Charmed S5E3 - English Transcript

"A year after the death|of Snow White's mother, the king remarried. But his new bride was in fact|a wicked witch, - one consumed by jealousy"|- What are you still doing up? Not sleeping, as usual. First trimester nonsense, I guess. - You want me to mix you up a potion?|- Oh, no, thanks. I don't want to turn my baby|into a guinea pig. I got enough to worry about. Like I'd ever risk turning my future|niece into a rodent. Please. No, I was speaking figuratively. And it is not a knock at your|super-witch kick. It's just, I don't wanna subject her to anything that could be|remotely bad for her, that's all. Then maybe you should put away|those silly fairy tales. Silly? You think fairy tales are silly? Yeah, they're all about|helpless women needing big, strong men|to come and rescue them. Plus they're filled with evil witches.|You really wanna teach your kid that? No, I wanna teach her values. And that's what fairy tales are best at. You know, good overcomes evil. That's how Grams taught us. Well, my grandmother taught me|values just fine without big, bad wolves|devouring little girls. - You want my advice?|- Not really. You should ditch the fiction|and do what all other moms-to-be do, and that is to rely|on your natural instincts. Well, my natural instincts|are to panic. And besides, every other|mother-to-be does not have to worry about her child orbing out to Tahiti|when they are sent to their room. I don't have a clue. Luckily, you have|two magical sisters who are gonna help you|any way they can. So don't worry, honey,|you're gonna be just fine. I hope so. Where were we? "A year after the death|of Snow White's mother, the king remarried. But his new bride was in fact|a wicked witch, one consumed by jealousy. Every day she asked|the magic mirror the same question." Aren't you dead yet? Still so bitter|after all these centuries? Some things never change. Careful, my boy. Those are not just symbols.|They are pieces of history. I understand. Never forget,|the power of every fairy tale emanates from each of these. Their magic continues to shape|every child born, even to this day. Which makes the task of preserving|and protecting them that much greater. No, the mirror. Don't let it fall! Thanks so much. I thought I'd never get out of there. Now, this is the way|to begin a story. Who are you? A little rusty|on your fairy tales, I see. Evil witch, magic mirror? Speaks only the truth? Perhaps this will help: Freedom's loss must be unwitting|Into the glass, to do my bidding Now, amuse me. Not that you have any choice. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most powerful|witch of all? You're much stronger|than most witches I see. Yet, truth be told, there are three|more powerful than thee. We'll see about that. Piper? Where's the baby? It's okay. You're okay. I think I had a nightmare. Yeah, the Brothers Grimm|strike again. I wonder how they got their name.|Where's Leo? I don't know. I think he's helping|one of his charges. - What are you doing?|- Failing miserably. I can't seem to make this|protection potion work. Well, that's because it can't be done. Well, according to the Book, it can. Your Grams was working on an entry, so that means she was close|to figuring one out. Well, too bad she's not around.|She could help us both out. I just I need a little guidance. What about your friend, Wendy?|She just had a baby, ask her. Yeah, not one that could|heal herself from the womb. I just wish I could talk to somebody|who's been through this before. There you are. Paige, did you ever|make that vanquishing potion? - Vanquishing potion?|- The one for Cole. Remember, I gave you|the letter opener with his blood on it? Right, vanquishing potion. I'm sorry, I didn't know you needed|that right away. Do you? Well, if the nightmare I had last night|turns out to be a premonition, then yeah, bigtime. He had me back in the underworld|as his queen. Oh, yeah, but you've had|that nightmare before. I've lived that nightmare before.|We all have. But this time|we have to be prepared. No arguments here. And he's got a lot more powers now. So there's no telling how|he's going to come after me. You guys have to be|really careful, okay? What, you think Cole's gonna|try and kill us? That would not be exactly|the best way to win you back. Yeah, but it wouldn't be|the first time he tried. But he just helped us save her. Only because he didn't wanna|lose me. All I'm saying is we've gotta be ready|just in case he tries something. He is still a demon. Call me at work if you get|the potion, okay? - Wanna see more?|- No. I think I've seen enough|to know how to kill them. Powerful though you are,|I doubt it can be done, for good magic protects|the Charmed Ones. Still, I wonder if it can|protect them against such powerful magic|as we have here. Certainly worth a try. But using the props for evil could Change the meaning of fairy tales? Shift them away from good?|So be it. Let's begin with Snow White.|She was easy prey. Woodsman, come forth. Bring me the heart of the witch|who's as white as snow. As you wish. Now, mirror, mirror. Show me the sister|who's been burned by love. Oh, I know, I know.|I am very, very late. It's okay, I switched|your 9:00 with the 2:00, bumped your 10 to 12,|and I made your 11:00 a lunch. I have no idea what you just said,|but it sounds great. Any messages? Yeah, your divorce attorney called,|then Cole, Cole and Cole again. - Get my divorce attorney on the phone.|- Okay. - I'm sorry.|- I'll get some paper towels. - I am so sorry.|- Oh, that's okay. Here, l Thanks. I really am terribly sorry.|I'd be happy to pay for the dry-cleaning. No, that's not necessary. - Mr?|- Prince. Adam Prince. - Hi, Adam, I'm|- Phoebe. I read your column. - You do?|- You seem surprised. Well, yeah, you're not exactly|my target audience. Unless you're a closet|housewife pining for love. Well, one out of two is not bad. Adam, sorry. Got hung up in traffic. What are you doing here? You two know each other? - Well, yeah, we're married.|- Yeah, but about to be divorced. I didn't want this to affect your decision|whether to buy the paper. What? Buy what pa?|This paper? Adam's family owns several papers|across the country, Phoebe. TV stations too. And Cole, through his law firm,|was the one that suggested I might be interested|in buying this one. That's fascinating stuff right there. - Excuse us.|- Excuse us. I don't know what you're up to, but whatever it is,|it is not gonna work. Don't you think you're being|a little paranoid? With my demon ex-husband from hell?|No, Cole, I don't. Look, I'm just trying|to help you, okay? I found out that Adam|liked your column, so I figured if he could|syndicate it If you hurt me or my sisters,|I will vanquish you. And this time,|I'll make sure it sticks. You all right? Yeah. I'll be fine. So I guess this is probably not|the best time to ask you out. I mean, not on a date, per se. It's just that I'm hosting a charity|fundraiser tonight at the St. Regis, and I thought|maybe if you're interested I'm interested. And very, very flattered. But you're probably right,|it's not the best time for me, you know. - Sure.|- Rain check? Absolutely. Okay. All right. You heard me, Leo. I want you|to bring Grams back, now. Okay, I can't do that. She's dead. Well, I realize that.|Thank you very much, Leo. I'm not asking you to resurrect her, I just need her here for a little while,|for some advice. Then why don't you try|conjuring her? You did it once before. Yeah, okay, but that was|a unique situation, okay? And besides, I already tried.|It didn't work. Look, I know this doesn't seem|important, but it is to me. I can't do this alone. Well, you're not alone. I'm here. Yeah, I know, and it's not your fault. But there's only so much|you can do, okay? I'm the one that's carrying the baby,|and I don't want to screw it up. - That's ridiculous.|- No, it's not ridiculous. It is not ridiculous at all.|This is not raging hormones talking. Okay, this is a very special baby|with very special needs, and I need someone pretty damn|special to help me figure it out. And when I say now, I mean now! Piper. Thank you. Don't thank me, I didn't do anything. What am I doing here? And corporeal to boot? Well, what do you mean?|Didn't you come on your own power? Honey, I'm good,|but I'm not that good. Well, as long as I'm here,|don't I get a hug? But wait, I still don't understand.|Who summoned you? - The baby?|- No. You think? Maybe you tapped|into her power somehow and made your wish come true. Oh, you wished for me? Why? Because I need help.|I need your advice. I need to know how|to get ready for this baby. Oh, well, that's easy. Now, let's see, have you been|exercising your powers daily? Do I need to? Well, you know, if you don't|wanna lose control of them. Did you perform a ritual|to promote growth? Did you cast a spell to ward off|demonic parasites? Sweetheart, what did you do? We built a nursery|in our bedroom closet. Closet? Well, no wonder|this baby called me. Come on, we'll start in there.|We've got plenty of work to do. Oh, my goodness. Don't tell me you're already|interviewing nannies. Paige, you're even more beautiful|than I imagined. And you are? Why, I'm your Grams, of course.|Oh, come here. Quick, go clean up the nursery. No offence,|but aren't you supposed to be dead? Oh, I'm over that. Look at you. I mean, you're absolutely gorgeous. You have my mother's eyes.|Oh, she was a real looker too. Bet you have plenty|of boyfriends, right? Actually, not a problem|I'm having right now, Mrs. Halliwell. Oh, please, call me Grams. Piper! What the hell was that? What's going on? Paige? Paige? Try as you might, fairy-tale magic|runs out at midnight. There's still plenty of time. The Woodsman failed, but I won't. I'll split the witches up and make sure that none of them|lives happily ever after. I'm telling you, that was a demon. No crazy person off the street|is that good with an axe. Except since when do demons|attack with an axe? Athame, axe, what's the difference? Who cares? Let's just see if there's|any more where he came from. I mean, I certainly don't want a body|if it's gonna get chopped up. Well, Piper says you're the super witch.|What do you think he was? I don't know. Although there was something|about him that looked familiar. A little like this, maybe? Oh, the Woodsman, of course. Oh, you recognized him too. I read fairy tales to my baby|just like you read to me. Oh, darling. Well, I'm glad|you're finally doing something. Wait, you're saying a fairy-tale|character came to life and attacked us? Come on. Well, why not? They're real.|I mean, at least they used to be. What? Oh, Paige. I can see I have lots|to teach you too. Fairy tales are not all fables, my dear. Some are recountings of|ancient battles between good and evil. And they're as much a part|of our heritage as anything|in the Book of Shadows. You expect me to believe|that there are giant beanstalks and gingerbread houses|that actually existed? You used to think the Evil Enchantress|was just a fairy tale too, didn't you? That was different, that was A past life, yours. Hey, you guys,|was anyone here when this got? Grams. In the flesh, so to speak. Oh, it's so good to see you. Wait, what did I just hug?|Where did you get the body from? Oh, it's a long story.|And speaking of stories, a fairy tale just tried|to slice our heads off. A fairy tale? The Woodsman from Snow White. Okay, well, that would explain|where these came from. Glass slippers. Cinderella's, no doubt.|Cole knows it's my favourite. Cole? You think Cole|is doing all of this? Who else has enough power|to turn fairy tales against us? I told you he was gonna attack. Except it was an evil witch who sent|the Woodsman in Snow White. I think I better go check|with the Elders. I think you better. - What are you doing?|- Proving that I'm right. Hey, that's risky.|You don't know what could happen. Well, I know that Cole won't hurt me,|physically anyway. Well, as much as I distrust him,|we don't know that it's him behind this. All the more reason to play along|and find out who is. We can't just sit around here|and wait to be attacked. She could get killed. Piper, a little support here? If Grams thinks it's a good idea,|who am I to disagree? This way. See? No problem. I'm fine. Actually, I'm better than fine. Where are you going?|Where are you going? - I don't know, I can't stop!|- Well, get out of them. I can't. The door! The door! - Grams, what do we do?|- Just let her go. We're never gonna be able to get|to the bottom of this if you don't. Paige, follow her.|Orb her out if she gets in trouble. She's already in trouble. Help! I'm gonna have to help you|get ready to be a mother later. Right now, we've got to deal|with evil witches. Right. Oh, not that book.|This one. Listen, I am very interested|in making an offer, but I am on my way|to a charity event right now. Can we talk first thing|in the morning? Great. Thank you. What the hell? How can I serve you, my queen? Just be a charming prince. Meet Cinderella at the ball. But be certain that she's|in the carriage at midnight. Otherwise, you won't have|a happy ending either. - Hey, I'm walking here.|- Get out of the street! Don't you have any way|of controlling those things? They didn't exactly come|with an instruction manual, Paige. God! - They stopped.|- Yeah, but why did they stop? Well, he's got style,|I'll give him that much. Okay, this is getting too weird.|We're getting out of here. Excuse me, sir?|Did Cole Turner send you? Hello? I asked you a question. Okay, whatever happens,|you are not getting into that Phoebe, no! Looks like he wants Cinderella to go|to the ball alone, just like in the story. Hold on. I'll orb you out. No, go back to the manor. But what about you? Look, I'll call for Leo|if I'm in danger, okay? She's already in danger. We never should have split up.|No offence, Mrs. Halliwell. Grams. And none taken. Yeah, well, if what we heard is true, then Phoebe could be in a lot more|danger than we think. We all could. Yeah, if somebody is using|fairy tales for evil, it could rewrite them, corrupt them|for every future generation. How? How can you rewrite them?|They're already in print. Yeah, but every copy is|a manifestation of an original. An original that was entrusted|to the Keeper of the Fairy Tales long ago for protection. The Elders think something|has happened to him, that somebody took over|the fortress from the inside. An evil witch, I might add. Why don't we just orb to this fortress|and kick her butt? Because nobody knows where it is. Its location has been kept secret,|even from the Elders. Where was their infinite wisdom|on the day that was decided? The point is we have no way|of finding her. Piper, I'm surprised at you. I mean, she's a witch, isn't she?|Just scry for her. Oh, right. Then, after you find her, you lure her back here to us,|and we vanquish her with a potion. What potion? Oh, one that works wonders|on evil witches. Come, I'll show you. Maybe we could also work|on your protection potion, if we have time. You all right? I need to concentrate. She'll find you.|And by midnight too. I want her to find me. Part of me, anyway. Hair and a cloak? That's not|in the Little Red Riding Hood tale. No. But luring them away|from Grandmother's house is. And so is the big bad wolf. Excuse me, pardon me.|Coming through. Excuse me. Phoebe, you came.|I'm so glad. Yeah, well, I didn't really|have much of a choice. - You look fabulous.|- Thanks. I just hope you're not here|with someone else. Oh, no. I am definitely|not here with someone else. Even if that someone else|thinks I am. I'm sorry? Oh, well, speak of the devil. - What are you doing here?|- As if you don't know. - Actually, I don't.|- Listen, Cole, these boots may be|made for walking, but they're never walking|back to you, buddy. Boots? You know what I mean. Am I up to something again? Listen, why don't we get a drink? Oh, you two here together? Yeah, yeah, isn't that part|of your master plan? There is no master plan. At least, not one that'll work. - Okay, you ready?|- Yes. - Phoebe, wait.|- Listen, why don't you back off, pal. Excuse me? Okay, you know what,|leave him alone, Cole. Let him go. - Are you okay?|- Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. You ready? - Phoebe, I don't think you should|- I don't care what you think. Just stay the hell away from me. You must take care to cut|the mandrake root to expose the meat. Otherwise, it doesn't do any good. And then you simply roll them|in mustard seed, but not too heavily. And then goodbye, evil witch. I can't believe you did that|without looking at the Book once. Honey, I wrote the Book.|All the good potions, anyway. Would you be a dear|and get me a vial? Oh, yeah, sure. Paige, the vial? I'm sorry. You know, it's a good thing|you quit your job. You catch on quickly|and you have a real gift for the craft. How'd you know I quit my job?|How'd you know I even had a job? Oh, I peek.|I mean, you know, sometimes. Oh, but never during|a private moment. Thanks, I guess. I mean, what choice do I have? - Okay, no offence, Mrs. Halliwell|- Grams. Okay, that's my point.|I already had a grams. One I really, really loved. And yes, technically we're related|and you're my grandmother too. I guess it just feels a little odd|because I don't know you. I understand. And I wouldn't dream of trying|to replace someone as special to you as that. But isn't it possible|that maybe there might be a little room left in your heart|for me too? Someday? Well, at least I can see|where I get my stubbornness from. I'd better get a couple of vials|for Phoebe and Piper too. Grams? You don't need Grams to do|the scrying. What's gotten into you? I don't know. I suddenly feel|like I can't make any decisions at all. I feel like I'm 10 years old again|around her. Hey, what's this? Oh, let me guess.|Little Red Riding Hood's? Wait, we're off the beaten path,|aren't we? Oh, no, Grams. Paige. Paige! No. No! What happened? I'm afraid she's dead. I know there's something in here|somewhere about poison. Leo? No, we are not giving up.|This is a stinking fairy tale. If Snow White can come back to life,|then Paige can too. Right, Grams? I wouldn't get my hopes up. What are you talking about? You're supposed to be the expert.|There has got to be some way. - What about a kiss?|- A kiss? It worked for Snow White.|It's worth a shot. A kiss. Yes, by all means. Come, let's find her boyfriend. She doesn't have a boyfriend,|remember? Right, sorry. Stomach is really upset. Wait, I got a spell. Hear our call|For those who fall Purge her to awaken|From this toxin taken Nothing. Grams, what do we do? We focus on vanquishing|the evil witch, in the hopes that it reverses|the dark magic. It's our only hope. Did you finish|the vanquishing potion? No, unfortunately. Bad batch. Oh, Leo, would you be a lamb|and see who that is? Honey? Honey, you might|wanna come look at this. What? What is it? Someone here|eat a poisoned apple? You know, there's a fine line|between love and hate. What? It's just I'm not sure if you're dancing|with me or for Cole. To make him jealous, I mean. Oh, no, it's not like that at all.|It's just very complicated. I see. I could always have him fired,|if that would help. - Really?|- Absolutely, just say the word. - Word.|- Done. You know, it's almost midnight. What do you say we get out of here? Hold that thought. I don't know what happened to you,|but I do know evil when I see it. And you're it. - I don't know what you're talking about.|- No, of course you don't. But if you try to hurt Phoebe,|I'll kill you. She's dead?|What do you mean she's dead? Don't worry,|the dwarves are all over it. The dwarves? Piper cast a spell|that wound up summoning the descendants|of the seven dwarves. Actually, they prefer to be called|"little people" now. Snow White and the Little People? Look, the point is that they preserve|the dead. It's what they do. At least it'll buy us time until we can vanquish|the evil witch who's behind all this. Cole is behind all of this. Not according to the Elders he's not. Wha? Look, even if he is responsible,|there's nothing more you can do here. Piper needs you back home|to try and save Paige. Okay. When's her prince getting here? She doesn't have a prince. No prince?|Then who's gonna kiss her? - I'll do it.|- In your dreams, stinky. I'll do it. - I told you not to call me that.|- People! A little professional|decorum here, please. Forgive them, it's been a while. Sweetheart,|what are you doing with that? Well, I'm not gonna sit around|and wait for the wolf to attack. Wolf? What wolf? From Little Red Riding Hood.|This cloak is meant for me. Oh, you don't believe|that silly old story, do you? Grams, you're the one that says|fairy tales are based in truth. Well, yes, but that one|was made up to scare little kids. I mean, after all, a little girl gets|eaten in the end. What a downer. No, the Woodsman comes|and cuts open the wolf's stomach, and frees her and the grandmother. Well, that's not the popular version. Well, it's in our version. Really? Show me. - Think she knows that's a wolf?|- Not our business. Okay, let's orb. Phoebe, where are you going?|Who is this guy? This is my brother-in-law. Something|has happened and I gotta get home. - I'm really sorry, Adam.|- Then let me give you a ride. Don't go anywhere with this guy. How could you have done this? - Done what?|- Come on. - Phoebe, wait.|- Leave her alone! Keep him away from me. Leo, he's evil. Really? And what are you? So Red Riding Hood|comes into the house, and finds the wolf|dressed as her grandmother. As if she wouldn't see through that. Skip down. Okay, let's see. She says, "Grandmother,|what big ears you have." "The better to hear you with,|my dear." And then, "What big eyes you have." "The better to see you with,|my dear." Yeah, yeah, and then, "What big teeth you have." "The better to eat you with,|my dear!" Piper. What are we doing out here? No! The end. Put it down. Gently. I can't. The witch will kill me. And so will I. You don't wanna hurt her. Oh, what am I gonna do with you? Keep your hands off my pumpkin. Where's my wife? Where's my wife? No! Piper. Are you okay? Yeah, I think so. - How did you?|- She blew him up from the inside. Although it took her long enough. Back off, Grams,|I just saved your ***. She's back. Your sister. And I had nothing|to do with this, I swear. - Oh, my.|- What are we going to do now? Well, we do what we were gonna|do in the first place. We find the witch who did this|and vanquish her. - Do you know how to find her?|- No. Wait a minute, I think I do. The wolf was trying to get into|the book of fairy tales. Perhaps it's a portal of some sort. Although I don't know how|we access it. Well, we can't. But maybe|Little Red Riding Hood can. I knew I was gonna have to put on|this stupid thing sooner or later. Don't forget the potion. Go on. Show her who's|the most powerful witch of all. Why won't you answer|my question? Why won't you tell me|what I want to hear? You know as well as I|that I cannot tell a lie. Damn it! Well, then, if I'm not the most|powerful witch in the land, who is? Take a wild guess. You? That's not possible. The wolf ate you. I saw it. Yeah, well, I didn't agree with him. See if this agrees with you. No, I'm melting. I'm melting! I'm melting! You saved me. Are you the Keeper? No, his apprentice. Or at least I was. Oh, no. Wait, if he didn't|come back to life, does that mean|my sisters won't either? No, no, they were victims|of fairy-tale magic, so when you saved the fairy tales,|you saved them too. A glass slipper is missing. Must mean that story|hasn't found the happy ending yet. Well, I guess this makes you|the new Keeper. I guess so. Any idea how I get|the heck out of here? All right, can someone please tell me|how I got in a coffin? You were dead, dear. But bright side, at least now we have|something in common. You know, you really ought|to get yourself a prince in case this ever happens again. - Who are you?|- We'll send you the bill. Let's go, men. - Come on, guys, let's go.|- All right. Paige, you're okay. Which means the witch is vanquished.|So where's? Piper. Is everybody okay? Well, thanks to you they are. Well, I suppose that means|it's time for me to go. Mind giving me a lift? Well, why do you have to go at all? Because I don't belong here anymore. See, you thought you needed me, but I was only here to remind you|that you don't. Not even for her. Okay, but what about me? I feel like I didn't get to spend|any time with you. That's okay. I don't stay dead long. Good point. Well, do I at least|get a hug goodbye? It was great to finally meet you. Grams. Be safe, my darlings. Where are you going? I need to catch up on my fairy tales. I guess I'm gonna catch up|on some sleep. Okay, you want me to say it,|don't you? I was wrong, okay? I'm sorry. I really am. It's not your fault.|I lost your trust a long time ago. I can't expect|to earn it back overnight. I don't think I'm gonna trust anyone|any time soon. Do you mean Adam? He was just being used by the witch.|He's a good guy. Really? I don't think|I can even tell anymore. What are we doing here? Rebuilding your trust. You liked him|when you first met him, right? Yeah, so? So he's not under a spell. Why don't you see if|your original instincts were right? Look, I don't want you|to fall in love with him, Phoebe. But you need to realize he's not evil. Why are you doing this? Because unless you learn|to trust yourself again, you'll never learn to trust me.