The Barrister and the Bargast - Lyrics - Haze (uk)

Across Paradise Square in his suit & bow tie The Barrister strode with a gleam in his eye His morals were low, but his fees were sky high For he knew how to cheat & he knew how to lie He worked late in the evening so he could charge more For his time and his knowledge of old English law The shadows lay deep as he walked from his door Through the old cobbled square from a time long before The Bargast awoke in the depths of his lair Hidden from mortal eyes under the square A huge ghostly dog with red eyes and black hair He lifted his nose and he scented the air What manner of man can give off such a smell? The stench of corruption and Old Spice as well It was worse than the stench in the bowels of Hell A smell which the Bargast knew only too well The Bargast came forth and the man stopped dead He looked as the size of the beast and he said "You better be licensed or woe betide you, I'll have you put down and your master I'll sue" The Bargast looked back with his red eyes aglow He said "My master is no one you'd know, I round up the guilty and I take them below, Now it's your turn to feel my teeth in your soul" The Barrister turned and he fled with some vigour But expense account luncheons had fattened his figure So the Bargast soon had the man pinned to the deck And he opened his jaws to rip out his neck The Barrister pleased and begged for his life He spoke of his children and his greaving wife The Bargast just stared the man deep in the eyes And said "This World has heard enough of your lies" "your children despise you they'll be glad when you go, Your wife left you three and a half years ago, You have all the appeal of a three week dead Cod, And you mistress loves only the size of your ***. "There's none that will mourn you I bid you farewell You soul is now forfeit, your place is in Hell, For justice and mercy you care not one Groat" And the noble beast ripped out the Barrister's throat So hear me you Lawyers and learn from my tale With your nose in the swill and your thumb on the scales Beware of the Bargast and his sniffling snout Or be sure that you sins will rip your throat out!