The Venture Bros. S1E9 - English Transcript

Give us the serum, Mr. Bannon. It belongs to our master Nat King Cobra. You suck! Sorry to have to leave the party early, gentlemen not that it hasn't been a blast. Blast. Good one, Race. Hey. Check it out skywriting. Where? Dude. Dude! Jeez. I never thought I'd see the day I'd be working for Professor lmpossible. Me neither. This is a dream come true. No. I meant 'cause he flunked me in college. Hey, didn't he flunk you, too? Squeaked by with a sympathy "D. " My dad died that semester. Hey. What's my sosh? How should I know? He thinks he's so fantastic. All he does is go on and on about himself and his inventions. Welcome to lmpossible Industries, gentlemen. I know the journey here was quite long, but I trust you all had a pleasant one. How should we know? We were blindfolded. Yes. I'm sorry about that, but since this think tank is a joint effort of lmpossible Industries and the government the strictest security measures have to be followed at all times. I see you've already been issued your required "l" suits. Yeah. I notice you're not wearing one. How silly of me. That's better. Had a lunch with the National Security Council. So, how do they fit Impossibly great, right? It is the most comfortable thing I've ever worn. It's like wearing nothing at all, like a second skin. You've got a little something brown on your nose. Speaking of skin, you know, the "l" suits actually recycle dead skin cells as you shed them which then fuel the in-suit air conditioning that keeps them a constant comfortable seventy degrees. Yeah. Well, that's all well and good, but mine fits for crap. My apologies. Here. There. How's that feel? Impossibly great. Thanks. They conform to your body's every contour and every movement even my impossible movements. They're hypoallergenic and help keep the labs free from dander and unwanted body hair. Oh, OK, already. Great. Wow. You invented thermal underwear. Whoop-dee-freakin'-do. So, uh, Professor, with the "l" suits here how does one, you know? Go to the bathroom? It takes some getting used to but now's the perfect time to start practicing. Um, what? Mandatory drug testing. Company policy. All you do is think about going to the bathroom and the "l" suit does the rest. It works. Incredible. How about that? I'm not wearing any underwear. What are we looking for? Clues, anything out of the ordinary besides you know, a burnt-out plane full of snake men. Brock, I think I figured out why the plane crashed. There were skeletons driving it! That's, uh, nice work, Dean. Boys, we've got an agent M. I. A. Better come with me while I search the area. No telling whether or not more of these snake guys are gonna show up. You mean, go with you on a bona fide spy mission? Proper! Let's go change into spy clothes. He's gonna fire me. I had a cold last week, and I took cough medicine. What if he finds codeine in my sample? He's gonna think I'm a junkie, fire me. Relax, Billy. You'll be fine. It's Venture and his mother's little helpers that should be worried. Thanks for your concern, White, but I've got it covered. At least my sons finally proved themselves useful for something. "Company policy, company policy. " *** retentive weird oh! Oh, my God. Uh, just OK. Nice spy clothes, ***. What? I didn't have any black. I figured, "cowboy. " Next best thing to spies, right? Wow! What can I say? I'm like a camel. Uh, Sally. Gentlemen, allow me to introduce my lovely wife Sally. Whatever are you doing out of your room during work hours, honey? I needed something from the kitchen. Well, all right. I'll allow it, but, please, next time, just ask me to get it for you. - But you were busy. - Sally. OK, Richard. I'm sorry, Richard. Oh. And here. Could you be a lark and bring the gentlemen's samples down to the lab for me? You make your wife stay in her room? I know how this looks, but Sally has a a medical condition. She's very sensitive to light and shouldn't be out during the day. Hey, but there aren't any windows in here. OK. Tour's over. Let's get you fellows situated at your work stations, shall we? D'oh! My Kuwahara! Oh, man. These are no good for you, kid. Beat it, junior. We're on official government business. Race Bannon. Those *** killed him! Those kids? Damn it! We let them go! You know him, Brock? Worked with him a few times. He was one of the best. Do you need a hug, Brock? No, Dean. Well it's here if you need it. I know how it is in this line of work. See enough death, and you start to get hard inside. Holy crap! Samson, is that you? Yes. I'm here, Race. Ah, you look nice. Listen you you have to recover the canister. We have it, Race. Tell me what it is. Goliath Serum. Here. Do me a favor, Brock. Anything, old friend. Tell J Jonny I Love unh! I didn't know they Yeah. They never show that part on TV. Come on, Venture, think, think, damn it! You can come up with something. Burning the midnight oil, I see. Well, this looks interesting. What you working on? Oh, this? It's nothing really. Come on. Give us a peek. Actually, it's quite technical. I am a scientist. Oh! Hold on! Sorry, Professor lmpossible. Listen. I can look at this later. I really just came by to remind you that I need that sample from you A. S. A. P. Company policy. Hi. Oh. I brought you something. Oh. Is that your? No. It's your You might be able to fool Richard, but not me. I have a prescription for those. I need them for my You know what I need? The Goliath Serum developed by Professor Richard lmpossible for use during the Vietnam Conflict, but rejected for production. Injected into a living creature, it alters the subject's metabolism turning it into a living, breathing time bomb within twenty-four hours. The magnitude of the blast is directly proportionate to the subject's size. Why, if one drop enough to turn this unsuspecting ant into a six-legged miniature hand grenade just imagine the devastation that could be caused if, say, an elephant was injected with the Goliath Serum. Now imagine that elephant was performing in the Moscow Circus. Watch out, lvan! The serum can enter the bloodstream through the skin so direct contact should be avoided. Take care when handling it. If you suspect unintentional exposure, watch for the early warning signs. Does the patient look flushed? Does the patient have an abnormally large appetite? What? Is there popcorn on my face? Oh, this feels so good. I haven't laughed like this in years. Richard never lets me drink. Ah, well, he's probably worried about your medical condition. Medical condition? He's worried I'll embarrass him Mr. Big lmportant Science Man, so prim and proper all clean-cut and always so damn calm and composed. He's like a robot. It drives me nuts, but you you're nothing like Richard. You're alive. Well, uh You curse, you sweat, you twitch, you have passion. I'm dying in this place, Venture. I want to taste real life again. Kiss me, Dr. Venture! Kiss me! Please, please, Dr. Venture. Get away from oh, God! Help me. Billy, White, she's a succubus. Doctor, please. Wait, don't. Dr. Venture. Oh, God! Oh, God! It burns! It burns! No! No! Oh, god! What, uh, doing here? Bad man make Cody cry hurt. I don't. I wasn't. I Ned, don't. Dr. Venture is a friend. Bad man make Cody cry hurt. I know. He didn't mean it, Ned. Ned hurt, too. Heart hurt. Body hurt. I know, Ned. I know. But I don't want to be a bomb! Hank! Hank! Just calm down. Don't jump around so much. The movie guy said that doesn't matter, Brock. He's not volatile until he reaches stage four. And then what happens? Then I blow up, right? Well, not if we kill you first. That stops the metabolic chain reaction lickety-split. What's this? What's happening? Stage two visible blemishes. Not a lot of time. Hank, listen to me. I'm gonna get you out of this. That's easy for you to say. You're not gonna blow up! Sure we would. According to the movie you can take out a whole city. Dude, what is with you? Why are you so calm about this? Because, Hank, we're not just any poor suckers we're the Venture brothers. Our dad's a supergenius with, like, chemistry stuff. He can fix this, no prob. Dean, we don't even know where your dad is. He's sequestered in some secret think tank, and this is, well this is kind of out of his league, honestly. We're all gonna die! Not necessarily. There's one man on the planet who might be able to help us. And I know where he is. That's good, Ned. Thank you. Go back to your room now before Richard sees you out. No more of that, OK? I'm sorry. I should have told you. It takes all my concentration to keep myself from turning invisible and, well, what with all the drinking You can turn invisible? Just my skin. There was an accident a few years ago. Richard was messing around with one of his God-awful machines trying to harness cosmic rays with gamma radiation. My brother Cody was in town. I was giving him and my mentally handicapped cousin Ned a tour of the lmpossible Building in New York, and there was this explosion. I remember when that happened! But go on. I'm sorry. You were saying. It did this to me, turned poor Ned into a walking callus. Cody can't touch oxygen without bursting into flames and Richard, as usual, he was the lucky one. Yeah. Superstretchy isn't so bad by comparison. He keeps us hidden away from his government investors. Ned's used to that kind of treatment, being a retard and poor Cody's unconscious most of the time but it's been so hard for me. Peaches, are you bothering Dr. Venture? No, Richard. I just came by for his sample. Splendid. I'll take that. Well, I guess you're all done here then, hmm? Yes, Richard. Good night, Dr. Venture. Mrs. Impossible. Well, let's hope you do better on this test than you did on your midterms, eh? What say you and I take a little ride, hmm? I've been good to you, haven't I, Dr. Venture? What? I selected you for my think tank, despite the military's protests gave you a chance to do some meaningful work and make a little much-needed cash at the same time. What? I can't I don't mean to be cross with you, but my point is, I had a few simple rules and you broke them. Making a play for my wife is one thing but going into restricted areas that I can't abide on a project like this. I'm glad we've had this little talk, Dr. Venture. Believe you me, I understand how it is. Being cooped up in a windowless building at the North Pole for an entire month it can get to a man, make him do crazy things. No, really. I'm fine. I mean, it's only been a couple of days. No, no. That's what I'm going to tell them when they ask what happened to you and I explain how you got cabin fever and wandered off to die in the snow. Good-bye, Dr. Venture. What? Wait a minute. If this is about what I saw, I won't tell anyone. I know. Oh, yeah? I cheated on my midterms! Oh, crap. I don't see why I have to be here. You guys can do this by yourselves. Oh, crap! Stage three! Brock, I've thought a lot about it, and if we can't get the antidote in time and it comes down to it, l well, I want you to be the one to kill me. Don't talk like that, Hank. We're gonna fi - Promise me, Brock! - OK. - Promise? - Yes, I promise. - Superswear? - Yes, Hank. - Hey, Brock? - Yeah. How would you do it? You're asleep. Quick jerk of the neck, never feel a thing. You've thought about this. Yes, I have. Hey, is that Keep moving. Frostbite setting in. Gonna die, gonna die, gonna die. No. Must press on. Great, Venture! Thousands of square miles of empty Arctic wasteland and you somehow manage to step in the one spot of yellow snow. I made you another sample. I, uh, huh? Come to me, Dr. Venture. Take me, you magnificent beast! I know how to keep you warm. Here. Put this on. You OK? I think my *** might have just broken off. Wait a minute. Are you a hallucination? Afraid not, Doc. What? Did you miss me? What the hell are you doing here? Hank's a bomb. Long story. Richard, please. I can't live like this anymore. Sally, please be reasonable. Halt. This area is restricted on the authority of the United States Government. I work for the government. Uh, still, you're not coming in here. Please, Professor, we need your help. Horsewash! I know you. You're Venture's bodyguard. You just want to beat me up. Well, just you try it, mister. Try to beat up a man of living rubber! Can't hit what you can't catch. Stop wiggling around, you ***! It's the Goliath Serum. The kid's full of it. Good lord. Hiccups? He's at stage four. He could go at any minute. Is there an antidote, Professor? Well, yes. You kill him. Oh, what? Like that would stop me from shooting? What's going on out here? He's trying to kill my brother! The kid's all hopped up on serum. He's gonna explode and take all of us with him if I don't. Well, isn't there an antidote? Listen. You got here late, OK? You're looking at the antidote! Professor, no offense, but that's just crazy. Violence isn't the answer. This is a think tank. We're the most powerful minds on the planet. Let's act like it. Billy's right. We can create an antidote if we work together. My way's safer. Bad Richard. No hurt boy. Ned, what are you You son of a ***! Cody? Let's stop this, boys. Outrageous! Who do you think hey! That's it, guys. Tie him up good and tight. Well, are we ready, think tank? It worked! We're freakin' geniuses! Yay, think tank! You freaking idiots! It didn't work. You people invented Ranch dressing. How did you get free? There's a reason Ned's boots have Velcro instead of laces, honey. Clearly the Goliath Serum just doesn't work on humans. We certainly never tested it on any. I mean, that was the whole point. You send a bug or a dog or something to blow up. You just can't stand seeing Dr. Venture succeed where you failed, can you, Richard? You've been on his case since he got here! Well, guess what, Richard. You lose again! I'm with Dr. Venture now! Excuse me? Cool! I'm not gonna explode anymore, and plus, free invisible Mom! Go Team Venture! Hang on. I'm gonna get my things. - You want to - Yeah. Go. You'll see, Sally. This is just a rough spot. In time, things will go back to the way they hmm? That's odd. Dr. Venture's pregnant? That's good soup.