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>> Archer: BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT WAS THERE, LANA! >> Lana: THERE WHERE? OUTSIDE A CLOWN COLLEGE? >> Archer: THEY HAVE THOSE HERE? >> Lana: I DON'T KNOW! ARCHER, LOOK OUT! [ CRASH! ] UGH! WE'LL NEVER CATCH HIM IN THIS THING. >> Archer: MAYBE YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE YOU BLEW THE DAMN DROP. >> Lana: I BLEW JACK ***! >> Archer: NAME DROPPER. >> Lana: AND IF YOU WEREN'T SO BUSY TRYING TO *** THAT WAITRESS... >> Archer: OH, FOR -- >> Lana: ...YOU WOULD'VE NOTICED THAT ODIN HAD AGENTS IN PLAY. >> Archer: SHE WAS THE HOSTESS! IF YOU WEREN'T BLINDED BY JEALOUSY. >> Lana: OKAY, YES, I'M JEALOUS. >> Archer: FIRST STEP'S ADMITTING IT. >> Lana: JEALOUS THAT ODIN'S GONNA BEAT US AGAIN... >> Archer: ODIN! >> Lana: ...THANKS TO YOUR EPIC POONHOUNDERY. >> Archer: FIRST OF ALL, LANA -- >> ARRETêZ-VOUS! ARRETêZ-VOUS! [ TIRES SCREECHING ] [ CRASH! ] >> Archer: OH! [ CHUCKLES ] >> Lana: GREAT. GOOD JOB. >> Archer: SHUT UP! ODIN DOESN'T BEAT STERLING ARCHER. ONLY STERLING ARCHER BEATS -- [ TIRES SCREECH ] >> Lana: DID YOU WANT TO FINISH THAT THOUGHT? >> Archer: DID YOU WANT TO FINISH SHUTTING YOUR BIG, FAT, NEGATIVE, WORDSY MOUTH? >> Lana: WHOSE FAT MOUTH TOLD THE STUPID WAITRESS HE WAS AN ISIS AGENT? >> Archer: HOSTESS! AND I HAD A PLAN. >> Lana: WHAT? TO GET LAID IN THE WALK-IN? >> Archer: ALSO, BECAUSE I'M NOT AN ANT, LANA... [ TIRES SCREECH ] ...I HAPPEN TO SEE THE BIG PICTURE. >> Lana: OH, REALLY? WELL, THEN, WHERE'S... [ TIRES SCREECH ] ...KASPAROV? OKAY, THAT WAS A FLUKE. >> Archer: YEAH, A FLUKE OF NATURE BECAUSE I HAPPEN TO HAVE PERFECT SITUATIONAL AWARENESS, LANA... >> Lana: ARCHER. >> Archer: ...WHICH CANNOT BE TAUGHT, BY THE WAY... >> Lana: ARCHER. >> Archer: ...LIKE A POET'S... MIND FOR... >> Lana: ARCHER. >> Archer: ...TO MAKE THE PERFECT WORD. >> Lana: ARCHER! >> Archer: GOD DAMN IT! I'M RELISHING -- [ CRASH! ] OW. WAY TO GO, LANA. NICE WARNING. >> Lana: NICE RELISHING. OW. >> Archer: OHH. THINK THAT WAS ODIN? >> Lana: NAH, IT'S ONLY YOU THAT BEATS YOU, BUDDY. >> Archer: HA HA HA. >> Barry: HEY, GANG. >> Both: BARRY. >> Barry: GEE, THANKS FOR HELPING US CATCH KASPAROV. ODIN APPRECIATES THE ASSIST. >> Lana: YEAH. >> Barry: AND IF YOU EVER GET TIRED OF PLAYING J.V. BALL, YOU KNOW WHERE TO FIND US. >> Archer: OH, YEAH? UH, WHERE'S THAT? UH, DICKTOWN? [ CHUCKLES ] JESUS, EVEN THEIR CARDS ARE NICE. LANA, LOOK AT THIS -- IT'S EMBOSSED. OH, OKAY. THEN, I GUESS JUST POUT. >> Malory: OUI. OUI, JE SAIS, MAIS -- OUI. AU REVOIR. THAT WAS THE MAYOR OF PARIS. >> Archer: NAME DROPPER. >> Malory: WHO IS JUST AS EAGER AS I AM TO KNOW WHY ISIS AGENTS WERE TERRORIZING PARIS! >> Archer: SO, I CRASHED A FEW COP CARS, RAN OVER A FEW MIMES. SO, I DON'T PLAY BY THE RULES, MOTHER, BUT I GET RESULTS. >> Malory: WELL, AS LONG AS YOU GOT KASPAROV. >> Archer: OH, UH, YEAH, ABOUT THAT. [ GLASS BREAKING ] >> Pam: THAT'S WHY SHE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS. >> EITHER THAT, OR I STEAL THEM. >> Pam: HMM? >> WHAT? >> Pam: WHAT'S THAT? >> WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT, PAM? 'CAUSE I'M A LITTLE BUSY FOR CHIT-CHAT. >> Pam: BUSY TRYING TO TURN THAT THING ON? >> LOOK AT THIS! O-N -- NOTHING! >> Pam: WELL, JUST KEEP AT IT. >> YOU'RE NOT MY SUPERVISOR. >> Cyril: I'M SORRY -- WHAT?! >> Lana: HE SORT OF OFFERED ME A JOB AT ODIN. >> Cyril: BARRY DILLON? BARRY "WE HAVE THIS WHOLE HUGE HISTORY TOGETHER" DILLON? >> Lana: WE DON'T HAVE THIS WHOLE HUGE HISTORY. OH. OH, MY GOD. BARRY. >> Barry: SWEET, HUH? >> Lana: USING A MIRROR TO REFLECT THE LASER BEAM BACK INTO THE LASER? >> Barry: YEAH. >> Lana: OH, MY GOD. >> Barry: SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG. AND THAT I'M ACCIDENTALLY INSIDE YOU. >> Lana: NOT A PROBLEM. I-I JUST WANT TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN, SO YOU CAN'T BREATHE A WORD OF THIS TO MALORY. YOU KNOW HOW SHE GETS. >> Malory: ODIN?! >> Archer: WELL, SINCE I'M NOT APPRECIATED HERE. >> Malory: WHAT'S TO APPRECIATE? >> Archer: EXACTLY. I MEAN, THAT'S INDICATIVE OF YOUR WHOLE ATTITUDE, MOTHER. >> Malory: STERLING MALORY ARCHER, YOU ARE... OF COURSE FREE TO PURSUE YOUR OPTIONS. >> Archer: WAIT, HANG ON. >> Malory: AND IF ODIN MADE YOU A BETTER OFFER, WHAT KIND OF MOTHER WOULD I BE IF I STOOD IN THE WAY OF YOUR HAPPINESS? >> Archer: UH...WAIT, WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE? FINE! SHE THINKS I WON'T GO?! WELL, GUESS WHAT! I DON'T NEED HER! >> Pam: I, HOWEVER, DO NEED YOUR KEYCARD. >> Archer: YEAH, HI. BARRY DILLON, PLEASE. YES, I'LL HOLD! OH, AND JUST WAIT TILL I GET TO ODIN. >> Pam: I WILL! KEYCARD? >> Archer: OH. HERE! GOD! >> Pam: THEY ARE THE STUFF-THROWING-EST FAMILY. >> OKAY, SO, AFTER I CALL YOUR VASE GUY... >> Malory: FREEZE EVERY ONE OF HIS ACCOUNTS! AND THEN GET ME WOODHOUSE. AND WE'LL JUST SEE HOW TOUGH STERLING IS WHEN HE CAN'T SUCKLE AT MY ***! >> [ SHUDDERS ] >> Archer: WOODHOUSE, SHE FROZE MY ACCOUNTS, AND I NEED TO GET IN MY SAFE, SO OPEN THE *** DOOR ALREADY! >> Woodhouse: I'M AFRAID I CAN'T, SINCE ISIS ACTUALLY PAYS THE RENT ON THE -- [ GUNSHOTS RICOCHET ] >> Archer: AAH! DAMN IT! WHEN DID WE GET A BULLETPROOF DOOR?! >> Woodhouse: AFTER THE POPEYE INCIDENT, SIR. >> Archer: OH, RIGHT. WAIT, SO YOU KICK ME OUT OF MY OWN HOUSE?! >> Woodhouse: YES, SIR. ALTHOUGH IT PAINS ME DEARLY. >> Archer: I'M GONNA PAIN YOU DEARLY, WOODHOUSE, WHEN I PEEL ALL YOUR SKIN OFF WITH A FLENSING KNIFE, SEW IT INTO WOODHOUSE PAJAMAS, AND THEN SET THOSE PAJAMAS ON FIRE! HELLO? >> Woodhouse: IT'S JUST YOU AND ME NOW, REGGIE. SO BE A LAD? PUT ON SOME MINGUS? >> Archer: HI, BARRY DILLON, PLEASE? YES, IT'S STERLING ARCH-- OHH. YES, I'LL HOLD! >> Trexler: OH! COME ON. WE'VE GOT MI6 IN THE SEMIS ON SUNDAY, AND I AM SLICING IT LIKE A BUTCHER. >> Barry: JUST KEEP AT IT. >> Trexler: I THINK IT'S THIS NEW GRIP. >> Barry: SO, LISTEN, REMEMBER HOW YOU WANTED ME TO FLOAT THAT JOB OFFER TO LANA KANE? >> Trexler: LOVE HER! YEAH! WHEN DOES SHE START? >> Barry: THAT'S THE THING. SEE, I THINK STERLING ARCHER THOUGHT I WAS TALKING TO HIM. >> Trexler: ARCHER?! YOU'RE KIDDING. >> Barry: YEAH, I WISH. I MEAN, OBVIOUSLY THE GUY'S GREAT IN THE FIELD. >> Trexler: [ CHUCKLES ] YOU WOULD KNOW. >> Barry: NOW SEE? WHY DO YOU DO THAT? >> Trexler: WHY DO YOU SOFTBALL 'EM IN LIKE THAT? >> Barry: [ SIGHS ] >> Trexler: I'M SORRY. HOW'S THE LEG? >> Barry: HURTS WHEN IT RAINS... AND WHEN I THINK ABOUT ARCHER, AND SO I BLEW HIM OFF. >> Trexler: NO, NO, NO, NO, BARRY, YOU BLOW HIM ON! >> Barry: "ON" AS IN HIRE HIM? AS IN HERE? >> Trexler: YES. IT'LL DRIVE HIS MOTHER CRAZY. [ CRASH! ] [ SIGHS ] GOTTA BE THE GRIP. >> Malory: AND YOU FROZE ALL OF STERLING'S ACCOUNTS? DOMESTIC AND FOREIGN? >> EVEN THE ONE ON THE ISLE OF MAN. OH, MY GOD, AND IS THAT LIKE *** ISLAND FOR WOMEN? >> Pam: NOPE. >> Malory: THEN YOU JUST WATCH. IN NO TIME, HE'LL BE BEGGING ME TO TAKE HIM BACK. HE HASN'T CALLED, HAS HE? >> Pam: NOPE. HOW YA HOLDIN' UP, MAMA BIRD? >> Malory: WELL, EXCEPT FOR YOUR GROSSLY OVER-FAMILIAR TONE, I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER! >> EVEN IF MR. ARCHER GETS A JOB AT ODIN? >> Malory: [ Laughing ] OH, PLEASE! ODIN WON'T HIRE HIM. AFTER THE STUNT HE PULLED IN BERLIN? >> Archer: WELL, WHOSE FAULT IS THAT? >> Barry: YOURS! YOU BUST IN, SHOOT TWO PERFECTLY GOOD DOUBLE AGENTS -- >> Archer: AND YOU THINK AN APPROPRIATE RESPONSE IS TO RUIN MY SUIT? OH, AND MY SHIRT! >> Barry: I'M SORRY. SO, WILL YOU PLEASE JUST HELP ME UP?! >> Archer: NO. ...FOR WHICH I AM PRETTY GENUINELY SORRY. >> Barry: NOTHING TWO STEEL RODS AND 16 TITANIUM SCREWS COULDN'T FIX. >> Trexler: AH, COME ON, DON'T BE ***. >> Archer: YEAH, BARRY. >> Trexler: IT'S WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE. GET OVER IT. BECAUSE HE IS PART OF THE FAMILY NOW. SO GO PUT HIS STUFF IN HIS OFFICE. >> Archer: YEAH, BARRY. >> Lana: BARRY, HI! SO, I WAS WONDERING IF YOUR TEMPTING OFFER WAS STILL OPEN. [ LAUGHS ] NO, YOU SILLY MAN! ABOUT THE JOB. NO, JUST...KEEPING MY OPTIONS OPEN. >> Barry: DEFINITELY COME IN. I MEAN, WE DID KIND OF FILL THE POSITION, BUT... I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S GONNA BE A GOOD FIT. >> Cyril: I JUST DON'T SEE WHY YOU NEED THIS. >> Lana: BECAUSE THIS IS A HUGE OPPORTUNITY FOR ME, AND I NEED TO FEEL CONFIDENT. >> Cyril: IN THE INTERVIEW. >> Lana: UH-HUH. >> Trexler: OH, THAT LOOKS GREAT! >> Archer: YEAH, IT FEELS PRETTY GOOD. >> Trexler: COME ON, ALREADY. TAKE A CUT. >> Archer: WHAT, LIKE, OUT THE WINDOW? >> Trexler: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT -- I GET A DEAL ON THOSE. 90 CENTS A BALL. >> Archer: UH, OKAY. [ THWACK! ] >> Trexler: GOD, YOU'RE A NATURAL! BET IT'S ALL THAT LACROSSE AT BOARDING SCHOOL, HUH? >> Archer: YEAH, 13 YEARS' WORTH. >> Trexler: [ Laughing ] 13 YEARS?! WHAT, DID SHE SHIP YOU OFF IN KINDERGARTEN?! [ CLEARS THROAT ] GOSH, THAT MUST'VE BEEN TOUGH. >> Archer: NO, I-I-I LOVED IT. UH...MADE A LOT OF GOOD FRIENDS. [ SLOW PIANO MUSIC PLAYS ] FAMILY, ALMOST, IS WHAT THEY WERE. >> Trexler: SPEAKING OF -- HOW'S YOUR MOTHER TAKING ALL THIS? >> Archer: OH, PLEASE. I BET SHE DOESN'T EVEN MISS ME. >> Malory: BECAUSE HE'LL BE BACK, CRYING FOR HIS MOMMY! JUST LIKE THAT CHRISTMAS BREAK WHEN I MOVED AND FORGOT TO GIVE MY NEW ADDRESS TO HIS STUPID BOARDING SCHOOL. I MEAN, HE RODE THE TRAIN INTO THE CITY ALL BY HIMSELF. HE COULDN'T PICK UP A PHONE BOOK? 9 YEARS OLD, AND BAWLING IN THAT POLICE STATION LIKE A LITTLE GIRL! HA! WHAT'S THAT TELL YOU? >> KIND OF A LOT, ACTUALLY. >> Malory: OH, SHUT UP. I BET YOU'RE BARREN. >> Trexler: MY GOD. ON CHRISTMAS? >> Archer: WELL, CHRISTMAS EVE, TECHNICALLY. >> Trexler: [ French accent ] WELL, THE LOVELY FRAMBOISE FROM H.R. HAS SOME PAPERWORK FOR YOU TO SIGN. >> Framboise: 'ALLO! >> Archer: 'ALLO. >> Trexler: [ Normal voice ] WHY DON'T YOU FOLLOW HER ON DOWN TO YOUR BIG NEW CORNER OFFICE... >> Archer: OKAY. >> Trexler: ...WHERE THE SOFA IS SOAKED IN SCOTCHGARD. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M -- >> Archer: YEAH, I THINK I DO. >> Trexler: IT'S RESISTANT TO STAINS. >> Archer: RIGHT, RIGHT, I GOT IT. >> Trexler: SUPER! 'CAUSE WE'RE ONE BIG FAMILY. >> Archer: [ SHUDDERS ] >> Lana: WHY DO YOU MAKE THAT SOUND? >> Cyril: GEE, LET'S SEE. YOU'RE OFF TO INTERVIEW WITH ODIN, HOME OF BARRY "OH, I FORGOT TO MENTION THE WHOLE NAKED LASER THING" DILLON! >> Lana: ODIN ISN'T SOME CO-ED FRESHMAN DORM WHERE EVERYONE RUNS AROUND SCREWING! >> Archer: I'M SORRY, FRAMBOISE. IT'S NOT YOU. I MEAN, IT'S NOT ME, EITHER. OBVIOUSLY. BUT IN THE OFFICE? >> Framboise: YOU DON'T SEX ON THE WOMEN AT ISIS? >> Archer: CONSTANTLY! BUT IT'S NOT ALLOWED, AND ACTUALLY, IT'S PROBABLY ILLEGAL. BUT HERE -- >> Framboise: HERE WE ARE ONE BIG FAMILLE. >> Archer: YEAH, AND THE, UH, FAMILLE THING ACTUALLY MAKES THIS BORDERLINE CREEPY. >> Framboise: PERHAPS IF YOU TRIED IT FROM BEHIND? >> Archer: YEAH, LET'S TRY THAT. >> Malory: [ VOMITING ] >> Gillette: DON'T GET ANY ON THAT SNAPPY SUIT. >> Malory: UGH. DON'T YOU HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN MINCE AROUND AND GAWK?! >> Gillette: ABOUT A MILLION. BUT CHERYL WAS SCARED TO COME IN HERE, SO I TOOK TIME OUT OF MY BUSY "MINCING SCHEDULE" TO TELL YOU THAT YOU HAVE A PHONE CALL. >> Malory: IS IT STERLING?! >> Gillette: I AM SURE I DON'T KNOW. >> Malory: DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE A LITTLE ***? >> Gillette: WILL YOU REMEMBER THIS CONVERSATION? >> Malory: PROBABLY NOT, NO. >> Gillette: WELL, THEN... OFF. >> Trexler: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WITH THE LANGUAGE! YOU KISS YOUR MOTHER WITH THAT MOUTH? >> Malory: YOU LEAVE BUB OUT OF THIS! AND HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY SON AWAY FROM ME! >> Trexler: STEAL HIM? YOU CUT HIM LOOSE. >> Malory: YOU CUT HIM LOOSE! >> Trexler: WHAT? >> Malory: I WANT YOU TO FIRE HIM THIS INSTANT. >> Trexler: I CAN'T DO THAT. HE'S HAPPY HERE. HE'S MAKING NEW FRIENDS. >> Barry: GOD DAMN IT, ARCHER! >> Archer: WHAT, BARRY? I SAID, "DON'T COME IN HERE." FRAMBOISE, WHAT'D I SAY? >> Framboise: HE SAID DO NOT COME IN. >> Archer: YEAH, BARRY. >> Malory: I DON'T CARE IF HE'S HAPPY! >> Trexler: WELL, THAT'S OBVIOUS. >> Malory: MEANING WHAT?! >> Trexler: MEANING WHO LEAVES A 9-YEAR-OLD KID IN A POLICE STATION ON CHRISTMAS?! >> Malory: EVE! AND HE TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT? >> Trexler: OH, WE'VE HAVE SUCH GREAT TALKS. >> Malory: FIRE HIM! >> Trexler: JOIN HIM! COME WORK FOR ME! >> Malory: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?! >> Trexler: EVERY TIME I SEE YOU. >> Malory: FIRE HIM. >> Trexler: CAN'T DO IT. >> Malory: CAN'T OR WON'T? >> Trexler: EITHER? >> Malory: FINE. THEN GO CHECK YOUR TELEX. >> Trexler: OH, MY GOD. >> Barry: LOOK AT THAT. >> Trexler: A BURN NOTICE? >> Barry: "ISIS DISAVOWS AGENT STERLING ARCHER, A.K.A. DUCHESS..." >> Trexler: MAN, SHE LOVED THAT DOG. >> Barry: "...WHO IS TO BE CONSIDERED AN UNRELIABLE ASSET AND SECURITY RISK." >> Trexler: OH, IT MUST'VE KILLED HER TO DO THIS. >> Barry: [ CHUCKLES ] AND I'M SMIRKING. >> Trexler: NO, YOU DON'T SMIRK AT A MOTHER'S SUFFERING, BARRY, YOU ***! >> Barry: OW! IT'S JUST WITH THE SHATTERED FEMUR AND THE GUNSHOT WOUND AND -- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNEW THIS -- BUT FRAMBOISE AND I WERE KIND OF ENGAGED. >> Trexler: I DID NOT KNOW THAT! >> Barry: YEAH. >> Trexler: AND I SERVED HER UP LIKE A PUDDING. >> Barry: WELL, ENGAGED TO BE ENGAGED. OW! >> Trexler: ***! IF YOU LOVE IT, PUT A RING ON IT. OKAY, SO -- OKAY, YOU GO FIX THIS. >> Barry: YOU KNOW, I'M NOT EVEN SURE I WANT TO. SHE WAS OBVIOUSLY INTO HIM. UGH! COME ON! >> Trexler: ***! NOT FRAMBOISE! ARCHER! >> Barry: THE BURN NOTICE? HIS MOTHER OBVIOUSLY JUST SENT THAT TO -- >> Trexler: TO EVERY AGENCY ON THE PLANET. LOOK AT THIS -- C.I.A., MI6, INTERPOL. WE CAN'T KEEP HIM NOW, BARRY! >> Barry: OH, SO... >> Trexler: SO YOU TAKE HIM TO THE BASEMENT. YOU PUT ONE IN HIS EAR. CAN YOU DO THAT? >> Archer: OH, MY GOD! THAT FRAMBOISE IS A FREAK, HUH? >> Barry: YEAH. YEAH, I CAN DO THAT. >> Lana: NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DON'T HAVE BARRY ON SPEED DIAL. >> Cyril: WELL, GEE, THAT'S RATHER SURPRISING. >> Lana: YOU KNOW WHAT'S SURPRISING? KISSING YOU GOODBYE AT THE AIRPORT, DOZING OFF IN FIRST CLASS, AND THEN SEEING YOU ON MY FLIGHT WHEN I GET UP TO PEE! THAT, TO ME, IS RATHER SURPRISING. >> Cyril: AND REALLY EXPENSIVE, TURNS OUT. >> Lana: JUST -- MM! MM! >> Archer: SERIOUSLY. I MEAN, I DON'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE A JERK, BUT THAT FRAMBOISE CHICK MUST'VE BEEN A *** BEFORE SHE GOT THIS GIG. IN, LIKE, BANGKOK. >> Barry: [ CLEARS THROAT ] >> Archer: I WAS ALMOST EMBARRASSED FOR HER. WHERE WE GOING, ANYWAY? >> Barry: WE'RE HEADED DOWN TO SUB-BASEMENT 3 FOR A MINUTE. >> Archer: IS THERE A SHOWER DOWN THERE? 'CAUSE I BET I JUST REEK OF HER. [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] >> Barry: ONE SECOND. DILLON. >> Archer: BARRY, YOU GETTING THAT? >> Barry: REALLY? YEAH. >> Archer: I'M BRUSHING IT YOUR WAY, PAL. >> Barry: NO, I'M ACTUALLY AT THE LOBBY RIGHT NOW. TWO SECONDS. >> Archer: WAIT, WHERE ARE WE ON THAT SHOWER? >> Barry: MAYBE HEAD ON BACK UP TO YOUR OFFICE. 'CAUSE THERE'S ACTUALLY, LIKE, A PRIVATE BATHROOM IN THERE. >> Archer: OH, GOOD, 'CAUSE LIKE I SAID, I BET I JUST REEK. >> Barry: YEAH, YOU'VE MENTIONED THAT. >> Cyril: BUT I -- >> Lana: NO! BABY, I AM PUTTING YOU IN THE CORNER, WHERE YOU WILL SIT QUIETLY. >> Barry: HEY, YOU! >> Lana: HEY, YOU! >> Barry: AND WHO ARE YOU? >> Cyril: CYRIL FIGGIS, ISIS COMPTROLLER AND... >> Lana: ...VERY EAGER TO SIT HERE QUIETLY IN THE CORNER BECAUSE HE IS SO TIRED. >> Cyril: UM, SO... I'LL JUST BE HERE, THEN. YEP? >> Lana: YEP! >> Malory: NO! NO! NO! WHO PUT OUT A BURN NOTICE ON STERLING?! >> Pam: THAT WOULD BE YOU. >> Malory: WHAT?! >> [ LAUGHS ] HOLY ***, THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE. >> Malory: BUT I WOULD NEVER! NOT IN A MILLION -- >> GET A MIRROR. >> Malory: OH, DEAR GOD. DID I DRINK ABSINTHE? >> Gillette: THAT BOTTLE AND MOST OF THIS ONE. >> Pam: UNTIL WE WRESTLED IT AWAY FROM YOU. >> 'CAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO SHARE, BIOTCH! >> Pam: EASY, TOUGH GUY. >> Malory: I DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF THAT. ABSINTHE MAKES ME BLACK OUT. ALL RIGHT, YA YELLOW SONS OF ***, LET'S DANCE! [ CHEERING AND WHISTLING ] >> Gillette: IT ALSO MAKES YOU INCREDIBLY MEAN. >> AND UGLY! >> Pam: SERIOUSLY. >> BIOTCH. >> Pam: DANGER ZONE. >> Malory: WELL, DON'T JUST SIT THERE! UNDO THIS! >> Gillette: OOH. >> Malory: "OOH" WHAT?! >> Pam: WE CAN'T, MS. ARCHER. IT'S TOO LATE. [ SLAMMING, GLASS BREAKING ] >> Lana: I'M SORRY, SO -- WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? >> Barry: UH -- CAN YOU NOT GIVE ME A MINUTE?! >> Framboise: NO! YOU FIRE ME, I TAKE MY THINGS! >> Barry: TAKE ALL THE THINGS! HERE, TAKE THIS! GO STAPLE MY HEART BACK TOGETHER! >> Framboise: TON COEUR?! TU N'AS PAS UN COEUR! >> Barry: HOW AM I THE BAD GUY IN THIS?! >> Lana: SO, BARRY... >> Barry: THAT WAS FRAMBOISE, OUR HEAD OF H.R. >> Lana: WITH WHOM I GUESS I WON'TBE MEETING? >> Barry: NO, SHE'S GONE. AND SO, REMEMBER HOW I SAID WE'D JUST HIRED SOMEONE? >> Lana: YES. >> Barry: AND SO, REMEMBER STERLING ARCHER? WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! >> Lana: BARRY, IF YOU TOUCH ME, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PUT YOU IN THE GROUND. >> Barry: THAT WAS BEFOREHIS MOTHER PUT OUT A BURN NOTICE ON HIM. >> Lana: WHA--?! MALORY BURNED ARCHER? >> Barry: WORLDWIDE. >> Lana: HOLY ***. >> Barry: YEAH, SO HE'S GONE. >> Lana: ALREADY?! LIKE LITERALLY GONE?! >> Malory: [ SOBBING ] >> Gillette: OH, MY GOD. I LIKED HER BETTER MEAN. >> Malory: HE'S GONE! I KILLED MY BABY BOY, AND NOW MY BABY IS GONE! >> Pam: OH, NOW. YOU CAN ALWAYS... >> Malory: ALWAYS WHAT?! >> Pam: WELL, I WAS GONNA SAY YOU CAN HAVE ANOTHER BABY, BUT...YOU'RE ALL DRIED UP IN THERE. >> Malory: [ SOBS ] >> Barry: NO, NO, NO. LIKE, FIGURATIVELY GONE. UNLIKE FRAMBOISE, WHOSE CAR SHOULD BE BLOWING UP ANY MINUTE. >> Framboise: OH! [ CRASH! ] OOH-LA-LA! >> Cyril: UH, EXCUSEZ-MOI, MADEMOISELLE. >> Framboise: 'ALLO! >> Cyril: MAY I HELP YOU... AVEC YOUR BOX? >> Lana: SO ARCHER'S STILL HERE? >> Barry: YEAH, HE'S IN THAT CORNER OFFICE. AND ONCE FACILITIES CLEANS HIS BRAINS OUT OF IT, IT CAN BE YOUR OFFICE. >> Lana: REALLY? >> Barry: YEAH, I DON'T THINK THE REGULAR CLEANING STAFF DOES BRAINS. >> Lana: NO, I MEAN, YOU SHOOT HIM, AND I GET AN OFFICE OVERLOOKING THE CHAMPS-éLYSéES? >> Barry: AND THE BANK WHERE YOU'LL DRIVE YOUR NEW COMPANY CAR TO DEPOSIT YOUR INSANE PAYCHECKS, AND MAYBE, IF YOU STAND ON THOSE TIPTOES, YOUR HUGE APARTMENT. >> Lana: "HUGE" AS IN...? >> Barry: AS IN YOU WON'T SEE YOUR LIVE-IN SERVANTS UNLESS YOU REALLY WANT TO. ALL RIGHT, LET ME GO SHOOT THIS PRICK. >> Lana: WAIT. LET ME DO IT. >> Barry: REALLY? 'CAUSE I WOULD KIND OF LOVE TO. >> Lana: NOT AS MUCH AS I WOULD. >> Barry: YOU GUYS KIND OF HAVE A HISTORY, HUH? >> Lana: YEAH. YOU COULD SAY THAT. >> Barry: KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. >> Lana: SO, HEY, THESE SERVANTS -- IF I DID SEE THEM, WOULD THEY CURTSY MEEKLY? >> Barry: WELL, OTHERWISE, I MEAN, WHAT'S THE POINT? >> Lana: [ SIGHS ] [ BEEP ] ARCHER! >> Archer: OH, COME ON. LANA, WHY THE HELL ARE -- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. LANA, NO! [ GUNSHOT ] [ THUD! ] >> Barry: BARRY, DOES THIS MAKE UP FOR FRAMBOISE? IT DOES, OTHER BARRY. IT SURE DOES. >> Lana: BARRY? I GUESS GO AHEAD AND CALL FACILITIES OR WHATEVER. >> Barry: UH... [ CRASH! ] >> Lana: BECAUSE THERE IS LAMP EVERYWHERE. >> Archer: GOD, LANA! GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE ALREADY! >> Lana: ARGH! TELEX! YOU GOT ONE IN HERE?! >> Archer: WHY, SO YOU CAN SMASH THAT, TOO? >> Lana: NO. >> Archer: 'CAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE I'M FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FURNISHINGS! >> Lana: SO I CAN SEND A TELEX FROM ODIN TO MAKE THE BURN NOTICE FROM YOUR MOTHER LOOK LIKE AN ODIN BLACK FLAG! >> Archer: MOTHER BURNED ME? >> Lana: APPARENTLY. >> Archer: OH, MY GOD, THAT'S CLASSIC HER. >> Lana: YOU'RE BOTH CLASSIC HER. NOW SHUT UP, GET DRESSED, AND GRAB THE KEYS TO THAT COMPANY CAR. WE'VE GOT ABOUT TWO MINUTES BEFORE SOME ODIN *** SEES THIS AND SEALS THE EXITS. >> Archer: ANY WAY WE CAN BUMP THAT TO FIVE? I SERIOUSLY NEED A SHOWER. >> Lana: ARCHER! >> Archer: OKAY, GOD! CLIMB DOWN OFF THAT RAG. >> Pam: OH, MY GOD. LOOKS LIKE JONESTOWN IN HERE. >> Malory: YES, PAM, GET ME SOME POISON, BECAUSE I AM ALREADY DEAD INSIDE. >> Pam: TOO DEAD INSIDE TO READ GOOD NEWS? >> Malory: IS IT MY OBITUARY? >> Pam: WELL, IT'S NOT THAT GOOD. >> Malory: GIVE ME THAT, YOU OAF! "ALL AGENCIES, DISREGARD ISIS BURN NOTICE ON AGENT ARCHER, A.K.A. DUCHESS --" [ GASPS ] AN ODIN BLACK FLAG OPERATION! PAM, HE'S ALIVE! MY STERLING IS ALIVE! >> Pam: AW, AND LOOK AT HAPPY LITTLE MAMA BIRD! >> Malory: WELL, THE BLOWBACK ON ODIN FOR THIS WILL BE HUGE, AND I SAW IT COMING. >> Pam: UH-HUH. >> Malory: I KNEW IT. JUST LIKE I KNEW STERLING WOULD COME CRYING BACK TO MOMMY, WIPING HIS SNOTTY NOSE ON HIS SLEEVE LIKE A SCARED LITTLE BOY ON CHRISTMAS. >> Pam: UH-HUH. >> Malory: EVE. IT WAS ONLY CHRISTMAS EVE. >> Pam: I KNOW. GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK. >> Malory: AND? >> Pam: AND? >> Malory: AND DO YOU JUST PLAN TO LOOM OVER ME ALL DAY, LIKE SOME SORT OF...HENGE? >> Pam: OKAY. >> Trexler: YOU SEE? THIS IS WHY. THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS, BARRY, YOU ***! >> Archer: HOW AM I THE BAD GUY IN THIS? >> Lana: BECAUSE I WANTED THIS, ARCHER. I'M SICK OF YOU GETTING THE BEST ASSIGNMENTS JUST BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER'S THE BOSS. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE?! >> Archer: BESIDES AWESOME? >> Lana: RRR! >> Archer: HANG ON. I THINK MY CAR'S ON P-2. >> Lana: WELL, I HAVE TO GET CYRIL, WHO'S ON... >> Archer: FRAMBOISE. >> Framboise: 'ALLO! >> Archer: HELLO? >> Cyril: HELLO. >> Archer: OH, MAN. THAT'S BAD. [ TIRES SCREECH ] YES, NOW! LET'S TALK THIS OUT. >> Lana: TALK WHAT OUT?! HOW YOU RUINED MY CHANCE TO WORK FOR ODIN? OR -- OOH! -- MAYBE HOW I JUST CAUGHT MY BOYFRIEND BALLS DEEP IN SOME FRENCH CHICK! >> Archer: EX-BOYFRIEND, I BET. >> Lana: YA THINK?! >> Archer: YEAH, HE'S NOT COMING BACK. THAT CHICK WAS LIKE THE PELé OF ***. >> Lana: ARCHER. >> Archer: SORRY, I KNOW THIS IS TOUGH. I MEAN CYRIL, WHATEVER, BUT YOUR FEELINGS FOR ME ARE OBVIOUSLY CONFLICTED. >> Lana: YOU'RE RIGHT, ARCHER. I AM CONFLICTED. >> Archer: YEAH. >> Lana: BECAUSE IF I HAD SHOT YOU IN THE FACE, I'D BE LIVING HERE, GETTING CURTSIED AT BY SERVANTS! >> Archer: YEAH, BUT YOU COULDN'T DO IT. >> Lana: [ SIGHS ] MAYBE -- MAYBE WE BOTH BELONG AT ISIS, YOU KNOW? MAYBE THAT'S OUR REAL HOME. >> Archer: THAT'S WHAT MOTHER SAID ABOUT BOARDING SCHOOL. I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT CYRIL. >> Archer: YEAH, ME TOO. >> Archer: EVEN IF YOU BROUGHT IT ON YOURSELF. >> Lana: EXCUSE ME? >> Archer: OH, COME ON. I DON'T RECALL EVER SEEING A WELCOME MAT AT YOUR BACK DOOR. >> Lana: ARCHER. >> Archer: BUT -- WAIT, WOULD THAT CHEER YOU UP? ME AND YOU, A LITTLE REVENGE ***? >> Lana: ARCHER. >> Archer: YES? >> Lana: YOU WEARING A SEAT BELT? >> Archer: UH, NO, WH-- LANA-A-A-A! [ CRASH! ] [ COUGHS ] SO, UH, IS THAT A YES? OR A MAYBE OR...? WHAT? OH, OKAY. THEN, I GUESS JUST POUT.