The Chris Rock Show 11

( applause ) ( male ) COMING THIS FALL FROM IGNENT PICTURES FROM THE CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED ASSOCIATE PRODUCERS OF... IT'S... THE FIRST FILM EVER TO STAR NOTHING BUT SONGS AND... STARRING THE MUSIC OF... WATCH CHRIS GET BLOWN UP TO THE SOUND OF... HEY, YOU NEED ME ! ♪ WATCH CHRIS BEG HIS WAY BACK IN TO THE SOUNDS OF... I NEED YA. I LOVE YA. *** YOU. FIND OUT HIS PHONE GOT CUT OFF TO THE SOUNDS OF... CAN A BROTHER GET A DIAL TONE ?! AND "SOUND TRACK" THE MOVIE HAS A SOUND TRACK. "SOUND TRACK" THE MOVIE SOUND TRACK FEATURING SONGS BY... YOU GONNA CUT THAT *** DOWN ? NO. "SOUND TRACK" MOVIE SOUND TRACK AVAILABLE ON IGNENT RECORDS AND TAPES. ( applause & cheering ) FROM NEW YORK CITY, TONIGHT REPRESENTATIVE... MUSICAL GUEST... PLUS MUSICAL DIRECTOR... LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, CHRIS ROCK ! Captions made possible by HOME BOX OFFICE, INC. ( applause & cheering ) THANK YOU, THANK YOU. WHAT'S UP ? THANK YOU. HOW'S EVERYBODY ? THANK YOU, THANK YOU. WELCOME TO THE SHOW. MY NAME IS CHRIS SPENCER. BIG WEEK. ANOTHER BIG WEEK. A LOT OF BIG THINGS HAPPEN THIS WEEK. MARV ALBERT. MARV ALBERT BACK IN THE NEWS. MARV ALBERT WAS SENTENCED TODAY. SENTENCED TODAY, GOT NO JAIL TIME. NOT A DAY IN JAIL. O.J. WAS ACQUITTED AND SPENT A YEAR IN JAIL. NOT A DAY IN JAIL. I THINK THE JUDGE HAD A REAL HARD TIME GIVING THE MAN A PUNISHMENT. I MEAN, HOW DO YOU PUNISH A MAN WHO LIKES A GOOD BEATING ? WHAT DO YOU DO ? NOW BEFORE MARV WAS SENTENCED, HE THREW HIMSELF AT THE MERCY OF THE COURT AND HE ASKED THE JUDGE, WHEREVER YOU SEND ME TO JAIL, CAN I PLEASE HAVE CONJUGAL VISITS WITH MY HAIR ? IT WAS ALSO ANNOUNCED THIS WEEK, IT WAS ALSO ANNOUNCED THIS WEEK THAT THE POST OFFICE IS GOING TO START ISSUING A KWANZA STAMP. A KWANZA STAMP. YEAH. ( applause ) THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S THE FIRST STAMP YOU CAN BUY ON LAYAWAY. THAT'S RIGHT. I COULD PUT FOUR CENTS TODAY AND NINE CENTS EVERY OTHER MONTH. THAT'S RIGHT. NOW TOMORROW, TOMORROW, THE MILLION WOMAN MARCH. THE MILLION WOMAN MARCH. THE MILLION WOMAN MARCH. OKAY, CALM DOWN. IT'S LIKE A DAMN SPIN-OFF. IT'S LIKE TOMORROW IN PHILLY, THE KEYNOTE SPEAKERS PLAN TO GIVE SPEECHES ON TOPICS SUCH AS FEMALE EMPOWERMENT, POSITIVE BLACK ROLE MODELS AND DENZEL'S ***. NOW I'M NOT SURE THE WHOLE MILLION WOMAN MARCH IS GOING TO WORK, YOU KNOW, BECAUSE ONE OF THE THEMES OF THE MARCH IS RETURNING TO AFRICAN VALUES. THAT'S RIGHT. THE BLACK WOMAN RETURNING TO AFRICAN VALUES. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, BLACK WOMEN ARE NOT GOING TO GIVE UP THEIR HAIR RELAXER. WHAT'S MY TOUCHUP GOT TO DO WITH THE COMMUNITY ? MY TOUCHUP AIN'T HURTING NOBODY. NOW WOMEN WHO ARE ATTENDING SAY IT'S GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY TO REFLECT ON FAMILY VALUES. MEN WHO ARE NOT ATTENDING SAY IT'S GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY TO WATCH ***. THAT'S RIGHT. NOW YOU CAN CUT THE VOLUME UP. GOT TO BE IN THE NEXT ROOM, HONEY, WHAT'S THAT ? OH, SOMEBODY GETTING KILLED. NOW THE MILLION MAN MARCH WAS SPONSORED BY THE NATION OF ISLAM. THE MILLION WOMAN MARCH IS BEING SPONSORED BY LADY FOOTLOCKER. GET IT ? NOW, STUDENTS AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MISSISSIPPI OR OLE MISS, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT, HAVE VOTED TO DISCOURAGE FANS FROM WAVING CONFEDERATE FLAGS AT ATHLETIC EVENTS. WHEN SOMEBODY GET A TOUCHDOWN THEY WAVE THE CONFEDERATE FLAG. WHAT KIND OF SH-- MESS IS THAT ? WHAT KIND OF ***-- CONFEDERATE FLAG ? YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CAN STILL DO ? THEY CAN STILL YELL "RUN *** RUN." IN BASEBALL, THE MARLINS-- ANYBODY WATCHING THE WORLD SERIES ? THE MARLINS ARE LEADING 3-2, MAN. NOW THEY'RE GOING BACK TO FLORIDA. I'M GLAD THEY'RE GOING BACK TO FLORIDA BECAUSE IT WAS COLD IN CLEVELAND. SO COLD THAT LIVAN HERNANDEZ DEFECTED BACK TO CUBA. THEY DON'T KNOW WHERE THE HELL HE'S AT. THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S BEEN THE LOWEST-RATED WORLD SERIES EVER, MAN. NOBODY'S WATCHING THE WORLD SERIES, MAN. NBC IS STARTING TO PANIC. THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT. THE NEXT GAME, TO BOOST RATINGS, THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE ELLEN DEGENERES TONGUE KISS HANNAH STORM. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THAT. AND FINALLY THIS WEEK, JIM BROWN... JIM THROW A WOMAN OVER THE BALCONY BROWN SAID THAT HE THINKS THAT O.J. KILLED HIS WIFE NICOLE AND O.J. ONLY THINKS ABOUT HIMSELF. WHEN ASKED TO COMMENT, O.J. SAID, YOU KNOW WHAT, I THINK OF OTHER PEOPLE ALL THE TIME, AS A MATTER OF FACT RIGHT NOW I'M THINKING ABOUT KILLING JIM BROWN. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT. YO, WE'VE GOT-- ( applause ) WE'VE GOT REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMAN J.C. WATTS IN THE HOUSE. WE GOT BUSTA RHYMES IN THE HOUSE. ALSO GIVE IT UP FOR THE ONE, THE ONLY GRANDMASTER FLASH. THAT'S RIGHT. HE IS THE GRANDMASTER. HE CUTS FASTER THAN ANY KNOW. THERE'S A NEW REALITY-BASED SHOW COMING TO HBO THIS FALL. IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHOWS. I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU TO WATCH IT. IT'S CALLED "NO ONE CALLED 911". HERE'S A SEGMENT PLEASE TAKE A LOOK. ( male ) YOU COULD BE A VICTIM OF AN ACCIDENT AT ANY MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE. SUDDENLY YOUR LIFE WOULD DEPEND ON THESE PROFESSIONALS. AT A MOMENT'S NOTICE THEY WILL BE BY YOUR SIDE UNLESS... RICHARD BROOKS IS RETURNING TO HIS FREEPORT HOME FROM THE GROCERY STORE WHEN SUDDENLY HE FEELS A SHARP PAIN IN HIS CHEST. IT FELT LIKE I WAS HIT IN THE CHEST WITH A SLEDGE HAMMER. I NEVER FELT PAIN LIKE THAT BEFORE. PARAMEDICS AT FREEPORT HEADQUARTERS ARE ON A BREAK. IT WAS A QUIET MORNING, WE WERE HANGING OUT, DRINKING COFFEE. BROOKS IS SUFFERING A FULL-BLOWN HEART ATTACK. HE WAS FACING CERTAIN DEATH UNLESS SOMEONE HELPED HIM. ( Brooks ) IT FELT HORRIBLE. I WAS ABSOLUTELY SURE I WAS GOING TO DIE. GLADYS WATSON WALKS PAST THE SPOT WHERE RICHARD BROOKS IS FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE. IF SHE CALLS 911 IN THE NEXT TWO MINUTES, HE HAS A CHANCE. UNFORTUNATELY GLADYS WALKS RIGHT BY NOT NOTICING BROOKS. I WAS DISTRACTED BECAUSE I WAS THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING MY HUSBAND SAID. HE SAID THAT I COULDN'T COOK LIKE HIS MAMA. I SAID WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR *** OVER TO YOUR MAMA'S HOUSE AND EAT THEN. WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, BETTY CROCKER ? EMERGENCY OPERATOR... DOES NOT RECEIVE A CALL FROM GLADYS, READS A *** NOVEL AND DOES NOT DISPATCH THE PARAMEDICS WHO DON'T ARRIVE ON THE SCENE BECAUSE NO ONE HAS CALLED 911. INSTEAD THEY PLAY POKER. WE WERE PLAYING SEVEN STUD CHICAGO AND I HAD THE THREE FROM THE JUMP SO I WAS RAISING LIKE HELL WITH EVERY CARD AND THEN BURT PULLS OUT THE TWO AND I SAID ***, I LOST $30 ON ONE HAND. THIS *** GOT ALL MY MONEY. HEART SPECIALIST ZACAHARY HAYMAN IS A LEADER IN HIS FIELD. HAD HE BEEN CONSULTED, HE WOULD HAVE BROUGHT BROOKS BACK FROM THE BRINK AND SAVED HIS LIFE, BUT SINCE NO ONE HAS CALLED 911, HE'S GOING TO THE MEN'S ROOM TO *** WITH A PORNOGRAPHIC MAGAZINE. THERE WAS THIS ONE PHOTOGRAPH OF A WOMAN. SHE HAS THESE SHORTS ON WITH NO TOP AND IT'S MY FAVORITE. BROOKS HAS LOST ALL FEELING IN HIS EXTREMITIES. MOST OF HIS MAJOR ARTERIES ARE PERMANENTLY DAMAGED. AT LEAST I COULDN'T FEEL THE PAIN, BUT I WAS ACUTELY AWARE THAT MY LIFE WAS OVER, WHICH WAS TERRIFYING, LET ALONE THE TERRIBLE FEELING OF BEING NEGLECTED BY THE WORLD. LEFT THERE TO DIE ALONE AND THAT'S WHEN THOSE FELLAS SHOWED UP. GANG MEMBERS ARRIVE ON THE SCENE. THEY IMMEDIATELY RECOGNIZE BROOKS' SYMPTOMS, KNOWING HE WAS AT DEATH'S DOOR THEY ROB HIM BECAUSE NO ONE HAS CALLED 911. MY BROTHER ONLY HAD $3 IN HIS WALLET. $3 IN HIS WALLET. THAT WAS ***. YOU KNOW THAT WAS ***. HAVING PLENTY OF TIME WITH THEIR VICTIM DUE TO NO ONE CALLING 911, THEY SHAVED BROOKS' HEAD. 80-YEAR-OLD JOSEPH LAXALL FINDS RICHARD BROOKS, BUT HE TOO HAS A HEART ATTACK. MEANWHILE, AT FREEPORT HEADQUARTERS, PARAMEDIC JEFF SCHAFFER'S SHIFT IS ENDING. I WENT OVER TO BRIDGETTE'S HOUSE. BRIDGETTE IS FINE, SHE'S READY TO GO ALL DAY LONG LIKE-- YEAH, BRIDGETTE. OHH, YES, YES, YES. RICHARD BROOKS DIED, ALL HOPE IS LOST BECAUSE NO ONE CALLED 911. SO NOW I'M DEAD WHICH IS AWFUL. I WAS AN OLD MAN, BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO DIE. I WISH SOMEONE HAD CALLED THAT NUMBER. OKAY, TONIGHT'S THE START OF THE POLITICAL SHOWS. WE'VE GOT THE REPUBLICANS AND THE DEMOCRATS, OKAY. SO TONIGHT WE'RE GOING TO START WITH THE REPUBLICANS. TONIGHT MY FIRST GUEST THE ONLY BLACK REPUBLICAN IN CONGRESS RIGHT NOW. PLEASE WELCOME FROM OKLAHOMA, REPRESENTATIVE J.C. WATTS JR. THANK YOU. ALRIGHT. NOW YOU'RE THE BLACK REPUBLICAN GUY, NOW. I UNDERSTAND COLIN POWELL BEING A BLACK REPUBLICAN BECAUSE LIKE BUSH GAVE HIM THE JOB AND WHAT'S HE GOING TO DO ? THE MAN PUTS SOME FOOD ON HIS PLATE BUT YOU, YOU SAID OUT OF THE BLUE SKY, I WANT TO BE A REPUBLICAN, WHY ? WELL, I-- I DON'T THINK IT'S ACTUALLY ABOUT BEING REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT. I THINK IT'S ACTUALLY ABOUT ALL THOSE THINGS YOU TALK ABOUT-- ME ? A LOT OF ARTICLES I READ ABOUT YOU. OH, I JUST TELL JOKES, MAN. I'M THE JOKE MAN. WELL, I THINK WHEN YOU LOOK AT THE WAY YOU AND I WERE RAISED. I'VE SEEN THOSE ARTICLES. YOU WERE FROM OKLAHOMA. I'M FROM BEDSTUY, BROOKLYN. NOT A LOT OF DIFFERENCE THOUGH. WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT LAYAWAY PROGRAMS. I'M FAMILIAR WITH THAT. OKAY. I SAW THE OTHER NIGHT YOU WERE ON LETTERMAN, YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT WHEN YOU GO BUY THOSE BOXES OF RICE WITH JUST RICE ON THE FRONT. IT DIDN'T SAY UNCLE BEN'S. IT JUST SAID RICE. WHAT DOES THAT GOT TO DO WITH BEING A REPUBLICAN, NOW ? IT'S ALL ABOUT LIVING THE VALUES AND THE PRINCIPLES THAT YOU WERE RAISED UNDER. AND I THINK THAT FOR ME, YOU KNOW, BEING A REPUBLICAN, THAT WAS THE ROUTE THAT I NEEDED-- I BECAME A REPUBLICAN BACK IN 1989. AND I THOUGHT THAT WAS BEST FOR MY FAMILY AND I. THAT'S WHERE I AM. DO YOU FEEL A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE ? I WENT TO THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION. I WENT TO BOTH OF THEM BECAUSE I WAS COVERING THEM FOR COMEDY CENTRAL. DIDN'T IT FEEL A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE BEING THE ONLY BLACK GUY AROUND ? THERE WAS NO PLACE TO GET SOME HAIR GREASE OR NOTHING. WELL, THAT'S WHY I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU. I WAS GOING TO BORROW SOME FROM YOU. YOU HAVE SOME, DIDN'T YOU ? OH, YEAH. I GOT NO CURL THOUGH. NO, I THINK, UH... YOU GOT TO FEEL A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE THERE ? I'M COMFORTABLE WHEREVER I AM. REALLY ? I GET A LITTLE SCARED, MAN. I'VE BEEN THE FIRST BEFORE. DO THEY TREAT YOU BAD ? ARE THEY NICE TO YOU ? BECAUSE I KNOW SOMEBODY'S GOT TO SAY, LOOK AT THIS *** HERE. I KNOW YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE BIT OF THAT AT FIRST ? BUT LET ME TELL YOU, I REMEMBER THE DAYS THAT YOU HAD TO SIT IN THE BALCONY OF THE MOVIE THEATRE. COULDN'T SIT DOWN BELOW IN THE WHITE COMMUNITY. I REMEMBER THE DAYS YOU COULDN'T SWIM IN THE PUBLIC SWIMMING POOL. HOW OLD ARE YOU ? 40 NEXT MONTH. YOU JUST REMEMBER THEM DAYS. YOU WERE LIKE TWO, I CAN'T GO WHERE ? I WAS ACTUALLY-- I'LL TAKE THE CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM. I WAS ACTUALLY FOUR. OKAY, YOU WERE 4, OKAY. I REMEMBER THOSE DAYS. I'VE NEVER CHOSEN TO SAY I WAS GOING TO BE OR I WASN'T GOING TO BE BECAUSE OF MY SKIN COLOR. IF YOU WANT TO BE A COMEDIAN, YOU DON'T SAY I'M BLACK, I CAN'T BE A COMEDIAN. AND I DON'T SAY I'M BLACK I CAN'T BE A REPUBLICAN, OR A DEMOCRAT. I CAN'T BE AN INDEPENDENT, THIS IS AMERICA. WE HAVE THE FREEDOM TO DO WHAT WE WANT TO DO. I'M COOL. YOU'VE DONE WELL WITH YOUR LIFE. I'M LIKE, ***, IF ONE OF MY LITTLE BROTHERS TURNED OUT LIKE YOU, I'D BE HAPPY AS HELL. I'M TELLING THE TRUTH. I'M FASCINATED BY THE WHOLE THING. 'CAUSE REPUBLICANS-- TO ME, BOTH PARTIES ARE KIND OF THE SAME. THEY REALLY ARE. REPUBLICANS THEY KIND OF-- IT'S NOT THEY'RE ANTI-BLACK BLACK, BUT THEY'VE GOT THESE CODE WORDS FOR BLACK PEOPLE. I KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING. THEY'RE LIKE, YEAH, WE'RE TRYING TO GET RID OF WELFARE AND THEY'RE REALLY SAYING BLACK-FARE. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ? THEY SAY IT ALL THE TIME. WELFARE MOTHERS AND-- BUT CHRIS, YOU KNOW, THERE'S MORE WHITES ON WELFARE THAN THERE ARE BLACKS. WHEN YOU SAY IT, JUST THE CONNOTATION. WHEN A WHITE MAN SAYS WELFARE, YOU THINK BLACK PEOPLE ? EXACTLY, EXACTLY. YOU DO. THAT'S RIGHT. BUT I THINK THAT'S A-- YOU KNOW THAT AND I KNOW THAT. AND YOU DOWN WITH THE GUYS THAT ARE SAYING THAT. ( applause ) CHRIS, LET ME ASK YOU-- HAVE YOU EVER PULLED ONE OF THEM OVER TO THE SIDE AND SAID, "HEY, MAN, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT, MAN ?" LET ME ASK YOU, CHRIS. GEORGE WALLACE, WHEN HE STOOD IN THE DOORS OF UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA AND SAID, "NO *** WILL ENTER THESE DOORS AS LONG AS I'M A GOVERNOR." HE WAS NOT A REPUBLICAN. WHEN BULL CONNORS TURNED THE WATER HOSES ON BLACK PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO GET A HAMBURGER AND A CUP OF COFFEE AT THE LUNCH COUNTER, HE WAS NOT A REPUBLICAN. HE WAS A DEMOCRAT. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, BUT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW. THAT'S RIGHT. BUT WHEN YOU LOOK AT, CHRIS, WHAT WE'VE DONE IN WASHINGTON IN THE LAST THREE YEARS, TALKING ABOUT CUTTING PEOPLE'S TAXES, DOES THAT NOT AFFECT BLACK PEOPLE ? BLACK PEOPLE MAKE TAXES. I THINK WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT WELFARE, I DON'T THINK YOU MEASURE COMPASSION FOR HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE ON FOOD STAMPS AND PUBLIC HOUSING, I THINK YOU MEASURE COMPASSION BY HOW FEW PEOPLE ARE ON THOSE PROGRAMS BECAUSE YOU'VE HELPED THEM CLIMB THE LADDER OF ECONOMIC OPPORTUNITY. WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT EDUCATION, YOU TALK ABOUT THESE POOR PEOPLE, THESE POOR BLACK KIDS TRAPPED IN THE POOR INNER CITY SCHOOLS THAT DON'T WORK AND YOU TRY TO GIVE THEM A WAY OUT. WE'RE LEADING THAT CHARGE. REPUBLICANS ARE LEADING THAT CHARGE. ( audience ) BOO... THEY SAY IT'S ANTI-PUBLIC EDUCATION. I'M A PRODUCT OF PUBLIC EDUCATION. BUT THERE ARE SCHOOLS THAT DON'T WORK. AND I THINK THE INNER CITY KIDS SHOULD HAVE THE SAME OPPORTUNITY TO MEET THEIR EDUCATIONAL GOALS AS THE KIDS IN THE SUBURBS. AND IN 1997 AMERICA THAT'S NOT THE CASE. THAT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN-- UNLESS-- UNLESS IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN BECAUSE SCHOOLS ARE FUNDED THROUGH PROPERTY TAXES AND BLACK PEOPLE DON'T OWN THAT MUCH PROPERTY, SO IT'S LIKE A JIM CROW LAW, GOING TO BE LIKE THAT FOREVER. CHRIS, YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S PAID THROUGH PROPERTY TAXES. UNLESS SOMEBODY GOT THE NERVE TO SAY, HEY, WHITE PEOPLE, SHARE SOME OF YOUR MONEY. WHAT I WOULD SAY-- IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA SAY SHARE THE MONEY, YOU AIN'T SAYING NOTHING. THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING. I'VE GOT LEGISLATION ON THE TABLE RIGHT NOW THAT SAYS JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE POOR DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO PUT YOUR KIDS IN SCHOOLS THAT WORK. AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS. IF YOU'RE POOR, IF YOU WANT TO TAKE YOUR KID OUT AND PUT THEM IN A PRIVATE SCHOOL, THAT POOR PARENT SAID, I CAN'T AFFORD IT. SO I SAY, WE NEED TO TAKE SOME OF THOSE GOVERNMENT DOLLARS, CREATE SCHOLARSHIPS FOR THOSE POOR PARENTS TO SEND THEIR KIDS TO PRIVATE SCHOOL-- THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK. WHY NOT ? THAT'S A SICK WAY. THE REAL WAY IS IF YOU FUND SCHOOLS BY HOW MANY CHILDREN ARE IN THE SCHOOLS. THAT'S RIGHT. IF THERE ARE 100 KIDS IN THIS SCHOOL AND 100 IN THAT SCHOOL, THAT'S HOW MUCH MONEY YOU'RE GOING TO GET. THAT'S WHY THEY WON'T LET THOSE POOR KIDS OUT OF THE BAD SCHOOLS BECAUSE THEY SAY IF WE LET THIS POOR CHILD GO TO THIS SCHOOL, WE'RE GOING TO LOSE THE MONEY. AND I SAY, YOU SEND THE MONEY WHEREVER THAT KID WANTS TO GO TO SCHOOL. THAT'S THE ISSUE. IT'S NOT ABOUT HOW MANY KIDS-- THAT'S THE BIG PROBLEM. THEY DON'T SEND THE MONEY WHERE THE KIDS GO-- WHERE THE KIDS WOULD WANT TO GO TO-- IF THEY WANT TO GO A GOOD SCHOOL, A SCHOOL THAT WORKS, THEY SAY NO, THEY CAN'T GO BECAUSE WE LOSE THE MONEY, SO WE WON'T LET THEM TRANSFER OUT. I ASK YOU THIS-- ASK ME, SIR. IF THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES CAN LIVE IN PUBLIC HOUSING AND SEND HIS DAUGHTER TO PRIVATE SCHOOL, WHY CAN'T POOR PEOPLE LIVE IN PUBLIC HOUSING AND SEND THEIR KIDS TO PRIVATE SCHOOL ? ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. LET ME ASK YOU THIS. WHO DO YOU HANG OUT WITH ? ALL THESE WHITE GUYS. YOU'RE GETTING READY TO BE 40. SO YOU'RE NOT OLD OR SOMETHING. WHO DO YOU HANG OUT WITH ? WHAT DO YOU DO ? IF GEORGE CLINTON'S COMING TO TOWN AND YOU WANT TO GO, WHO DO YOU CALL ? DO YOU EVEN LIKE GEORGE CLINTON ? WHO IS GEORGE CLINTON ? OH, NO. NO. I DON'T KNOW-- I'M MARRIED, I'VE GOT FIVE KIDS. I CAN GO OUT WITH MY WIFE AND KIDS. WHAT DO YOU DO ? I'M ASSUME YOU'RE SAYING-- I DON'T GO TO CONCERTS. REALLY ? I DON'T GO TO CONCERTS. YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING ? I DON'T HAVE A REASON TO GO TO CONCERTS. DO YOU WATCH CARTOONS ? I GO TO LITTLE LEAGUE BASEBALL GAMES, LITTLE LEAGUE SOCCER GAMES, LITTLE LEAGUE BASKETBALL GAMES, LITTLE LEAGUE FOOTBALL GAMES. I KNOW YOU'VE GOT A TV IN YOUR HOUSE. YEAH. WHAT DO YOU WATCH ? WATCH THE DALLAS COWBOYS ON SUNDAY AFTERNOON. GO TO BIBLE STUDY ON SUNDAY MORNINGS. ON SATURDAY NIGHTS, I'LL GO TO A MOVIE WITH MY WIFE OR I'M SPEAKING SOMEWHERE AROUND THE COUNTRY. I DON'T WATCH A LOT OF TV. I'VE GOT A TV, I DON'T WATCH A LOT OF TV. WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN YOU WAS A SINNER ? ( laughing ) I WATCHED "THE CHRIS ROCK SHOW". THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, J.C. WATTS. TAKE CARE. NOW HERE TO PERFORM THE SONG "DANGEROUS" OFF HIS LATEST ALBUM, "WHEN DISASTER STRIKES", GIVE IT UP FOR BUSTA RHYMES ! ( applause ) YO, EVERYBODY GET OUT YOUR SEATS ! ♪ GET UP, GET OUT YOUR SEATS ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY ♪ ♪ GET UP OUT YOUR SEAT EVERYBODY ♪ ♪ GET UP OUT YOUR SEAT ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪ ♪ GET UP OUT YOUR SEAT ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪ ♪ GET UP OUT YOUR SEAT ♪ ♪ EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY ♪ ♪ COME ON, COME ON ♪ ♪ BUCK WILD FOR ALL OF MY PEOPLE WHO DON'T CARE ♪ ♪ FLOSS LIKE A BUNCH OF YOUNG BLACK MILLIONAIRES ♪ ♪ MAKIN' YOU RUN ♪ ♪ ME AND MY GUN STACKING MY ONES ♪ ♪ FLOSS A LITTLE INVEST IN SOME MUTUAL FUNDS ♪ ♪ BLOWING THE HORN A SENSE OF EVERY DAY I WAS BORN ♪ ♪ NEVER DREAMED I SEE *** LANDSCAPING MY LAWN ♪ ♪ DANGEROUS MY *** SHOULD BE ACCURATE ♪ ♪ HAVE TO GET MY FLOW SHOULD BE SO IMMACULATE ♪ ♪ AIYYO, AIYYO ♪ ♪ WATCHIN' MY DOUGH SIPPIN' MY MO ♪ ♪ SIPPIN' IT SLOW, THE PRETTY *** SAYING HELLO ♪ ♪ ANYWAY GO 'HEAD AND DISS, PLAY YOUR OIL OF OLAY ♪ ♪ LITTLE HONEYDIP WITHIN A CARIOLA ♪ ♪ I DON'T MEAN TO HOLD YOU UP BUT I GOT SOMETHING TO SAY ♪ ♪ SWEAR TO ONLY GIVE YOU HOT *** EVERY DAY ♪ ♪ AFRAID OF US YOU KNOW THIS AIN'T A GAME TO US ♪ ♪ YOU STRANGE TO US THAT'S WHEN WE GETTIN' DANGEROUS ♪ ♪ THIS IS SERIOUS ♪ ♪ WE COULD MAKE YOU DELIRIOUS ♪ ♪ YOU SHOULD HAVE A HEALTHY FEAR OF US ♪ ♪ BECAUSE TOO MUCH OF US IS DANGEROUS ♪ ♪ SO DANGEROUS, WE SO DANGEROUS ♪ ♪ MY WHOLE ENTIRE SQUAD IS DANGEROUS ♪ ♪ SO DANGEROUS, WE SO DANGEROUS ♪ ♪ MY WHOLE ENTIRE UNIT IS DANGEROUS ♪ ♪ AHH, AHH ♪ ♪ ALL MY REAL LIVE *** THROW YOUR HANDS UP ♪ ♪ THROW YOUR HANDS UP, SAID THROW YOUR HANDS UP ♪ ♪ ALL MY REAL LIVE *** THROW YOUR HANDS UP ♪ ♪ SO WHAT ? ♪ ♪ (THROW YOUR HANDS UP, THROW YOUR HANDS UP) ♪ ♪ ALL MY REAL LIVE *** THROW YOUR HANDS UP ♪ ♪ (THROW YOUR HANDS UP, THROW YOUR HANDS UP) ♪ ♪ ALL MY REAL LIVE *** THROW YOUR HANDS UP ♪ ♪ ONE MORE TIME, ONE MORE TIME... ♪ ♪ ALL MY REAL LIVE *** THROW YOUR HANDS UP ♪ ♪ ALL MY REAL LIVE *** THROW YOUR HANDS UP ♪ ♪ (THROW YOUR HANDS UP, THROW YOUR HANDS UP) ♪ ♪ ALL MY REAL LIVE *** THROW YOUR HANDS UP ♪ ♪ ALL MY REAL LIVE *** THROW YOUR HANDS UP ♪ ♪ ALL MY REAL LIVE *** THROW YOUR HANDS UP ♪ ♪ IN GOD WE TRUST ♪ ♪ IT'S A MUST YOU HEARD OF US, YO WE MURDEROUS ♪ ♪ IN GOD WE TRUST ♪ ♪ IT'S A MUST YOU HEARD OF US, YO WE MURDEROUS ♪ ♪ A LOT OF *** IS WONDERIN' AND THEY FURIOUS ♪ ♪ ME AND MY UNIT DOING IT SO MYSTERIOUS ♪ ♪ FURIOUS, ALL OF MY *** IS SERIOUS ♪ ♪ SHOOK OTHERS BE WALKIN' AROUND FEARIN' US ♪ ♪ FRONT BABY, LIKE YOU DON'T WANT TO BE HEARIN' US ♪ ♪ GOTTA LISTEN TO HOT RADIO YOU BE PLAYIN' US ♪ ♪ 30 TIME A DAY, ***'LL MAKE YOU DELIRIOUS ♪ ♪ DAMAGING EVERYTHING ALL UP IN YOUR AREAS ♪ ♪ IT'S FUNNY HOW ALL THE *** BE ALWAYS SERVING US ♪ ♪ ALL UP IN BETWEEN THEY *** WHERE THEY WANT TO CARRY US ♪ ♪ HITCHA GOOD THEN I HIT THEM GOOD WITH THE ALIAS ♪ ♪ VARIOUS, CHICKENS THEY WANT TO MARRY US ♪ ♪ YO, IT'S FLIPMODE SO YOU KNOW WE ABOUT TO BUST ♪ ♪ THE LABEL PREPARING US ♪ ♪ BITE THE DUST, INSTEAD OF YOU MAKING A FUSS ♪ ♪ PEOPLE KNOW BETTER 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NO COMPARIN' US ♪ ♪ MAD US, NO NEVER, WE FABULOUS ♪ ♪ HIT MY PEOPLE OFF WITH THE FLOW THAT BE MARVELOUS ♪ ♪ HO-***, MY WHOLE CLICK VICTORIOUS ♪ ♪ TAKIN' NO PRISONERS, WE STRAIGHT WARRIORS ♪ ♪ WHILE YOU FEELING THAT I KNOW YOU BE FEELING SO GLORIOUS ♪ ♪ THEN I BLITZ AND REMINISCE ON MY *** NOTORIOUS ♪ ♪ IF YOU REALLY WANT TO PARTY WITH ME ♪ ♪ LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'VE GOT FOR ME ♪ ♪ THROW YOUR HANDS UP FOR MY EYES TO SEE ♪ ♪ STRAIGHT BUCK WYLIN' IN THE PLACE TO BE ♪ ♪ IF YOU REALLY WANT TO PARTY WITH ME ♪ ♪ LET ME SEE WHAT YOU GOT FOR ME ♪ ♪ PUT ALL YOUR HANDS WHERE MY EYES CAN SEE ♪ ♪ STRAIGHT BUCK WYLIN' IN THE PLACE TO BE ♪ ♪ IF YOU REALLY WANT TO PARTY WITH ME ♪ ♪ HA HA... ♪ ♪ SAY FLIPMODE SQUAD, COME ON ♪ ( audience ) FLIPMODE SQUAD ! ♪ LET ME HEAR YOU SAY FLIPMODE SQUAD, COME ON ♪ ( audience ) FLIPMODE SQUAD ! ♪ FLIPMODE, FLIPMODE ♪ ♪ SAY FLIPMODE, SAY FLIPMODE ♪ ♪ AHA ! ♪ THAT'S OUR SHOW FOR TONIGHT ! THANK OUR GUESTS, J.C. WATTS AND BUSTA RHYMES. WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK. FLASH, TAKE US OUT. ( applause ) "THE CHRIS ROCK SHOW" WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY... IT MADE US LAUGH, CRY. IT MADE US DO THE BOUNCE. THE SOUNDTRACK TO THAT MOVIE WAS SO GOOD, IT MADE ME WANT TO COME BACK AND SEE WHAT THE MOVIE WAS ABOUT. I'M GOING TO TAKE MY MOTHER TO SEE IT. I'M GOING TO TAKE MY D.J. TO SEE IT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS MOVIE WAS ABOUT, BUT IT SURE WAS FUNKY. THIS MOVIE WAS SO GOOD, I HAD TO COME BACK AND SEE IT WITH MY OTHER MAN. Captions Copyright 2006 HOME BOX OFFICE, INC. Captioned by HBO COMMUNICATIONS CENTER