I Rock S1E6 - English Transcript

(GUITAR AMP HUMS) (POWER CHORD PLAYS) WOMAN ON P. A: Dr Stevens, please report to ICU. Never played an acoustic set before. It's the first show on the Lovetones national tour. And apparently since Holly's pulled out, he's looking to take someone else on the road. LUKE: I thought your little brother needed help with his management skills. Kicking goals, J-man. It is next Friday, though. It's alcohol poisoning, not Ebola. I'll be in here, like, three days at the most. That jelly's awesome. Some counsellor lady coming around this arvo to talk to me about my drinking. (LAUGHS) Classic. I've gotta show my face at work. Hey, when he's better, I'll give you a call about Rosehill. Could Kristen Matthews, patient from 7 A, please return to the ward. Kristen Matthews, return to ward 7 A, please. Crazy night, huh? (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS) I really don't remember much of it, to be honest. Does that include when we were outside the 'Dale? Er, I don't know. "I think I might be falling in love with you. "And I think we should have sex right now," or "We can just take our clothes off and look at each other. " I think I probably would have said that to anyone at that stage. I was I was so Anyway, I should really go home and get some sleep. OK, cool. Um, I'm gonna stay here and make sure he's OK, you know? OK. That's that's nice. (BOTH LAUGH) Sorry. Soft ***. (SOMBRE GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS) Did you ask about the Sydney transfer? ABIGAIL: Things in the office have just been really hectic. I have to wait at least until this contract's done. Sorry. It's fine. Look, I know I keep asking but can you try and look at the camera a little bit more? I love seeing those eyes. Jasper, I told you, I can't concentrate unless I'm looking at myself. God, I need a haircut. Would you say you need a drink to get through the day? I wouldn't say a drink. I'm still here, aren't I? As far as I'm concerned, it's Luke - 1, alcohol poisoning - 0. I like a man who can joke about nearly drinking himself to death by the age of 30. What happens when they score the equaliser? Album sales go through the roof. Lasagne? I'm not hungry. (SINGS) When a satellite Comes crashing to the ground Buried and never found Yep. (REPLAYS RECORDING) (SIGHS) If it's ***, just tell me. I've never written anything like this before, so Mate, I don't say this very often, and certainly not with a hangover uglier than Meatloaf, it's sad, wistful as *** and totally incomprehensible. It's a work in progress. No, no, no, no, no. I meant that as a compliment, mate. The best songs are the ones that let the listener get their own meaning. 'Stairway', 'Purple Haze', 'Rock Lobster'. Thanks. And for letting me lay it down here as well. I mean, especially with our whole deal falling through the other night. Hey, hey, shush! That's all in the past. I tell you what, we'll double-track the vocal, and I've got a little proposal for you. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) He wants to sell your song? What's the ad for? I don't know. They sell office supplies or something. What's the song about, staplers? I can't believe you recorded with Andy and didn't tell me. Well, he did it as a favour and he's a good producer. The fact that he's a Ionely old repressed *** is beside the point. I guess it could be good publicity for Boy Crazy. And you can finally pay all that rent you owe. What's wrong with your face? I've got hay fever, right? I'm not selling the song. What? I'm not a *** sell-out. The song's important to me. Well, there's a surprising show of integrity. Show of stupidity. You never have any cash ever! You could put the money towards the FTF. You and your bloody Future Tours Fund. You owe pretty much everyone in this room money. Not I. Not Val! ***! Selling out? It's not the '70s anymore. That war is over. Has anyone here ever heard the little phrase "it's all about the music"? Yeah, I have. Good. Start learning the song. I have to get to work. Can I at least hear it? What are you doing here? (SCOFFS) Work. So, let me try and understand. You come in here the day after Petro catches you dropping a rowie in some girl's JD and coke No, it wasn't a rowie. You think you've still got a job here? Mate, come on, I was just trying to slip my brother an eccy because he was being a boring a-hole. Mate, I'll put that in your reference. (LAUGHS) Wh I guess I'll see you at the Lovetones, then. Yep. Hey, Nash, you look like ***, mate. NEWSREADER: Representatives from the WWF said a strong message has been sent to the Forest Ministry that their policies don't have public support. Yes! Hey, you should have been there. I just wrote the best blog about it. Nash! I just need some aspirin or something. Luke's always got *** back here. Why don't you just go to the chemist? Or a medical practitioner? The Forestry Council today is welcoming what they described Just move. a healthy, robust discussion about the future of sustainable logging. (NASH'S SONG PLAYS) It's one of the best things Nash has written, don't you think? You know I'm more of a hip-hop girl. Yeah, but didn't you hear that bit about bright satellites? I'm pretty sure it's a reference to when Nash and Luke, they used to take me to Laser Squad and, I don't know, it was beginner's luck or something because I, like, stormed, like, five bases to two, and then Nash's power suit malfunctioned, and he, like, fell off the railing. I got stuck in the smoke haze, and then What are you doing?! Any of those look like aspirin to you? I wish I knew what your problem with Abigail was. Her personality. Just put them in water and see if they fizz. (SIGHS) ('A GIRL I KNEW' BY THE VINES PLAYS) Ally was a girl I knew Took my heart and tore it in two There are things I couldn't say Oh, yeah. Hey, I'm off to work. But Cold and Flu or Panadol, which do you want? (GROANS) Nash? Oh, my God! What's happened to you? I can't move my legs. Scurvy? Yes. I haven't seen a case of this since I sailed the seas with Long John Silver. Arrr! (LAUGHS) Now, apart from your evidently shocking diet, are you sleeping? No. I There's this thing with a girl. She's amazing, like, fun and out there and she's with someone else. I wrote a song about it. I'm that messed up. I I don't know what to do. For a start, you can take a course of concentrated ascorbic acid and start eating fruit. Is that it? Medically speaking, no. Congratulations on your extensive gum decay. Can you please tell me how much this is gonna cost? Well, that depends on whether you want to chew solid food again. Say, "Ah. " (WEAKLY) Ahhhhhh. (CAR DOOR SLAMS) About time. What in tarnation?! Arr, please allow me humble self to prepare the way for you, Master Taylor. Would you shut up? Aye, aye, cap'n. Shall I check the stores for fresh lime? I believe we bargained with the Tahitians for about 10 barrels worth. Hey, if you wanna keep sleeping here rent-free, you'll leave now. Aye, aye, cap'n. I'm not finished with you yet, matey. Why am I in your room? Because you need to sleep in a nice clean bed. No. Hey, Nash, your bedroom is like a Petri dish. Now, if you're up for eating, I'm gonna go and make some soup. Hey, I know today must have been pretty expensive, so if you if you need to borrow some more money, that's fine. How are you feeling? (GROANS) Sorry, Comet, he's been pretty out of it. It's fine. It's fine. Mr Sickie. The soup's almost ready. Scurvy! (LAUGHS) Yeah. Jasper played me the song. What did you think? It's different. Oh, it's it's a work in progress. You didn't like it, did you? Oh, no, no, I liked it. It's alright. If you didn't like it, Comet, you can say. That's not what I'm saying. (SIGHS) I just really love your old stuff and I guess I'm not used to hearing you go so James Blunt-y. (SIGHS) OK. OK. Nash. It's alright. Nash, come on. (SIGHS) Oh. Took me a while to work out what the lyrics meant. (HUMS) Blah blah blah Reason ruin It's about Luke's drinking, isn't it? I'll practise this. See you at rehearsal. (DIALS PHONE) (OPENS AND CLOSES DOOR) (ANDY SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) Andy I wanna sell the song. Guys, this is no time for jokes. (BOTH LAUGH) You know why it's called permanent marker, don't you a-hole? Oh, come on, man, the DTs are a ***. Gotta keep myself entertained somehow. Look, this is our first acoustic gig. We've gotta be prepared, guys. That's it, ***, come on. Ah! (LAUGHS) Guys, no fighting! You're both very fragile! I have unmanned you, you scurvy dog! Now, admit your defeat and I shall let both you and your fine daughter live to tell the tale. (LAUGHS) (SOBS) Hey! What is it? Abigail broke up with me. Oh, no. Really? On on Skype last night. She said she couldn't handle the long distance thing and then I thought we could do it. And then on Facebook, her status was, "Abigail is now single. Needs a big night out. " Oh! That sucks, J-man. (SOBS) It's about *** time. Nash! Abigail wasn't good enough for him, believe me. Oh, don't listen to him. It's just the scurvy talking. No, I wanna hear what he has to say. No, you don't, dude. Mmm, yeah, I do. When you and she were living together, before you flew home, man, we never told you this, but she was cracking onto every guy she laid eyes on. Luke and me included. There's no way she's been as faithful to you as you have been to her. You're a holiday ***, that's it. What, is that true? You're not helping, Nash. Oh, he needs to hear the truth. I am so sick of you living in fantasy Jasperland where everyone gets the girl of their dreams and lives happily ever after. Wake the *** up. It doesn't happen, bro. (STRAINED VOICE) *** you. (APPLAUSE AND CHEERING) Uh, thanks very much to the Lovetones for the support spot tonight. (LAUGHS) Um, this is a medical thing, by the way. (SINGS) Bright satellites Come crashing to the ground Glowing in the dark Downed power lines The blackout and the blind panic That then sets in But springing up from the charred black freeway There was an inkling of a reason In the ruin Hey. Matt, how you going? It's not contagious, is it? (LAUGHS) So, it's just I get really bad hay fever, so, um Sorry about the no-show from the rest of my guys tonight. It's just No, I'm glad you could do the show at such short notice. I mean, Holly dropping out of the tour's just been a real headache. Yeah, totally. Have you had any luck filling the spot for the rest of the shows? No, not yet but Dude! Magellan, we need to have words. Val, now is not the time. That new song, "bright satellites crashing to the ground," it's about me leaving Boy Crazy Stacey, isn't it? You're saying I'm never gonna make it on my own. (LAUGHS) Oh, my God. Not everything is about you. That's right, take his side, as usual. I'm so sorry. Jane, how about you and Val It's cool. We've gotta get on anyway. No, Matt Yeah, that would be best. Guys Er, Matt, do you think you'll be hanging around after the show? I'm not sure, mate. We'll see. Write as many sea shanties as you like about me, Nash. You're the one doomed to obscurity. What the f You're besties with Matt, you can hook me up with him again. That is the least you can do after what your boyfriend just pulled. Oh, so I owe you now? Who nursed you through scurvy? Oh, I was too sick to stop you. *** you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's the scurvy talking, I (SCOFFS) I never thanked you properly for taking care of me. It was more than I deserve. You know that line in your song, the"Downed power lines, the blackout and the blind panic," is that is that about Kelly's 25th when there was a blackout and we got together looking for tea lights? Is the song about me? Mmm. I've been wanting this for so long. I know. What about Val? Val's a weirdo. Ah! Oh. Ooh, are you alright? Sorry, my joints have just lost a lot of connective tissue. Oh. (LAUGHS) Oh. Sorry, I think my gums might be bleeding a little. Oh, I don't care. (SINGS) It's wintertime in Hollywood But the seasons can't change us 'Cause I believe in what we have This is what will make us Oh, my love Oh, my love Oh, my love Oh, my love Oh, my love (DOOR OPENS) Morning. Morning. Er, I thought What? Oh, nothing. (LAUGHS) Good to see you're taking your scurvy recovery seriously. Oh, well, a man needs to be fighting fit for his long months at sea. (GIGGLES) Oh. (LAUGHS) You've got an eye patch. Oh. Sorry. Oh. Sorry. Ow. That's a bit gross. (LAUGHS) Oh. Oh. Citrus. I might make some toast, actually. Do you want some toast? OK. Alright. Oh, um Uh, do you think you could maybe hook me up with Matt, the Lovetones, sometime soon? Oh, well, um He's actually having some friends around tonight to watch 'The Hills', so you could be my date. (LAUGHS) Awesome. (LAUGHS) That'd be great. I don't understand. It was all just right here. Buck up, buckyroo. Have some toast. Well, well, well. We all fall off the wagon sometimes, don't we? We all miss a gig sometimes, don't we? I told you, I have to stay away from places of temptation. That's great. That's exactly what I need in a drummer. How about you, Jasper? Too busy crying? Something like that. How about if we get this tour spot, I just go on my own? Sounds like a good idea. He is lucky I didn't tell him the whole truth. I could have actually told him I slept with Abigail. *** you guys. Like, if you cared about the band, like, whatever other ***'s going on, you would have showed. *** you, man. I've been putting up with your *** for years. And Jasper spends every cent that he makes on your band. You know how much it cost to get those EPs done? $5,000. No way. Yes way. That's how much he cares. I know you're bummed because Comet won't polish your *** but that's no reason to ruin Jasper's life, or Jane's. That's one of the side effects of scurvy. It includes becoming a total ***. In which case, eat a *** orange. (SIGHS) (LAUGHTER) I mean, what really annoyed me about the march was all those bloody hippies. OK, great, you care about old growth forests, but must you wear tie-dyed T-shirts? (LAUGHS) Well, I've got four tie-dyed T-shirts. Oh, my God. (LAUGHTER) Dreadful. (LAUGHTER) He's a prick. He's a total prick and she's with him anyway. Love is blind, Humphries. Having an OK time? Oh, I think I'm allergic to this much oestrogen. I know what you mean. So, we should talk a little later about the tour spot. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great. AD VOICEOVER: Recently there have been concerns about logging practices in NSWforests. The State Forestry Council is taking a fresh approach to sustainability Oh, those *** hypocrites. That's right, do your damage control. and fuel load reduction to prevent deadly bushfires. So as this great state keeps growing, so will our forests. (NASH SINGS) Bright satellites Is that falling to the ground Oh, my God. You sold your song to the Forestry Council? No, I thought it was an ad for office supplies. They keep coming Oh. Up through the ground ***. I didn't want that tour spot anyway. Bloody Beatles wannabe troubadour a-hole. And what was with those violins? I never said anything to Andy about violins. You're worried about the instrumentation? What about me? They were all my friends. You're the one who told me to sell the song in the first place. Not to the enemy. Not to the people who represent everything I hate. "The war is over. Finally you can pay the rent. " That's before I knew the song was about me, and you gave it away as if it was nothing. (STARTS ENGINE) I never lied to you. You should have told me it was for the lefty-punching woodchoppers association. Well, how did I know 'forests' were such a hot-button issue with you. I don't give a *** about the forests but my fans do. And what was with those violins, man? Like a bloody Coldplay Christmas special. Holy ***. $5,450, minus recording costs and my fees. You're paying me in cash? Would you rather be working on music or on profit and loss statements? Look, someone with your charm and charisma can go a long way. Stick with me and there's plenty more where that came from. The song meant something to me. Ohhh. Don't be such a big bloody poof! (SIGHS) Listen, I'm heading out to do this acoustic night. Do you want me to come? No. That's for the EPs. (SIGHS) Just so we're square. It's about four grand. Well, it's $3,700. You know, dentists - it's highway robbery. Um, it's $3,300. Like, I've fixed Jane up for the rent, so we're good with that now. Let's say three grand, like, give or take. I had to Hey. What's up? Not much. Cara and I just had a fight. I was cleaning my room and listening to your song on repeat, you know, because I don't think I appreciated it properly the first time. Cara was there and she suddenly went off and flipped out about how it was all about me. Anyway she said some really mean things and it all kinda went to *** from there. Comet, I'm really sorry No, it's not your fault. Is it? Did you write that song about me? (LAUGHS) It's just a stupid song, you know. It doesn't it doesn't mean anything. (LAUGHS) No. That's what I thought. It's about trees, right? Exactly. Oh, hey. Hey. Hey, Jane. Um so I was Sorry. Were you gonna say something? No. Go on. Er, we're just heading up to the Sando songwriter night. Oh, cool. Oh, well, I'll leave you guys to it, then. Have a good night. You too. Good luck. Was that about me? No. SONG: Bright satellite Comes crashing to the ground Glowing in the dark Downed power lines The blackout and the blind Panic that then sets in