably. Yes, Vicodin. I'll call it in. Why don't you go grab that? It was more like a pup tent, actually. O'HARA: Safe to say she won't be receiving "Mother of the Year" award anytime soon. Marijuana, methadone, methamphetamine, hydrocodeine? Good Lord. And a shitload of ***. I'll go tell the kid. I told him he could hang in here until his dad comes. I can't believe his mom did that. We don't know the circumstances, Zoey. Stay out of it. Hello. Is this supposed to be a church or something? Yes, something like that. I'm an atheist. It's a good thing you called this in. You know that, right? I kept telling her the only thing she needed is Xanax. (CELL PHONE BUZZING) (PHONE CONTINUES BUZZING) Well, your mom's gonna be okay. She's on a ventilator. They're moving her up to ICU. She'll probably be able to come home in a few days. Pretty sure she's a drug addict. You know, being a mom is not an easy job. It's one of the hardest things in the... She's a *** drug addict, okay? Whatever. It's her life. GERBIL. "Great Excellence Reached By Inspired Listening." GERBIL. LILY. "Loitering Is Losing." Yes. Almost there. ***. "Teach Instead of Talk." ***. That's not gonna work. Sure I've got 'em, but what are you gonna do for me? You still owe me *** from two weeks ago. Listen, you guys are cancer, a bunch of miscommunicating cells. I've got chemistry over here, okay? Delightful, well-behaved, healing molecules. Yeah, all right. I'll call you back. (SIGHS) Everybody's always after me for my fentanyl patches. We would've killed for those in Haiti. Unbelievable for pain. Yep, 100 times stronger than morphine, not *** around. Coop called it in. And you feel like doing me a favor and bringing this up to the thieves in oncology for me? Sure, no problem. Appreciate it. Whoa. Sorry, Doc. Excuse me? Where do you keep your prosthetic adhesive? What's the matter? Your leg falling off? No, I've got a viewing at the St. Regis after work and my heel's about to give way, not that it's any of your business. If I see one more "ultimate penthouse with soaring views..." Yeah, I wish I had those problems. Yes, well, maybe you and your Jameson's would care to join me. Jackie turned you down, huh? She's not as available as she used to be. Tell me about it. How about we take my bike? How about we take my car? KELLY: No, no, no, it's great. I ask for Saturday off and they give it to me. Gotta go. Drinks out with the gang last night, Saturday off. You are one popular guy. You should run for class president. Yeah, that'd be great if I could only figure out where the *** oncology is. Pharmacy guy asked me to bring this up to them. I'll tell you what. You go change my catheter in six, I'll bring this up to oncology for pharmacy guy. Yeah? Yeah. What is that? Bought it on the street. It's supposed to be soothing. How can I help you? You gave Kelly Saturday off? Really? That's ***. I'm sorry you feel that way. And what is with the acronyms? I'm trying something new. All I'm saying is that Kelly's been here a week. I've been here a million years. Thor's been here four. Sam and Zoey have been here one. This is gonna crush morale. I'm sorry, Jackie. I think Mr. Slater has done wonders for morale. He took the entire nursing staff out for drinks last night. Yes, I know all about it. The fact is Kelly Slater is a winner. What's that supposed to mean? He met the First Lady. Is this about the fat kids? Bunion? Whoa. It's like you see right through me. It was a bunion. But the bunion is no more. Had one last year, it killed. Moccasins. Sorry about your moms. Sucks. Yeah, thanks. Are you good? I think so. Whoa, hey, don't forget your kite. Keep it. Seriously? Thanks, chief. I mean, no. I didn't... I mean, damn it. I call everyone chief. I might soon be chief. Jackie, check it out. He gave it to me. We had a connection. Against the wind, you moron! You'll never get this high! Check out pharmacy guy. I would have never put those two together. Yeah, neither would I. I am fearless! Oh, crap. Think fast. Cleaned out the car. *** dental floss? Kevin, hold on one second, okay? Are you *** out of your mind? Kevin, this is old, okay? This is from when we went on the... God! Kevin, it's from when we went on the trip in the car. In the *** car, Jackie? Kevin... What if one of the girls... Will you let me explain, please? What do I have to do, toss the whole house? Kevin, this is old. This is not from now. This is from a long time ago when we took the trip in the car. I am so sorry you found it. That must have been... Must've been awful for you. You have to believe me, Kevin. I swear to God. I don't know what to do to convince you. And I was starting to feel like it might be okay again. Here. Okay? Thirty days clean. Kevin, I know how dangerous this *** is, okay? This morning, just this morning at a meeting, at my meeting, okay, Kevin? At my meeting, I heard a story about a woman whose boyfriend OD'd. She stole the drugs off his body before she called 911. It's so *** bleak. We are okay, Kevin. It is okay. It is okay. We're okay.