Is It Good to Fart on Plants?

Is it good to fart on plants? Why would you fart on plants? You can’t blame it on them. It’s one of the better places to fart. And I’ve heard that it helps plants grow. Are you assuming the potted plant is going to absorb your greenhouse gas emissions? Or at least cover up the smell. Everyone farts. I think studies found it was about ten times a day. That sounds a little high, except for a few rare exceptions I’ve seen. Those guys consider burping musicals a talent, and farts are treated as funny. Someone asked once if farting on plants was good for them, because it gave them CO2. However, farts have more methane than anything else. So if you want to help plants, you should breathe on them. You get the same benefits by talking to them. I thought that was a weird myth of making plants happy by conveying your desire for them to grow, akin to playing music to them. The myth is hot air unless you’re blowing hot air, at which point your CO2 actually helps them. We ought to put this to the test with Mythbusters. It would be more interesting than some of their other shows lately. Except for the Star Wars myth episodes, they’ve stopped doing fun episodes with things getting blown up. I think you just want to see their guys have to eat a lot of beans and fart on tape. Better them than me. Why do you think people say that farting on plants is good? They went in the corner to fart in peace and got caught, so this was the next best excuse they could come up with. I’m not doing something rude, I’m benefiting nature. The excuse is just as good when you need to pee on it, though pooping on it is too much to excuse. Remind me not to go to your parties.