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I will let you kiss me for five seconds
if you can think of another Ralph Macchio movie
by the time I count to three.
Uh, "Karate Kid II."
All right.
You're not kissing me back.
I said that you can kiss me.
I didn't say I was gonna kiss you.
Go ahead.
You still have a couple seconds left.
This is weird.
We're, like, happily married,
and we're still totes horns for each other, right?
We are totes horns.
Are you trying to get back at me
by giving me jalapeño [bleep]?
Yes, I am.
Oh, by the way, I may have offered
to share you with Jennifer
in, like, some sort of "Big Love" situation.
I've always had a fantasy about being a polygamist.
Really? While you're married,
you fantasize about more marriages?
You sick mother[bleep]
We have sex, like, three times a week.
That's a lot.
We have sex two times a week.
You don't know what I do.
You know, when you're in a relationship,
you have to do things for your partner.
You know? Like pee on their [bleep].
Yeah, my [bleep] hates you.
[ Robot voice ] I don't think that's the case.
Ugh. Why are you doing that?
You will learn to love my voice.
You're looking good. Why are you wasting this
on going out with Jennifer, huh?
Okay, you know when you say stuff like that
you make it very hard for me
to fantasize about divorcing you.
Okay.
I just want to know if other people are, like,
going around behind closed doors doing...stuff like this.
Stuff like being affectionate and intimate?
Yeah, exactly. 'Cause I'll get pitchforks,
and I will run them out of their homes.
They can't act like that.
♪♪