The West Wing S4E11 - English Transcript

Previously on The West Wing: Nancy McNally has a new military aide, Jack Reese and we've talked and I want you to ask if he likes me. I'm new here and I wanna do well, and I don't wanna get in between anything. - In between anything? You have to go back. He's gonna think I'm flaky. - Maybe, but he's not gonna care. - Why? Guys will go out with anybody. You know I'm gonna get sued. I mean, you know it. - You're sniffing around for a fight. - Yes. Well, I can admire that. Yes, indeed. Merry Christmas, ladies and gentlemen. How many different meanings those two words can have. Little children yell"Merry Christmas. " A mother whispers"Merry Christmas" to her baby boy Whiffenpoof? Tobias. Jules, what did you name your son? Tobias. Little Toby. It's starting to get socked in out there. I'm worried about airports. You think they should wrap it up? - Well, one more after this. - I know. Aren't they great? You just want them to take you to their place and - They're 20 years old, ma'am. - Yes. "Sing" is what I was gonna say. Take you to their place and sing. - You should hear these guys. - In a minute. Hey, you staying in town? No, she's meeting Jack Reese at the Washington Inn. How does he get a room at the? I can't get a room at the Washington Inn. Me? I don't know yet. What do you need? Israel closed the Church of the Nativity. You believe that at Christmas? - It's ironic. - Why? Because Mary and Joseph couldn't get a room at the inn. And they went to this place. - The irony isn't self-explanatory? - This isn't funny. It's not funny. - Why did they close it? - I don't know. Can you find out? - Yeah. - Thank you. Good morning. This is a deposition in the matter of Laurie Milton and Citizens for Full Disclosure v. Congresswoman Andrea Wyatt in U. S. District Court for the District of Columbia and taken at the offices of Freedom Watch. The court reporter today is Patricia Gold from the firm of Alpha Reporting. - Your name is? - Toby Ziegler. - Is that your full name? - Tobias Zachary Ziegler. - Date of birth? - December 23rd, 1954. - Today's your birthday? - Yes. What is your relationship to Congresswoman Wyatt? She's my ex-wife. - Is she pregnant right now? - You have to ask her. - Why's that? - He's not answering the question. - It's been widely reported. - Yes. - You won't confirm it? - No. - Why is that? - It's private. - There's no privacy in a deposition. - But you have to demonstrate relevancy. Wyatt is being sued by constituents for failing to disclose a disability while she's asking for their votes. We're trying to discover the extent of the conspiracy. The conspiracy was massive. How pregnant is your ex-wife? As I understand, it's a binary state, you either are or you aren't. - You are the father, are you not? - Once again, there are medical records You and Miss Wyatt conceived this baby out of wedlock. - There are two babies. - They're closing Dulles. I'd like to suggest that we pick this up again after the holiday. That's fine. I'm told that on my sunniest of days I'm not that fun to be around. I wonder what's gonna happen when you make my children a part of your life. The president and first lady will board Air Force One at 7:30 for their flight to Manchester and attend midnight mass tomorrow at the Church of the Sacred Heart. Mark what are you doing? - What do you mean? - You're supposed to come as Santa. - We did it already. - Where was I? - With the president. We started worrying about weather. - You exchanged gifts? - Sorry. Well, this is exactly what happened to Ebenezer Scrooge who was a nice guy until something happened with Mr. Fezziwig that I can't remember. - All right, back to business. - Ho, ho, ho! - You see! - Ho, ho, ho! - Santa, you'll be mindful of security? - He's cleared. - Have you been a good girl? - I've been bad. I've been very bad. Even better. It's a goldfish pin. Thank you, everyone. It's beautiful. Merry Christmas. This is so sweet. Thank you. That's a full lid. Merry Christmas. They gave me a goldfish pin because I like goldfish. Actually, what I like are the crackers, but there was a guy Danny? What's going on? - Morning. - Hi. How'd it go? Why do you sit in the lobby instead of my office? Holy Line of Demarcation. Right there. Where the West Wing starts. I won't go past it. - I wasn't listening to you. - I said, Holy Line of Demarcation. It's because I didn't care. You got notes back on the congressional section. - This has become inconvenient for me. - What has? Your being at OEOB and having meetings in the lobby. I'm moving you closer. To where? The empty office next to me. - I'm not moving into the deputy's office. - Why? A, I'm not deputy. B, it's Sam's office and it's way over the Holy Line of Demarcation. You'll move your stuff in today. That's the Oval Office over there, right? - I'm averting my eyes. - Okay. You put me in that office and the speechwriting staff is gonna resent me. Don't be ridiculous. It's a West Wing office. Everyone in the White House is gonna resent you. Yet, curiously, I don't care. All right, the notes on the congressional section. Get your stuff and we'll talk about the notes. Thank you. Ted, can you call Joan Tanner at the EPA, please? Toby. - Ginger. - I'm not here through funny business. I have an appointment tag that was gotten for me by Mr. Joshua Lyman. - Josh got you in? You talked to Josh? - Yes, sir. Yeah. Oh, I'm Toby's father. I'm Julie Ziegler. Great to meet you, Mr. Ziegler. I'm Ginger, I'm a staff assistant. - Tell security to stand by at station six. - Yes, sir. I got an appointment tag, Toby. Don't do this. Your brother, your sisters, they let me in their lives. I play with their grandchildren. You're gonna have twins. I read in the newspaper. I'm so happy for you, son. You should hear how I talk about you. There's a new international math and science study. We ranked 19 out of 21 countries. - That's not very good. - This is what I'm talking about. - Who did worse? - South Africa and Cyprus. See, that's questionable company because you You don't really think of Cyprus as a leader in the field. No, you don't. Nor us anymore for that matter. One-third of all math teachers and half of all science teachers didn't major or minor in that subject. I did very well in math and science. I don't know why. We'll wanna get to the bottom of that. But we're increasing education spending to over $ 100 billion a year and as a result, we now have seventh grade textbooks used in ninth grade and the same answers get a higher score on SATs. That pissed me off. Right. But I'm talking about children now. What'd you get? On the SATs? You don't wanna know. You got double 800, didn't you? I got 800/790. For the life of me, I can't imagine what I got wrong. Then I took them again and got 800/790. Is it possible there was some sort of number-two pencil anomaly that Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt. You got an 800/790 and took the test again? - Yeah, I know. It's a little something. - It's a little something. Yeah. Our schools have reached a crisis state and our infant mortality rate is two and a half times what it is in Singapore. So, what I think we should do for starters is, we should keep more people alive. Then send them to school. Get a little peace and prosperity going. You feeling like you haven't been doing enough? Stanley, the width and depth of what I haven't done about it yet. You can't do anything about hurricanes. The president can't do anything about nature or bad luck. I ought to be able to do something about the airplane. Wait, what did I just say? It's hard to figure, but you've introduced a new word into the conversation. - What do airplanes signify? - Death. - Really? - That's in dreams, I think. I don't know. Stanley, I never thought to ask, but you are a doctor, right? - Me? - Yeah. How do you mean? I've been spacing out for a minute at meetings. Three times this week. I hear someone talking and realize I wasn't listening to part of it. That's unusual. Very. Hi. Yeah. It's Leo. - Mr. President. - What's going on? The Church of the Nativity is closed. You wanna believe that? - Why? - I'm finding out. Dr. Keyworth, Dulles and National are both closed. You mind being our guest for a little while? - Thank you. - And now we're one-third of the way through an Agatha Christie story. "Weren't nobody be going nowhere, the bridge is washed out. " Well, I'm finished. I was doing the guy who says that in the Agatha Christie stories. Stanley, as always. Leo, I'll be in the office. Thank you, sir. - Hey, Charlie. - Hey, Zoey. - Hello. - Hi. This is Jean Paul. Jean Paul, this is Charlie Young. - How do you do. - Zoey talks about you all the time. She talks about you so much, I think sometimes I want to kill you. - Hey, that's nice of you. Thanks. - It's a common emotion. Is there a way I'm supposed to address you? - Oh, don't be silly. - He's very casual about it. The average passerby wouldn't know he was French royalty. - Unless, you know, they looked at him. - Yes. Well, Jean Paul, I read 150 words about you in Us Weekly and I feel like I know you already. - Thank you. Excuse me. So I need you to give me the coverage on my father's mood. - Why? - I wanna ask him something. - What? - Do you need to know? No. I just want to. - If I tell you, will you tell me his mood? - Yes. I wanna ask my dad if Jean Paul can come to New Hampshire with us. - He hasn't met him. - He's gonna meet him today. - Now we got ourselves a show. - My dad's gonna love him. - Oh, yeah. - I love him, so my father will love him. That's the way it works. - Will you just tell me his mood? - No. You fell for the oldest trick. I work for the president. I don't discuss his mood. But I wish you all the luck. I like Jean Paul. You've got a lot in common. You are the worst kind of snob. Well, I think there are snobs who are way worse, but thank you. When I left they had 97 runs. - The score gets that high? - A high score is 400. - When did you start liking cricket? - I haven't yet but I took four days in Bermuda. - I love Bermuda, the scooters. I do too. I got one and was riding into Hamilton when I saw people playing cricket. And I like sports, though it turns out not as much as I thought. That's not the point. - What was the point? - I met a guy there. A Bermudian. Whose name I'm not gonna tell you right now. He was explaining the game. He's a cricket nut, he plays in a league. And he's a ramp signal agent at a small airstrip. He marshals planes as they're coming in. He was telling me a story to illustrate how much he loves cricket. There was a day his supervisor told his four-person crew they had tomorrow off. A training crew was coming in to work their shift. The next day the guy realized that he left his cricket bat in his locker at work. His wife had the car, so he walked six miles to the airstrip to get it. Except when he got there, he wasn't allowed in. Three men in coveralls who identified themselves as being the training crew were standing out front. All three were white, two had Southern accents. On May 21 st, he was told to take tomorrow off. On the 22nd, Abdul Shareef's plane went off radar 85 miles from Bermuda. This is like something you'd get on the Internet. I'm back and I'm happy about it. I think you know how I feel about you, but don't mess me around on this story. The three guys out front were U. S. Army Rangers. I gotta change my clothes. He's back! I go where you are, Carol. You're where the story is. The Israelis say it's unsafe. - They're worried about attack? - They're worried about the roof. - Part of it collapsed this morning. - Why can't they fix it? Because they'd have to bring in hammers and nails. They're worried someone's gonna use the stuff for bombs? Of course that's what they're worried about. There are 93,000 churches within rock-throwing distance. I'm not sure I don't think that's the point. I'm not trying to create a lasting cease-fire. Right now, I'm just trying to fix a roof. Is that really not possible down there? See if you can find a U. N. Relief and Recovery unit around there or an NGO that could serve as neutral God, as a neutral party to oversee transportation, storage and repair. Thank you. What the hell are you doing? What were you doing? Yes, I'm sorry. Yes, I did. I wish you hadn't and you knew that. I did. Yeah. Your flight's canceled. All the shuttles are canceled for a while. - I can take the train. - No, you can't. The tracks are frozen. What hotel are you staying at? We'll get you the room for a few hours more. - I didn't take a room. - Ginger. - I could be quiet while you work. Would you call around to the hotels and see if anybody's got a room for me? You got some pull in this town, huh? Excuse me. - Hey. - Good. Looks like the junior staffers moved their bicycles here in protest. - That may have happened. - You know - I don't care, let's talk about the notes. - I agree with all three of them. I agree with two. He says: "No leading with reform. Fix the pipes, don't buy a new toolbox. " You gotta talk about the toolbox now. At the beginning of an administration is the only time you can. If you say at the beginning of the administration you want reform and nothing happens then you just spent four years doing nothing about reform. You get on the field and win. I think he's right. It gets a conversation. Someone will give the meeting time. - With who? - The president. - And who? - Us. No. I shouldn't be there for that. Tell them I said move the bicycles. Forget that. I'm not prepared, nor do I feel comfortable at this point Yeah. We're striking out on hotels. - I can wait someplace else around here. - Okay, that's a good idea. You've been convicted of felonies. You think the Secret Service lets you walk around unescorted? You can't. You're a threat to the president. I'm really not. I'm gonna work for a while now. - Sir? - Yeah. - Would you like a coat? - It's not that cold. I'm sorry, it's not doing it for me. This is a Rale Chalet in the mountains with four-poster beds and dust ruffles. There's a 14,000-bottle wine cellar. You got anything like that? - We'll put our heads together. - I appreciate it. Sandwiches. Here we go. You should leave right now. - I'm leaving right now. - Your roads are all right? I-66, which they've been salting since this morning. Carol? He'd like to do the Times closer to 6. Can C. J. or a deputy sit in? - Yeah. You guys are all set? - Great. Thanks. - I can stay here till you come back. - I'll just be a second. Can you think of a song they can do for me before I go? You guys know"Girl from lpanema"? - Charlie. - Yes, sir. I'm gonna see Josh. Let him know I'm coming. Yes, sir. - Go ahead, go now. - I'll wait. No, no. Actually, three units are in the Sudan and a fourth is in Turkey which just had a 6. 2 seismic experience. That's an earthquake, right? Make sure they know it's transportation and oversight. We don't need materials. Come in. Becky, also excuse me. I'll call you back. Good afternoon, Mr. President. Listen, this is gonna sound crazy. Olympia Buckland had an infant mortality bill that we asked her not to take out of committee. Too expensive. I'd like her initiative, or something similar, to fold into the HHS budget. We'll make it a priority with the next Congress. No. I mean, I want it for the next Congress. You understand what I'm saying? Yes, I think you're saying that before it goes to the printer, you wanna rewrite the Federal Budget. A little bit. If we nip and tuck in different departments, we can do it. It'll take an around-the-clock effort. Yes, it's a holiday, but OMB works for us, right? - For the moment, yes. - You think this is crazy? Certainly not crazier than going for peace in the Middle East by close of business. You can get it started? - Yes, sir, I can. - Thank you. Thank you, Mr. President. Afternoon, Mr. President. - I'm sorry. It's not what it looks like. - It's okay. - It's the HHS budget. - What? It's important to him and there's a deadline. It's really okay. I'll have you on the road as soon as I possibly can. - Where do we start? - Call the policy councils. Tell them we need an initiative on infant mortality. I'll walk them through. which blanketed Illinois and Ohio today, have now moved east - Hello. - Good afternoon, I'm Will Bailey. - It's good to meet you. Charlie Young. - Hi. - President's gonna see you in a minute. - No. No. I'm meeting Toby here. Yeah, Toby's not coming. He called. Leo needs him on the Hill. - Really? - Yeah. Well, this should be rescheduled for a time when that's not happening. I'll just go back to my office and - Toby here yet? - No, sir, but this is Will Bailey. - So finally we meet. - Hello. - You wanna come in? - Oh, no. No. No, no, no. Okay. Well, I sent some notes on the congressional section. - Did you? - Isn't that why you're here? I was just meeting Toby Ziegler. - To see me. - Yes. I thought it was about the notes. - I'm pretty sure it is. - Okay. - You like to come back with Toby? - I think so. - Thanks for stopping by. - Thank you, Mr. Justice Mr. Bartlet Mr. President, actually. - Oh, my God. - You know what? I've seen worse. - Really? - Well, no. Yeah. Hey, I thought you were up at the Hill. On the Hill, you're not at the Hill. - So I'm back. How'd it go? - Didn't go very well. - A presidential flame-out? - It doesn't matter You feel like you'll never know the love of a woman. - Can we not talk about it? - Sure. What did he say on the congressional section? - Never quite got there? - No. Yeah, that's a harsh look in the mirror. That will be with you next time you try to make love to a real woman. It doesn't matter about me. I think this thing is important. Would you get Bailey and myself a few minutes with the president? There are laws against campaigning in federal buildings. If you're gonna cover Will's office, use plain oak tag or shaving cream if you need to. Okay? Lisa Lilly's on the phone. The Justice Department's having some kind of thing with skits and she wants to know when Albert Anastasia was killed. I can't find it, do you know? No, but hang on a second. - When was Albert Anastasia killed? - I'm sorry? - When was Anastasia killed? - October of 1957. - October '57. - Here you go. Thank you. Seven-thirty. - You'll be there? - Yes. - You promise? - When you get home you're gonna be confronted by the instinct to drink. Trust that instinct. Manage the pain, don't try to be a hero. Who rides a bicycle to work when there's a foot of snow? - These are good questions. - Okay. Your dad seems like such a nice guy. I was talking to him before. - Yeah. - Is he retired? - Yeah. - What did he do? He made ladies' raincoats and before that he worked for *** Incorporated. Boy, it really is snowing. There's been an earthquake in Turkey and those units are occupied. I said, there's been an earthquake, a 6. 2 seismic experience. Thank you. I realize the hour and it's a holiday, but if you can get back to me. Thank you. Well, they've got three PADs working on it and both deputies at DPC. Policy councils are having a hard time taking action without identifying offsets. - What are they talking about? - Early childhood nutrition. They wanna cut childhood nutrition? Kids will just die later. They don't want to cut anything. - What does OMB have? - They wanna explore a dedicated tax. Tax poor people because they can't afford medical? I wouldn't try to sell it that way. I'll get you there first thing in the morning. What did you mean by "it's not what it looks like"? - Jack's already down there? - Yeah. - I'll call him and apologize. - What did you mean? That I wasn't keeping you here on purpose. - Why would I think you were doing that? - I wasn't. - Why would I think you were? - It was just something I said. This doesn't have to be a disaster. C. J. 's gonna make snowmen and stick them in the Press Briefing Room and take a picture. We do that and I'll get you drunk at Hawk and Dove. - That sounds nice. - I have to go see the president. How's it going? Leo and the president have gone Christmas crazier than usual. - You know Danny's back. - Yeah, I got an e-mail from him. - Any sparks? - Come here for a second. He's chasing a story that the day Shareef's plane went down there was an airstrip in Bermuda that was secured by Rangers. - You told Leo? - I told him, I didn't ask any questions. Danny thinks we somehow got a Gulfstream to land in Bermuda assassinated Shareef, then disassembled the plane and distributed the pieces throughout the Bermuda Triangle? - Yeah. - He spent too much time in the Africa hot. The thing is, I'm absolutely certain that's what happened. - We're not to talk about this. - If true, we need to say so before Danny. We've been here before. - Not here, but I get your point. - Okay. Well, what do you think so far? He's the best-looking person I've ever seen in real life. - Want me to tell you about his lineage? - Oh, would you? Jean Paul Pierre Claude Charpentier Vicomte de Conde de Bourbon. He is the 22nd Vicomte de Bourbon. Though obviously that got interrupted by the French Revolution. Yeah, that was a setback for the Bourbons. Listen So I have to ask you, and I'm nervous but I'd like Jean Paul to come stay with us in Manchester this Christmas. Zoey, I think it's really sweet that you still come to me for permission. You're classy and you're old-fashioned. - So it's okay? - Not in a million years. - Dad - Listen. Sit down for a second. When you were little, like 2, I really wanted you to like me and I wasn't sure you did. With Liz and Ellie my act just worked and with you I had to try harder. Dad, what's wrong? I did something a few months ago, and I'm sure I was right and I'd do it again but it's hard to live with. This is ridiculous. You're freezing. Come inside. - Dad, no. - Come inside. - Good evening, Mr. President. Zoey. - Hi, Mr. McGarry. Why don't you go back and make sure your mom hasn't killed your boyfriend. Yeah, he can come to Manchester. He's gonna have more Secret Service stuff to do. And he sleeps in the root cellar, which, like your bedroom door will be guarded round the clock by two U. S. marshals. Okay. She looks great. I almost told her. I've been feeling it a little lately. I've been exorcising my guilt by having Josh crowbar infant mortality money into the HHS budget on December 23rd at 8:00. For me, he's trying to get Arabs and Israelis to like each other. - How's it going? - It's a challenge. Yeah. Danny Concanon knows a guy who couldn't get to his locker. Yeah. - We'll figure it out. - Yeah. Stanley thought it was weird that I took the SATs again too. It is. You don't think it's possible the remaining answer was important? - No. - Really? - How would you know? You got 1400. - True. - Sir? - Yeah, send them in. - Good evening, Mr. President. - Yeah. Listen my reasons for not wanting to talk about campaign reform at the inauguration are simple. It's not a legislative speech. The issues should be the ones that affect people's lives. You agree? - Yes. - Anything else? No, sir. In his defense, he caught the bad note, he came to me, he made it important. He wasn't distracted by the fact that his office was filled with bicycles. - Excuse me. - Yeah. I caught the bad note. That was planted to see how you would do telling truth to power. Not very well so far. I have no difficulty, sir, telling truth to power. Except when I asked you to come in the Oval Office, you said: "No. No, no. No, no, no. No. " - I was firm in my convictions. - And you called me Mr. Justice. - Can we get back to why you? - Because you do wanna talk about issues and this affects everyone and you can't get elected three times and can't raise the subject halfway through a term. Maybe, but I'm not convinced and that's because you haven't convinced me. This isn't Tillman at the Stanford Club or the California 47th this is big-boy school, Mr. Bailey. You understand? - Yes, sir, I do. - All right, it's Christmas. You've probably got someplace to go. Thank you, Mr. President. I just need to tell you this. Come here. - I'm sorry. Come here. - Josh All right. It was desperation, it wasn't out of a desire to do evil. He had a young family and he barely spoke the language. He went to jail. He went to jail and you went to school and it was all a half-century ago. Look what he did in two generations. What room did you just walk out of? I appreciate what you think. Do I get to think? No, you don't, because you don't know what I know. - What? - That I would give anything to have a living father who was a felon. Or a sister with a past. That's it. Josh! I was just coming to see you. You're off the hook with us. We'll go for infant mortality after the first. I don't mind. People are working. I have Donna. We got a whole night planned. Yeah. I'm calling it off. And I hooked Donna up with a news helicopter that's landing about two miles from the inn she's going to. - Donna left? - Yeah. Oh, forget the Nativity, we'll get them next time. Yes, sir. It might make it easier if you knew some of the history. You shouldn't have to ask when Anastasia was killed. Oh, my God. I know when Anastasia was killed. I know about the candy store in Brownsville. I know about Louie Amberg. I know about the Half Moon Hotel, sixth-story window, Coney Island. Can I tell you, Dutch Schultz ain't never heard of me, Toby. My crew. He It only happened to terrible people. - Terrible people. Murderers themselves. - Pa, please. Loan sharkers, ***. These were our neighborhoods. We don't have to do this all in one night. What? It's getting late. Stay on my couch. We'll get you out in the morning. I should I should stay tonight with you? You should stay tonight with me. Andrea's healthy? Very healthy. You got some names picked out? No, not yet. But, Toby who is that that's been singing here all day? The Whiffenpoofs. It's a group called The Whiffenpoofs. They're from Yale. They came to do a series of concerts, and the snow Yeah. Did you say Whiffenpoofs? Surprised you haven't heard of them. You used to like Cole Porter a lot. And they're singing right now in this building? Yeah. Right there. What? I'm having the strongest memory. Josh. Was I insensitive before about telling you Donna was gone? - No. What do you mean? - I don't know, I thought It's fine. Of course it's fine. It's great. I was feeling guilty but now this is good. - It's better than good. - Get it together, please? - I'm trying. - Okay. There's something we have to talk about. You'll tell me when you need to. It's four years later and there are things that are worse and things that are exactly the same. Where do you start? By fixing a roof? I'm staying on the phones, you wanna stay with me? Yeah.