6 - 10 - 09 how to develop bodhicitta - Bbcorner

So I was reading one of the treatises by a Chinese Buddhist about how to develop bodhicitta and in it he was talking about contemplating the kindness of the Buddha, the kindness of our parents, the kindness of our teachers, the kindness of sentient beings and so on; delineating all sorts of categories of beings to contemplate the kindness of. And then, I can't remember if it was in his book or if I thought of this, but the word "obligation" came up. It might've been in his. But also the Tibetan word that is often used in these things, so when you feel the kindness of others then you have the obligation to repay it. Sometimes that same word is translated as "responsibility." Zopa Rinpoche translated it as "burden" I think. Somebody did. So I was thinking about these English words, you know, and "responsibility," people don't like that one too much. We like "obligation" even less, you know. But I was thinking about that because, you know, what's the nuance of obligation? It means you have to do something that you don't want to do, that somebody else is making you do, right? Isn't that what obligation, like, "Oh, I feel so obliged to go here or do that because somebody else did this or that for me." Okay, so obligation has this very negative tone, like you don't want to do it. But, we don't have a good English word--unless we transform the meaning of obligation or unless you think of a better one--for, when you contemplate the kindness of others and realize how much kindness you've received and experienced due to others and you feel that as a result, it's your obligation to repay it because you couldn't live with yourself if you didn't do that. In other words it's not an obligation that somebody else is putting on you, that you're under social pressure to do, that somebody else is manipulating you into doing and that you don't want to do. It's an obligation that you feel that you want to do because you've received so much kindness and because you couldn't live with yourself knowing that you've received so much kindness from others and then just being completely selfish in return. You know what I mean? So, do we have a good English word that expresses that? [Audience offers some suggestions.] Reciprocation? But see reciprocity, you know, "you pat my back, I pat your back." It doesn't have that feeling of your integrity mixed in. [Continued audience sharing about reciprocity/reciprocation.] It's funny with all these words, isn't it? How one word can have so many different nuances and some nuances correspond with the meaning and some nuances go in the other direction. [Audience sharing about the word "gratitude."] Yes, right, you feel gratitude, there's no feeling of the bad kind of obligation. But gratitude is more a feeling, it doesn't indicate the action. [Audience sharing about "pay it forward."] Pay it forward, yes , that might do it. But I don't know if we have "pay it forward" in the dictionary, if you can find it. [Laughter] But we're getting, this is the kind of meaning of the word. So in other words, when we meditate on the kindness of others and really feel deeply how we've been the recipient of so much kindness then a feeling of wanting to reciprocate or pay it forward comes. And a feeling of obligation in the sense that you wouldn't feel good about not doing it. It wouldn't feel right just to keep continuing to live off the kindness of others without reciprocating in some way, okay? So that's the kind of feeling that we're trying to get to in the meditations that eventually lead us to bodhicitta. Is that feeling. You know, so there's a certain feeling of having our heart filled knowing we've received kindness and feeling gratitude in response and that's going to move us to action. And it's especially going to move us to the action of not just holding our selfishness dear and on top of that benefitting others so that they'll continue to like us and they won't think of us as selfish. Not like that. But of actually, it has the result of actually conquering the selfishness, because we see that it's completely inappropriate, you know? In other words the reality of the situation is we've been the beneficiary of so much kindness and to feel self-centered in the midst of that is just completely inappropriate, you know, it doesn't fit in the situation, yes? So, if you see it that way, then you don't go into this thing of "I'm such a bad person for being selfish." Because it's not this, you know, "I'm so bad, I'm selfish, oh blah, blah, blah, blah." But it's just, you know, here I've understood, you know, the reality of the situation and how much I depend on others and how kind they are and being selfish just doesn't fit in this deal, you know. It's a round peg in a square hole. Doesn't fit! So it's not that I'm a bad person for having it, you know, but I know what the reality is and selfishness doesn't fit so chuck it, you know? Yes? And then that leaves you with that feeling of really wanting to be kind and, you know, wanting others to be happy which is love, wanting them to be free of suffering which is compassion, and having love and compassion for ourselves at the same time, which doesn't mean self-indulgence, okay? It means wanting ourselves to be free of samsara.